MEASURING HEARTBEATS

SPRING

Young Saeng watched as his flower cried her heart out.

"Eun Ae-ah," as always, he didn't quite know what to say. He just wasn't born with the gift of the gap.

"Young Saeng oppa," she sobbed, burying her face in his chest. Young Saeng could feel his shirt soaking in her tears. Even though he was in pain seeing her crumble on him, he summoned enough courage to put his arms around her.

***Flashback***

"Let's break up." He spoke sharply in her face, pulling off her grip on his wrist.

"Jung Min Oppa, please stop joking," she begged, slamming a hug onto him.

"Does it sound funny?" he struggled out of her embrace. "I said let's break up."

"No..Why..Oppa, we've always gotten along well."

"Exactly. That's why it's over for us."

"No..Oppa, no don't go please."

"Let go."

"No..I love you, please."

"Let. Go."

"Oppa.."

"LET GO." Jung Min forcifully pulled his arm back, causing her to fall onto the ground.

***End of Flashback***
________________________________________________________________________________________

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Jung Min-ah, please, tell her the truth," Young Saeng pleaded. 

Jung Min laid on the hospital bed with tubes sticking into his arm. Hyun Joong, Kyu Jong and Hyung Joon sat around him, their features streaked with pain and worry.

"No." He breathed. The medical devices beside his bed were constantly beeping. 

"You can't keep it from her like that, you'll break her heart," Hyung Joon agreed.

"I already broke it," Jung Min fought.

"You can't just do this," Kyu Jong coaxed, "Please, just go tell her, you don't know how much pain you're inflicting on both her and yourself.."

Jung Min shook his head again, giving his buddies a slight smile. "No," he whispered, clenching his teeth and closed his eyes, the machine beeped slower.

"Jung Min-ah, you-"

"I know what I'm doing. She will forget me soon. I am just a phase of of her life."

"Pabo? A phase? You'll never just be a phase!" Hyun Joong couldn't stand it anymore, "you staged such a show in front of her, but here you are, here you lay. Here, here! With tubes sticking into you, with this freak machine beeping at your every heartbeat. Are you even human?"

Jung Min turned away. The tubes that stuck into him hurt so much, but he just couldn't bring himself to look into anyone's eyes anymore.

"Stop it, just stop it. Do you think she'll be happy?!" Hyun Joong shouted. Young Saeng rushed over and placed an arm on Hyun Joong's shoulders in attempt to  restrain the older man. 

"We feel your pain just by looking at you like that," Young Saeng said to Jung Min when Hyun Joong pushed him towards a corner.

A teardrop escaped Jung Min's closed eyelids. It hit the bedsheets with the slightest pat. 

"Jung Min-ah.."

"Hyung," he said softly to Young Saeng, "remember. 4th grade, I helped you pass your promos?"

"Yes I remember, why are you bringing this up?"

"Remember at senior year you got into serious trouble and I talked the principal out for you?"

"Of course I do. You were top student that year."

"You said you owed me a favour for both occasions."

"Yes. Why?"

"You've always loved Eun Ae." It was clearly a statement, not a question.

"..."

"You've always liked her but because of me you gave her up."

"Jung Min-ah."

"Right?" he breathed.

"Jung Min, I'm sorry."

"I'm forever grateful to you, hyung. Do this one thing not only for me but for yourself."
________________________________________________________________________________________

Park Jung Min, please just give me a chance to clarify everything. I'll meet you at the old place.

"Young Saeng Oppa, why are you here?"

"Are you waiting for someone? Young Saeng came over to sit beside her.

"Yes. I'm waiting for Jung-" she bit her lips, "it's okay. He won't be coming anyway."

Tears started to well up in her eyes, it pricked Young Saeng's heart.

"Eun Ae-ah," Young Saeng pulled her into a hug, "let him go." Young Saeng really wanted to mean it that way, let Jung Min go, so that she wouldn't have to suffer anymore.

"I'm n-not conf-fident that I can," she sobbed.

"I'll help you. I'll help you forget him."

________________________________________________________________________________________

SUMMER

"You should be thankful you're saved this time," the doctor said as he removed the syringe from Jung Min's arm. The nurse came forth and tucked Jung Min properly under his covers. "And thankful your friend called for us in time," he looked at Kyu Jong, who stood by Jung Min's bed in worry.

After they left, Kyu Jong sighed as he pulled a chair over beside the bed, sinking down onto it. "Thank goodness you're alright." 

Jung Min touched his chest with his arm that was linked to several tubes, "what does it matter."

Kyu Jong quickly adjusted his expressions. If there was someone who'd feel like crying the most, it should be Jung Min. The doors flung open and three people burst in. Hyun Joong, Young Saeng and Hyung Joon.

"Jung Min-ah! Are you alright? What happened? We rushed here the moment we received the call," Hyun Joong said while catching his breath.

"Hey are you okay?" Hyung Jun immediately asked.

Jung Min gave Kyu Jong the honours. "His body's shutting down."

Everything was quiet. The three who just came in each tried to digest the news. They looked at the tired Jung Min, whose every breath required effort. There were significantly more tubes stuck into his arms then they remembered, each seemingly offering to his life out of him. 

Jung Min shuffled under their eyes. Weak. Frail. Tired. Struggling. He felt like reaching out for the fruit knife by the apples on the table. hHe didn't want to fight anymore with his fragile heart. He looked away, towards the window-panes that showed him the world outside. That world was filled with fresh-air; with sunflowers, sunshine, everything he could once so strongly relate to.

***FLASHBACK***

Jung Min took Eun Ae's hands and placed them against his chest. "My heartbeat is 76 per minute, can you feel it?"

Eun Ae blushed. "Do you know that the higher your heart rate, the more you tend to love? A normal human's heartbeat is only 67. This proves that I'm a loving person."

She giggled, "yah oppa, there's no such theory like that! Then wouldn't a mouse love the most. The average heartbeat of a mouse is 534 per minute!"

"My name is Jung Min. Jung Min. Min. Minnie. Minnie Mouse. I told you I'm such a loving person."

"Yah oppa you're full of nonsense!" Eun Ae pouted with a smile.

"But my Eun Ae's smiling ah.." Jung Min cuddled her.

***END OF FLASHBACK***

He turned towards the devices by his bed. The machine beeped 36 beats/min. Why.

"Jung Min-ah," Kyu Jong's voice broke when he noticed Jung Min's tears. He placed an arm on his shoulder but Jung Min flinched away.

Everyone remained in silence, each heart breaking for Jung Min.

Bzzzzz. Bzzzzzz.

Kyu Jong quickly came and passed Jung Min his phone before the tubes stuck in his outstretched arms hinder him again.

Park Jung Min. It's been 3 months. I still refuse to let it go, just give me a reason. I know you're reading this although you never ever reply.

"How's she." He spoke a long while later.

"Learning to forget you." Young Saeng replied, "I brought her to the orphanage yesterday. She smiled quite a bit."

"That's good to know," he whispered.

"When are you telling her?"

Jung Min shook his head, and from the corner of his eyes he could see Hyun Joong clench his teeth.

"You know, one day I'll get so fed up with you I'll drag her here," Young Saeng threatened.

"You won't." Jung Min said softly.

"How'd you know?"

"You won't want me to die in anger, guilt and regret."
________________________________________________________________________________________

"It's been three months, that's a hundred days." She said as they sat on the sand. "He used to tell me he could give me his world and very much everything I ask from him."

"Eun Ae-ah.."

"We'd always come here whenever we're free, to admire the ocean and the sunflowers. He'd always let me lie on his shoulders," she smiled while indulging in reminisce. "I could always hear his heartbeat."

It was times like this Young Saeng really felt torn apart. 

"You know he'd always flaunt his heartbeat rate. 76 beats, I remember. I counted it before," she continued, "I missed hearing it."

Sorry, 'torn apart' wasn't really the right word. It was more like smashed open and shattered all over.

"Soon it'd be too late," Young Saeng muttered.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing."

"I really really want to forget him," she said.

Jung Min would be happy to hear this, but for some reasons, this was the line Young Saeng was afraid of hearing.

"I'll help you," nevertheless he hangs a smile on his face as he drew her hands in his.

"I know your heart Young Saeng," she told him, "but I'll need some time."

"I'll wait."
________________________________________________________________________________________

AUTUMN

Park Jung Min. You probably know I'm going steady with Young Saeng already. I'll let the past go, but I just want a reason. Just reply, won't you.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

"I really admire your courage," the doctor said as he looked at the machine that declared 24 beats/min. What could he say? It was the only encouragement he could give this patient of his.

Jung Min didn't flinch, not even when three consecutive syringes were inserted into his arm.

"I might have to add more tubes once the temperature gets colder. You'll need water-drips and blood-drips."

This, Jung Min flinched. He shut his eyes for a few seconds.

"Your heart rate dropped 12 beats from the last season, you've really got to be careful as Winter comes."

Jung Min looked out, the whole scenery was red. Autumn leaves started to take its place on trees, ripping them off their previous coat of green. From the fluttering of the branches, you could see the breeze have found its playground. Flowers start their hibernation and squirrels came out to play. Autumn was his favourite season of all.

He nodded wearily to the doctor.

"But you're doing better than I expected. Keep it up," the doctor gave him a light pat on his shoulder.

Jung Min gazed at the sunflowers that swayed in the Autumn breeze. Even the sunflowers have yet to wither, Eun Ae always said he was a sunflower. How could he bear to wither now.

Eun Ae was now Young Saeng's.

Jung Min didn't know why there was a sour tug on his heart. This was what he wanted right? Young Saeng finally gained the courage to confess his love and Eun Ae's under good care now. 

Ah, that sour tug probably came from his heart. His physical heart, not his emotional one.

His phone beeped. He took two whole minutes struggling towards his phone which was just about half an armslength away from him. As I've said, the tubes hurt like hell. 

She's doing great. Jung Min-ah, I know I've said it countless of times and I'm not afraid you'll label me naggy. But from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thanks for granting us your blessings. I will never be a better brother to you as you have been to me, for that..I'm really sorry.
________________________________________________________________________________________

"Do you..still think of him?" Young Saeng asked Eun Ae on their way home.

Eun Ae hugged the plush toy he won for her from the carnival. "Who?"

"Jung Min.."

Eun Ae exhaled a deep breath, little mists formed in the air. "Occasionally."

Young Saeng nodded.

"Anni, don't be mistaken. I'm serious about this relationship I share with you.."

He nodded again, flashing his smile, "I know."

"Well, the only time I thought about him today was the time where we played the 'Heartbeat Punch' at the game stalls just now, the rest of my day was spent thinking of you..!"

Young Saeng giggled, but his grin was wiped off when he spotted sunflowers growing on the sidewalk.

He felt sorry for Jung Min, and at the same time, he felt apologetic to Jung Min.

"I love you." Eun Ae spoke.

"I love you too.
________________________________________________________________________________________

WINTER

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Kyu, please."

Kyu Jong nodded as he took the paper from Jung Min, he really hated this moment. He looked at the headers which screamed 'WILL OF PARK JUNG MIN'. Nevertheless he kept it safely away in his bag.

Hyun Joong looked at the amount of tubes stuck into Jung Min's arms now, there were significantly two transporting blood and water. He looked at his brother. Jung Min's lips were practically colourless, his face were pale and weary, but the distinct sparkle was still in his eyes. He was covered with 3 layers of blankets and a heater placed by his bedside. For the first time in his life, Hyun Joong was afraid of winter.

"Hyun Joong Hyung, Kyu, Hyung Joonie," Jung Min whispered under his breath, "thanks for everything you guys gave me in this lifetime." He felt that if he doesnt say it now, he might not have a chance to say it anymore.

Hyun Joong couldn't resist as he dashed out of the room to prevent them from witnessing his tears. Hyung Joon's nose instinctively felt sour.

"What 'this' life? Huh? What 'this' life? This life has not end yet, okay?" Kyu Jong coaxed.

Jung Min smiled to himself. "18 beats per minute, soon."

"No. This 18 will become 24, and it will rise to 36 before moving to 43. Very soon it will beep 76 like it always was." Now that was a little too obvious a hoax.
________________________________________________________________________________________

"Young Saeng-oppa, I love you," Eun Ae smiled sweetly.

"I love you too." Young Saeng cuddled her in his arm, his body was warm despite the freezing temperature.

"Remember I said I wanted for forget him?"

Young Saeng nodded.

"I think I finally can."
________________________________________________________________________________________

It was mid-winter. Jung Min's heart was regularly contracting and squeezing its own veins. He took eleven jabs a day but once in a while his disobedient heart will just stop for approximately 10 seconds.

Guys, my buddies, my life, thank you all so much for everything you guys have ever done. Hyun Joong hyung, I know you've been worried for me, I am honestly grateful to always receive your care. Kyu Jongie, thank you for all you've done for me, I know all of it. Hyung Joonie, for the laughter and joy you've always offered me, I'm forever thankful. Young Saeng hyung, you've always been giving me advices when I feel lost. Please take care of Eun Ae for me, may your love last. Guys, because I had you guys, I am eternally grateful.

It took him twenty whole minutes to type the text message. Just as he was about to put his phone away. It beeped again. 

Bzzzz. Bzzzz.

Jung Min-sshi. I think, I'm gonna let you go now. I don't need the reason anymore. I'm thankful for Young Saeng, you will always be a good memory to me. You will always be my sunflower. I missed hearing your heartbeat, but now that I've found Young Saeng I'll start listening to his. Kumaoh, Jung Min-sshi. All the best in life.

A teardrop trickled down Jung Min's cheeks. This was what he wanted right?

Yep, this was what he wanted.
________________________________________________________________________________________

Winter was now at its coldest. 

Jung Min shouted in pain, his body jerked up and the veins around his neck threatened to burst. The tubes in his arms pulled at the sudden jerk that he gave a second cry of pain. His heart was contracting again.

"KYU." he cried. "ARGH."

"Jung Min! You need a doctor? Are you okay? Don't scare me! Please! Jung Min! Are you alright! Doctor!"

"Pull. Pull the wire."

"Are you crazy! You'll die if I pull the wire! Doctor! Please don't scare me! I'll call the doctor immediately! DOCTOR!"

"PLEASE." Jung Min screamed.

Two doctors and four nurses dashed into the room. They caught hold of Jung Min.

"Heart Rate, 16 beats. It's low, doc," another nurse declared.

"Send him to the ICU, now." The doctor announced as the crew immediately transported Jung Min.

Kyu Jong looked at his brother, whose arms had little holes from which blood were oozing out. In the chaos earlier, Jung Min managed to pull three tubes out of their positions.

*

-In the I.C.U-

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

***Flashback***

"Oppa! I'm really thankful! Kumaoh!"

"Aish, silly billy you. Do we have to be so formal?"

"I'm reaaally happy!"

"I know you are, that's why I bought it for you."

"Anni, I'll still be happy without it."

"Really?"

"Yes! I'm happy as long as I'm with you!"

"Really..?"

"Yep! Saranghae!"

***End of Flashback***

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

***Flashback***

"Aigoo!"

"Are you alright?"

"Ouch! Pain!"

"Hey are you okay!"

"No! It hurts!"

"Yah! Let me see.."

"Here.."

"I'll blow it for you."

"Ahhh! No! It'd hurt more!"

"No it won't, lets try!"

"No! Pain!"

"Yah! Then whada you want!"

"I want a kiss to make it feel better!"

***End of Flashback***

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

***Flashback***

"Yah! Angel! Where are you running of too! Gotcha!"

"Ahhhh! I'm not an angel!"

"Yah! You're MY angel!"

"Anni!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No! Oppa's MY angel!"

"Anni, Eun Ae's MY angel!"

"Oppa!"

"Eun Ae!"

"Oppa!"

"Eun Ae!"

"Angry!"

"Ahhh, arasso arasso, I'm your angel."

"Yes!!"

***End of flashback***

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

***Flashback***

"Eun Ae-ah, I love you."

"Oppa, I love you too. Really."

***End of flashback***

Beep. Beep. Beeep. Beeeeeep. Beeeeeeeeeep.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

"Park Jung Min. Time of Death, 0043 hours."
________________________________________________________________________________________
S T O R Y E N D