HEARTS OF PAPER

"If my heart is an ocean where white sails danced
Then you are the winds, of which ripples my heartbeats" 

She read aloud, giggling to herself while conscious of his body edging closer over her shoulders to peer at the note. "Kyu Oppa, well, if these two line were maybe twice it's length, it might pass for a stanza of a poem!"

"Yah! Oppa's not a literature student like you," he said, looking towards the skies from campus grounds.

She was quiet then, because the world is unfair. It has always been this case, for the 11 years they've known each other. From the time she knew him, he was a quiet shy little boy of age 7 who loved literature. But this quiet boy she knew was no one ordinary. He was a sole-son, the sole heir to the business his father pioneered in his own teens. Little did anyone know that him being born with a silver, or rather golden, spoon in his mouth had that deep love for Shakespeare and all the other great writers. The world had only expected the son of a business man to fall head over heels for...well, business.

But she knew. She, whom he grew up with, knew him inside out. Apart from her? The skies knew, the grassfields knew, the letters knew, and amongst all, the paper elephants knew best.
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She was fluttering around the vast theatre's stage, spinning in circles across the platform. Running from one end to giving a big leap across the air, she did a mid-air split.

The theatre was dark and filled with many, many people. The stage, in contrast, was bright and spotlights were all aimed at her. Beside the big stage, there was another platform where an orchestra intensely played a melodious piece.

The banners above were black, but their words white. Symphony of the Dancer's Dream

The crowd cheered as she landed with a spin. She gave a bow and smiled to the audience while keeping her eyes focused on the last row.

He was sitting there, right in the middle.

He was wearing a black, formal suit, his hair styled in a smart manner like it always was. His legs were crossed with his hands neatly placed on his knees. His teeth glistened. He didn't have to be that old to look good in a suit. Perhaps it was hereditary.

She ran backstage, where she knew he had proceeded to find her. He had a long rectangular box in his hands.

"I've never seen a prettier angel," he said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ears. She beamed, still panting from her dance. "This is for you."

She carefully opened the box while it stayed on both his arms. The box was black on the inside, like it was on the outside, but it was cushioned, the same way boxes that necklaces and rings came in.

Inside it laid a flower. She gently picked it up and stared at it.

"It's made of crystal glass," he informed, like it wasn't obvious enough. It was a red tulip, the red glass crystal sparkled under the lightings and the green glass crystal that acted as the stem seemed so real.

"Red tulip," he continued, "the symbol of a perfect love." He looked down into her eyes, his stare completely sincere. "Bought from my first paycheck."

He had always rejected the idea of goofing off his inheritance, and therefore found a part-time job at a fast food restaurant during the holidays. It offered him minimal wages, but he was happy.

"Thank you," she shouted into his ear in attempt to out-shout the booming music.

"I love you," he shouted back with a smile.
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***Flashback***

"Kyu. I've thought about it. We don't necessarily have to be together to love each other," she told him one day on the same grass field they liked to go.

"It can just be like how we first met.' he agreed. He quickly folded a paper elephant for her, for fear she would be upset. And so they broke up, after 2 years of dating, 3 years of courtship and 10 years of knowing each other. 

Their relationship was something many eyes had admired, each agreeing they were a pair made to be together despite the occurrence of love rivals for both parties. 

"I won't accept Young Saeng's love," she assured him. "My heart will be stashed away for you."

"-and so will mine."

If she had the chance again she would leap forth into his embrace and told him she loved him so.

***End of Flashback***

"Yah! Oppa's not a literature student like you," he looked to the sky. 

"Kyu..." she was worried, she loved the letter. 

"-but I'm happy," as always, he ended up being the one comforting her, "happy because I know you'll make a better literature student than me."

His phone rang and she took the time to admire the skies. She had always preferred the clouds because she could make so much sense out of their shapes. Kyu Jong, on the other hand, loved it's simple blue vastness. To him, it was so open, so free, and so limitless. The sky was something he never had. He wanted to be the sky, her sky, where she, the clouds, could roam.

"Yes, I know. Yes, I will. Alright." she knew he was tired of what he was hearing through the phone, but respect was an obligation.

"What about...?" she softly asked, partially aware of the whole situation.

He shook his head, as usual.

"Oppa...." because he was always there for her, and she felt she couldn't be there for him.

He gently enveloped her hands with his, a gesture they have just recently allowed themselves to progress to. "It's not the time to worry yet," he switched-on his nonchalant tone.

But that was then.

As time passed, things started to heat. It was obvious enough for her to sense it, yet he made sure she was kept out of the matter.

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"The skies are clear they bathe translucent, 
the clouds so thicky pure,
Each day a mirage, each day an illusion
Yet the sun will set, for you so dear."

She fiddled with yet another paper elephant that came with the poem. She wouldn't have believed a heart could ache and always thought of it as a metaphor. Yet that day, it was no longer her choice whether or not to believe. She was never good at blinking tears back in, but she did anyway because his head would always peer behind her shoulders as she read her note, expecting a smile to surface.

"When?" she asked one day.

"When what?" Kyu Jong asked in return.

"When are you making the decision?"

She wondered why he couldn't look into her eyes. What's with the sky, is it really much more attractive than her? He shrugged, but took her hands in his as he leaned on the pillars.

And then more time passed.
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"Kyu Oppa," she said in shocked when she bumped into him right outside the dance studio after her practice. She was a dancer, and she polished her skills every tuesday. "Why are you here?"

He was shocked too, but then he smiled, took her towel from her and offered to carry her bag.

"Don't you have classes today?"

He shook his head, placed a paper elephant into her hands, and walked her down to her next class.

Then more time passed.
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Mid-term was over, and results were released. That tuesday, she was shocked to see him outside the dance studio again.

Kyu Jong reached out one hand, asking her for silver book. She fished it out of her bag and gave it to him. He then passed her his own.

1st out of a cohort population of 791, of course. An average of 89.4 per subject, that was an improvement of 0.2 from the previous.

Hers?

He didn't say anything at her ranking of 75, he simply slotted a paper elephant into her report book and passed it back to her.

As they walked down the corridors, the memory of seeing the near-perfect scores for both his mathematics and physics lingered in her mind. She imagined the joy and further determination his father would acquire.

She was scared.
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"Do you want me to go?" 

That question finally came as he sat down on the grass and placed his textbooks beside him. It seemed like not bringing a schoolbag to school proved convenience.

She didn't answer.

"Can I have a reply soon?"

She nodded.

It was rather obvious to her though, the answer was no. Even if it was asked a million times, it wouldn't change a thing. But deep in her heart she knew better than to be selfish.
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More time passed. Through the months, their words have decreased but their actions increased. She often found him at the exact spot; climbed over the verenda that served as railing to the corridors of the dance studio. He'd sit on it and look at the scenery while waiting for her to end practice. They celebrated when more of his friends started to court her friends, and were happy matchmaking everyone up.

He continued writing poems to her, with every attempt much better than the previous. 

"What if I say no?" one day, she joked.

"Then I won't go."

"Your dad?"

"I'll talk him out."

"But he has hope for you.."

"I know. I can fulfil them in other ways. So is that your wish?"

"Give me more time."

He nodded, "alright, but I don't have much of that on my hands now."
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She had overheard the teachers when she was in the canteen.

"Kim Kyu Jong? The top kid from the graduating class?"

"He'd make a name for himself."

"Even if he doesn't, his family business will already provide him with one. Saw them on the papers this morning again."

"It'd be good if he can just promote himself to College next year."

"He'll prolly be doing that. The school received a scholarship for him from Oxfords a while ago. Principal talked to him, I guess he's still contemplating."

"What's so good to comtemplate about? It's the perfect offer for the perfect kid!"

The teacher shrugged.
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Because he always had admirable dreams as a child, because he always wanted to make difference. Because he has what it takes to be an influential person when he grows older. Because she knew what he was capable of; he could literally change the world. That made it all the more hard to decide.

"He's just waiting for her answer," she really didn't mean to eavesdrop wherever she went, but his friends had a habit of speaking loudly.

"But I thought the answer was due weeks ago?" it was Jung Min.

"It was, he kept asking for his dad to extend the deadline. He just wants to hear from her," Hyung Joon then replied.

"Bastard, why is he even thinking so much. If it was me, I'll just go! How many people here will die for a scholarship to Oxfords."

"Maybe he means a lot to her?" Hyun Joong understood.

"Even so, it's his future. He can still come back after getting the degree!"

"If he works all the way to a PHD it'd be five years, and his dad requests him to take over the branch at Boston. He won't be back so soon. Even if he will it'd take at least a decade."

"Yah! Technology is so great nowadays. He has all the ability to email and dial over long distances!"

"Who knows. It'd probably be different."

"He'd be the stupidest person I've seen if he rejects this chance."
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"I."

"Hmm?" he was just starting to fold a paper elephant, sitting cross-legged on the grass.

"Kyu. I."

"Yes?" he was nearly halfway done with the elephant's body.

"You should go."

His fingers had abruptly stopped their work. "Pardon?"

"I want you to go."

The undone paper elephant fell off his grasp. He was taken aback. This wasn't the answer he expected.

"I want you to go," she repeated.

"Wae?"

"You'd be better off there. Oxfords, think of it. It's cool to picture you as a businessman, maybe you'll eventually make your way to be the most influential person around."

"But it'd take long."

"5 years? I know."

"Maybe even a decade.."

"I know."

"Maybe even forever...?" he had pulled the sentence to an uncertain pause.

She felt sourness spread over her heart, her eyelids fluttered away a sting in her eyes.

"I know."

Without giving prior notice, he pulled her over into a hug. It was their first hug in the past 11 years, or maybe they've hugged a decade before without remembering. But this was their first mature hug.

For the first time she realized how long his arms were, perfectly enveloping her. She realized how her head could perfectly rest on his shoulders. She could feel his muscles, and was momentarily proud of him; that he was a sportsman even though his advantage were books. For the very first time she realized his body was not warm but slightly chilled.

For the very first time, she realized this could probably be the very last time.

"..and you'll be a writer, a lawyer, or a philosopher for me?"

She nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Most importantly, you will grant yourself happiness for me?"

She nodded, her arms hugging his back tighter.

"Then let me tell you this once more, and it will forever apply."

She nodded.

"I love you."
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After that day, he took leave from school for a week before leaving for England.

She spent the next few days in a daze, often tearing when she was left alone. She had troubles paying attention in class, and had rejected all outing-invitations offered by all her friends. She avoided the places she used to be with him, and didn't visit the dance studio anymore. Sometimes she'd go so far as to skip classes. Many people in the campus wondered why they didn't see Kim Kyu Jong anymore. They figured he had gone to England, and they gave their silent blessings.

It made her feel all the more worst.

After a month, she finally gained enough courage to venture towards the dance studio. She went there and looked at the verendas, the place Kyu Jong enjoyed sitting on while waiting for her.

She climbed up on it, and settled down, wondering what was so great about the view he always saw. It was nothing, just the old ordinary campus landscape. 

She looked to her left, just the ordinary chandlier orb that lighted the corridor. What was so-

She looked closer and froze.

She saw the reflection in the chandelier, it reflected a small corner of the insides of the dance studio that was just in front of her, the high windows of the studio that didn't allow nosey people to peek in but it allowed a really small degree of sunlight to shine through and with it, allowed the chandelier to reflect. She saw the lightings inside the dance studio, the metal bars, she saw the lifted platform for dancing, and the wide mirrors. 

It dawned upon her. He was always watching her dance.

A huge box was placed beside her, and she turned back in a shock to see Young Saeng. He climbed over the verenda to sit right beside her.

"What is this?" she asked, wondering if it were flowers Young Saeng used to love giving her.

"Open it and you'll know."

She opened it, ready to reject his gift. But instead, she saw many many paper elephants.

"This..." how did Young Saeng know. Young Saeng folds elephants too?

"Kyu Jong," Young Saeng sat beside her. "Kyu Jong told me to pass these to you.

"Kyu..?"

"And this," he withdrew a larger paper elephant from his pockets. He asked for you to open it."

With fast impatient fingers, she undid the foldings.

"To the love of my life." It was a letter.

"My life, since young, was a colourful one because I had you to colour it. I have never seen anyone else whose love for the world is as strong as yours. I will always treasure the days I've spent with you and regard them as the most important memories of my life. I will be well in England, and will make full use of every opportunity that presents itself to me in the future. I pray for you to do so too. Please be happy. For me, you have to be happy. 

Perhaps, in the future, you will be meeting obstacles and hurdles. Because I cannot stand by you to protect you, mianhe. I have prepared a thousand paper elephants for you, so that everytime you're upset they may serve as a form of comfort in my place. But whatever you do, always remember that you are strong enough. Always remember that Kyu Oppa has faith in you.

Never stop daring, for dance or for literature. And what's more important, never stop loving. I was afraid you'd take your words that day seriously, and that you'll stash your heart aside for me. I will be busy studying and therefore have no time to think of anyone except you, but I don't want to restrict you from loving another.

Love is a beautiful thing that the beautiful you should always own. Leave me a small portion in your heart and open the remaining space to others. This is what I wish for you.

Saranghamnida."

She looked at Young Saeng. "What did Kyu Jong tell you?"

"To pass these to you...?"

"What else?"

"Nothing else."

"Young Saeng."

The boy sighed. "He told me to take care of you, to fill the space he might have left behind. To...replace him."

Tears trickled down her cheeks. The trickles soon turned into streams. She closed her eyes and buried her face into her palms.

"I know I'm undeserving..." he panicked, "I.."

She sobbed, her reddened eyes opened towards the skies. She saw it then.

She saw a cloud elephant dancing in the sky. The former being her, and the sky forever him.

"Thoughts passed my mind like flocks of lucks in the skies,
I hear the voice of their wings.
Memories pranced my heart like the oceans lapping against the shores,
I feel the blades of grass.
Elephants rampage against my soul like the clouds dancing across the skies.
I will remember the sight of your presence."

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S T O R Y E N D