A/N: Hahahahaha so it's been...more than 2 years (wow I'm surprised it's been so long) and honestly I forgot what I wrote so I'm gonna assume y'all forgot what happened and would recommend rereading the previous 3 chapters. The sad thing is that I've had this chapter written for a while now and I just remember not being content/satisfied with it and I kept telling myself to edit/rewrite it because it wasn't good enough for an update, especially since it's been so long, but then the pressure from that made me keep delaying the whole process, and it just turned into this negative feedback loop.

SO my favourite soshi fic of all time, Endless Season, has just updated after almost 7 years and that inspired me to pick up my own WIPs, so I dusted this off from my docs and it's a lot better than I remember. I'm still not 100% content/satisfied with it, but honestly, I don't think I've ever been with a fic, and like I've said before, if I only posted things I was 100% happy with I would never post anything. Okay, before I ramble on for another century, here's the update! I hope it's at least somewhat worth the wait.

Jessica thinks that Taeyeon has fallen asleep until she hears her voice, floating and disembodied, in the darkness.

“Are you going to tell me now?”

She swallows. “Tell you what?”

“Jessica.” That’s all Taeyeon says, her name, and that’s all it takes.

“You wouldn’t believe me anyway.”

“That’s what you said last time too,” Taeyeon says, an edge of frustration bleeding into her voice. “You never know, you might be surprised.”

“I think you’ll be the one who’s surprised.”

“I’m up for a surprise,” Taeyeon says, almost cheerfully. Jessica doesn’t know if she really feels that light-hearted about the whole thing or if she’s just pretending in an attempt to soothe Jessica. “Plus, I already told you – you can’t scare me off. You’re stuck with me whether you like it or not.”

Jessica’s throat almost closes up on her. “Tae,” she whispers, and she’s grateful for the darkness so that Taeyeon can’t see her. Maybe that’s why Taeyeon chose this time specifically to ask her, so that there’s the cover of night between them if they need it. There’s something about lying in the darkness beside someone she loves that has her tongue looser, her heart both lighter and heavier. Maybe she can fool herself that this conversation is just a dream, one that she can wake up from if it turns out to be a nightmare.

“Sica,” Taeyeon says, and her voice is soft, so soft. Jessica can’t see her expression, but she bets that it’s just as soft. “You can tell me.”

And the words finally flood from her lips.

“Well, the thing is… You’ve noticed that I’ve been acting weird, right? That I haven’t been acting like myself?” Jessica doesn’t even wait to give Taeyeon a chance to reply before rushing on. “It’s not because I’m tired or consumed with practice or anything like that. It’s because – well, I’m not myself. I mean, I am myself but I’m not her.”

“Her?” Taeyeon asks, confused. “Who’s her?”

“Jessica. Your Jessica.”

“What?” Taeyeon sounds beyond confused. “But you are mine. Aren’t you?”

You are mine, aren’t you? The natural, almost thoughtless way that Taeyeon asks that question makes Jessica feel like her chest will cave in.

“I am yours,” she says quietly, “but you’re not mine. You’re hers. I’m not her. I’m not—from here. I don’t belong here.”

It’s the first time that she’s said those words out loud, although she’s thought them so many times by now. Even so, it hurts to admit, like a wound she had been ignoring suddenly tearing open, spiking with fresh pain.

Taeyeon is silent, probably confused past the point of speech.

“I’m not from this universe,” Jessica continues somehow. “I tried to tell you that earlier, tried to tell you that this is crazy but you misunderstood. I’m not—I’m not.”

Taeyeon finally speaks. “Is this some kind of joke?” she asks in a hoarse voice. “Or is this a new way to get back at me?”

“What? No! I’m telling the truth. I would never pull a joke like this. That wouldn’t be funny, that would just be cruel.”

“Cruel,” Taeyeon repeats, and then she turns on the lamp. Jessica winces reflexively at the sudden light, and then her eyes adjust and make out Taeyeon, who’s startlingly pale in the glow of the lamp, her eyes fixed on Jessica, stark and black.

“I tried to tell you earlier,” Jessica says, lowering her eyes. “But you didn’t believe me.”

“I still don’t believe you,” Taeyeon says slowly. “You’re saying that you’re – what, not from this universe? Then where are you from? Krypton?” She cracks a smile as she says the last word, like this is all some joke, like Jessica will suddenly go like, “Ha ha, I got you!” and they’d have a good laugh over it together. Jessica wishes that were the case.

Taeyeon’s smile fades and is replaced with a look of concern. “Sica?” Her voice is careful, tentative. Jessica’s expression must really be something. God, she hopes she isn’t crying. That would just take the cake.

She brings a hand to the corner of her eye. Thankfully, her fingers come away dry. “I’m not from another planet, just another…plane of reality, I guess. Another universe. A lot of things are similar in it.”

“Like me?” Taeyeon asks, clearly just in an attempt to play along.

Jessica’s lips thin. “In a manner of speaking.”

“Okay,” Taeyeon says, after a moment. “I, uh, have no idea what to say, to be honest.”

“You don’t have any questions for me?” Jessica asks, surprised.

“Oh, I have a lot of questions for you, but I don’t know if you’d want to answer any of them.”

“If your question is whether I’m insane, then – honestly, I can’t tell you. I don’t know myself. All I can tell you is that I’m telling the truth.” Jessica considers it. “Or what I think is the truth, I guess, if I’m crazy.”

“I told you already, didn’t I?” Taeyeon says, and her voice is somehow light again. “I already know you’re crazy.”

Jessica is startled into a laugh. “I don’t think you meant this type of crazy.”

“No matter what type of crazy you are, I’m not going to be scared away,” Taeyeon says, eyes locked on hers. “Like I said, you’re stuck with me.”

Again, Jessica is reduced to only being able to whisper, “Tae.”

When Yoona returns to the dorm, closing the door so quietly behind her it’s almost silent, it’s to Jessica and Taeyeon sitting at the kitchen table, nursing two steaming mugs.

“Jessica unnie,” Yoona says in surprise. “What are you doing up?”

Jessica notices that she doesn’t extend the question to Taeyeon. No doubt, she’s used to Taeyeon being up by herself in the middle of the night.

“Just…had a chat with Taengoo,” Jessica says casually. “Thought we’d follow it with a cup of tea.”

“Do you want one?” Taeyeon asks.

“No, I’m good, thanks.”

“Did you eat?” Jessica follows up.

“Oh yeah, enough for the rest of the crew,” Yoona says with an airy wave of her hand, and Jessica smiles. Typical Yoona. “Anyway, I’m going to get a quick shower and then I’m off to bed. You two should sleep too, especially you, Sica unnie.”

“I don’t know if I can sleep now,” Jessica murmurs, too low for Yoona to hear but not for Taeyeon, who gives her a quick glance.

“Hmm?” Yoona asks, muffled behind a yawn.

“Nothing. Go shower, Yoong.” If Yoona were standing closer to her, Jessica would have reached out and ruffled her hair. As it is, she finds herself lifting her arm. “We can talk more tomorrow.”

“Okay, you still have to finish that story you were telling me.”

Jessica has no idea what story Yoona is talking about, but she just nods as Yoona walks off down the hallway.

“What story—” Taeyeon starts to ask, but the door opens for the second time in the past five minutes.

“What are you two doing still up?” Hyoyeon says. “Felt like having a quickie in the kitchen?”

“Yes, that’s clearly what we’re doing right now,” Taeyeon says dryly, pointedly picking up her mug of tea.

Hyoyeon takes an exaggerated sniff. “Is that the herbal stuff maknae is always trying to get us to drink?”

Taeyeon wrinkles her nose. “No, I don’t hate myself that much.”

“I’m pretty sure drinking that stuff means you love yourself. At least that’s what Juhyun says.”

“I see she’s really gotten to you. She has you wrapped around your little finger.”

Hyoyeon snorts. “You’re one to talk, given you personally got the air conditioning unit replaced because your missus thought it wasn’t cold enough.”

Taeyeon did what? Jessica glances at Taeyeon, whose expression looks unruffled, except that the tips of her ears have turned pink.

“You’re just jealous I found somebody who would do that for me,” Jessica says, jerking her chin up. “And besides, I don’t see you complaining about the new unit.”

“Hey, I’m not complaining that we got to reap the benefits. It’s not like Taeyeon would replace the unit if I asked.”

“I definitely wouldn’t now,” Taeyeon mutters, and Jessica smiles.

“Okay, you two lovebirds enjoy your tea,” Hyoyeon says, stealing a sip from Jessica’s and ignoring the swat from her. “Hmm, not bad. Anyway, I’m going to bed.”

“Good night,” Taeyeon says.

“I hope the bedbugs bite,” is Jessica’s loving message, and Hyoyeon pointedly sets her mug on the other side of the table from her.

Jessica can’t believe she looked forward to seeing Hyoyeon.

“Did you miss them too?” Taeyeon asks casually, once they’re back in bed. Jessica wondered for a second if Taeyeon would suddenly not want Jessica in her room, in her bed, but Taeyeon hadn’t done anything indicating so. Then again, Taeyeon probably still doesn’t believe her and just thinks that she’s suffering an extended fever dream or something.

“Yes,” Jessica says reflexively. “I told you – I’ve missed all of you.”

“Why? Do you live in your apartment full-time or something?”

“I—” Jessica freezes. She can’t reveal that yet. She knows she has to soon, especially with the prospect of practice for their new songs on the horizon, but she can’t now. Not tonight, not after everything she’s already revealed.

“Okay fine, tell me that part later,” Taeyeon says, clearly thinking it’s something as simple as Jessica having other living arrangements. “Tell you what, I’ve already asked you a bunch of questions. Is there anything you wanted to ask me?”

“Yes,” Jessica says, latching onto the opportunity. “That fight we had. What was it about?”

“The fight,” Taeyeon repeats, staring at her intently. “You mean you don’t remember?”

“How could I remember? I wasn’t there. I’m not the person who fought with you.”

Taeyeon’s face draws up tight. “So you’re telling me that – you’re really not her? You’re not Jessica?”

“I am Jessica. I’m just not this Jessica.”

Taeyeon’s expression goes slack, and Jessica knows that she finally believes her. “How could this have happened?”

Jessica gives a helpless shrug. “I wish I knew.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you before,” Taeyeon finally says.

“It’s okay. I wouldn’t have believed me either. I sound like a lunatic.” Jessica pauses. “What made you believe me now?”

“You really don’t know what happened during our fight,” Taeyeon says. “I mean, my fight with—Jessica. She wouldn’t pretend that she didn’t know what happened. I know she wouldn’t.”

“I’m sure she wouldn’t,” Jessica says politely, although of course she can’t speak for this Jessica. She wonders how similar – or rather, how different – they are. However, she can already tell that if there’s one thing they have in common, it’s how much they love Taeyeon. (If only her universe’s Taeyeon had that in common with this one.)

“You want to know what happened?” Taeyeon exhales. “I guess you deserve to know, since you’re technically her.”

“I’m not her,” Jessica feels compelled to say. “You should try to remember that. I’m not her. We’re two different people.”

“It’s hard to remember that when I’ve been thinking you were her all along,” Taeyeon points out. At least she doesn’t say, when you’ve been pretending to be her all along. “At least you aren’t both here. I’d never be able to tell you apart.” However, she gets a glazed look in her eyes that has Jessica’s suspicion cylinders firing up.

“What are you thinking about?”

“N-nothing.” Taeyeon clears . “Do you really want to know about the fight?”

Jessica keeps her eyes on Taeyeon’s. “Yes.”

Taeyeon releases a sigh. “Okay, so…”

“It’s just a suggestion,” Jessica says.

“No,” Taeyeon says flatly.

“Okay.” Jessica sounds hurt. “Don’t even consider it, then.”

Taeyeon takes a deep breath. “It’s not that I won’t consider it, it’s that my parents are… You don’t know what they’re like, okay.”

“Taeyeon, I have conservative parents too. Do you think it wasn’t hard for me to tell them? But you’re never going to get anywhere if you don’t—”

“I’m not going to tell my parents. Not now, at least.”

“Then when? Are you going to keep this a secret forever?”

“By ‘this,’ do you mean my uality or do you mean our relationship? I’m sorry if I can’t run out and yell into the sky that we’re together, okay, I didn’t realize it mattered so much to you.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” And Jessica is getting fired up now. “I never said I needed you to ‘yell into the sky’ that we’re together. I’m not stupid, I know we live in Korea, I know that we have to keep this a secret.”

“Exactly, so why don’t you—”

“From the public. From the media. Not from the people we love. The girls know. They had no problem with it.”

“Yeah, because they’re our friends. It’s hardly the same, is it?” Taeyeon scoffs. “Don’t be so naïve, Jessica.”

“Naïve,” Jessica repeats, in a deadly calm voice, and Taeyeon knows that she’s pushed her too far. “I’m naïve because I want to meet my girlfriend’s parents as her girlfriend. I’m naïve because I just want one less place where we have to hide. I’m naïve because—”

“Okay, okay, I take it back. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then how did you mean it, Taeyeon?” Jessica’s voice is suddenly very quiet. “Because it sounds like you’re ashamed of us. Of me. And I understand that you’re scared, I am too, but I want to face these fears with you. I didn’t realize that you don’t feel the same way.”

Taeyeon is silent for a moment. “Are you calling me a coward?”

“No, but if you think I am, then prove me wrong.”

“I didn’t realize that I had to prove myself to you.” Taeyeon’s mouth twists. “I didn’t realize I had to prove how much I love you by bringing you home as my girlfriend. Is that the kind of validation you really need?”

Jessica shakes her head, slowly, not like she’s answering the question but like she’s just done with Taeyeon.

“You don’t have to prove that you love me, but I think that what you’ve said has proven enough.” Her voice is so quiet now that Taeyeon can barely hear it. “Maybe I am naïve after all.”

“Jessica—”

But she’s already turned and walked away, leaving the apology to curdle on Taeyeon’s tongue, tasting more bitter with each passing second.

Jessica looks at Taeyeon, appalled. “That-that’s what happened?”

“Yeah.” Taeyeon exhales. “That’s what happened.”

“And do the girls know?”

“Well, they know that we fought, they don’t know exactly what it was about. But Tiffany and Sunkyu have probably figured most of it out.”

“Oh.”

Taeyeon gives her a long look. “Are you mad at me too?”

“Do you expect me to be?” Jessica asks back.

“Well.” Taeyeon swallows. “I was pretty awful. I said some pretty awful things.”

“You did,” Jessica acknowledges. “Did you apologize?”

“Oh, I spent half the weekend on my knees.” At Jessica’s expressions, Taeyeon quickly adds, “Apologizing! With words. And flowers. Some nice flowers.”

Jessica tries to maintain a stern expression for a little longer, but she can’t help it and bursts into laughter. Taeyeon looks distinctly miffed.

“And that’s how you made up? You apologized, with words and flowers, and she forgave you?”

“Well.” Taeyeon rubs the bridge of her nose. “After this, we kind of got into another fight, or well the second part of this fight I guess. She said some harsher words to me this time.”

“What kind of words?” Jessica asks carefully.

“It doesn’t matter,” Taeyeon says with a note of finality. “They were deserved, for the most part. Let’s just say we both hurt each other.”

There’s a look of deep sadness that comes over her face for a second that lets Jessica know she isn’t over the fight, that there must have been ugly words, venomous words that they exchanged that she can’t bring herself to recount.

No wonder Taeyeon had been able to accept Jessica acting so strangely. In the aftermath of such a fight, there’s no way she could have expected everything to suddenly return to normal. And yet, that’s clearly exactly what she had been trying to do. Taeyeon had not given herself away at all.

“That’s why you thought I wanted to break up with you?” Jessica says quietly. “Because I hadn’t forgiven you?”

“I think you forgave me,” Taeyeon says, “but that doesn’t mean you’re over it. I just—I don’t want you to think that I’m ashamed of you, in any way.” Her voice cracks. “I could never be ashamed of you.”

Jessica knows the words aren’t intended for her, not really, but they mean so much to her already and they could only mean more to the other Jessica.

“I know, Tae,” she says softly, putting her hand over Taeyeon’s. “It’s okay. I know.”

“We should probably get some sleep,” Taeyeon says.

Jessica gives a wry chuckle. “I don’t think there’s any way I can sleep.”

“Wow, you really are different from the Jessica I know.” Taeyeon gives her a hesitant look. “Sorry, was that…too much?”

“Don’t ask me. I don’t know what’s too little or too much anymore.”

“So,” Taeyeon says in a forcibly light voice. “You said that I’m not that similar to—other Taeyeon. What’s the difference between other her and me?”

“She’s…” Where does Jessica even start? “Well, for one, we aren’t together.”

Taeyeon blinks, and then smiles. “Were you too shy to confess to other me, Sica?”

“You—she doesn’t want anything to do with me. She can’t even stand being in the same room as me. I can count the number of times we speak to each other per day on one hand.” Jessica keeps her head down so she doesn’t have to meet this Taeyeon’s eyes. “I couldn’t even hope for us to be friends, not to mention anything more.”

“How—” Taeyeon pauses, swallows. “How is that possible?”

“I don’t know.” Jessica’s voice is barely audible. “I just wish it were different.”

“Sica, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s not your fault at all. It’s not—you’re not even her.”

“I’m sorry you were treated like this.”

“It’s not a crime for someone to not like me,” Jessica says with a wan smile. “The other Taeyeon doesn’t need to be sorry either.”

“How can she not like you?” Taeyeon says, sounding stunned. “How can. I can’t even imagine it.” She breaks off, shaking her head. “But you still like her,” she says slowly. “The way you treated me as soon as you came here…”

“I do,” Jessica says thickly. “She doesn’t even acknowledge my existence but I still. I. How pathetic am I, huh?”

“You’re not pathetic.”

“The Jessica you love,” Jessica whispers. “I hope she knows how lucky she is.”

“The Taeyeon you love – I hope she knows how stupid she is.”

“Taeyeon,” Jessica says. “I know you’re not her, not exactly, but I. My feelings aren’t all transference.”

Taeyeon looks at her solemnly. “Maybe you’re not my Jessica, but you’re still Jessica. My feelings haven’t just disappeared, you know.”

Jessica swallows. “You mean you still—”

Taeyeon cups her cheek, her touch and gaze as tender as ever. “I still,” she confirms, and she doesn’t kiss Jessica but the way she’s looking at her is just as powerful as a kiss, if not more.

“I do too,” Jessica breathes, turning her face into Taeyeon’s palm and then burying it against Taeyeon’s neck when that contact isn’t enough. Taeyeon puts her arms around Jessica and holds her, and they don’t speak, they just stay like that and soak in each other.

“What other changes are there?”

Jessica can’t bring herself to reveal the biggest one. “Well, there’s no T&J,” she says, figuring that’s safe enough knowledge to reveal.

“What?” Taeyeon sounds shocked. “What kind of world do you live in?”

Jessica wouldn’t even know where to start with that question. “There’s TTS instead. TaeTiSeo. It wasn’t a dream, it was – is – my reality.”

“Oh.” Taeyeon is silent for a moment. “Why aren’t you in it?”

“Things just worked out that way. TTS is with you, Tiffany and maknae.”

“Oh.”

“You’re really happy in that group,” Jessica says softly. “Definitely happier than you would be if I were there.”

“How could I—”

“You are.”

“You mean, she is,” Taeyeon says. “I would never be happier without you.”

Jessica looks at Taeyeon through a haze of what she realizes is tears, and as if reading her mind, Taeyeon opens her arms and pulls Jessica into them and against her.

“Sorry,” Jessica says, voice muffled. “I got tears all over your shirt.”

“It’s okay. I don’t have a handkerchief to offer you or anything.”

Jessica’s laugh is half a sniffle. “You don’t seem like enough of a gentleman to carry one with you.”

“Excuse you, I am totally a gentleman,” Taeyeon says, sounding affronted. “I’m not sure if you would count as a lady though…”

Jessica knocks her fist against Taeyeon’s shoulder half-heartedly.

“Ow, why are you so violent? I’m seeing HellSica all the time now.”

“I’ll show you HellSica,” she mutters.

“Sounds promising,” Taeyeon says with a grin.

“You—” Jessica rolls her eyes but ends up smiling. “You’re impossible.”

“You love me,” Taeyeon says, but right after the words leave she looks at Jessica hesitantly, as if she isn’t sure she’s allowed to say things like that anymore.

Jessica keeps her eyes on Taeyeon’s. “I do.”