A/N: I'm back before 9/30/2018!

“Hey,” Sunkyu greets Jessica when she enters the living room, not raising her head from where she’s playing some kind of game on her phone, sprawled stomach-down on the couch.

The TV is on but Sunkyu is obviously not paying it any attention. There’s an infomercial on about a coffeemaker, one that she saw last week. It’s—strange, to suddenly see a piece of her own world in such a mundane medium.

“You okay?” Sunkyu asks, actually looking up from her game. “I haven’t seen you zone out this much in a while.”

“I’m still waiting to zone back in,” Jessica says, not quite joking.

Sunkyu studies her for a moment. “Is everything okay?” she asks, in that gentle yet firm way of hers. “You’ve seemed really tired these past couple of days.”

“Have I?”

“Yeah. Tired but energized.” Jessica looks at her, startled, and Sunkyu shrugs. “I know that sounds weird, but that’s the vibe you’ve been giving off.”

It’s a pretty good way to describe how she feels. This whole—situation has her tired but energized, happy but sad, veering between extremes like she doesn’t know which emotional state to settle on.

“I guess I am tired,” she says, the biggest truth she can offer.

“Is Taeyeon tiring you out?”

Jessica is already narrowing her eyes at what has to be an innuendo, but then she realizes that Sunkyu’s being serious. “Taeyeon…” she starts, and has no idea how to finish so she just shrugs.

“Yeah, that sounds like her all right,” Sunkyu says, and Jessica laughs. “Is something else going on? I feel like there’s something big you’re not telling us.”

Jessica’s throat goes dry. She should have known that Sunkyu would be a) perceptive enough to figure it out and b) direct enough to call her out on it.

“I mean, not that you’re obligated to tell us everything, but it seems to be really bothering you, whatever it is.”

Sunkyu doesn’t sound like she’s prying, just concerned, and Jessica can’t help but remember the radio show when she had given that message about always being able to come back home. Jessica wonders where her home is. For this universe’s Jessica, the answer is quite obvious, but for her…

“Do you ever feel like…you’re really happy but it’s not going to last?” She doesn’t entirely mean to say this out loud, but the words escape her and maybe that’s for the best.

“Like someone will take it away from you?” Sunkyu asks conversationally.

“Not necessarily someone. Just…like what you have is too good to be true.” Even as she says the words, she knows that she’ll regret this later, that she’s giving away too much, but it feels so good to let this loose, to share this with someone else. She’s never been like Taeyeon, who keeps everything inside like a locked door without a key, and she’s always been able to talk to Sunkyu.

Sunkyu seems to be mulling over her words. “Then isn’t it even more important to hold onto it?”

“But the tighter you hold onto something, the more it’ll hurt when it’s ripped away from you.”

“What?” Sunkyu asks, and Jessica realizes that she had either only said the words in her head or too quietly to be heard. That’s probably for the best too, or maybe for the worst; she doesn’t know, she’s having trouble differentiating between the two lately.

“I don’t—I’m probably talking nonsense.” Judging by Sunkyu’s narrowed eyes, she doesn’t buy it. “You know what, don’t take me too seriously. Really, don’t.”

“Sica.”

“I was just wondering. You know how sometimes you wonder about these hypothetical scenarios.” Jessica is blabbing now and she knows it and she knows that it’s just going to make her sound guiltier but she can’t help it. “This is what I do when I’m tired but energized.”

“Jessica.”

She shuts and looks furtively at Sunkyu. “Yeah?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Sunkyu says gently. “I’m glad you talked to me. I feel like…we haven’t had a good talk in a long time, you know?”

“We really haven’t,” Jessica says quietly.

“I’m glad you talked to me.” Sunkyu smiles. “You can do that anytime, okay? I’ll always be here if you need someone to talk to.”

I hope you know that if you’re tired or alone, you can always come back home. It’s just something I wanted to say to a friend.

Jessica somehow manages to hold her tears back. She’s really getting good at this. “You’re going to regret this offer when I come seeking your advice twenty-four seven.”

Sunkyu grins. “Maybe I should start charging for my services then.”

“Wow, you’re going to make a lot of money off me as your sole customer.”

“Who said you’re my sole customer? For your information, Taeyeon seeks out my wisdom all the time.”

“Does she?” Jessica murmurs.

Sunkyu gives her a long look. It makes Jessica uneasy when she does that, like somehow Sunkyu will see right through her, see that she’s not this universe’s Jessica, not their Jessica. It’s a ridiculous fear, but then again, she’s been feeling a lot of ridiculous things lately.

“Yeah,” Sunkyu finally says, tone light. “I charge her extra because it takes so much prodding to find out what she’s thinking.”

“I guess I should be glad that I’m such an open book then.”

“I wouldn’t say that. I feel like there are a lot of pages to you that I’m not allowed to read.”

Jessica bites down on her inner cheek. “Remind me to buy you an advanced first edition.”

“Deal,” Sunkyu says with a grin, and Jessica can’t help but smile back.

They end up watching infomercials together, Sunkyu’s game forgotten (“What were you playing anyway?” “Something you would be bad at.” “Hey!”), as they talk about the products (“Do you ever want to buy one of these kitchen things?” “If I did, I wouldn’t let you use it.” “Yah, Lee Sunkyu!”) and Jessica refrains from attacking Sunkyu (“Hey, it’s a Magic Bullet.” “Is it getting you worked up?” “You really don’t value your life, do you?”).

Jessica’s missed this more than she realized. She’s missed everything more than she realized, even the things she never had.

Somehow, the confession slips past her lips.

“Taeyeon thinks that I want to break up with her.”

“Well, do you?” Sunkyu asks after a beat.

“Of course not!”

Sunkyu doesn’t look surprised or unsurprised, just looks at Jessica steadily and silently. Jessica feels that irrational fear come flooding back, and she hurries to build a dam.

“She thinks that I have feelings for someone else.”

“Well—”

“Don’t tell me you want to ask me that too.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Sunkyu says. “I know you don’t.”

“You do?” Jessica asks in surprise. Taeyeon doesn’t even know.

“You should see the way you look at her. I know there’s no way you could like someone else.”

Jessica doesn’t know what to say to that. It seems that she’s been nothing but blatantly obvious in every aspect. She doesn’t know how many pages of her book she’s kept hidden; very little, she’s sure.

“I don’t know how she doesn’t,” Sunkyu says slowly. “Then again, it’s Taeyeon. She’s always doubted herself even when there’s no room for doubt.”

Jessica sighs. “That’s a good way to put it.”

“I think Tiffany came up with that, actually.”

“Are you crediting my wisdom?” Tiffany asks, seeming to materialize from thin air. “Are we talking about what’s going on between Taeyeon and Jessica? Why wasn’t I invited?”

“You seem to have invited yourself,” Jessica says dryly.

“I know you love my company,” Tiffany says with a bright smile.

“Uh, definitely. Weren’t you just sharing your delightful company with Taeyeon? Maybe you should go back. I bet she misses you.”

“Are you jealous that you think I’m closer with TaeTae?” Tiffany asks. “Aww Jessi, you know you’re my best friend too. Are you feeling insecure? Do I need to reassure you?”

She approaches Jessica with her arms wide open, and it’s not that Jessica minds a hug from her or anything but she finds herself taking a step back, and then another when Tiffany shows no signs of halting. Tiffany is about as easy to stop as a freight train at full steam ahead.

Eventually, Jessica runs out of space to retreat into and her back hits the wall. Tiffany puts her arms on either side of Jessica’s head and basically cages her in with her arms.

“Um,” comes a dry voice. “Am I interrupting something?”

Jessica stares with wide eyes at Taeyeon. This is pretty much the most compromising position that they could’ve been caught in, and of course it had to be Taeyeon to ‘walk in’ on them.

“Jessi’s feeling neglected by me,” Tiffany says without even turning around. “I’m just showing her my love.”

“Don’t let me get in the way.” Still in that dry tone.

“I should post a picture of this online,” Sunkyu muses. “The fans would go crazy.”

“Don’t you dare, Lee Sunkyu,” Jessica hisses.

“Taeyeon, you should get in there too,” Sunkyu says. “The fans’ lives wouldn’t be complete without some TaengSicNy drama.”

“Why don’t we just keep the TaengSic part in that?” Taeyeon suggests.

“Ow, TaeTae.” Tiffany unleashes a wounded pout at her. “You want to cut me out just like that? I feel so unwanted.”

Taeyeon rolls her eyes. “I’m sure you’re far from unwanted. Someone out there must want you.”

“Maybe if we’re talking really out there.”

Jessica swallows as she hears yet another voice that she hasn’t heard in so long.

Tiffany pouts. “Yul, you’re so cruel to me.”

Yuri just grins back.

“I recorded it all,” Sooyoung says, holding up her phone and waving it. “This will make great blackmail material.”

“We weren’t doing anything,” Tiffany says, and Sooyoung just gives her a look that says yeah, right.

“Sica, do you want to press charges for assault against Fany?” Yuri asks jokingly.

“Excuse me, I did not ‘assault’ her,” Tiffany says indignantly.

“I don’t know, you looked pretty aggressive there,” Sooyoung says. “Jessica looked like a lost little lamb being attacked by the big bad wolf.”

“A lost little lamb?” Jessica splutters, all displacement at Yuri’s and Sooyoung’s sudden appearances forgotten. “Yah, do you want to die, Choi Sooyoung?”

“Not particularly. I haven’t even eaten yet. I always vowed not to die on an empty stomach if I can help it.”

“I’m hungry too,” Yuri says. “Are there any leftovers from dinner? I heard you guys ordered pasta.”

“Sorry Yul,” Tiffany says sheepishly. “We finished it all.”

“You mean you finished it all,” Sunkyu snorts. “No wonder Jessica and Yoona are always calling you a pig.”

“Hey!”

Jessica almost jumps when she feels a hand slide along her waist, only to find Taeyeon looking at her with an amused expression.

“A lost little lamb, huh?” she drawls, and there’s something rather wolfish about her smirk.

Jessica swallows and can only think to say, “The big bad wolf comes from the three little pigs. There aren’t even any lambs in the story.”

“Maybe I should be Mary then,” Taeyeon says, and it takes a second for that to connect with Jessica. When it does, she snorts and swats Taeyeon, who takes her hand and laces their fingers together.

“Okay, I can’t eat like this,” Sooyoung says loudly. “I’m going to lose all my appetite.”

“Great,” Taeyeon says. “We’ll have dinner without you. It can save us a lot of food.”

“Are you going to have lamb?” Sooyoung asks suggestively. “I can play my video as an appetizer.”

Jessica makes a mental note to steal Sooyoung’s phone and delete that video. It’s too bad Sooyoung isn’t scared of bugs like Tiffany, or Jessica would drop some rubber spiders into her bed while she’s at it.

Well, maybe she’ll do it anyway…

Somehow, Jessica finds herself alone with Yuri in the living room. Yuri stretches out her legs and tips her head back against the couch. Rather than feeling awkward or anxious about further questioning, Jessica feels a sense of comfort settle over her, just from being in a friend’s presence.

For whatever reason, she remembers when they had to cook together and how Yuri fought not to get exasperated with her complete lack of culinary ability. She’s always found it endearing how Yuri talks to herself when she’s upset; she wonders if Yuri still does that. It’s almost impossible to imagine that she’s changed that habit, but then again, Jessica’s life has been pushing the realms of possibility.

“What’s been up with you?” Yuri asks, nudging Jessica’s shoulder and startling her out of her thoughts. “Fany told me you and Taengoo are running into some issues.”

Jessica frowns. “What are we, a soap opera?”

“It’s not like that. We’re just…”

“Worried?”

Yuri gives that gentle smile of hers. “I know you don’t like it when we worry about you. I just can’t help it.”

“It’s okay,” Jessica says thickly. “You can’t help being a mother hen.”

“Does that make you one of my chicks?” Yuri tilts her head to the side. “Hey, you know what I was wondering—”

“What?” Jessica asks warily.

“You know how they say chicks before ? And bros before hoes? What am I supposed to say for you and Taeyeon?”

Jessica stares blankly at her.

“I mean, chicks before hoes doesn’t sound very good. You’re both my chicks and neither of you are hoes. You’re like my bro but—”

“Yul, this is what you spend your time thinking about?” Jessica laughs. “God, I can’t believe you’re still this ridiculous.”

“What, did you think that I turned into a different person while filming my drama? I’m just playing a different person, I didn’t become one.”

“I know that,” Jessica says. “I know how acting works.”

“Remember when we watched your kissing scene on Strong Heart? I thought lasers were going to shoot out of Taeyeon’s eyes.”

Jessica doesn’t even falter this time. “Don’t remind me of that drama.”

“Does it make your tears overflow?”

“Yah, Kwon Yuri—”

Taeyeon walks in when Jessica is trying to strangle Yuri, and her only reaction is to raise an eyebrow. “Sica, don’t kill her. We do need all nine members for the comeback.”

“Help, Taengoo!” Yuri cries out, even though Jessica’s grip slackens at the last part of Taeyeon’s sentence. “Save me.”

“I’m going to stay out of this,” Taeyeon says. “Feel free to get handsy though.”

“Are you enjoying this?” Jessica asks incredulously.

Taeyeon looks at her innocently. “Should I be angry instead? Do you want me to come grab you off Yuri?”

“Yuri would appreciate that,” Yuri says, massaging . “Geez Sica, were you really trying to kill me? I think I’m going to have bruises.”

“I’m sorry,” Jessica says, reaching toward her. “I didn’t know my grip was that tight. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Yuri says. “Are you this rough when you’re with Taengoo?”

Jessica manages to not blush this time, while Taeyeon gives a crooked grin and drawls, “I wouldn’t mind.”

Jessica snorts and shoves her, but when Taeyeon topples over, she hurriedly steadies her.

“Are we starting now, Sica?” Taeyeon asks. “We have an audience. I thought you weren’t into exhibitionism.

“What’s this about an exhibition?” comes a voice. “Do I have to buy a ticket?”

“Do you want to buy tickets to the Taeyeon and Jessica show?” Yuri asks. “I’ll give you a discount.”

Jessica wants to suffocate herself with a cushion.

“The TaengSic show,” Taeyeon corrects.

Not before she kills Taeyeon.

“Oh, I’ve seen that show too many times,” Sooyoung says with a wave of her hand. “I swear one of these days I’ll record you two and sell the footage, and then I can live off that money for the rest of my life.”

And Sooyoung.

“Can I split the money with you?” Yuri asks.

Screw it, she’ll just take all of them with her.

“I think the rest of your life will be very short if you do that,” Taeyeon says. “Sica will probably strangle you.”

“She can’t even reach my neck,” Sooyoung says dismissively.

“I wouldn’t bet on that,” Yuri says, rubbing hers with a grimace. “She did a pretty good job at trying to strangle me just now.”

“Yeah, but you’re weak,” Sooyoung says, and Yuri starts firing up.

“Excuse me?!”

“You’re excused,” Sooyoung says airily. “Plus, Jessica can’t even open a can of tuna on her own. I’m not exactly crying in fear.”

“You should be,” Jessica says murderously. “And fine, I’ll never make you a tuna sandwich again.”

“I’m heartbroken,” Sooyoung deadpans. “I don’t know how I’ll ever survive without your cooking, especially after your culinary masterpiece last night—oh wait.”

Several of them burst into laughter, including Taeyeon. Jessica turns a glare on her. How could Taeyeon of all people betray her?

Taeyeon coughs. “Sorry, Sica. You have to admit dinner didn’t exactly turn out great.”

“You helped with dinner!”

“Hey, I was just the line cook. The executive chef should take responsibility.”

“Oh no, are they having a fight?” Sooyoung stage whispers. “They didn’t say this in the itinerary. I want a refund.”

“You should really stop riling Jessica up,” Sunkyu says. Her tone is light, casual, but at the same time there’s a thread of utter seriousness in her words. “She might snap and kill you in your sleep.”

Jessica throws Sunkyu a grateful but also wary look. Sunkyu just smiles reassuringly back. Taeyeon glances between the two of them like she’s missing something.

“Okay, okay,” Sooyoung sighs. “You’re giving me that lost lamb feeling again. It’s making my heart waver.”

“What heart,” Jessica mutters, and Sooyoung grins at her.

“That’s the spirit! Being a sad little lamb doesn’t suit you.”

Jessica is about to give a sharp retort, when a hand rests at the small of her back. Taeyeon’s hand.

“It really doesn’t,” Taeyeon says, and even though she sounds like she’s just going with the running gag of Jessica The Little Lamb, Jessica can see a remnant of that look in her eyes. The look of concern. Great. Sooyoung and Yuri have been back for less than half an hour, and she has them picking up on her…off-ness too. She’s supposed to be getting better at this, not worse.

“Come on,” Sooyoung says cheerfully. “If I’m going to die tonight, I want to eat a good dinner before I go.”

“Plus, we have a lot of practice tomorrow so we’ll need the energy,” Tiffany adds, always the consummate manager.

A lot of practice tomorrow. Wonderful. Whether it’s vocal or dance practice, Jessica is completely screwed.

“You okay?” Taeyeon asks quietly, eyes on Jessica’s face.

“Yeah.” Jessica forces a smile. “Just imagining dinner tonight.”

“It’s okay, I’ll cook this time,” Yuri says. “Hyo can help when she comes home. We’ll make something nice.”

“When is Hyo coming home?” Jessica asks, hoping she sounds like she just forgot and not that she has no idea. “And the maknaes.”

“Yoona has filming, remember?” Tiffany says, and Jessica has to nod like she does. “By the time she comes home, we’ll probably be asleep.”

Gruelling schedules are no stranger to Jessica, but she still has to fight back her disappointment she won’t be able to see Yoona until the next day. She’s still worried that she’ll give herself away in front of them, but more than that she wants to see them. Wants to be with them. She’s been apart from them for too long, and she wants to soak up every minute she can get with them.

“Hyoyeon will probably be back late too, but Juhyun should be home soon.” Tiffany looks at Sooyoung and Yuri. “I actually thought she was going to get a ride with you.”

“Her schedules ended up finishing late,” Yuri says. “And you know Juhyun, she never wants anyone to wait for her.”

Of course. Juhyun, despite being the youngest, has always been one of the most independent out of all of them. Jessica has always thought of her as a beloved little sister, someone she felt proud to watch grow up, but in many ways Juhyun felt too mature for her to take care of.

“There was no reason for you to wait for me, unnie,” Juhyun says, such a quiet walker that she had managed to return without any of them noticing. “We didn’t even know how long the delay was going to be.”

“It all worked out then?” Tiffany asks.

“Yeah, they had some technical malfunctions but got everything back and running pretty quickly.”

Taeyeon makes a face. “Technical malfunctions are the worst.”

Maybe it’s because of the three of them talking, maybe it’s because Jessica is just terrible at this, but she finds herself asking, “Didn’t you have a lot of those when you were shooting for TaeTiSeo?”

“TaeTiSeo?” Juhyun gives her a blank look. “What’s that?”

“Uh…” Jessica’s mind races for a way for her to climb out of this hole she dug herself. “I had a dream the other night that you, Tiffany and Taeyeon were in a sub-unit together. You know how sometimes I mix up dreams with reality,” she adds with an airy laugh.

Juhyun smiles. “That sounds interesting, unnie. But I don’t think S.M. would do that since you and Taeyeon unnie are already in such a successful sub-unit together.”

Jessica tries desperately not to freeze up at the news. She and Taeyeon in a sub-unit together, when they’ve never even had an official duet? This universe is really…wow.

“I think TaeTae would miss Jessi too much if she were promoting in—what were we called again, Jessi? TiTaeSeo?”

“I think she said TaeTiSeo,” Taeyeon says.

“Hey,” Tiffany says to Sunkyu. “The three of us”—she gestures to Juhyun—“should be in a sub-unit together. We could cure the diabetes that T&J cause.”

T&J. That must be the sub-unit that she and Taeyeon are in. S.M. have once again demonstrated their creativity and ingenuity with group names.

“Should we be named Insulin then?” Sunkyu asks.

“Insulin doesn’t really cure diabetes, unnie,” Juhyun says. “It’s used to treat it but it can’t eliminate it.”

They all kind of stare at her, but they’re used to it by now so they don’t do it for very long. Jessica, however, hasn’t heard one of Juhyun’s…sayings for a while and she can’t help the fond laughter that spills from her lips.

“Juhyunnie, you’re so great.”

“Um, thank you?” Juhyun says, confused but polite as always.

“You never call me great,” Sooyoung whines.

“You’re great,” Jessica deadpans. “Like a Great Dane.”

Sooyoung gives her a doleful look that she completely ignores.

“Did you know that Scooby Doo is a Great Dane?” Yuri says.

“I do now,” Jessica says dryly.

“If I’m Scooby Doo, who’s Shaggy?” Sooyoung asks. “Yul, do you want to be—”

“No,” Yuri says immediately, grinning at Sooyoung’s crestfallen face.

“Yoona can be Shaggy,” Sunkyu says. “The two of you can much on Scooby Snacks together.”

“Sounds like a dream team,” Sooyoung says. “I’ll tell her when she and Hyo get back.”

“I can’t wait,” Jessica says, feeling somewhere between excitement and…actually, mostly just excitement. Once the two of them get back, they’ll finally be all together, finally be nine again.

Taeyeon smiles. “Do you miss them?”

“Yes,” Jessica says, and then, helplessly, “I’ve missed all of you.”

“You sound like we haven’t seen each other in years or something,” Sooyoung laughs. “Haven’t the shorties been home all day with you?”

Usually Sunkyu and Tiffany would both bristle at being called short, especially Tiffany, but they’re both looking at Jessica with startlingly similar, thoughtful expressions. Jessica wants to bite her tongue off, and yet she can’t completely regret saying it. She never got to tell them that in her universe, so at least she’s saying it here.

“You can miss people even if they’re right beside you,” Taeyeon says, with a long look at Jessica.

Sooyoung claps her hands together. “Well, I’ve missed you all, and I’m sure you’ve missed me and each other. Now, it’s time to eat.”

It’s typical Sooyoung and Jessica can’t help but laugh again, but at least she’s not the only one. It’s almost impossible not to laugh when Sooyoung gets going.

“Come on, you’re the only one I trust to cook here,” Sooyoung says, grabbing Yuri by the wrist and tugging her toward the kitchen.

Tiffany turns to Sunkyu. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

“I actually wanted to talk to you too,” Sunkyu says.

“Great.” Tiffany smiles. “We read each other’s minds.”

“Great minds think alike,” Sunkyu says, and Jessica looks between the two of them with an unsettled feeling.

Sunkyu and Tiffany walk off together, not talking but somehow seemingly deep in conversation already, and Jessica stares after them. She can’t help but remember last night, when they had laughed over innuendos together, mouths stained with sauce and cheese. What happened to that? Did Jessica screw up that badly already?

“Is something wrong, unnie?” Juhyun asks her, and Jessica has to swallow back hysterical laughter. There’s a lot more than one thing wrong.

“Oh, you know Tiffany and Sunkyu,” Taeyeon says lightly. “They’re probably discussing their debut as Insulin or something.”

Juhyun doesn’t look convinced.

Jessica clears . “I hope they come up with a better name than that.”

“That’ll be very hard, Insulin is such a great name,” Taeyeon says solemnly.

“Yeah, I can’t imagine what can beat it,” Jessica says.

“T&J is pretty great too, right?” Taeyeon grins, nudging Jessica’s shoulder conspiratorially. “What do you think, Juhyun?”

“I think you’re an excellent sub-unit,” Juhyun says diplomatically, “although the name leaves something to be desired.”

Jessica giggles. “You manage to say such harsh things so nicely, Juhyunnie. You really have a gift.”

“Thank you?”

“You’re scaring maknae with your compliments, Sica.”

“Should I give you some too, Tae?” Jessica asks sweetly. She feels that way again – tired but energized – and she just wants to… She doesn’t even know. She wants to stop feeling this way, but she also wants this feeling to stay forever. “Are you feeling neglected?”

“Are you going to do a Tiffany if I do?” Taeyeon asks wryly.

It takes Jessica a moment to realize she means when Tiffany had backed her against the wall, and she giggles again. “Do you want me to? We should really post some pictures together online. The fans probably haven’t seen any in decades.”

“I really don’t think it’s been that long,” Taeyeon says. “I mean, maybe not selfies because I haven’t been on Instagram that frequently lately. But you’re in my Snapchat story all the time and vice versa so. I think our fans should be okay.”

Juhyun clears . “Ah, you reminded me that I need to charge my phone.”

Jessica is pretty sure that she’s just using an excuse to leave (them alone). “Don’t let your phone die, Juhyunnie. I’ll never forgive you.”

“Okay unnie, I’ll keep that in mind next time I see my battery saver,” Juhyun says, before walking away.

Jessica sniffs. “Our baby has grown up.”

“She has,” Taeyeon says. “I haven’t seen you baby her in a while.”

“I’ve missed her.” She says it too candidly, but she can’t help it.

“Hmm, you said that. Is there a reason you’ve been missing everyone?”

“What do you mean?” Jessica asks, rather too sharply. “Can’t I miss my members?”

“Of course you can,” Taeyeon says, looking taken aback. “It’s just that…nobody has really gone anywhere.”

“You said it yourself, didn’t you? You can miss someone even if they’re right next to you.”

“Do you miss me?” Taeyeon asks with a smile.

“All the time,” Jessica says brazenly.

“Even now?”

Jessica remembers herself enough to say, “Not if you’re going to be making stupid puns like being Mary.”

Taeyeon blinks innocently. “But I thought you were my little lamb. Or should I be a lion instead? ‘And so the lion fell in love with the lamb,’” she quotes in a dramatic voice, and Jessica almost sprains something trying to cover her ears and Taeyeon’s mouth at the same time.

“Okay, I take it that you don’t like the lion,” Taeyeon says, muffled against Jessica’s palm.

“I don’t like you,” Jessica grumbles.

“And so the lamb rejected the lion.”

Jessica can’t help laughing at that. Taeyeon is so ridiculous but so—Taeyeon.

It feels good to splash some cold water on her face. Her fingers clench around the cold edge of the counter as she stares into the mirror. Her reflection looks as it always did, so she doesn’t know why she feels like she’s staring into the face of a stranger.

Then again, outside appearances only tell you so much. After all, they’ve managed to convince so many people all these years that they’re happy, that they love what they’re doing, that this is everything they’ve ever wanted. And of course, it’s not like it was all lies, it’s not like everything was fake. That’s what their lives are about, piecing together truth and illusion, treading on that line between fantasy and reality.

She almost smacks Sooyoung in the face with the door when she leaves the washroom.

“Whoa Sica, were you trying to kill me? I know you didn’t like the lamb joke but this is a bit much for payback.”

Jessica rolls her eyes. “Don’t stand so close to the door if you don’t want to get hit.” She’s about to walk around Sooyoung, but Sooyoung holds out an arm to stop her. “What? I’m not mad about the lamb joke. Trust me, I can handle your jokes after all these years.”

“Is everything okay?” Sooyoung asks seriously. If Jessica hears that question one more time, she might just explode. Or more like crumble. “I don’t think you were upset about the joke, but you seemed upset about something.”

“I was,” Jessica says, almost surprising herself.

Sooyoung’s eyebrows knit together. “What is it?”

“It’s—it’s Taeyeon,” Jessica says, and it’s nothing but the truth even as it isn’t entirely truthful.

“Ah.” Sooyoung doesn’t look surprised. “Is it still about the fight? I thought you guys were over that.”

“We didn’t fight over cooking, so you can scratch that out of the itinerary.”

“Not about cooking, dummy. About—you know, what happened last week. I thought you made up and got over it.”

“It’s because of the fight, isn’t it?”

Jessica can’t very well ask Sooyoung, “What fight? What did we fight about?” She just lowers her head, fiddling with the cuff of her sleeve.

“Taeyeon’s crazy about you, you know,” Sooyoung says. “Don’t be too hard on her.”

Taeyeon’s crazy about you, you know. As unbelievable as it is, she does know and she wonders, rather incredulously, if this Jessica somehow doubts it. How could she, given how obvious it is? Jessica can’t imagine waking up to Taeyeon every day, seeing that look in her eyes, that dimple, hear her lame jokes and innuendos and the affection threaded through them, and not know.

“So you’re on her side?” Jessica asks, pretending to sound insulted.

Sooyoung raises her hands. “I’m not on anyone’s side. Or I should say, I’m on both your sides. You’re both my friends. I don’t want either of you to get hurt.”

“Don’t worry,” Jessica says. “I would never hurt Taeyeon if I could help it. And I know it’s the same for her.”

“Good,” Sooyoung says, patting her on the shoulder. “Now, I really do need to use the washroom, so if you could just…”

“Watch the door when you open it,” Jessica says as she moves aside.

“Don’t worry, I’m not oblivious to my surroundings like you,” Sooyoung says, and before Jessica can reply, slams the door in her face.

There has to be some way that she can bring up the fight without actually bringing up the fight. She needs to know what it’s about, but she can’t let it show that she doesn’t know what it’s about. In a bizarre way, she’s almost grateful for it because Taeyeon clearly attributed a lot of her strange behaviour to its aftermath. However, that excuse isn’t likely to last long.

“What are you thinking about?” Taeyeon asks, not glancing up from her phone but somehow giving the impression that she can see the look on Jessica’s face.

Jessica thankfully manages to avoid blurting out, “Our fight.” Instead she says, rather playfully, “Guess.”

“Are you plotting ways to kill Sooyoung?”

“No, but that’s a good idea. I almost brained her with the bathroom door just now.”

Taeyeon laughs. “You’ve had some violent tendencies lately. Should I be concerned?”

“I thought you liked my violent tendencies.”

Taeyeon waggles her eyebrows and smiles, looking more goofy than suggestive. Jessica has to bite her lip to hold back a laugh. “I never said I didn’t.”

“Tae.” There’s a laugh just beneath the word and affection all around it. “You’re so ridiculous.”

“In a bad way?”

“In a Taeyeon way,” Jessica tells her, and Taeyeon looks happy with that answer.

Taeyeon has her head pillowed on Jessica’s stomach and her eyes half-closed. There are a few strands of her hair tickling the gap of skin between the hem of Jessica’s shirt and the waistband of her shorts, but Jessica makes no effort to move away. She could almost drift off, warm and content with Taeyeon by her side, but she makes sure to keep her eyes open. No dream could be better than this anyway.

“So that sub-unit you dreamed,” Taeyeon says, just as Jessica wondered if she’s fallen asleep. “What was it like?”

“TaeTiSeo? It was…with you, Tiffany and Juhyun.”

“Yeah, you already mentioned that part.”

Jessica’s mind whirls. What if she says that they had a song called Twinkle and, somehow in this universe, that was a T&J song? She doubts it, but better safe than sorry.

“Sica?”

“Well, you had a song where you had some challenging high notes and you were very impressive.”

Taeyeon grins. “I’m always impressive.”

“You sure are, Tae. You constantly impress me.” Jessica waits a beat before she adds, “With your lameness.”

Taeyeon looks unfazed. “You love my lameness.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

“I don’t need to tell myself, I already know.”

Taeyeon’s crazy about you, you know.

“I hope you do,” Jessica murmurs under her breath.

“Hmm?”

“Nothing,” Jessica says, pulling down her shirt. “Sorry, were you saying something?”

“I was just going to ask – what else happened with TaeTiSeo?”

“Why are you so curious?”

“I don’t know.” Taeyeon shrugs. “It’s just interesting, that’s all. I’ve only ever been in a sub-unit with you, I can’t really imagine being in one with anyone else.”

Jessica’s mouth dries.

“Tiffany, Sunkyu and Juhyun should be in one together,” Taeyeon continues. “Although hopefully not one named Insulin.”

Jessica smiles at that. “They would make a great one.”

“Maybe you’ll dream about that tonight,” Taeyeon muses. “Have you been dreaming a lot lately? You usually don’t unless you’re stressed.”

“Well, maybe not a lot but I have been dreaming,” Jessica says. “In fact, I might be dreaming right now. I don’t know if you’re real.”

Taeyeon pinches her own arm. “I feel pretty real to me.” She pinches Jessica as well, who gives an undignified squawk. “You feel real too. You definitely sound very real.” She rubs her ear. “I’m having traumatic flashbacks.”

“Traumatic?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure losing my hearing counts as trauma.”

“I’ll show you what counts as trauma,” Jessica mutters.

“You know what, I think you’re right,” Taeyeon says. “A lamb doesn’t fit you. You’re way too vicious for that.”

Jessica laughs. “What should I be then?”

Taeyeon grins toothily. “You can be my lioness.”

“Your…lioness?”

Taeyeon pouts. “You don’t want to be?”

Jessica shakes her head, not because she’s saying no but because she just can’t help that reaction. Taeyeon is just so—Taeyeon.

“I would love to be,” she says, more softly than she intended.

Taeyeon’s dimple makes itself known again. “Oh, caaaaaan you feel the looooove tonight?”

Jessica buries her face in her hands and wonders if it’s too late to take it back.

A/N: If you haven't, don't forget to check out the spin-off!