Your eyes flickered a few times in annoyance at the monochromatic color scheme of the room.

White again? 

“Baby!” you jolted upright but immediately regretted doing so when a sharp sensation spread up your legs and through your spinal cord.

You grimaced in pain. 

“Hey, hey.  Be careful,” Sehun’s hoarse voice ordered.

With his hand on your back as support, he slowly guided you back down to a sleeping position. 

You looked at him for answers.  Your heart raced upon witnessing Sehun’s expression of mixed frustration, anger, and sorrow.

It couldn’t be…

“Is…is the baby okay?” you cautiously asked, fearing for the worse. 

Your palm molded around your stomach and you bit on your lower lip, waiting for an answer. 

To your utmost relief, he nodded.  Your shoulders loosened, all the tensions in your body released with the news of your baby’s well being.  But Sehun was still cold and distant.  His elbows rested on his knees and his hands supported his forehead upright.  Still in the same blood-tainted t-shirt, he looked so haggard and worn out.

Was my happiness the source of his pain? 

Not being able to interpret his feelings or your own, you regretfully looked away.  But a part of you tried to understand because you knew how ridiculous the situation must have been for Sehun.  To not only find out you were pregnant, but pregnant with his baby… 

Did he…

Did he not want the baby?

Is he disappointed that the baby survived?

Tears prickled at the corners of your eyes as a sourness sensation stirred in the depths of your heart.  The silence was so deafening that you could probably hear a pin drop. 

Of course he doesn’t want the baby.

Of course.

Because the baby was not produced out of love.

Because he does not love me.

Because he belongs to Minyoung. 

You almost bit your tongue from trying to stop yourself from verbally wailing. 

He does not resent the baby.

He resents the baby’s mother.

In a sniveling whisper, you broke the silence, “I’m sorry.”

“You should be,” he bluntly responded but does not look up.

What?

You blinked a few times taken aback by his coldness.  Like a damsel in distress, your eyes completely overflowed in tears but you do not make a sound.  The apathy, Sehun currently possessed, was so foreign and frightening.  He was angry – that you knew and completely understood, but you’ve never seen Sehun react this way. 

Thump.  Thump.  Thump.  The monitor beeped a few times to notify you of your abnormally fast heart rate. 

Abruptly, Sehun stood up from the chair and advanced toward you.  Out of instincts, you held your arms protectively around your stomach, fearing that he may request you to get rid of the baby.  As he lifted your blanket, you shriveled back in fear.

“I promise,” you interrupted his actions, “I promise you I won’t make you take responsibility.  I’ll raise the child by myself,” you finished. 

He stared at you, his face scrunched up in disgust but slowly softened at the sight of your tear-stained cheeks and trembling shoulders.  The blankets softly fell down over your shoulders as he tucked you in, wrapping any bare skin exposed to the chilly hospital room. 

He took your hand into his.  Your watery orbs closed in anguish.      

“I’m mad not because I don’t want the baby, ________ah.  I’m upset because you did not tell me,” his voice, now much more placid and gentle, spoke. 

What?

Sehun brought your hand to his lips and planted a soft kiss on it, “We will get through this together whether you like it or not.  I will take care you and the baby.”

There were so many thoughts and feelings going through your mind, you could not distinguish whether you were relieved by his words or torn by his promise.  You just knew that from the corner of your eyes, a shadow stood by the doorway. 

“Minyoung…” you half called out in shock.

Instantaneously, the owner of the shadow ran off.  Sehun and you look at each other in terror.  On reflex, you got off the bed to run after Minyoung but Sehun stopped you with a squeeze on the shoulder.  Without another word, he released his hold on you and stormed out of the room to run after his lover, leaving you to drown in your guilt. 

Alone in the hospital room, you impatiently waited for Sehun’s return.  A selfish part of you was relieved that he found out because keeping the pregnancy a secret was super exhausting.  But the other part of you suffocated in utter shame for the destruction you produced in Sehun and Minyoung’s life.  Thoughts of escaping flooded your mind and you hit your head to terminate the considerations. 

Minutes turned into hours but Sehun was not in sight.  Perhaps he changed his mind.  Perhaps he chose to be with Minyoung.  And you wouldn’t blame him because he had every right to make that decision.  You just wanted an answer – whether it was a “yes” or “no” was not important anymore.  But when the clock struck midnight and Sehun did not appear, you came to the conclusion that he wasn’t coming back.  Your body grew limp and defeated. 

The next morning, you were awakened by the soft yet sturdy shake of your shoulders.  Your eyes opened with high expectations only to be disappointed to face your doctor, who had arrive for a quick check up.  She provided you a boost of analgesics to alleviate the throbbing pain of your pelvis.  Slowly, as the medication began to work, your body fell limp against the bed.  Despite being in bed the whole time, you still felt nauseated and tired.  Your eyelids grew gradually heavier and heavier.      

Images flashed through your mind like a slow motion film.  You saw a little girl falling hard on the tiled floors as she runs from a metal rod that eventually comes smacking full force against the legs.  She screams as her mother looms over her, scolding her with obscenities.    

Your lashes laced in droplets of water like dewdrops on a flower petal.  Just as your eyes were about to completely shut, a faint outline of Sehun appeared by the door.  Instantly, as if Sehun was your source of energy, you felt revitalized and fully awake.  Your shoulders dropped, all the stress you build up through out the previous night lifted off you.  Though, the flashbacks still loitered in the back of your mind.     

Sehun politely thanked the doctors and nurses as they exited the room.  Instead of seating himself on the chair, he opted to sit on the corner of your bed today.  From the closeness, Sehun’s bloodshot eyes glowered into your soul.  He had been crying. 

All the happiness you gained from seeing him disappeared like a blown out candle.  You opened your mouth to say something but a look at his feigned smile sealed away your voice. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked, oblivious to your scrutiny.

“Fine…But Minyoung Unnie…” you carefully brought up.

“Don’t worry abou