In the shadows behind the stage it’s me in darkness.
I didn’t wanna show you my pain.

He glances to his side whilst still catching his own breathe, chest heaving up and down as he tries to calm his own rapid heartbeat after such a powerful stage. Through his glances, he could already feel the energy from six of his brothers. Everyone was pumped up on the sold out concert they have tonight. “Hwaiting…!” he utters those words slowly and embarrassed seconds later after receiving a teasing grin from Junhoe.

“Guys, I hope we do good tonight. Let’s give our best…” his eyes averted at the corner of the room noticing their leader, Hanbin finish drinking water and having the make-up artist touching up his face that probably being washed off from the sweats.

The eldest and the shortest among them tries his best to sling his arms along the others shoulder which receive a giggle from Bobby. “Yah! Why are you laughing? You’re the same as me…” at the sensitive words of Jinhwan, the others only blink their eyes in confusion; almost not believing that Jinhwan was comparing his height against Bobby.

“Yunhyeong-hyung will be too far fetch for you then” he teases which in return cost him a punch against his chest. It struck him at that moment. A throbbing pain that have his palm touching his heart, it was painful yet bearable for him in not wanting the others to be worried about him.

Hanbin slowly walks to his side and put his hand across the others shoulder, eyes on him as he scans the male. “Are you alright, Chanu-ya?” there comes the sixth sense their leader have, a very sharp eyes that notices the members mood swing just by a single action.

To those words, Chanwoo quickly shook his head pretending that the pain stabbing against his chest at the moment wasn’t a matter that should be burdening the group. Yet, no matter how much he wanted to keep it a secret he at the very least wish someone knew. Someone who will silently keep a watch on him, his eyes averted towards a laughing Bobby alongside Donghyuk. “Babbi-hyung…” he calls softly. “I have som—” his words were fast to be cut off when the production team calls them up on stage in five more minutes.

Bobby turns around waiting to hear what have been playing inside Chanwoo’s head since minutes ago but as he waits nothing came so he decided to forget about it and make his way outside the dressing room towards the backstage.

I don’t want to show my pain, but I guess I’m still clumsy.

He walks slowly towards the backstage where his group members already gathered there, checking their mics, in-ear, and some even have a mini steps rehearsal at the corner. Chanwoo stood there eyes aimlessly staring at all of those whom he entrusted his dream with. He trusted it if it was with this six guys.

“Hyung, I’m thankful for everything you’ve teach and done until today. So than—” he coughs up suddenly which make the chest pain felt being stabbed hard with a knife and with just a quick glance towards the members he have all the attention on him as they tense up afraid if something were to mess up their first ever livestage as a whole. Don’t be a burden Chanwoo, it up. He encourage himself with those words as he take a steps up on the stage facing thousands of fans withstanding the pain all by himself in the end. Without knowing that small action from his brothers, slightly bit hurt him.

////

“Even if there’s a little, you’re screwed..”

Ever since that day, Chanwoo was never the same. His passion as it is but the way he was towards his own members. He uphold a new resolve of not burdening others of his own matters and taking lightly of his own health.

His eyes glances up at the mirror and saw it was nearly midnight and he notice that he was left alone to practice. A quick thought pass through his mind knowing for a fact that Hanbin was always inside the studio creating new song more or less other than recomposing the old song that would fit the ears of the producer before it have a green light for the chairman to hear them.

Giving himself a own rest time of one minute, Chanwoo walks to the other rehearsal room that have one small room where Hanbin always stuck himself inside there for who knows what happen inside it. He knocks once, no replies. Twice and still no replies. His hand were fast to grab a hold of the handle when he overheard voices coming from the hallway heading towards the practice room. A mischievous smile crept up his lips wanting to scare his hyungs, so he decided to hide inside the studio room and silently waits for them.

A couple of seconds later, the door to the practice room open and the voices become clearly which Chanwoo were quick to recognize who it belongs to; Bobby, Hanbin, Jinhwan and Junhoe; weird combination for them to be inside the practice room as they were all done hours ago.

“Oh—seems like he already finish” it was Jinhwan speaking, probably noticing the dark practice room from the opposite of the one they are all in.

Junhoe chuckles suddenly. “I bet that boy work his off for the livestage, I hope he’s fine though he improve so much…” a slightly proudful feeling enters his chest, which make Chanwoo giggles at the compliment he received from Junhoe who wasn’t easy to let out such word slip out his mouth.

“Actually…” Hanbin intercept the moment, inside the studio room Chanwoo was all ears in listening to their conversation. “I can’t lie like that anymore..” the leader tone was serious not one like Junhow and Jinhwan earlier.

“What’s wrong, Hanbin-ah? Something happen?” even from inside the studio room, Chanwoo could imagine by the tone of Bobby voice that he probably have his arms slung across the leader’s shoulder; his ways of comforting their young inexperience leader of the group.

Hanbin was in silence. It takes another ten seconds before he starts speaking up. “You know, sajangnim come to see him personally asking about the group updates. I tell him everything honestly like it was a responsibility of mine as a leader to keep him up to date. But when it come back to Chanwoo it gets a little rough” he continues, voice further slowing down afraid that somebody passing by would overheard him. “I personally felt like a failure, the fact that I don’t even know why Chanwoo was left behind in so many rehearsals and have to need a private lesson. I’m ashamed that I couldn’t teach and lead everyone properly…” Hanbin let out a sigh of frustration.

Whenever I tried reaching out for you, there’s only coldness…
I’m desperately chasing after you like a fool,
When I know this is only love without an answer…

“I’m sure sooner or later the boss gonna accept Chanwoo as he is…” Bobby encourages Hanbin.

Inside the room, Chanwoo was clenching his fingers into knuckles. Personally for him, having Hanbin to think like that make him a failure as a member. As someone who enters the group lastly, he always look up to Hanbin. He admires Hanbin. He loves Hanbin’s care and affection for him so to Chanwoo this was the harshest thing that could be said by the leader. “Hyung…” he calls out softly and open the studio door only to reveal himself before the other four who looked at him in shocked expression.

“C—Chan..Chanwoo…” Junhoe was first to break the deafening silence from all of them.

“You’re still here?” Bobby asked eyes widen in shocked.

Jinhwan walks aside taking a towel before throwing it at Chanwoo. “Aigoo, all sweaty, wipe it!”

Hanbin look elsewhere but Chanwoo, guilt spreading inside of him.

“Hyung…” Chanwoo calls again this time his eyes w