It has been one week since that day; the practice room lights were off, the dorm were dim in darkness. Inside the house everybody was mourning, nobody was talking, silence been enveloping them this whole week and nobody said anything or even ask, afraid that the memories will hurt even more. Everybody let the darkness of the living room buries every emotion showing on their face.

“I’m back…” all of them averted their glance towards the entrance door, seeing it was one of their manager, Yunhyuk probably back from the meeting at the company. “…here, I was ordered to give them to each of you” he opens the lights only to hear some grimace from the members. “You guys cannot be like this, here sajangnim asked me to pass this to all the members…” everyone were handed a hand-camera it reminded them of the past when they were trainess.

“What’s this about?” Jinhwan speaks up, looking at the camera in his hand then up to their manager. The eldest bet everyone at the living room was asking the same thing.

“Sajangnim express his worries for all of you about what had happen so he hope you could at least use this camera to give report about your well-being” their manager explain and they know it was probably hard enough for the manager too so they all decided to obey by what have been requested. “I...hope you guys will be able to be alri—” Yunhyuk attention was distracted when he saw a tall figure standing by the bedroom door. His eyes widen at the person; Goo Junhoe.

Among the six of them, Junhoe was the one dealing it badly; throughout the whole week he hasn’t been out of the bedroom, continue locking the door and declining everyone that want to check on him. Almost every night the members could hear cries and sobbing from inside the room. He was suffering so much but nobody was allowed to be near him. “Ju—June-ya” his manager starts voice trembling afraid that the guy might runaway and locked himself inside the room again.

“Yunhyuk-hyung! Why are you so late, we’re hungry” Junhoe cheerfully chuckles and rubs his belly. A total opposite of what happen to him last night. He walks towards the living room greeting the members and looks around. “Eh!? Where’s our maknae?” he asked and Yunhyuk who was speechless at the question look towards the five members seating by the couch, having the same expression as him.

“June-ya, what are you talking about?” Yunhyeong eyes were red and swollen, probably from crying for days.

Junhoe tilt his head clueless upon everyone expression while looking at him. “Why are you guys like this?” he chuckles, somehow weird out. He turn his eyes back at their manager hoping for an answer.

He eyes the brunette with disbelief upon those words coming out from his mouth. “What are you saying…you saw it yourself, that he di—” before Hanbin could finish his words, Jinhwan was quick to stand up and rush to Junhoe’s side leading him back inside the room. “It’s okay, Junhoe-ya” the older member comfort him, patting his back. “I’m sure he’ll be back soon okay?” he faked a smile and lead the brunette back inside the room, letting him lie down on the bed once again and pull the blanket over Junhoe so that he won’t catch a cold. Jinhwan looks up only to see Bobby by the entrance of bedroom door, looking at the scene.

“Bobb—” as he open his mouth to call out, the guy left and locked himself inside the master bedroom where he, him and Hanbin shares one room. He heaves a sigh and looks back to the brunette who was looking at him. “I can’t wait for him to comeback hyung, there are so many things I want to say to him” Junhoe wished and smiles as he snuggles under the blanket more as he closes his eyes.

Confident that the brunette was sleeping, Jinhwan leave the room only to be stop by Donghyuk hand against his shoulder and eyes that looks at him, disagreeing of how he took control of the brunette. “Hyung, this isn’t rig—” his words were cut off. “…I’ll do whatever I want…” Jinhwan coldly brushes off his hand and walks past Donghyuk.

“Hyung!” Donghyuk calls him but the small body didn’t even turn.

Unable to do anything, he walks away towards the entrance door only to be stopped halfway by their manager. Donghyuk turns slapping the hand away. “Where are you going?” the manager asked but his eyes averted away defensively. “I…I…” he stammered on his words, his fingers lacing one another as he try to find a right word. “…I need some air” he continues and walks outside the dorm.

Hanbin eyes follows the cold back of Jinhwan as minutes later he also went outside for some air. As a leader, in this situation Hanbin couldn’t say anything and he hated that the most; feeling hopeless and useless as he sees his team member crumble down towards negativity affected by the incident.

He gets up and walks inside the late maknae room, locking the door and slide down the door as he massage back of his neck, regrets all over his face. His eyes investigate the room that have been left untidy for one whole week; nobody dare to enter this room not even Donghyuk or Yunhyeong. As if they want the room to be left as it is before he was gone. “Chanwoo-ya, what makes you do this? …to me? …I thought you…” he slides his fingers in his hair, gripping it enough to pain him. 

“Uhn…” he frowns when a piece of papers fall down from the double bed; it was from his bed. Hanbin gets up from seating by the door and he walks towards the bed picking up the papers that fallen down.

…Hyung, I’m sorry for being such a disappointment. I’m going— …

Hanbin bring forth another piece of paper.

I know you accepted me as I am, but you’re always their mak— …

He frowns seeing all these notes jolted down on these papers, he get up on the upper level and there was it; everything. It’s his diary. Notes? But it was his words. Probably even his last words. Hanbin gather all of the papers and goes down back to seating at the study desk where the night lamp was and read every unspoken word written on this paper that nobody have seen yet.

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Jinhwan steps up at the edge of the building where he used to stand before letting go of his own precious life. A tear quickly falls down his cheek. “Chanwoo…” he speaks but his voice crack at the thoughts of that day. Hyung, you don’t have to hold everything inside. He sobs at the memories of the youngest one encouraging him and letting him let his guard down. He kneels at the place where one of his brothers was taken away from him. I want to be better so that I can catch up to be Hanbin-hyung. He places both of his face as all these memories flashes through his mind.

“Why, tell me why Jung Chanwoo…” he cries while muttering those words loudly, letting go of his grieving. “…Your life was so precious to be snatch like that! You’re too selfish…” he sobs in between, feeling miserable as he remembers back how his hand wasn’t long enough to catch the maknae’s hand.

He cries alone at the rooftop at the end of the building, mourning alone so that nobody could see how it’s been eating him up this whole week to be such a strong presence inside the house; to be a reliable hyung now that he have lost one from him not doing much. “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…” he keep repeating those apologize words as if it could bring Chanwoo back alive.

“I’m sorry, Chanwoo. If I had been more…” Hyung, you don’t have to be so strong. We’re human you know. He cries at the memories flashing through again. “…if only I had been more reliable then maybe you wouldn’t result to this” Hyung, should we go buy some ice-cream for them tonight? He continues yelling, crying and grieving alone as memories were starting to haunt him.

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Bobby locked the bedroom door, his way of saying to those at the living room that he want to be left alone and do not disturb him. As far as he was frustrated and depressed about the whole matter, he still obeying to the company’s instruction so he setup the hand-camera given to him.

Bobby walks inside the bathroom, somehow he felt more comfortable being trapped inside a small room rather than the big master bedrooms where loneliness tries to eat him up alive. Bobby seat by the bathtub edge and turns the camera on, seeing how ragged he looks. He chuckles looking at his pathetic self shown by the camera. “Hello…this is Jiwon…” he started and a small sad smile crept up the corner of his lips.

At time he glances at the big mirror before him and back at the hand-cam video screen where he was being record. Bobby couldn’t believe how in one week he turn out this way; worse than not sleeping the whole day working on song. “I’m…” his voice was raspy even more thanks to his throat condition worsening. He clears his throat and looks away from the camera being afraid of his own reflection. Again, Bobby chuckles looking at the camera. “I’ve been…” he started rubbing his temple and then the back of his neck, slightly massaging it.

“I think I have been awake for thre—…” he paused for a while grabbing his phone over the counter and looking at the time on the lock screen. “Yeah…I think I have been awake for four days now…” he rubs his swollen eyes from the lack of sleep and also crying. He chuckles yet again, hoping that this smile of him will make the people who worried about them rest assured that they’re okay.

He massages the back of his neck, shutting his eyes again chuckling before the screen. “I couldn’t sleep…” he utters and rests the side of his head against the tiles wall, sighing slightly. Babbi-hyung, you shouldn’t look like that at the camera. He laughs as he overheard Chanwoo voice inside his head remembering how he should look before the camera in greeting the fans. He misses his voice and his little pranks on him. “I wonder why it ends like this…” he wraps up his word with a sadden smile at the corner of his lips and press the red button to end recording.

Once he put aside the camera on the counter, the smile on his lips disappear and he looks up before at the mirror reflecting him. Bobby leans in closer taking a better look of his image before resting his forehead against the cold mirror. Hyung… “Uhnn..?” he casually answered when he heard someone calling him; he knows that voice.

He knows his head are creating all of this insanity. I don’t want to die. Why don’t you catch me, hyung? How can you let me die... Bobby frowns with his eyes close, his breathing hitches as he overhears those voices again. He knock his head lightly over the mirror but hard enough for him to feel the pain on his forehead. “Enough…” he utters silently almost like a whisper. “…enough, stop!” he pulls away from the mirror only to see his own reflection again.

He heave a sigh, looking down on the floor before repeating his routine for this whole week; going back towards the bedroom and opening his locked drawer where he take out his antidepressants pills. Yes, he has been secretly going to see his therapist without anyone knowing, not even his family and even the company. He acts alone and didn’t wish for anyone to bother about his personal struggle.

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Chanwoo, what do you think about the birthday?

No, you can’t do this to me.

Chanwoo, go get me some water.

Aish, this kid. I’m gonna kick you if you continue.

Happy Birthday, Jung Chanwoo. I already cooked for you. Let’s eat.

He stays silent in front of the television watching clips and videos of memories of the past when he was celebrating the maknae birthday last few month. Only by watching this, it proves he was alive; at least still alive inside of him. He dislike the thoughts of he might forget of Chanwoo entire existence and that scares him. He chuckles seeing the happiness that he felt through the recorded video.

“Yunhyeong-ah” the manager calls him from the table. No answer. He calls once again but gaining zero attention from the guy seating in front of the television.

“You need to let him go, Yunhyeong. Pull yourself together, the others need you…” the manager screams at the second oldest member who can’t move on and pull himself together. Yunhyuk pull him up on his two feet looking at him straight in the eyes. “You need to let him go! Right now, everyone needs you…!” he acts according to the company asked him too; for Yunhyeong to pull himself together as he was the pile of sanity inside of the group.

Yunhyeong looks away, fighting and squirming to be release. “Let go..!” he said slowly, tears already fallen down his cheeks. Yunhyeong slaps the hand holding him only to have their manager shocked by how he hate to be confront right now.

“You guys…please its time you should move on” his manager voice break slightly, eyes watery threaten to fall down his cheeks but he inhales deeply holding back. “Let him go” he ordered, eyes more serious this time, using both of his hands grabbing Yunhyeong by his arms, not letting him run. “I know how you feel bu—” again his hand was harshly brushed off and Yunhyeong breaks; guy that was supposed to be the pillar of strength for the group break.

“What the do you know about?” he yells, anger clearly shown on his face behind those tears. He cries again, but wipes his tears away. “…don’t try to relate to me when you know nothing” he continues, tears keep wetting his cheeks unable to control the emotions that has been locked up inside of him. “I feel like I’ve lost my twin brother, as if he was part of me, my life. I’ve lost him, hyung!...” he fall down on the floor miserably crying before their manager then seconds later he cackles, laughing as he looks over at his hand.

“I couldn’t save him. Can you believe that?” he laughs showing his hand to his manager. He sobs then punches his legs. “…I can’t even move an inch when he jumps off the build