Reviewer: SadisticTomoyo
Site: http://2pmvietguh.blogspot.com/
Requester: KPOPisLUV
Fanfic: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/11704/go-away-jonghyun-korean-snsd-taeyeon

Title: 5/5
Short, simple, down to the point, and it fits the story. 

Appearance: 7/10
I think the poster is beautiful, but it doesn't fit the title. You would assume the person saying "Go Away" would have an angry face while the other person looks hurt. 

Forewords: 5/10
You should remove the "Receiving Requests Now!" portion (for the description). Just state the main characters and leave the trailer on there. 

Anyways, as for the actual forewords: You need to watch your grammar. You don't need spaces on both sides between every ending punctuation--you need it at the end of the sentence, however. See how I have mine? That's what it needs to look like. The same can be said between quotations (i.e. "Get lost!" Taeyeon…). You also need to watch your formatting/spacing. If someone says something, then you need to start the next sentence as a new paragraph. However, I would consider rewording the forewords or allowing someone else to write your forewords (forewords are supposed to be written by someone else, to tell you the truth--that's what they're 'made' for). 

Plot: 10/20
I've seen the plot numerous times with some differences and I would've given you a lower score if it wasn't for the violin. Also, since the story seems rushed, and because it doesn't develop the characters fully, I docked a few more points. The ending is good, but not. It leaves the reader hanging a little too much. There are too many unanswered questions at the end and doesn't give the closure the story needs. 

Originality: 10/20
I thought you could've added more plot twisters, to be honest. It was a cliché plot but the ending was different, which I liked, however, it seemed as if you ended it abruptly--like you lost interest. It's an unsatisfying ending.  

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary/Punctuation: 3/15
First off, as I mentioned in the forewords, you need to watch your spacing. There is not spacing between quotations and the actual words (I noticed you stop doing the spacing after a certain point--I would still go back and fix the previous chapters for new readers).

Secondly: watch your tenses (i.e. You wrote, "My computer have no passwords", when you should've written, "My computer has no password."). On a side note, this: "even security cameras were even installed about 3 quarters of my house !", does not make sense. 

Moving onwards! There is a period after Mr. and Mrs.--they're abbreviations and formal writing, so unless you're spelling Mr. and Mrs. out, don't forget to place your periods. Honestly, I suggest proof reading your chapters before posting because you have a lot of technical issues. In chapter o1, you wrote "we'r reach", but I think you meant, "we're rich.". If something is brand name, such as a Porsche (note: you also spelled that incorrectly), it needs to be capitalized--think of brands as a person--their names need to be capitalized. Also: use spell check. 

Also, if something is a conjunction, such as, "I'm", you need to place an apostrophe. I suggest you use a thesaurus, as well. There are other works besides "said" and "shouted", when writing how someone speaks (i.e. mumbled, murmured, whispered, apologized, yelled, screeched, etc.). And if you're trying to emphasize something, don't capitalize it--italicize it (yes, it's grammatically correct that way). 

Some of your dialogue doesn't flow. In example:

"Bang!" As I threw my bag onto my table angrily and folded my arms. "Hey Taeyeon! Whos so daring to make you angry?" Jessica, my best friend came up to me.

"All because of this irritating guy!" As I turned and pointed to a guy behind me.*oops* "Sorry, wrong person!" I told her and mouthed a sorry to that guy.

I know you may be wondering why I say that, but she's asking who is so daring, but she's just replying with 'all because of this irritating guy' when Jessica just asked who. Just saying "this irritating guy", would've been fine. 

And again: watch your words and grammar.

Example (bold will be used to show where you messed up): 

You wrote: "Oh, ok. Really sorry about just now. I thought you was him" I said pointing to Jjong.

It should be, "Oh, ok. Really, sorry about just now. I thought you were him," I spoke, pointing to Jjong. 

And if she doesn't like him, and since you introduced Jjong as Jonghyun, you should refer to him as Jonghyun throughout, rather than Jjong. 

On a final note: do not use text talk. Thnx? Spell it out. It'll take you two seconds, seriously. Just take the time to spell words out. You'll survive. 

Flow: 2/5
The switching of the POV's ruined the flow for me--switching POV's is practically a no-no when it comes to writing. They're terrible and they confuse readers sometimes. Also, I think you're rushing the story too much. I mean, she's supposed to hate him, but to me, it seems as if she's okay with him there. She never seemed to loathe him, and she falls in love with him halfway through. However, the part that bugs me, is that your chapters are so short and you don't have many chapters so you move the story too fast. There's nothing being developed, really. How you have your chapters and the character development makes the story seem more cliché and obvious that a fan girl wrote the story.

Writing Style: 3/10
Not my favorite writing style due to the POV changes, short chapters, and all the technical stuff. Personally, I believe you should've started with her normal life before it gets ruined by the rumors/media--it would've made more sense and given the readers an idea of Taeyeon beforehand instead of you just simply explaining it in the forewords because to me, she isn't overly spoiled--just a very angry, upset, and rebellious teenager. 

Other++ 5/5
For the effort ^^

Total: 50/100

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Hehe :D Ok.. Thx to the reviewer for taking her time to finish this review and reading my fic ^^

I knw it's really low the marks, cause partially I didn't put my whole effort into this fic..

But thanks anyway !

Go to http://2pmvietguh.blogspot.com/ to request for a reviewer !

Thx ~