Chapter 3
NarcissusThe fall was quick and smooth. Hanbin has seen it coming, but the two poor souls didn’t. Ever since the meeting, Chanwoo started spending more and more time with Junhoe, and less with Hanbin. Not only that, Chanwoo would always perked up whenever he got to talk about Junhoe.
Heck, Hanbin is even sure that Chanwoo dreamt of meeting Junhoe.
“You’ve became pretty close with Junhoe.”, Hanbin commented while eating his breakfast together with Chanwoo.
Chanwoo nodded.
“Are you meeting him again today?”, Hanbin asked.
Chanwoo nodded again.
Hanbin put down his cutlery and sighed. “You shouldn’t spend so much time with him, you know?”
“Why? Are you jealous?”, Chanwoo innocently asked, which inadvertently hit the right spot.
Hanbin stayed silent for a while, before continuing, “No, it’s just… He’s not a good person.”
“Yup, he’s a jerk.”
“So why are you still friending him?”
Chanwoo looked at Hanbin for a while. He then replied simply, “You’re also a jerk, you know. Not as bad as him, but still a jerk…”.
Hanbin sighed again. At this point, it felt like chasing Chanwoo is a hopeless case.
“Alright then, I’m off.”, Chanwoo dashed as soon as he finished his breakfast. It was obvious where he was going.
“Ah, don’t forget an umbrella, it’s going to… And he’s gone.”, Hanbin said before sighing again for the hundredth time.
“How long have you been waiting?”, Junhoe asked to Chanwoo. That day, they were meeting in a park. Chanwoo arrived first and wait for Junhoe patiently on a bench.
“Not long. What are we doing today?”, Chanwoo replied.
“Just walk with me for a while.”
They walked around the park for a while in peaceful silence. Chanwoo wanted to say something, but Junhoe looked like he’s thinking, and Chanwoo didn’t want to disturb him.
Finally, Junhoe broke the silence. “How do you see me?”, he asked.
“What do you mean?”, Chanwoo asked back.
“I mean; how do you feel about me?”
Chanwoo was dumbfounded by that question. Usually, that kind of question isn’t hard at all. However, there is something that make that question particularly hard when Junhoe is the one that asked it.
“I… I… I think…”, Chanwoo’s words went around, but not to any particular answer.
Junhoe sighed. “We should stop meeting each other.”, he suddenly said.
Chanwoo was obviously surprised. “Eh… But, why…?”
“Why? Why, he asked? Doesn’t he realize…? About the way I look at him. About the way he looks at me. About my feeling.”, or so the thought floating in Junhoe’s mind. But he chose not to answer Chanwoo’s question.
Truth to be told, he was scared. This is the first time someone ever makes him feel like this. And it makes him feels… weak. Hence, instead of facing the feeling, he rejected it.
“No why. We’ll stop meeting, and that’s it.”, Junhoe said while turning around. As he walked away, he could feel Chanwoo grabbed his arm and tried to hold him back.
“No… Don’t do this…”, Chanwoo pleaded. Without even looking, Junhoe could feel the tears b in Chanwoo’s eyes.
But, Junhoe put on his heartless mask, and shook Chanwoo off. Without saying anything, he started walking again.
This time, Chanwoo ran to Junhoe’s front and gave him a hug. “No… Don’t leave… I… I like you… No. I love you!”
Hearing the words filled Junhoe’s heart with a certain emotion that he never knew existed before. Is this happiness? Sadness? Anger? Fear? Love…?
Junhoe closed his eyes and thought to himself. When he opened his eyes again, he was resolved. “I don’t love you.”, he said while pushing Chanwoo away, making Chanwoo fell to the ground.
Needless to say, Chanwoo was devastated. But he still tried, “What about our time together…? You must have liked it too, right…?”.
Junhoe then sat in front of Chanwoo and clutched Chanwoo’s face with his hand. “Look at my eyes and tell me this… Do I look like I care?”, and with that, he stood up and left, not looking back.
Chanwoo was still shocked with what just happened. It all went so quickly… 10 minutes ago everything was fine, but now tears flowed freely from Chanwoo’s eyes.
He took off and run. He didn’t know where, he didn’t care where, he just wanted to get away. When he reached a river bank, he fell down out of exhaustion. But even then, tears still flowed on his cheek… He got too tired to stand up, and soon, everything just went black.
Chanwoo was awoken by an unusual wetness on his face. It was raining. Heavy rain, in fact. Chanwoo tried to stand up, but his head felt hazy. “Why? What happened? Oh, right… Junhoe dumped me.”, he thought. Regardless, he mustered all his strength to stood up.
“Have to go home…”, he thought. With that, he started walking and walking. He wasn’t actually sure where he was heading. The rain got so heavy it’s very hard to see where he was going.
But, there was one thing that he could see. It was a light… Or was it a pair of light? He didn’t care either way. He just walked and kept walking toward the light… Before he realized, that light hit him, and everything went black again…
Three days later, Chanwoo’s funeral was being held. Junhoe didn’t know about Chanwoo’s death at all until he got the invitation. In fact, for that three days, he actively avoided anything that remind him of Chanwoo. And when the invitation came, he was devastated.
At first, he couldn’t decide whether to go or not. But in the end, he chose to honour his friend… no, his first love. When he arrived, he decided to sit on the back, away from the altar. For some reason, looking at the photo in the altar made him felt guilty.
He could see Hanbin being uncharacteristically weak, kneeling and crying in front of the altar. But somehow, he could understand, as he felt the tears that almost fell even in his eyes. He decided to leave, unwilling to show his weakness in front of everyone.
As he left, he visited the river bank in which Chanwoo died, or so they say. For some unknown reason, the river bank felt extremely familiar.
He sat down next to the river, staring at the water. As he saw the river water flows, he could feel his tears started flowing. He then put his hands in the river, feeling the coldness of the water that reminded him of his cold heart...
And soon, his whole body went along; embracing the coldness as he flowed with the river.
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