I woke up from a dream that I didn’t need to dream.

I thought I had stopped having this dream, but it comes ever so often.

It’s been a year, yet I dream about looking for him. I dream that day so many times that my memory of that day had been replaced with the memory in my dream.

The only thing that stayed the same was the fact that I was looking for him so desperately. Before he left, I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him that he was more special than he think. That the image of him that I had was one that was so pure. Because I didn’t believe what people said about him. Because I knew who he was with the little time I had known him. Because in front of my eyes, he has a good person worthy of success and happiness. I wanted to tell him… that I liked him.

But I couldn’t bring myself to approach him. Because to him, I was nothing. I was no one. Maybe just a girl in his class. Maybe the girl the helped him with Algebra 2. Maybe the girl who did all her home. Maybe the girl who didn’t talk much unless it was with her friend. Maybe the girl who did community service with him. I don’t know.

I was just no one.

I remember that every time I wanted to talk to him, he just knew and he would look at me. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. But when I looked at him, it looked like he wanted to tell my something too.

Or maybe I’m just imagining things.

This needs to stop. I covered my face. It’s getting to the point where it’s stopping me from everyday activities.

All it does is shatter my heart all over again.

Don’t let it get to you, I tell myself all the time. Yet it does. I feel like I’m running in place while everyone moves forward. He’s moving forward and I’m trying to catch up.

But was it really him? It couldn’t be. I thought he left. He was so decided on that too. Why would he come back?