PART 5

When I told Jessica what happened between me and Taehyung, I was expecting her to flip but she did the exact opposite. I waited for her to give huge reactions but they never appeared. Her sharp eyes pinned me down and I could tell the gears in her head were spinning.

“It’s absurd but I have thought of this to happen, just not this early.” She bit her index finger’s nail and I was amazed at her calm attitude.

“Hm…what am I supposed to do?” I brought my gaze down to my nails and noticed the paint was wearing off again.  I couldn’t remember when was the last time I had them done. I was never the type to be really aware of my nails or hair.

“I’m afraid he might tell Taeyeon.” Jessica stated in a quiet tone and my eyebrows knitted at the bridge of my nose. That was indeed a possibility but after hanging with Taehyung for a few occasions, a part of me was opposing that statement. He was truly a terrific guy and I’m still clenching on the thought that he wasn’t the type to blow someone’s secret.

“I don’t know Jess. I really don’t.” I breathed loudly through my nose.

“Well I also don’t know what to do Tiff. I’ll try to come up with something but the only thing I’ve got to say is you ought to confess to Taeyeon.” She stood up and slung her bag onto her shoulder.

“I’m already late for my next class. And before you throw me any questions about my solution, think of this. Would you rather want this secret to reach Taeyeon through another person or you personally?”

“But…” She placed a hand on my back and patted it.

“I really gotta go now. We’ll talk later.” She ruffled my hair before disappearing into the throng of students. I placed a hand on my temples and shut my eyes. I won’t confess. There’s no true evidence that Taehyung will tell Taeyeon about this. It was too risky and I wasn’t ready.

-

It’s been 11 days since the incident and Taehyung and I never exchanged words. I avoided him and he avoided me and that’s probably how our friendship ended. I see him in the cafeteria very often but he never gaze my way. I’ve thought of going up to him and apologize but I never had the guts to. I told Jessica about my intention and she lashed at me.

“You did nothing wrong. And there’s no real reason for him to be mad at you. You guys weren’t an item so why should you apologize for crushing on his sister?”

I always understood that Jessica held a very chic personality and her pride was as high as the sky but I couldn’t help it. It was difficult to stay like this with Taehyung. I had hurt his feeling that’s for sure and he might even be thinking I’ve used him to get closer to his sister. Which is not true.

I stopped pondering on the problem when my mother came down the stairs with her hair and makeup done. Her straight black hair was tied neatly into a bun. A bun that was always done better than mine. She wore a dark green dress and held a silver purse. She was clean and just neat. The total opposite of me. She was intelligent and beautiful. As my gaze follow her steps, I don’t think I will ever understand why my dad left her for another woman.

“Don’t blame him. It was just that he fell out of love. His love towards us was sincere and genuine. Don’t despise him.”

That’s what she would always repeat whenever I brought the topic up. She would say it with a sad smile and her hand would my hair again and again. I knew deep down she was hurt and she was lying to me. She was lying to herself too, shoving her wounds with lies hoping it will heal her.

“Mom it’s still early.” I kept my gaze on her as she plopped down next to me.

“I have to go early for the opening ceremony honey. Do you mind going early? And don’t forget to tell the teacher I will be absent.”  Her eyes smiled, showing her small crinkles that were going to be more prominent over the upcoming years.

“I can just use a taxi mom.” I half whined. I hated how my car decided to be an and failed me this morning. It was now being fixed and I had to let my mom drive me around the whole day.

“There’s no need to waste money when I can drop you off.” I didn’t want to argue so I just obeyed and went into her car. I never really talk back with my mom especially since I’m aware of the harsh things she underwent. She was precious to me and I love her more than anything.

We drove in silence and I was staring outside the windows. I lifted my finger to trace a droplet of water that was trickling down the other side of the window. It was drizzling lightly outside and I watched pedestrians rushing to seek for shelter. I raised my eyes to look up at the sky and back to people along the pavement.

“Tiffany I’ve been thinking.” My mom’s soft voice filled the empty car and I turned my attention to her.

“Yes?”

“After college, I want to send you to France for you to pursue your master’s degree. What do you think darling?” She threw a brief glance at me before going back to the road again.

“I still have a long way to go mom. Why are you thinking about me getting my master’s degree already?” I sometimes wished my mom wasn’t too prepared for the future.

“I was just suggesting. Note that 3 years can pass by in a blink of an eye. It won’t hurt to just plan out ahead.” I didn’t know what to say. France was ok with me since I knew a fair amount of its language but I didn’t want to decide just yet. I stayed mum for the rest of the ride and my mom never asked anything else.

“Have a good time mom. See you.” I got off the car and entered the building. My mom dropped me off too early and I had to suffer the torture of waiting for my class to start. I found a seat to sit in the far corner of the waiting area and browsed through my phone. It was half an hour before class starts.

“Well time flies.” I said as I plugged in earphones. I was too focused on my phone that I didn’t sense a little boy standing beside my chair. He was a little kid, probably 5. I stared at him and he stared back. His blue eyes were wide as they gawked at me like I’ve grown an additional head.

We had a staring a contest and I wondered where were his parents. His mouth was open and saliva was falling down onto his tom and jerry shirt. I began to feel uneasy under his intense gaze so I tried initiating a conversation with him.

“Hi.” I feigned zest as I took out my earphones. Then he contracted and spit his saliva onto me. I recoiled, horrified at what just happened.

“Hey!” I was keeping a watch on my voice to not go high over the roof. What the hell just happened. I goggled at the saliva that landed on my forearm. I tried to find the kid but he already ran far away from me to hide behind a staff.

He was still looking at me and I pointed to his saliva with an expression seeming to ask him ‘what was that for’. He stuck out his tongue at me and my eyebrows were raised. This kid has the audacity to do that to me! It was bad to get mad at a tiny kid but this was just unbearable. I got up to only sit down when someone came into the school and my anger vanished into thin air at the presence of Taeyeon.

This was the first time I’ve seen her since the last time we’ve encountered a few weeks ago. My stomach did cartwheels as I waited for her to notice me but she never gazed my way. I never chatted to her again and she still hasn’t replied my message. I was in deep waters right now as anxiety dominated me. Does she know? Could Taehyung already told her that she has a little fangirl crushing on her?

I was still sitting there like a statue as I hope she’ll turn my way but she never did. My mouth dropped open when the kid from earlier zapped to her and Taeyeon crouched down to pick him up before giving him a peck on his cheeks.

Don’t tell me that’s her son.

“José your brother still hasn’t picked you up?” I heard her asked and my muscles that I didn’t knew were rigid finally relaxed. José shook his blond little head and pouted. I rolled my eyes and when Taeyeon brought him into a hug he stuck out his puny tongue at me again.

The guts! Did I steal your ice cream or something? I’ve never done anything to you! All I did was say hi and you bombed this huge saliva onto me.

I almost forgot about the saliva for a moment. I gingerly gaped at it and fished out a tissue from my purse to clean it off. When I lifted my head up, Taeyeon was gone and my heart sank. She didn’t notice me again.

Things were seriously going nowhere. I thought enrolling here would help but no it doesn’t. She still doesn’t notice me and things were not progressing. I’m still an invisible block of human being to her. Why do I have to crush so hard on her?

-

“I’m sorry honey but I’m being held back by a few of my friends. Is it fine for you to ride a taxi or do you want me to go?” She asked and I rejected her. It’s been a long time since she’s having fun so I didn’t want to ruin it for her.

“It’s alright mom. I’ll take the taxi. You don’t have to come.” I replied and she hung up. I exited the school and stood near a lamppost in front of it. I dug out my wallet but a chill went down my spine when I couldn’t find it. Why do my possessions keep on ditching me? Why do I lose every crap?

“What?” I groaned and tracked back my actions and I slammed a palm on my forehead. I stupidly changed my purse before I left and must’ve forgotten to switch the wallet too.

“I just hate my life.” I grumbled and nearly jumped out of my skin when a voice emerged.

“Why? Life is great.” I turned my head around in surprise and butterflies filled up my belly. Why does she appear at the most unexpected time? When I think of it, whenever I’m facing a crisis, she always comes out. Out of nowhere.

“I-I…” I stumbled and just turned quiet instead. Her lips were tugged up into a smile and she was having a navy jacket around herself.

“So why do you hate your life…” She tilted her head for a bit like she was trying to remember something. “Tiffany?” She finally finished her sentence and I want to scream. When will she ever remember my name properly?

But anyways, she does remember me at least.

“Hm?” She urged me to answer and her voice sent shocks throughout my system. She’s talking to me and not avoiding me. Does this mean Taehyung never spilled anything to her?

“I just forgot my wallet…” I trailed off and gazed at the grey pavement.

“You need a taxi?” She questioned and I marveled at her accuracy. How can she assume that just by my retaliation?

I slowly nodded my head and moved my eyes to meet hers. My heart skipped a beat as she grinned and a small dimple appeared.

“Don’t worry. I’ll drop you off. Come on.”

My mind panicked at what she said and I was debating whether to reject or accept. I wanted to accept immediately and scream YES but I would be forgetting my manners if I do so.

“It’s alright. I can call my mom to pick me up.” I unwillingly rejected but she shook her head.

“You don’t trust me?” She questioned and I instantly said no.

“Then come on. I’ll drop you off.” She jiggled her car keys and started to walk off. I had no choice but to trail after her.

She opened the door for me and my heart swelled at that action. I placed myself on the front seat and her car smelled just like her. It was extremely nice and somehow safe.

“I just want to help. If Taehyung finds out I let you stay alone like that, he’ll kill me.” She chuckled as she made the engine come to life. I faced her after hearing that statement. She doesn’t know that Taehyung and I don’t talk anymore? I guess Taehyung didn’t tell her after all.

I buckled my seatbelt and stayed silent. My heart was thumping the entire time and I was just extremely uncomfortable. Every muscle of mine was rigid but Taeyeon didn’t seem to notice. The only times I talked was to inform her directions and to answer her questions.

“I don’t see you often.” She broke the silence as she turned the corner.

That’s because you never drop by my class or pay attention to me. I wanted to fire that to her but of course I didn’t.

“I don’t see you often too.” I replied and took that chance to peek at her. I can stare at her all day.

“I’m always at the school though. Well what do you think of the school?”

“I like it very much. I’ve always been interested in learning art.” I answered her question and from the corner of my eye, I could shape out her zealous smile.

“That’s wonderful to hear. I saw your painting once. You’re pretty good.” She complimented and she has no idea how much that affected me. But then she halted the car and I mentally sulked at the fast car ride. We barely said anything and we were already here. Moreover, I wasn’t ready to get off. I started to regret not exchanging more words with her.

“Thank you.” I said feebly and unbuckled my seatbelt. She flashed me a polite smile and nodded her head.

“Have a good night.” She said and I felt a rush of déjà vu of the time when I was unknowingly speaking on the phone with her a few weeks ago. I got off her car and she sped away into the distance. I watched her go and after a few seconds of silence, I bit my knuckles to suppress my scream.

“That DID NOT just happened!” It was like I’ve had 7 doses of felicity. Everything was sinking in and I began to throw imaginary confetti and celebrate. Kim Taeyeon just offered me a ride home! I couldn’t believe it. I skipped to my door and went through my bag for the keys.

“.” I lost my keys.

-

Thank you for reading. x