6.30 pm.

The watch on Soonyoung’s wrist read, and he sighed for the nth time this evening. The sky has turned dark, for it’s winter and the sun had set earlier. The temperature was slowly dropping and he pulled his scarf even tighter. He reached for his phone inside his pocket; re-opening the messages Seokmin sent this morning.

9.35 am

Recipient: Soonyoung-hyung

Hyung, let’s have a cup of coffee today! Yeoksam-dong P&B café, okay? What time will you finish your dance practice?

9.37 am

Recipient: Seokmin

Around 4.30 pm, I think. Ok, will be there at 5!

9.37 am

Recipient: Soonyoung-hyung

Sure, hyung! Don’t go in before I arrive, okay ^^

5.15 pm

Recipient: Seokmin

Hey, it’s a quarter past 5, where are you?

5.48 pm

Recipient: Seokmin

Lee Seokmin, how long will you make me wait?

6.02 pm

Recipient: Seokmin

Hey, Seokmin-ah, you punk!

He stood up while sighing, once again. He decided to wait for another half an hour—if Seokmin doesn’t show up by then, he’d just go home.

Snow was falling slowly from the sky, making the ambience even more romantic. He leaned on the fence at the corner of the sidewalk while watching people went by. December was no doubt the most romantic month in Korea, for Christmas was often associated with couples here. Well, Soonyoung could see that—men and women, students or employees, linking hands with their significant others—walking with light steps, whether to just go home, or into one of the coffee shops boasting promotions for couples. Even the street also seems to be crowded with couples in their cars—who laughed and smiled at each other while stopping by the red light.

He turned around and heard a rustling sound under his feet—and he looked down only to find that he’d accidentally stepped on a bouquet of white carnations. He reached down to push the bouquet back into the bunch of white flower bouquets under the red light. There must have been an accident there not long ago, since the flowers were still fresh. Letters and memos were tucked into each bouquet, stating I-miss-you-s and rest-in-peace-s. Who and when was it? He couldn’t recall seeing the news on tv. He looked around for any picture or name, but unfortunately there were none.

7 pm.

“That’s it,” he exclaimed under his breath, while pulling out his phone to text Seokmin.

7.01 pm

Recipient: Seokmin

I’m going home.

He swung his bag onto his back while walking through the crowd, before glancing one last time at the white flowers on the sidewalk.

++

He didn’t even know why he was back there again.

Soonyoung sat on the staircase in front of the café Seokmin had told him to go to and waited—ignoring the freezing weather and his aching legs from too much dancing. Maybe he loved Seokmin too much. They’ve been friends since they’re in the middle school, when he first moved to Seoul. Seokmin had been his neighbor, and they went to the same school—and that’s when their friendship started. They parted ways when Seokmin wanted to pursue singing while Soonyoung wanted to pursue dancing after high school. Soonyoung decided to learn dancing in college while Seokmin became a trainee—but it didn’t make them drift apart. They stayed in touch and meet everyday, until a year later Seokmin confessed his love to Soonyoung.

Soonyoung didn’t hesitate to reach for Seokmin’s hand and planted a kiss on Seokmin’s lips in the empty dance studio—and they’ve been going out since then. Soonyoung worked as a choreographer in an entertainment agency in Cheongdam after college while Seokmin was still working hard to debut. They’ve never talked about it, but they knew that each of them has been saving bit by bit for a home to move in together.

But now, Seokmin didn’t even reply to his texts.

Soonyoung looked up while rubbing his hands together in attempt to make them warmer, and his eyes met the very same bunch of flowers he saw the last time he waited for Seokmin, under the red light. Some of the flowers had started to wilt, but he found a new bouquet right beside a bouquet of wilting white roses. He took light steps towards the red light and crouched to see the collection of flowers clearly.

It was a bouquet of white baby’s breath. Baby’s breath has always been his and Seokmin’s favorite flower, and by the time Seokmin confessed to him, he’d brought a bouquet of white baby’s breath. He observed the bouquet carefully and found a piece of white paper tucked neatly between the stems—with an anonymous note written on it.

I miss you so much I think I could die

I pray everyday so that you’ll come back

But I know it’s impossible

Soonyoung sighed heavily upon reading the letter.

Seokmin-ah, where are you?

++

8.45 am

Recipient: Seokmin

Seokmin-ah

8.59 am

Recipient: Seokmin

Hey Seokmin-ah, where are you?

12.05 pm

Recipient: Seokmin

I hope we can meet today.

3.40 pm

Recipient: Seokmin

I’ll be waiting in front of Yeoksam P&B at 9. I hope you come.

++

Soonyoung made a promise in his heart. If Seokmin didn’t come, then it’s over.

It’s been more than three months since Seokmin had ignored him. He’d always come and sit on the stairs in front of the café every single day, hoping to see Seokmin—only to no avail. He missed him so much—his bright smile, his fluffy hair, his beautiful voice.

10.05 pm.

It’s February yet snow were still falling now and then—the Christmas decorations has been taken down and shops were putting up pink and red hearts here and there for Valentine’s Day. It was almost no different than December—couples were still hanging out together, enjoying the romantic atmosphere.

11.25 pm.

The snowfall had stopped and the crowd had significantly decreased, following the decreasing temperature as the night went on. Soonyoung stood up while shoving his hands into his pockets, trying to ignore his freezing feet as he strolled towards the red light. He remembered a bunch of flower bouquets under the red light around three months ago, and now the bouquets were gone—there was only a small bouquet of white baby’s breath, half-covered by snow with a piece of paper emerging between the pile of snow.

Tomorrow’s your 100^th day.

I’ve never thought I’d be celebrating this kind of 100^th day

This person must’ve loved the accident victim so much, Soonyoung thought. Everyday whenever Soonyoung came to sit in front of the café, he’d always come near the red light to see the collection of flowers. The amount of white roses, white lilies and white carnations were decreasing as days gone by—but there would always be a new small bouquet of fresh white baby’s breath. He’d taken a liking to read the notes tucked inside the baby’s breath bouquets, for the notes inside those bouquets were the most sincere, loving ones and Soonyoung could feel the grief the writer had.

12.00 am

“I guess it’s over.”

The road was empty, and Soonyoung could almost feel his heart breaking as he stood up and almost walked away when he felt someone approaching. He stopped in his track and turned around, when—

“Soonyoung-hyung.”

It was Seokmin.

It was Seokmin, his voice hoarse and on the verge of breaking. He didn’t look like the Lee Seokmin Soonyoung had always known—there was no trace of bright smile on his lips, his face pale and he looked like he hadn’t slept for weeks.

“Soonyoung-hyung, I’m sorry I only come just now,”

Soonyoung gasped—but Seokmin didn’t seem to notice his presence. That’s when he realized Seokmin was holding a bouquet of fresh white baby’s breath on his right hand.

“I—All this time I’ve been asking Seungkwan to put a bouquet of your favorite flower here, hyung. I—I’m too much of a coward—it’s too hard, hyung. It’s too hard even to only come here.”

The latter reached into his coat and pulled out a small, red velvet box.

“T—the day I asked you to come here—I was about to propose, hyung. T—turned out it was a very big mistake.” He chuckled, but Soonyoung could clearly see the tears running down his cheeks—and Soonyoung could feel the very same tears rolling down from his eyes.

Seokmin took heavy steps towards the red light post, picked up the small baby’s breath bouquet and replaced it with the one he’d been holding before looking up.

“Hyung, I seriously never thought to be celebrating this kind of 100^th day,” he sobbed, “It’s exactly 100 days after your death, hyung. I hope you’re happy up there.”

“Hyung! , no, stay with me, don’t close your eyes—someone call 119!”

“Seokmin-ah…”

“No, it’s my fault, it’s my fault…”

“Seokmin-ah, don’t cry…”

“The patient suffered from a fatal cerebral hemorrhage,”

“He went into shock during the surgery, and we’ve tried our best, but his body couldn’t handle it.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

So that’s why Seokmin hadn’t been coming.

That’s why Seokmin had never replied to his texts.

He’s dead, and Seokmin had never received those texts.

But Seokmin has always been there.

He had never leave.

“Hyung,” Seokmin exclaimed with a low voice, “Did you remember the last choreography you showed me? The one using the music Jihoon-hyung made?”

Soonyoung remembered. The day before the accident, Seokmin had come to his dance studio and he’d shown him the choreography he made for himself, outside of his work, using the music their friend Jihoon had composed. The choreography was left unfinished at the ending part—Soonyoung had planned on finishing it after he took care of the group comeback from the entertainment agency he worked in, but turned out he’d never managed to.

“Yeah,” Soonyoung answered under his breath while tears didn’t stop falling from his eyes, “of course I remember, you fool.”

“I—I completed the choreography,” Seokmin chuckled, “I really did, hyung.”

Soonyoung clasped his hands over his mouth when Seokmin pulled out his phone, played the song and started dancing. Dancing had never been Seokmin’s forte, his specialty was singing—and every time he tried to, he’d always be too stiff. But this time—his movements were flawless, full of emotion and details Soonyoung wondered how many hours he’d spent to practice.

He couldn’t help but to let another set of tears streamed down his cheeks. He dropped his backpack on to the cold pavement and wiped his tears with the back of his hand harshly before joining Seokmin.

“It’s supposed to be like this,” Soonyoung said, and Seokmin lifted his head up. He could hear him.

“H—hyung…?”

He could see him.

“Come on, teach me the part you completed,” Soonyoung grinned, despite tears threatening to fall from his eyes, again.

Seokmin broke down right then and there; he dropped onto the sidewalk, covered his mouth with his hands and cried.

Soonyoung stopped dancing and circled his arms around Seokmin’s frame while nuzzling his face into the crook of Seokmin’s neck.

“I’m sorry, Seokmin-ah, I’m sorry,”

“No, hyung, it’s my fault, I should be the one who apologize—“

“No, it’s no one’s fault,” Soonyoung paused to cup Seokmin’s face in his hands, “It’s not your fault, and not anyone’s fault, not even the person who hit me. You need to forgive yourself, Seokmin-ah…”

“I—I can’t, hyung,”

Seokmin slowly pulled up the sleeve of his coat, revealing cuts and scratches here and there; old, healing, and new ones.

Soonyoung gasped as he reached for Seokmin’s arm, caressing every scar he’d inflicted upon himself.

“You need to stop,” he sobbed, “I want you to stop, Seokmin-ah. Or…”

“… or I won’t be able to forgive myself. I—I won’t be able to let you go, Seokmin-ah. I—I’d forever be bound to this place, waiting for you every single day.”

“You—you waited for me…?”

Soonyoung nodded.

“I did. I—I sat through the winter waiting for you to show up. And—and this is not the Seokmin I want to see after all the waiting I did,”

Seokmin sobbed harder, “I’m sorry, Hyung—“

“I want to see your smile, Seokmin-ah,”

Seokmin lifted his head slowly, pulling the corners of his lips up.

Soonyoung smiled as he reached to wipe Seokmin’s tears.

 “Hyung… I’m going to debut soon.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Soonyoung jumped to hug him. “I’m so proud of you. You know that I’ll always be your number one fan, right?”

“Seokmin-hyung!”

Both Soonyoung and Seokmin turned to find Seungkwan, clad in his thick winter coat in the distance, running towards them.

“I’ll be there,” Soonyoung said as he reached for Seokmin’s fingers, entwining his pinky finger with the latter’s. “I promise, but you also have to promise me to forgive yourself.”

Soonyoung planted a kiss onto Seokmin’s lips, just like the first time, in the middle of the night in the empty dance studio, a bouquet of baby’s breath in his hand.

“Seokmin-hyung! I’ve been looking for you everywhere, are you okay?”

Seokmin opened his eyes to empty air, and a panting Seungkwan beside him.

“Yeah. I—I’m okay,”

He slowly stood up, with the help of Seungkwan, and looked around. The bouquet of baby’s breath was nowhere to be seen, but the small red velvet box was left intact on the ground.

He reached for it and opened the lid, revealing a sterling silver ring adorned with a little diamond—and a small piece of paper, folded into two.

I’m taking the baby’s breath, but this one’s too pretty. Save it for your marriage!

- Hoshi

Seokmin could feel tears forming back in his eyes. Hoshi was Soonyoung’s alias.

++

“The winner of the week is… DK! Congratulations!”

Seokmin went forward and accepted the trophy the MC handed him, along with a microphone, with shaky hands. It’s only his third debut stage but his song had been a hit, and there he was, holding a first place trophy. He scanned the cheering crowd as he was preparing for an acceptance speech—when his eyes landed on someone.

The blonde locks, small, sparkling eyes and chubby cheeks had never failed Seokmin. The boy was smiling and cheering while putting both of his thumbs up. Seokmin smiled as he put one of his thumbs up secretly and the boy smiled even wider.

I kept my promise, Hyung. And thank you for keeping yours.

As he blinked, the boy was no longer there.

++