7/

“Hello!”

Mark turns his head to the small voice that all of a sudden filled up his bedroom. He tightens his hold on the teddy bear plushie that he was holding around his arm, while staring across the clear glass windows of his new home. From there he sees another boy, maybe about the same as he was staring back at his with the warmest smile that he has seen in his entire life and suddenly all Mark wondered to himself was why is this pretty boy greeting him so suddenly? That was the very first thought he had and perhaps maybe that his next door neighbor was too beautiful with his soft and fluffy pink cheeks that he kind of reminded Mark of the view when his Mama and Papa brought him to the cherry blossom festival last spring.

The smile adorning the other boy’s face was starting to fall off his face when Mark suddenly realized that for the past couple of minutes, he had just been staring at the other boy that maybe he came off as a bit rude. That was certainly not what he was hoping for, especially if he wants his neighbor to be his new friend. That was why, as quickly as he can, Mark sat his little teddy bear on his bedside table and pushed a chair near the window so he could reach the small lock with his hands. And once the lock has popped and Mark had finally slid the glass windows open, a soft, cool breeze touched his cheeks along with it is the sweet sound of his neighbor’s small giggle; putting a smile on Mark’s face instantly.

“Hello!” The boy greeted again. “I’m Park Jinyoung! You can call me Jinyoungie if you’d like!”

 Mark smiled, mainly out of politeness. He did not understand anything that the boy said since his neighbor had spoken so fast and his Korean is next to zero, so to make sure his new friend was not offended, he gave a small wave as well. That seemed to have worked since another smile came on his way as the other boy started talking as well. He thinks he said something like “hello” there, that he was not sure. He would have to ask his tutor later.

However, that does not seem to matter since his friend did not seem to notice that he does not understand anything he says as he started to talk animatedly and to Mark’s surprise, sitting up and disappearing for a few seconds to pull (with his very small body) a huge teddy bear that seemed to looked like Mark’s own as well. Mark kind of got the hint when the other one started pointing at the small plushie visible from his window and pointing to the large stuffed toy beside him with his small hands doing so many animated gestures, Mark cannot help himself but laugh.

The other boy stopped talking suddenly and stared at him. And for a moment, Mark thought that him laughing might have caused the other one to think that he was making fun at him. Instead his neighbor bought his little fists to his lips and put a small laughter as well. It was then that Mark realized that he was off the hook. A few more minutes passed by, maybe another hour, Mark is not sure anymore. All the while he kept on listening to his new friend that he did not even realize that it might be time to go already. He watches as the other boy turned his head at the back, possibly talking with his mom or dad and a few seconds later, Mark watches as he waved at him goodbye.

With that, Mark finally took the chance to look around his room. He quietly fetches his teddy bear from the nightstand and climbed his bed. It sounded so quiet for some reason and he felt quite lonely that he cannot hear the sound of his friend’s voice anymore. Sure, he can still hear the sounds of the movers and his parents’ voice from time to time but it did not dissipate the uneasiness he felt once again stirring in his stomach. He held his teddy bear and buried his nose on it, but to no avail. He sat up on his bed and tried to peek through the windows once more to see if his friend came back, but unfortunately he was not there either. Oh well, maybe they would go to the same school or something. A familiar face is always comforting to see.

Mark does not really understand why they needed to move houses from their house in California, but his Mama told him that they needed to so that Papa will be closer to his work. He did not mind to be honest especially since Mama had also told him that it would be exciting since he would have the chance to meet new friends as well. And he did, actually. He suddenly thought of the neighbor’s kid once again and tried to peek once more across the room if he was back on his room again. None. Mark lies back down on his bed.

But moving meant another thing too: He would not be able to see his friends again. When his mother told him that they were moving to Seoul, he had asked her if they can visit his friends every Sunday, but she sadly shook her head because it will be a very long trip. We’ll still visit over the summer. I’m sorry, honey. It’s just too far away. His mom told him. How far away is far away? Surely if he takes the bus or a train, he can definitely reach California in no time. Mark thinks. That was why when he had the chance, he went to ask his homeroom teacher how far Seoul is from California. His teacher showed him a map and taught him how really far they will be moving to and it kind of made his heart sank.

You’ll be living on the other side of the world! Isn’t that exciting, Mark? He remembers his teacher saying that. Everyone seemed like they were so okay with it, so maybe it would not be so bad after all? Mark hopes so.

“Honey, are you okay?” Mark turned his head seeing his mother standing on his doorway, a comforting smile on her face. Suddenly, Mark felt a bit relieved as he runs to her arms. “You’re not scared, are you? Mark is a brave boy, isn’t he?” Mark nodded quietly as he buried her face on her mother’s shoulder.

“Where’s Papa?” Mark asked since he cannot hear any sounds of the movers around the house anymore.

“He’s downstairs, speaking with our new neighbors.” His mother explained. “Do you want to meet them?”

Mark’s head shot up from his mother’s shoulder as he remembers the boy from earlier and quickly he climbed off of her mother’s arms. He did not want to seem like a baby to his next door neighbors, especially to his new friend. Hopefully they were the neighbors that his mother was talking about. His mother led him downstairs, but Mark was too excited, in the end, he was the one pulling her hand to the living room, where the boisterous sound of his father’s laughter is mingling among the other unfamiliar voices he had not heard of from before.

His new friend was the first one he notices when he enters the living room. He was wearing a pink sweater and animal printed pajamas; completely different from what he was wearing earlier. He was accompanied by from what Mark assumes are his parents and possibly his older sister, who looks like a foot taller than his friend. But that does not matter anymore, especially when his friend leapt from his own mom’s arms and ran straight to wrap his arms around Mark.

“Hello, again!” His friend says and Mark cannot help but smile hearing his voice up close; feeling warm and comforted instantly. “You never told me your name is Mark! Hi! I’m Jinyoung, but if you want, you can call me Jinyoungie!”

Mark looked up at his own mother helplessly, hoping that she would understand he was not able to catch what his friend had said. Luckily, it seemed that she did, especially when she patiently explained to the other boy what Mark’s situation was and interpreted to Mark what his friend says. His friend seemed sad and embarrassed when Mark’s mom told him that Mark cannot understand Korean, especially when his ears started turning pink and his eyes started to well up. Mark felt the need to suddenly comfort him and pulled him for a hug. He does not know if that would comfort Jinyoung for a bit, but hey, Mark can at least try. His friend felt so warm and cozy, especially now that he knows his name. Mark felt like he can say his name thousands, millions of times and he won’t get tired at all.

“Jinyoungie.”

17/

“So,” Youngjae’s beady stare was so penetrating that Mark could feel himself shifting uncomfortably on his seat. Good thing, his friend had turned his glare at Jaebum who was seating on the desk beside him. “Mark was not able to tell Jinyoung that he likes him, because you interrupted?! Im Jaebum you are seriously bad for my blood pressure. Ugh, I think I need to go to the hospital.” He pointed an accusing finger at Jaebum, who (and Mark is not exaggerating about this fact) literally shivered from his position.

“I didn’t know, okay?!” Jaebum exclaimed from his seat, looking guiltily from Youngjae to Mark then to Jackson. Mark actually got the impression that Jaebum was literally begging for his life. He cannot blame him though, he, himself absolutely do not want to be the end of Choi Youngjae’s wrath. “I was buying some snacks at the convenience store and I was about to go home when I saw Mark and Jinyoung at the bus stop! I thought it was safe since they were just standing there and I don’t wanna go home alone. I swear I did not realize I interrupted something important! Believe me if I knew I would’ve steered clear away from there! I’m kind of like the president of Team MarkJin, you know?” He turned to Mark with a wink, which Mark supposed it was something for his benefit but unfortunately he can only reply to his friend with a confused expression.

“Oh and what in the God’s name is Team MarkJin now?!” Youngjae gasped exasperatedly as he took his vacant seat of Jackson’s desk. “And you’re the president of this… Thing? I swear, Im Jaebum, if this is one of your crazy plots again, I will seriously end you!”

“Oh, lighten up Youngjae.” Mark actually admired Jaebum especially now that he had the audacity to roll his eyes at Youngjae. “Don’t you get it? MarkJin…? Mark… Jinyoung…? Mark…. Jin…? Mark for Mark’s name and Jin from Jinyoung’s name! Didn’t you get it from the first time I said it? It’s the combination of their names! Isn’t it common for lovers to have couple names like that?”

Mark had to clear his throat at that, especially after hearing the words “couple” and “lovers”. It does not help as well that his friends kept mentioning Jinyoung’s name, because apparently he was still not used to the sudden and out of the blue skipping of his heartbeat whenever he hears his name. Thankfully his embarrassment was gone unnoticed when Youngjae nearly jumped from where he was sitting to tackle Jaebum in annoyance and had to be restrained by Jackson to keep a commotion from happening.

Jaebum was still sniggering from his seat while Youngjae is trying to be pacified by Jackson. Mark looked at his best friend, who in the middle of all these arguments had stayed quiet and not at all bothered. “By the way, where is Jinyoung?” Jackson finally spoke up, looking for Youngjae’s reply. “Didn’t you tell me earlier we shouldn’t leave him alone especially now that Minjoon-hyung might try to pursue him more?” Mark sharply turned to Youngjae in panic, because the possibility of that loser Minjoon pursuing Jinyoungie is not an option right now.

“I wouldn’t worry about it, Mark.” Youngjae simply shrugged when he saw Mark’s reaction. “He’s currently reading the latest issue of ‘Peach Princess’ right now and I think we’re all aware that it would take a world war for him to be disturbed right now. Besides, I have like, everyone in our class monitoring for any signs of Minjoon-sunbae, so trust me when I say, he wouldn’t be able to at least get near our classroom.”

 “Wow.” Mark finally managed to croak out his words. “That’s actually crazy, Youngjae. You didn’t really have to do that. I mean, getting everyone from our class to do this? You didn’t actually tell them about the real situation, did you? I’m still trying to process everything right now and I also don’t feel like Jinyoungie would like it if he knew you have the whole of our class doing this?”

“Ah, I wouldn’t worry about disturbing our classmates,” Youngjae defended. “I kinda promised everyone that we’ll have the best rooms during Sports camp, so they’re more than willing to do it right now.”

“Hey!” Jaebum protested. “That’s not fair! Do it for our class too!”

“That’s what connections are for, idiot.” Youngjae stuck his tongue out at Jaebum. “If you have issues with it, talk to your class president.” Youngjae chuckled in satisfaction when Jaebum turned and whined a loud “Jackson Wang! Do something about this!” which made almost everyone in their classroom look at them in judgement.

“So anyway,” Jackson says to Mark, obviously ignoring Jaebum’s obnoxious protests beside him. “You’re finally gonna tell Jinyoung, huh? I know you meant to do that at the bus stop before you were interrupted,” He paused and looked (along with Mark and Youngjae) in judgement at Jaebum who quietly settled down on his desk. “But are you really prepared? I know you felt all the adrenaline yesterday especially when you finally realized that you’ve been in love with him. But, it’s still a big deal. I hope you’re prepared to hear his answer. It can be a yes or a no, you know?”

Mark thought about it for a moment, completely oblivious of Youngjae sneakily elbowing Jackson’s side. Of course he had gone through the many possibilities in his head hundreds, thousands, even millions of times already, but he had never been so sure about anything anymore and even now, he kind of loathes himself for wasting so much of his precious time already. “Of course I’m ready. I’m not letting this pass anymore. It’s Jinyoungie. I’ll always be prepared when it comes to him.”

“Whoa, this takes me back.” Jaebum commented while trying to wipe fake tears from his eyes. “Hearing those types of statements from Mark, I feel like I’m ten years old again. This is very nostalgic… and a little bit weird after all these years. You really took your time, man. However, I’m very happy you’re all back to being embarrassing when it comes to Jinyoung.”

Jackson chuckled, “It’s very weird for me too. Seriously, all those times I heard Mark rant about Jinyoung when all along he’s just venting out his puppy love feelings to me. So obvious. Not at all subtle.”

“I hate you both.” Mark says narrowing his eyes at his best friends. He was not feeling ashamed though, he knew he can be very intense and sappy when it comes to Jinyoung. What’s wrong with that? They were not the ones who are gonna receive his love so it is better to ignore their teasing.

 “I think it’s cute though,” Youngjae commented smiling at Mark. “If there’s anyone I trust my best friend to, it’s gonna be Mark. So you better protect my little baby, Mark Tuan or you’ll definitely get it.” Mark nodded in agreement, he seriously cannot believe how Youngjae can turn from kind to scary in a matter of seconds and he does not have any plans of finding out how.

Mark looks out of the window, completely ignoring his friends; continuous discussions. It seems interesting. The weather seems to be the sunny like the past few days. The undistinguished chatters of other students chatting and laughing in the background sound the same. The smell of the pancakes he had eaten this morning was still as sweet as ever. And yet, everything in his life seemed different somehow; different in a good way, different that it scares him so much yet makes him feel good at the same time.

That same feeling of “good/fear” when I first met him.

Jinyoungie.

“Mark?” A tap on his shoulder interrupted him from his thoughts. He looked up to see Youngjae looking down at him curiously. “Did you hear the bell? I think we should go back to class. Professor Shim would go nuts if someone’s late again.”

“Right, okay.” Mark cleared his throat as he stood up from his position. He was so distracted that he did not notice he left behind Youngjae who, as a last minute action, hit Jaebum with the latter’s own notebook. He did not even pay attention to Jaebum’s loud complaining to Youngjae. He was so much deep in his thoughts that he almost ran into someone upon exiting Jackson and Jaebum’s classroom.

“Oh, Mark! There you are!” Jinyoung’s face was literally inches from his and Mark suddenly finds himself hard to swallow. He has been found out, hasn’t he? Jinyoung couldn’t have missed his red face right now, especially when he’s been having difficulty breathing at the same time. “Is Youngjae there too? I didn’t notice you guys were gone. Professor Shim’s coming in soon. You guys need to get back to class now.” He was too busy staring into Jinyoung’s round innocent eyes which are boring into his to realize that he should be responding to his question maybe… now. “Mark? Did you hear what I said? Hello?”

“I’m here!” Youngjae’s boisterous voice startled the both of them and Mark could not help but breathe out a sigh of relief. He’s definitely not used to this. “Come on, let’s go back to class.” Mark watched as Youngjae easily linked his arm around Jinyoung’s and how Jinyoung comfortably leaned into his best friend’s (he thought bitterly) touch. He tried to push all those unpleasant thoughts out of his head. He should not have those thoughts in the first place. He should be more grateful to Youngjae since he had kept his promise and had always taken care of Jinyoung during those times that Mark could not. It should be the last thing on his mind to feel jealous.

There was a small smile on Jinyoung’s face as he turned around to check if Mark was indeed following them and suddenly, he caught himself off guard once again. Jinyoung has always been beautiful in his eyes, something that Mark has always thought since he first met him ten years ago and definitely something that he should be used to at this point, but according to his hormones: Not Today Mark Tuan.

“Mark, are you sure you’re okay?” There was a slight crease right between Jinyoung’s eyebrows that Mark just wants to get rid of; making sure he put his hands on his pockets to stop himself from doing so. “You seem so quiet today.”

“Listen, Jinyoung. I need to tell you something.” He said when he finally found his voice. Jinyoung tilted his head curiously and Mark could not help but smile a little because he suddenly looks like a little kid. He sees Youngjae telling Jinyoung that he would be going inside the classroom first, but not before giving Mark a thumb up and a wink over his Jinyoung’s shoulder. He tried so hard not to roll his eyes.

“What is it?” Jinyoung asked and Mark found himself gathering all of his willpower to not get distracted by those eyes once more. “Are you really okay? You’re starting to scare me with that serious look on your face, Tuan.” He said with a small chuckle, most probably to make Mark comfortable with their usual banter.

“I’m alright. I’m fine.” Mark emphasized when he sees the unconvinced expression on Jinyoung’s face. “Look, it’s about yesterday at the bus stop.” By the way Jinyoung suddenly froze on his toes, confirmed that Mark was not the only one who still remembers it. That was a good sign in all entireties. However, a sudden fear struck Mark. He knew it was too much to ask from the other boy already, given what went down the past few years, but he does not want Jinyoung to be uncomfortable with him.

He knew Jinyoung would understand. Jinyoung always understands and if he turns him down, Mark knew he would still do his best to adjust to accommodate Mark’s feelings. Jinyoung had always done that; something that Mark never seemed to be able to do ever.

There were just a handful of students loitering around the hallways at this moment, and somehow Mark can suddenly hear all his thoughts whirling about in his mind. And for a brief moment, he found himself hesitating.

“Jinyoungie,” He started, trying to express out all his feelings into three simple words so Jinyoung would at least hear him out. “I don’t know if you’ll ever believe the words that I’m about to say to you but please just give me a chance. Look–…”

“Mr. Tuan, Mr. Park,” Mark closed his eyes in frustration when he heard his homeroom teacher’s voice over his shoulders. “What are you still doing in the hallway?! Homeroom starts now. Get inside the classroom.”

Mark sighed, muttering a small whisper of “Let’s talk later on the way home” as he led Jinyoung inside the classroom. He saw Youngjae’s expectant look when they came in and to that Mark only responded with a shake of his head before making his way to his own desk.

Later. I’ll make sure to tell him later.

10/

“There you are!”

Mark looked up from where he was sitting. It was almost late in the afternoon and he has no idea how long he had been staying on the swings; maybe two or three hours has passed already. He absolutely does not know anymore. He is pretty sure though that the lazy trail of his tiny footprints decorated the once neatly cut grass.

From his position, he sees Jinyoung panting slightly; trying to catch his breath from what he can only assume as from running all over the playground in search for Mark. There is an expression of worry that is etched on his best friend’s usually cheerful face as he looked down at Mark and that made him squirm on his seat. Guilt is rising up on his throat and Mark is now starting to regret running away from their house earlier.

Jinyoung steps carefully towards him, cautious yet unhesitant. His best friend’s eyebrows knitted together, which Mark wanted to erase right away. He hates seeing Jinyoung looking sad, especially if Mark is the reason why. And today, this exact afternoon to be exact, he was the reason why Jinyoung is sad. That is why when Jinyoung suddenly wrapped his arms around him, Mark cannot help but to feel relieved.

“Uncle and Auntie had been searching you for hours.” Jinyoung whispers quietly in a soft voice, his tone laced with worry. His arms were snugged warmly around Mark’s shoulders and Mark could not help but bury his nose into Jinyoung’s soft shoulder. “I told them you might be here, so they told me to come and bring you back. It’s almost dinner time. Let’s go home?”

“I don’t wanna.” Mark answered stubbornly. He hated how spoiled and whiny he sounded like, but for some reason he felt safer here than at home. Going home means he would be away from Jinyoung’s warm hug. He would rather stay here even though he knew how selfish it would be on his part. “I just wanna stay here and hug you, because Jinyoungie’s tummy feels warm and soft and fluffy like a plushie.” To emphasize his point, Mark proceeded to nuzzle his nose against Jinyoung’s tummy, which earned him a giggle from his best friend. He knew Jinyoung was always ticklish there.

“Hey, are you telling me I’m chubby?” Jinyoung says lightly and Mark can imagine his best friend smiling down at him, his eye wrinkles appearing once again. He felt one of Jinyoung’s small hands his hair and it somehow calmed Mark down.

“Nope,” Mark finally looked up at his best friend and finally seeing Jinyoung smiling down at him finally put his heart at peace. Jinyoung was not mad at him at all, even though Mark had let him down today. “I’m telling you that you’re a plushie, my own baby plushie.”

“I’m not a stuffed toy! Although I did become a teddy bear during your birthday, hmm…” Jinyoung trails off then proceeded to pinch Mark’s cheek and that only cheered him up more. Mark then got back to nuzzling Jinyoung’s tummy. “Mark?” Jinyoung’s voice switched to a worried one once again.

“I’m okay now.” Mark clarified. “I’m just feeling really happy that you’re not mad at me, Jinyoungie. I promised you yesterday that I’d go with you this Christmas to visit your grandma and grandpa, but looks like I can’t anymore. I’m really, really sorry.”

“Mark, it’s okay if you can’t come with us.” Jinyoung ran his hand through his hair once again.  “Yeah, I’m gonna be sad that we won’t be able to spend Christmas together, but I’m gonna be sadder if you fight with your mama and papa. They’re really worried about you.”

“I know.” Mark replies guiltily. He did not mean to be that upset earlier when he learned that they would not able to come to Busan with Jinyoung’s family since some of their relatives will be coming to Seoul to spend the holidays with Mark’s family.

Jinyoung pulled back and offered a hand to him with a smile on his face. Mark had always liked how small and warm Jinyoung’s hands are compared to his. They had always been a huge comfort to hold them without his best friend saying anything more. “Shall we go home then? You must be hungry.”

Mark reached out his hand and held Jinyoung’s. He does not need to say anything else, especially seeing Jinyoung’s happy expression when he did. It was almost dark and Mark wondered how he will face his parents after his little temper tantrum. He hoped his mama and papa are not that upset with him (although they have a pretty good reason to be).

“It’s gonna be fine.” Jinyoung says encouragingly, as if reading Mark’s mind. “Just say sorry to Uncle and Auntie and everything will be fine. I promise.” Mark nodded finally believing his best friend.

They fell in another comfortable silence once more, until Jinyoung asked, “Tell me about them. You have some of your cousins visiting too, correct?”

“Just a couple,” Mark replied. “Lily and Xun. They’re siblings. Lily is about six years older than us so I’m closer to Xun to be honest. Xun is only a year older than us and he’s the one I hang out the most when we go to America during the summer. We also live close to them before we moved here. They’re both nice and fun. I guess it is pretty good to see them again. It’s been months since I talked to them.”

“It is!” Jinyoung exclaimed. Mark smiled simply at the other’s expression. It seemed that Jinyoung is more excited about Mark seeing his cousins rather than himself. “Ah, I wish I could meet both of them too!” Jinyoung says regretfully.

Suddenly, an idea struck on Mark’s mind. “Maybe someday we can visit them too!”

“We can!” Jinyoung jumped on his feet making him tumble a little. Luckily Mark was holding his hand to stop him from falling.

Mark proceeded to pinch his best friend’s cheek with his free hand. “Hey, be careful, baby Jinyoungie.”

“I’m not a baby.” Jinyoung says smiling.

“Are you getting tired?” Mark asked in concern, letting go of his best friend’s hand. “Do you want a piggyback ride?”

Jinyoung snorted in confusion. “It’s just a couple of blocks away, Mark.”

“That’s okay. Come on.” Mark said, simply smiling when Jinyoung climbs on his back. He knew that even if Jinyoung does not mention it to him a lot but his best friend loves his piggyback rides.

“Mark?” Jinyoung asked quietly as Mark carried him back home. “I’m gonna miss you this Christmas, okay? Don’t forget about me.”

“Stupid,” Mark replied. “Of course, I won’t. You better not forget about me too, because I’m gonna miss you, Jinyoungie. It’s more possible I’ll miss you more than you’ll miss me.”

“No!” Jinyoung protested. “I’m gonna miss you more!”

“Alright, alright,” Mark chided. “Let’s just miss each other equally, right?”

“Yeah, okay.” Jinyoung giggled as he buried his nose on Mark’s nape, settling contentedly on his best friend’s back as they went on their way home.

“Jinyoungie?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you for finding me.”

I’ll still probably miss you more, Jinyoungie. I already miss you now.

17/

Mark, I have to stay behind for school paper work. It’ll probably run a bit late. If you’re already done with dance practice, don’t wait for me anymore. You can go home first. – Jinyoung

Mark stares at his phone, practically ignoring all the random taps on his shoulder from his fellow dance club members. He checked the time. Dance practice has just ended and Mark decided as he frantically types in his reply that he has enough time to at least shower. No. It’s alright. I’ll wait for you.

He was on his way to the shower room when he felt his phone vibrate.

Oh.

It’s okay. I still have lots to do. Dain-sunbae and the other seniors have cram school lately so I have to take care of a lot of things here. It’s really okay if you go home first. I don’t want to keep you waiting.

Mark smiled as he typed in another reply. “As if I would let you go home alone, Park Jinyoung.” He says to himself as he sent in another reply. I’ll just meet you at the school paper club room after I finished showering. See you. Throwing his phone at the bottom of his gym bag, he then proceeded to the shower room. He thinks he heard his phone vibrating again, but he chose to ignore it. Most probably, it was another message from Jinyoung insisting that he goes home first.

Cute.

It was almost seven in the evening when Mark made his way to Jinyoung’s club room. So far, only a few students are left on the school grounds, most of them probably finishing up with their own club activities. Mark was still drying off his hair as quickly as possible. He did not want to meet up with Jinyoung looking like a mess (as silly as it may sound.)

He was casually enjoying his walk when he feels his phone vibrating once more in his pocket. There was a frown on his face as he looked at the caller ID, which is not surprising since this it has been years since Youngjae had called him.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Mark says, answering his phone in his ears. He seriously would not want to be wasting anytime now, but it was Youngjae and he was pretty sure that he will not be contacted unless there’s an emergency. “Did anything happen, Youngjae?”

“Have you talked to Jinyoung?” Youngjae demanded from the other line. Mark could hear the worry laced on his friend’s voice, but seriously. Is he just calling to know this?

“Well, hello to you too.” Mark says with a barely concealed sarcasm. He cannot help but to roll his eyes. Youngjae is being a mother hen again. Mark does not have any problems with that over the years. In fact, he appreciated it well, since that assured him that Youngjae would take care of Jinyoung well. However, now it seemed like Youngjae is about to mother him too. Maybe he can try to get Jackson to divert Youngjae’s attention from him.

“Mark Tuan.” Youngjae’s stern voice can be heard from the other line.

“Choi Youngjae,” Mark replied in return.

“I’m not joking,” Youngjae said worriedly. “I haven’t heard anything from Jinyoung. I haven’t heard anything from you too. I seriously don’t know what’s happening, so if you can be so nice and answer me.”

“Youngjae,” Mark says again. “Calm down. I know it would take a lot from you, but you seriously need to start trusting me, okay? I’m on my way to the school paper club room right now to fetch Jinyoung and come home. I promise I’d talk to him.”

There was a long silence on the other line until Mark heard a disgruntled “Fine” from Youngjae.

“You seriously don’t need to stress over this with all the guarding of Jinyoung and all. Chill. Jinyoungie’s gonna catch up soon.” Mark commented. The memory of lunch time earlier is still fresh on his mind when Youngjae had their entire class (and Jackson and Jaebum’s class – he does not know how Youngjae did it) eat on their table and the subsequent ones around them just to make sure that Jinyoung is protected. To be honest, Mark does appreciate the effort, but it did made him a bit claustrophobic to have a bunch of juniors up on their faces when all he wanted to do was to enjoy his food (and Jinyoung’s company *coughs*).

“But I can’t just ‘chill’, Mark Tuan. I-...” Youngjae protested. “You made me promise that I should take care of Jinyoung so that he’d be okay when you come back to him. I can’t just let anything happen to him...”

“I’m so sorry, Youngjae.” Mark said leaning against a wall with a lonely sigh. He realized that all along he has not apologized to Youngjae. “I’m sorry I was a jerk to you and to Jinyoungie this whole time. I didn’t know what I was doing and thinking most of the time. I’m sorry for making you worry about him all the time. I’ll do a better job of taking care of him from now on.” He paused, but the continued silence from the other line egged him on. “I know it’s not my place to say this, but I really appreciate everything you’ve done in taking care of Jinyoungie. I know you’ve done it not just because I’ve made you promise. It’s because you’re a good friend, Youngjae. I guess one of the reasons I can sleep every night is because I know you’re at Jinyoungie’s side. I really owe you a lot, you know?”

There was continues silence from the other line, and Mark had to check if Youngjae is still there. “...Ahhh, what are you suddenly saying?” Youngjae replies finally. “Why are you making me emotional all of a sudden? Seriously, Mark Tuan, I just called in to check up on you and Jinyoung, now you’re making me cry? Just shut up and just talk to Jinyoung, okay? Tell him you want to spend the rest of your life with him and live in a big, beautiful house with all of your cute children who’ll take after Jinyoung of course. Make sure you make it as romantic as possible that he won’t be able to say no to you, okay? I’ll be watching.”

Mark snorted. Youngjae really hates emotional situations like this. He never changes. “Alright, alright. I’ll go meet him now.” Mark says finally. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“And Youngjae?” Mark said with a little hesitation. “Thanks again for being Jinyoungie’s best friend.” He had to admit, it was not easy for him to say that there really was someone else who took that spot from him, but at the same time, he kind of felt at peace.

“Alright, alright...” Youngjae replied dismissively. “Of course I’m the most awesome best friend in the world, aren’t I?” As if reading Mark’s mind, Youngjae continues, “You don’t need to be sad that I took over your role. You’re not gonna be just Jinyoung’s best friend anymore. You’re gonna be Jinyoung’s husband.”

Mark snorts, “Husband? You think so?”

“Yup!” Youngjae says with conviction. “Why? Don’t tell me you’re not in for the long run here! I won’t just give my best friend’s hand to anyone. Jinyoung deserves someone who’d love him forever.”

“I know.” Mark says smiling. “And that’s me. Seriously Youngjae, you don’t need to stress yourself too much over this. You know what you need? You need a love life.”

“Yah!”

“I’m hanging up now.” Mark singsongs as he puts back his phone inside his pocket.

There was no answer when Mark tried to knock on the school paper club’s room. Everyone must be busy. He figured. “Sorry for intruding...” Mark says more to himself as he let himself inside the cramped room. To his surprise however, the entire place is almost deserted except for that one lonely figure hunched over a desk, sleeping without any more care in the world.

Mark approaches slowly; careful not to wake Jinyoung up. It was his first time visiting the club room. It fascinates him a little seeing how quaint it looks. He had expected to see a room filled with stacks of papers and the smell of used ink, but instead it looks so homey. To his left, he sees a bulletin board with what looked like newspaper clippings of the club’s most successful events. There is also a wall full of the club member’s photos. Mark smiles to himself as he runs his fingers on one of Jinyoung’s solo photo.

Jinyoung was smiling brightly at the camera. Mark recognizes it immediately as an event that he covered just a year ago. Jinyoung looked so young then, a bit shorter than he is today, but still the most beautiful in Mark’s eyes. He remembers this event well, even if Mark wasn’t at his side at that time. There really was not any moment he has not looked over Jinyoung. Carefully (and quickly) he removes the photo from the wall and slid it in his pocket. He can feel himself blushing. Mark had never admitted it to anyone before, but he had secretly been stashing all of Jinyoung’s school paper articles in a small box under his bed.

Clearing his throat, Mark then proceeds to Jinyoung’s desk. Jinyoung’s still dozing off and Mark cannot believe how peaceful he looked. Pulling a random chair nearby, he sits beside Jinyoung and rests his head next to the sleeping boy. From his position, Mark can perfectly observe Jinyoung’s long eyelashes. He wondered how long had it been since he has been this close to Jinyoung. He remembered those hundreds of times he had watched Jinyoung sleeping beside him; those times when his Jinyoungie would cry himself to sleep whenever Mark goes away for the summer.

He reaches out a hand to move some stray hair covering his eyes when a sudden flashback crosses his mind. It was a sight of twelve year old Jinyoung blinking sleepily at him. His eyes were swollen indicating that he had just been crying a few moments earlier. Mark remembered smiling at how adorable and cute his best friend was with his red snotty nose. He was not able to help himself when he closes the distance between the two of them, as he pressed his lips against Jinyoung’s softer ones. Jinyoung’s first kiss. His first kiss.

Why do you want to kiss a boy? Isn’t that weird?

Mark pauses as that voice rang on his mind once again, his hand suspended in midair. He thought that he has finally gotten rid of those voices in his head, but it seems that there will always be those few instances that he would always be haunted about something that happened five years ago.

“Mark?”

Jinyoung’s voice interrupted his thoughts. Suddenly realizing the compromising position they were in right now, Mark sat up straight and cleared his throat. Jinyoung followed suit, looking up at him with a puzzled expression.

“I... I’m sorry I fell asleep.” Jinyoung says after a few moments of silence, standing up as he hurriedly puts the pieces of papers on his desk in his backpack. “You should have woken me up. I didn’t realize that I’ve dozed off. We should go home now. I can finish all these stuff tonight.”

“Jinyoungie,” Mark starts as his brain suddenly started to work again after the initial shock of being caught in the act.

Jinyoung looks up from his chair. “Yes?” Mark was about to say something when Jinyoung’s phone beeped. By the looks of it, the message does not seem good upon seeing Jinyoung’s expression. “Ugh. I am so dead.” Jinyoung groaned covering his face with his hands.

“What’s up?” Mark asked.

“Nothing,” Jinyoung quietly pouted and it takes all of Mark’s willpower not to just push his back on the table and kiss him for all his worth. Seriously, Jinyoung must know how much of a torture it is for Mark seeing him so adorable like that. Mark’s unconvinced expression though might have been obvious when Jinyoung says a few seconds later, “Dain-sunbae says I need to submit to her all the edited articles by tonight since we’re already behind schedule as it is.”

“Oh,” Mark says simply, worriedly looking at Jinyoung who looked as stressed as ever. “How many are left? Do you want me to help you?”

Jinyoung snorted. “You?” There was a slight hint of teasing in his voice. Mark had always loved the playfulness in his voice. It always reminded him of Jinyoung’s smile. “You? Help me? Are you sick, Mark? What’s the punchline of this joke?”

“Hey,” Mark retorted smiling. “For the record, I always get an A+ on our Literature class. The only grades in our class better than mine are just possibly yours and Youngjae’s.”

“Youngjae gets A+ in everything.”

“He does.” Mark says with a nod. Their eyes met and both of them cannot help but snort for no apparent reason. It was nice to see the two of them taking it easy. No rush. Everything just felt natural. “Shall we go home then?”

“Yeah, I suppose.” Jinyoung replied. “I only have a couple of articles to edit, but long ones so... yeah.”

The bus ride home was somewhat peaceful. Most of it, Jinyoung just slept. Mark just let him. Even if Jinyoung does not say it, Mark knew he would be pulling off an all-nighter.  It would just be best to just let him rest. There were only a couple of people left inside the bus as they left one station. Slow rock music filled Mark’s ears as he watches the sleeping boy beside him. Reaching a hand on the side of Jinyoung’s head, Mark carefully guides it so it can rest peacefully on his shoulder.

“Jinyoungie?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want a piggyback ride?”

“What?!” Jinyoung sputtered and Mark cannot help but laugh at his flustered expression. They have just stepped on the bus stop and apparently asking that question came as a whole lot of surprise than what Mark had anticipated.

“What?” Mark asked in return, shrugging. “You just seemed so tired and I just wanna help out since you don’t want me messing with your editing. Come on. It’s not like we haven’t done it before.” Mark finishes off with a wink and bended slightly to offer his back at Jinyoung.

“The last time we did it, we’re twelve!” Jinyoung says in panic.

“So?” Mark turned his head, looking at Jinyoung straight in the eye. “Come on, Jinyoungie. My back’s starting to hurt.”

Jinyoung hesitantly climbed onto Mark’s back, his arms looping around his neck. Somehow, it felt like it has always belonged there. “Am I heavy?” Jinyoung asked quietly as Mark carried him home.

“Nope,” Mark replied. “It feels just like before. Don’t you think?”

Jinyoung stayed silent for a few moments before answering, “I don’t know. It feels like it’s not.”

“Really,” Mark says as he walked on. Jinyoung has always been warm and it made his heart ache the most feeling it against his body. Jinyoung was right. It was absolutely different from the past. This feeling of longing he is having right this moment has been missing before. Somehow he remembered his younger self, the braver version of him.

“Yeah,” Jinyoung says quietly. “You’re such a mean guy.” Despite his choice of words, Mark felt Jinyoung’s arms tightening around him, feeling the latter’s nose burying just beneath his nape. Mark does not know if it was just his imagination but he felt the fabric on his shoulder dampening slightly. I’ve made you cry again. I’m sorry.

They walked on in silence.

“Make sure to go to sleep when you’re done, okay?” Mark says as he drops Jinyoung off their house. “I know you, Jinyoungie. Don’t watch weird videos in SNS. You won’t be able to sleep easily again. I’m not gonna piggyback you to school tomorrow.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue at him. “I don’t watch weird videos FYI.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Mark says dismissively to . “Eat dinner first, okay? I bet Auntie’s already worried sick waiting for you.”

“Okay.” Jinyoung says finally. “Eat your dinner first too, alright?”

“Okay.”

“Good night, Mark.”

“Good night, Jinyoungie.”

“See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, see you.”

“Okay, I’ll go in now.”

“Okay.”

“Good night.”

“You already said that. Good night, okay?”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung finally turns around, but not before casting Mark another look. “Good night.”

“Jinyoungie... wait.”

Why do you want to kiss a boy? Isn’t that weird?

                                                Is it true? Why would you say something weird like that?

                        Is it really weird?

                                                Yeah it totally is.

NO. NO IT’S NOT. IT’S NOT WEIRD.

THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

The voices are back again, but this time someone responded. And Mark realized it was his own voice replying.

“Mark? What is it?” Jinyoung asked worriedly, but Mark can see the fatigue on the other’s eyes. This is not the time. He needs his rest. There was no need to rush. He can take his time but nothing will stop Mark for fighting for this person in front of him.

Maybe at one point or another, grown up Mark became braver too.

“Good night, Jinyoungie.”

The small box where he kept all of Jinyoung’s written articles was resting on his bedside. Mark stares at Jinyoung’s photo (the one he stole from the club room earlier) as he lay on his bed that night, when he hears his phone beeping.

Mark, you must be sleeping already now. Sorry for texting so late. Thank you for waiting for me tonight and stuff. I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night!

Mark smiles to himself as he read the message one, two, three and four times before hastily trying to reply. No problem. Yeah. You should sleep soon. It’s late. See you tomorrow. Good night. ❤

The silence of the night was suddenly broken when Mark hears a dull thud from nearby following by a large yelp from whom Mark can only recognize as Jinyoung’s voice. Jumping hurriedly from his bed, Mark ran to open his window, looking worriedly at the windows across from his. “Jinyoungie!” There was no answer. He called again. Mark was about to dial Jinyoung’s number when said boy emerges from the curtains of the other room, a smug expression was apparent on his features.

“Yah!” Mark frowned. “Are you alright?! What’s up with that noise?”

“I... Uhh,” Jinyoung says avoiding Mark’s stare. “I... sort of fell from the bed. Nothing serious. Sorry for disturbing you.”

“Sorry for disturbing...?” Mark said incredulously. “Forget about that. What were you doing, falling from your bed?”

“Nothing!” Jinyoung says rather quickly. “Go to sleep!”

Mark studied Jinyoung for a few moments, making sure he really is alright. “Okay fine. You go to sleep too.”

“I will.” Jinyoung replied smiling with a roll of his eyes. “Good night.”

“Yeah. Good night.” Mark chuckled. “And Jinyoungie?”

“Yes?”

“Your face is red.”

“It’s not!” Jinyoung says before closing his windows hurriedly leaving Mark staring fondly behind.

I’m not listening to those voices anymore. There’s nothing wrong in loving you, Jinyoungie.

16/

"Why are you getting so worked up? You like him, don't you?"

That was the last straw as Mark landed his clenched fist against the guy's face. With it comes another one courtesy of his other hand. Mark had never fought with anyone in the past, nor has he had the chance to punch anybody. Damn, his fists hurt. However, that was the last thing on his mind at this moment because all he cares right now is to destroy; to cause pain to this other person until he cannot anymore. He does not even know why. He just wanted to make sense of everything and it just makes him angrier that cannot figure out what was happening to him

Mark felt a sharp jab on the corner of his eye when a punch finally landed on his face. It caused him to stagger a little bit on his place but not enough to knock him down. He smirked and that was when he noticed the metallic taste of his blood in his mouth. It distracted him a little bit, but not enough for him to not dodge the next hit aimed at him.

He was about to retaliate when a booming voice echoed throughout the hallway, "Oi! What do you think you two are doing?!"

A week of suspension. That was what they have given Mark; at least, that was what he think he has heard the principal say. He had never seen his parents looked so disappointed. It was a long trip back home. His father did not say anything, and just kept on driving. His mother asked him what was wrong. However, Mark did not answer. He did not know what to say anyway. He was usually a logical person and as much as he wanted to explain what was going on, he does not have any idea what made him start the fight.

As soon as they have arrived to their house, Mark slowly made his way to his room. His father gave him a pat in the shoulder, telling him that they should talk tomorrow. His mother giving him a hug and not saying anything more. That certainly did not help the guilt slowly building up his throat. He cannot look at the both of them, nor was he able to apologize for causing trouble. It would have been better if his parents shouted at him instead.

There was a light inside the room across from his. Mark wondered to himself as he looked across towards Jinyoung’s curtained window if he had heard what happened. He wondered if Jinyoung would be disappointed with him too. Mark snorted bitterly at the ridiculous thought. Of course he would not. Why would he care if you were suspended it’s your fault. Snapping his curtains shut, Mark then proceeded to lie on his bed. Getting suspended for a week, that will be boring as hell. What would he do? From the corner of his eye, he sees the little booklet of script on his bedside table. That would be useless now, he guessed. He was pretty sure somebody would replace him from his part in the cultural festival’s play. That is gonna . He had memorized the entire thing already. Man, Jinyoung will be really disappointed.

“You like him, don’t you?”

The words echoed in his mind like a broken record. For some odd reason, Mark hated how the words triggered him so much when they should have not. He knew they were only said to provoke him. Nonetheless, he did what he did and now he is dealing with the consequences of what he has done.

“And so everyone this morning was like, ‘Mark got suspended coz he punched Byungho and nobody knows why!” Jackson cackled as he narrated what went down at school that morning. Mark listened to him quietly, particularly because he has nothing to say about the matter and second, because he just did not care about what everyone is thinking about him at the moment. “Anyway,” Jackson went on. “I guess the reason doesn’t matter anyway. Rumor says, yesterday was Byungho’s third offense, so he was suspended for a month with a possibility of expulsion already. The guy had it coming though. He’s a jerk.”

“Mmm,” Mark agreed absentmindedly while he was playing with his phone.

“Come on, man.” Jackson says as he snatched Mark’s phone despite his protests. “We’ve come here to visit you and see how you’ve been doing, but all you did was stare at your phone the whole time! Aren’t you at least gonna offer us a drink?”

“You know where the kitchen is,” Mark deadpanned as he sat up from his bed. He looked at his friend and at the other guy beside him (who made himself very comfortable on Mark’s beanbag chair by the way). “Anyway, what are you doing here, Youngjae?”

“What? Isn’t it obvious that I’m worried too?” Youngjae replied in his defense. No. No it’s not. Mark thought as he narrowed his eyes at how Youngjae was lounging on his back, reading a comic book. Mark has a feeling he was not the reason why Youngjae was hanging out here, but he does not say anything. Both he and Jackson had made it clear during their break up party that they are over once and for all. Although that still not changed the fact that Mark sees Youngjae more often the past few months. Again, he preferred not to comment about it. Maybe all habits die hard. Whatever.

“Whatever.” Mark says finally before plopping down on his bed. Now that Youngjae is here, perhaps he can ask how Jinyoung was reacting to the news of his suspension. He does not know how many times he had attempted to ask about it since Youngjae came in, even counting from one to ten in his head, but for some odd reason, he cannot find it himself to ask the question.

“In any case,” Youngjae replied after asking Jackson to get them sodas downstairs. “Jinyoung had convinced Ms. Jung to still keep you as the lead for the school play.” Mark frowned, trying to not freak out at how his friend seemed to have read his mind. “It just makes sense since the cultural festival is in a week or so and we can’t afford changing the characters, do we?”

“I guess so, yeah...” Mark trailed off. To be honest, he wanted to ask more. Was Jinyoung mad at him for ruining the play? Of course he will not be able to go to the class practices given his suspension. That would only mean that their class had to do it without him in the meantime, which to be honest will not be easy for everyone. Their class has prepared a play about Sherlock Holmes for the school’s cultural festival, but what is the point if the guy playing Sherlock Holmes is at home, suspended for punching a schoolmate on the face. (His sidekick, John Watson, will be extremely displeased with him. *coughs* Jinyoung *coughs*) Maybe he does not want to know how Jinyoung reacted.

Youngjae looked at him carefully for a few moments before saying, “Why did you do it, Mark?”

To be honest, Mark had no answer to that... Or perhaps he did. But it will be better if he does not say anything, so he just opted to just shrug at his friend’s question.

“There you are, shrugging again.” Youngjae sighed disappointedly. “We all know you’re not like that, Mark. Your parents, our classmates, the faculty, us and... Jinyoung, we all know you won’t do anything like that if there’s no good reason. I know Byungho’s an and he deserves to be punched in the face, but that’s not you.”

It was the perfect moment that Jackson came in with three cans of sodas in hand. Mark cannot help himself, but sigh in relief. This is so Youngjae, always with the hard questions when Mark is always caught off guard. He was kind of starting to regret what happened, but when he thinks of the words he had heard yesterday, he cannot help but to feel his blood boil irrationally once more…

“…Ahh, but she’s boring and easy. You just take her to a café and do a little skinship and she’d immediately cave. You know who’d be a real challenge though? Park Jinyoung from Class 2A…”

It must be the universe’s will for Mark to have come to that hallway. It must have been, because quite honestly he should have been heading to the dance club practice straight away, but he felt a bit thirsty after their class play’s rehearsal that he stopped by the cafeteria first to buy himself a pack of banana milk. But there he was, standing in a corridor, glaring at one of their classmates just for saying Park Jinyoung’s name.

But this is not just one of those “classmates” that Mark could just let him be. This is Seo Byungho and just by his mere presence, anyone would know he is already bad news. He sees Byungho talking on his phone, probably speaking to one of his friends (who are just carbon copies of the man himself) and Mark could already feel they were up to no good.

Besides, he hated the way how Byungho says Jinyoung’s name…

“You know, Park Jinyoung!” Byungho proceeds cackling loudly at his phone. “That little tart from… Yeah, yeah, him! Tall guy, pretty boy, right? I heard he’s never been with anyone in school. Pretty sure he’s a ing . So what about it, huh? Should we double the stakes then? I bet I can sleep with him by the festival… I’ll have him whimpering and begging for my-…”

Mark does not need to hear anything more as he proceeded to run over and shove Byungho against the ground. He hears a loud bumping on the floor and just assumed it was just Byungho’s phone falling from his hands. His pack of banana milk also laid forgotten on the ground. Mark held up his fist as he clutched Byungho’s shirt. What surprised him the most was the fact that Byungho stared up at him, smirking.

“What the are you gonna do to Park Jinyoung, you bastard.” Mark heard himself say, not realizing at first that it was him speaking. His fist is starting to turn white at how tightly he was clutching Byungho’s shirt. “I’m seriously gonna kill you if you touch even a strand of his hair.”

Byungho’s smile only got wider, "Why are you getting so worked up? You like him, don't you?"

No I don’t!

The voice inside his head said as he landed a punch on Byungho’s face. And all of a sudden the voices are back again asking Mark the same questions over and over again. He felt himself being punched back by Byungho and despite himself not caring anymore as he landed punch after punch wherever his hand can reach. It did not matter if he was getting beaten up at the same time because he does not like Park Jinyoung. Why won’t anyone believe him?

He remembered their faces; clear as day.

Why are they all staring at him with those kinds of looks? It felt like I did something disgusting. Am I disgusting? Will they look at Jinyoung that way too? He hopes not. Jinyoung does not deserve anything but the best in the world.

Why do you want to kiss a boy? Isn’t that weird?

He heard that voice again echoing at the back of his mind. Following that is the loud cackle of her laughter while the other voices joined in.

No. I don’t like him! I don’t! So please… Stay away from Jinyoungie… Don’t hurt him...

“Alright, dude.” Mark felt Jackson tapping his shoulders interrupting him from his thoughts. “Youngjae and I are gonna head out now, but just message me if you need anything, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow. Maybe we can get Jaebum away from the swimming club and come with us here.”

“Okay.” Mark simply answered from his seat.

Mark Tuan is officially bored. He had already finished the comics Jackson lent to him last week and he still has not decided what TV series to watch right now. Good Lord, he is only on the first day of suspension and he was already like this. This week is really gonna so much.

There was a sudden knock on the door. Mark looked at the old alarm clock on his bedside table and frowned. This is not the usual time they have dinner since he usually comes home later than normal due to dance practice. He curiously got up from the bed and open the door; almost getting a heart attack upon doing so.

“Hi,” Jinyoung greeted with his fist suspended in the air as if he was about to knock once again, but was interrupted the last second. “Auntie says I can just go up here.”

Turns out, Jinyoung did not only come to bring in their notes and homework for the day but to also rehearse their lines from the play. “I told Ms. Choi that it won’t be a good idea if we replace you as Sherlock. I mean, the play is next week and you’ve pretty much memorized all the lines so it’s fine if you just turn up for the final rehearsal and we just practice together uhh…” Jinyoung looked at him as if he was trying to check Mark’s reaction. “So yeah expect me to bother you the whole week. You should totally thank me, Tuan! Haha…” Mark watched him as Jinyoung trailed off awkwardly. It doesn’t seem like he’s mad at me.

Mark snorted, “Pfft, why would I?”

Jinyoung threw a copy of their play’s script at him and pouting, “Yah, learn to be grateful at least, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Jinyoungie.” Mark chided, picking up the little booklet from his lap. It would be useless to have it now, since it has been weeks since he had all his lines memorized already. “But I’m bored.” He stood up from his bed. From the corner of his eye, he sees Jinyoung looking at him in confusion. He just noticed now that Jinyoung was sitting in his favorite beanbag chair although it did not annoy him as much as when anyone else sits there. Weird. “We’ll practice later, don’t worry. I’m just... I feel like I’m gonna go crazy if I don’t get out of the house today. I’ll just buy some strawberry milk at the convenience store. Wanna come?” He added, not entirely sure why he did.

The convenience store was unusually empty when they arrived. Usually at this time, it was crowded by other students this time at night coming home from school or club activities. However, aside from two middle school boys, they were the only ones inside.

“You better be fast.” Jinyoung says, apparently still annoyed because they spent the whole journey to the store bickering and Mark won that round. Long story short, Jinyoung ended up paying for Mark’s strawberry milk.

“I’ll be as fast as I can be.” Mark smirked to annoy the other more, heading slowly to the drinks section. “Seriously, Jinyoungie. This won’t take long and we’ll practice soon, so can you just chill. I’ll be buying you a pack of your own anyway.”

“I’m the one who’ll be paying for it!” Jinyoung says incredulously.

“Well, don’t bet on something if you know you’d lose.” Mark rolled his eyes and Jinyoung could only stick his tongue at him. Mark only did the same. “Anyway, where is that strawberry milk...?”

They were about to round the corner towards the drinks section when they hear voices. From his point of view, Mark sees one of the middle school boys from earlier holding a flower in his hand, hiding it from the other behind. Mark held Jinyoung’s wrist as the latter froze on his spot. He has a feeling something would happen Mark feels they cannot intrude.

“Seongwoo, wait. I have to tell you something.” The boy with the flower finally says. Mark sees him clutching the flower tighter in his hand. He must be nervous, he thought. He sighs exasperatedly. They should have just stayed at home tonight, instead of being in this kind of weird atmosphere kind of situation.

He feels Jinyoung shifting suddenly on his side. Mark turned to face him and to shush him, but Jinyoung’s expression looked in anticipation and Mark cannot help but smile slightly at that. He looked adorable with that kind of expression. He then decided to just watch as well the two middle school boys once more.

“What is it?” The other boy asked curiously.

“I... I don’t know how to say this to you, but!” Flower boy (as Mark had started to call him in his head) begins to say. “I wanted to tell you for so long and if I don’t do this now, I’ll probably won’t ever so! I’m... I’m babbling aren’t I? I... I feel so nervous right now, sorry about that but,” Flower boy takes out the flower in his hand and bowed his head. “Seongwoo-yah, I like you.”

“Oh,” The boy named Seongwoo looked shocked, but just laughed lightly. He takes the flower from Flower boy and sniffed it with a soft smile. “So that’s why you’ve been carrying this poor thing the whole day. I was worried you’re not gonna give it to me. What took you so long?”

Although Mark could only see the back of Flower boy’s head, he was pretty sure he was smiling widely now. “Wait, you knew?”

“Of course,” The other boy aka Seongwoo answered. “I saw your notebook. Now, isn’t it time for us to go on our 1^st date now since it was a success?”

“I-it is?” Flower boy asked nervously, but Mark can see the excitement spring from his feet.

“Of course, I like you too for the longest time!” Seongwoo exclaimed. “Now, can we go? I don’t want us to spend our first date in a convenience store, do I?” He says finally pulling Flower boy happily hand in hand.

Mark chuckled slightly as he sees Flower boy smiling stupidly, walking out of the store. “Well, that was fun.” He commented. He turns to see Jinyoung looking red in the face and smiling giddily. “Jinyoungie, you’re blushing. Your face is all red like a tomato right now!”

“What?!” Jinyoung touched his face with his hands. “Ugh, okay. I like cheesy, romantic stuff sue me!” Jinyoung then proceeded to walk past Mark mumbling a sulky ‘they looked adorable – Stupid Tuan’ under his breath.

Mark only followed with a smug expression causing Jinyoung to hit his arm when he saw his face. “Ouch! Jinyoungie! So we resort to violence now?”

Jinyoung’s face is still red when he replied, “It’s because of your stupid face, Tuan. Everyone will be violent when they see it no doubt.”

“Oh yes, I know I’m hot.” Mark replied causing Jinyoung to just roll his eyes exasperatedly at him. He puts his hands inside his pockets as he sees Jinyoung pick up two strawberry milk packs from the fridge and headed to the cash register. He thinks of Jinyoung’s expression from earlier and remembers how happy he looked. Somehow, he just wants to see Jinyoung that happy once again. He is such a romantic. Maybe one day, one person will arrive and make him happier than he is right now. Tell Jinyoung that he likes him, give him flowers and make Jinyoung smile and red on the face again – make Jinyoung the happiest person in the world.

But Mark Tuan is selfish.

Somehow, he does not want to see that day when it happens.

He feels like...It will kill him.

Why?

I don’t know.

Maybe you’re just a bad person.

Maybe I am.

“Mark?” He sees Jinyoung waving a hand on his face. “I said I’m done. Here’s your strawberry milk. Can we go home and practice now?”

“Okay.” Mark simply replied. He was about to drink his milk when he hears Jinyoung giggle. “What is it?”

“I still have your straw.” Jinyoung chuckled handling him the plastic straw. “What are you doing?”

“Shut up,” Mark says pinching Jinyoung’s cheek to wipe the smile off his face. It did not work, He hurriedly stepped out of the convenience store to head straight home with Jinyoung sprinting after him.

“Hey! Wait for me!”

Maybe I’m not a bad person. If Jinyoungie can still smile at me like that. I may not be that bad, aren’t I?

You’re wrong. And weird. And disgusting.

Shut up!

“Yah! You’re dead.” Jinyoung slapped his arm once more, breathing heavily. “You know I can’t run quickly.”

Mark only snorted, not knowing what to say. He just opted to sip his strawberry milk silently.

“It will be okay, you know?” Jinyoung just went on quietly when he noticed that Mark does not intend to say anything anymore. “I know everything looked pretty bad with your suspension and all, but it will be okay. I’m positive. We’ll practice and have the best play in school next week and everything will be back to normal, because whatever you did yesterday, I know you won’t do it unless you had to. You’re not a bad person, Mark. Don’t ever think otherwise.”
 

At that moment, Mark realized that it was all he needed to hear. He did not know how much he needed to hear that until he did. And somehow, the voices in his mind seemed like they did not matter anymore.

Everything will be alright. He is not a bad person. Jinyoung said so.

17/

Droplets of water run down his back as Mark steps out of the shower. He shivered for a bit before trying to dry his hair off. His uniform was neatly spread out of his bed while he started to prepare for school. The clock on his bedside table told him that he has plenty of time to prepare. From his position, he can smell the delicious aroma of pancakes and bacon downstairs. Smiling slightly to himself, he then proceeded to comb his hair out.

He heard some knocking on his door. Weird, he thought curiously. His mom must have known he was already preparing for school since it was pretty rare for him to wake up late anyways. Maybe breakfast is earlier today? Mark racked his brain, trying to remember dinner last night if his parents mentioned anything about them leaving earlier for the day. Oh well... He sighs to himself as he got up from his chair and made his way to the doorway.

“Ma, I’m just dressing up-...” Mark says opening the door when he heard a loud scream, finding a very surprised (and very red) Jinyoung on the other side. “OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU ?!” Mark thought Jinyoung gasped at him.

He was not able to think things through anymore. Mark immediately shut his door and made sure it was locked. He can feel his face heating up right away. He was holding the doorknob tightly in his shaking hands, afraid that Jinyoung will just burst inside his room. He was now very aware that he was only wearing his bath towel around his waist and he was so very not ready to have Jinyoung see him in that form. “What are you doing here, Jinyoungie?!”

“I-I... I’m sorry!” Jinyoung yelled from the other side. Mark can hear Jinyoung’s erratic steps from the other side of his door. Apparently he was not the only one freaking out about this. But that did not calm him one bit. It meant Jinyoung did see him clearly earlier. “A-Auntie asked me to tell y-you that, uhm, b-breakfast i-is ready! S-she said I can just go upstairs! I-I did not know you’re... you’re! I’m so sorry!”

Mark quickly grabbed his bathrobe from his cabinet and wore it. Very slowly, he opens his bedroom door to see Jinyoung squeaking and covering his eyes right away. “Hey,” Mark chuckled, seeing as how adorable Jinyoung looked while trying to cover his entire face with his hands. “Sorry. It’s alright. I’m not mad. I’ll just quickly get ready and follow you downstairs.”

He sees Jinyoung nod, hands still covering his face. “Jinyoungie, I’m already wearing a robe. You can remove your hands from your face now.” But Jinyoung only shook his head violently and ran away, most possibly to the kitchen.

“You might fall down the stairs if you don’t walk properly! Please be careful, Jinyoungie!” Mark called out after him, finally able to breathe out and smile when he sees Jinyoung’s arms flailing on his side.

“Oh! Here comes the prince now!” Mark hears his father exclaimed when he finally went downstairs. He nearly retreated back to his room when he sees Jinyoung sitting there as well with his own plate of pancakes. He feels his face heating up once again. He absolutely did not expect seeing Jinyoung still here. Unconsciously fixing his hair, Mark then awkwardly sits on the empty chair beside him. Jinyoung looked up at him smiling, but it was still obvious that he still remembers what transpired upstairs earlier.

But he still looks breathtaking; Goddamnit, Mark Tuan, get yourself together. Mark thinks miserably to himself as he clears his throat. It took all of his willpower to look as indifferent as possible, because both of his parents are staring at him with a mix of smug and expectant expression. He returned a feigned innocent “What?” questioning expression at them, but based on how his parents’ smiles grew wider, he was pretty sure he has neither of them convinced. He can only hang his head.

As it turns out, Jinyoung’s mom had baked a little too much breakfast muffins this morning that she asked Jinyoung to bring some over. Mark was pretty sure Jinyoung has already eaten breakfast back home, but he is pretty sure the mountain of pancakes and bacon on his plate was courtesy of Mark’s mom and Jinyoung was just too polite to refuse.

“Ma, you put so much food on Jinyoungie’s plate!” Mark protested as he tried to take back some of Jinyoung’s food from his plate.

“Hey!” Jinyoung retaliated, pulling the plate out of the other’s grasp. “Why are you so mean? It’s my food! I’m gonna eat them!”

“But-... you must have eaten breakfast already...” Mark stared at him and trailed off weakly.

“Jinyoung’s right, Mark.” His mom tells him with a smile. “And it’s rude to take food out of a visitor’s plate.”

Mark mumbled a low ‘sorry’ before his mother handed him his own plate (although he noticed his serving is a tad bit smaller than Jinyoung’s). Deciding that it would be better if he does not say anything more, Mark started to devour his breakfast. To be honest though, he does not know if he has enough appetite this morning. He finally understood what it meant what they say about butterflies in one’s stomach - He is definitely having a hard time swallowing his food when he has this guy beside him making him flustered as hell.

“So,” Mark hears his father say. “You boys must be hurrying up soon. Why don’t you take Mark’s car? It has been sitting there-...” Mark almost choked on his pancake as he proceeded to shoot his father a look. He saw his father’s eye widening at him. No! Don’t! Dad, he doesn’t know! Please, please, please, stop talking now! He tried to communicate desperately to his father.

“C... car?” Jinyoung asked curiously, looking from Mark’s dad to Mark, who in turn started to cough violently. “Mark... your car?” Mark cannot take it anymore. He can feel Jinyoung’s beautiful eyes staring at him and all he can do is drink his glass of juice in one go.

“Ah! Sorry about that! Did I say Mark’s car?” Mark’s dad laughed boisterously and Mark could not help but breathe a sigh of relief. “I was talking about my car! It has been sitting in the garage for the long time. I wasn’t going out today anyway, so if you want to take it to school. I’m sure Mark would be happy to drive you two...”

“I... I don’t want to impose, Uncle.” Jinyoung says smiling, raising his hands in embarrassment. “I’ll just take the bus once I’m done. You and Auntie are too generous to me already.”

“No! It’s okay!” Mark interrupted immediately, not wanting to go to school without Jinyoung. “I... I’m saving for gas anyway. Don’t worry. I’ll just go to school with Jinyoungie. Thanks, dad... for the offer.” He trailed off once more now he can see his parents’ expression.

He is now officially 9000% B U S T E D.

It was safe to say that he had to endure more of his parents’ smug expressions when they see them off to school. It was a quiet walk to the bus stop. Mark keeps racking his brain on what to say. He looks at Jinyoung, trying to figure out what the other was thinking. Did he already figure out that Mark’s car has been fixed weeks ago and he was just using this as an excuse to spend more time with Jinyoung? God, he really hopes not. He does not want Jinyoung to think weirdly of him, especially after what happened at his room earlier. Mark can feel his expression heating up at the thought.

“Mark?” He hears Jinyoung’s voice, ultimately distracting him from his embarrassing thoughts. “Did you hear what I said? The bus is here. We’ll be late if we don’t get on now.”

“Ah yeah, right.” Mark answered distractedly, too dazed at Jinyoung’s curious gaze at him. “Come on, Jinyoungie.” He was too bothered by his contemplations that he did not realize, he unconsciously held Jinyoung’s hand as they climbed on the bus, even more so, completely oblivious to the other guy’s reddening cheeks beside him.

“M-mark...” Jinyoung stuttered, catching Mark’s attention. They were able to find a decent seat towards the end of the bus and yet Jinyoung seemed to be bothered about something. For one, he was looking anywhere but Mark.

“Yeah?” Mark asked curiously, his eyebrow rose.

“Y-your h-hand...” Jinyoung said quietly, and if what possible, his cheeks turned into a darker shade of red. That was when Mark finally realized their fingers intertwined together.

“Oh.” Mark simply said, but not letting go. Quite frankly, he did not want to let go one bit. Jinyoung holding on to his hand cannot be more perfect than ever, not that it was imperfect, all those other times in the past. Every single time Mark held Jinyoung’s hand gives him a unique and warm feeling in his heart and he can say the same thing now.  “My hand feels a bit cold right now.” He says feeling the heat creeping up his cheeks once again. Why am I so lame? “I’m just gonna borrow your hand the whole ride, okay?”

“Okay.” Jinyoung says after a short while and he never mentioned anything else. Mark was relieved. At least, Jinyoung looked like he was going to run away from the bus anytime.  “But you have to let me borrow something in return.”

Mark looked at him incredulously, wondering what this was about and partially hoping that it will not be something outrageous like borrowing his car so Jinyoung and Minjoon can go on their dates because Jinyoung already said yes to him and they are a couple now or something. Is it? No, that does not even make any sense. Jinyoung still thinks his car is under repairs and Jinyoung will not hold his hand if he was already dating another guy, is it? And Youngjae would have said something to him if they are, won’t he?

Mark really needs to hold it together.

Ugh, I think I’m having a breakdown from thinking too much.

“What is it?” Mark swallowed the non-existent lump in his throat, unconsciously tightening his hold of Jinyoung’s hand.

Jinyoung looked away from him once again before saying, “Your shoulder. I want to borrow your shoulder.”

“W-what?” Mark blinked at him.

“What?” Jinyoung asked in return, his nose in the air and Mark almost laughed at how cute and adorable he looked. “I wasn’t able to sleep too much last night so I need your shoulder so I can take a nap on our way to school.” He then shoved Mark a bit before placing his soft head on Mark’s shoulder. He knew Jinyoung’s just trying to act this way to hide his embarrassment, which automatically brought a smile on Mark’s face.

They must look like a couple right now. Mark’s smiled became wider. All these times, he had thought he will not have this same feeling once again; Jinyoung being so close around him. He felt so warm. So warm, that he feels like it reaches his heart every single time.  And maybe it does, because it is Jinyoung, his Jinyoungie.

“So bony.” He heard Jinyoung murmured sleepily on his side. “Make sure to eat your meals completely, okay? Your mom makes the best pancakes so makes sure to eat them all every day so you won’t be too skinny.”

“I will.” Mark replies fondly. Reaching with his other hand to pat Jinyoung’s hair. He knows his friend, aka the love of his life, falls asleep easily, so as soon as he saw Jinyoung finally dozing off, he whispered softly. “Sleep tight, Jinyoungie.”

He must have been imagining it, but he feels Jinyoung’s hand tightening his hold on him.

15/

“Taking all the time that would need for your bones to heal plus therapy; I’d say Mark would need at least ten weeks of rest.”

Ten weeks.

Mark did not need to hear anything else. His mind had already jumped over the soccer team’s time table. National tournament is in the next three or so months and the fact that he will be out for ten weeks, that will certainly not be enough for him to join in time. After all the hard work he has done over the past year, over the summer...

Ten weeks.

All the practices and training going down the drain.

Ten weeks.

...Jinyoung will not be able to see him win the national championship.

Jinyoung, what am I gonna do now?

“Mark?” Mark felt a light tap on his shoulder, courtesy of his father. His parents are looking over at him in concern. “Let’s go home?”

He was quiet on the way back. He knew his parents were trying to cheer him up, and to be honest, it did make him a little bit better hearing them chatting over. His coach and other teammates already checked up on him – Jackson, being Jackson, almost caused Mark to go deaf when he called (freaking all over the place more like).

“Everything will be alright, Mark.” His mom says before she leaves the room. “Like your coach said earlier, you just take all the time that you need to recover, okay? Dad and I are always going to be here for you no matter what, okay?

Mark just nodded and proceeded to hug his mother tightly. Right now, that was all he needed. He knew his mother was right. Everything will be alright. It has to be. He needed it to be. He would get better soon, He does not need to worry about anything as long as he follows what the Doctor says and attends all his therapy sessions.

He will be alright.

God, if only he was able to believe in himself for a little bit.

There was no light in Jinyoung’s room as Mark looked over, resting his chin on his arms. Sometimes it was nights like this when he misses Jinyoung the most, when all he needed to see was his warm, wrinkly smile and he would feel like everything will be alright in his world again. He looked down at his leg covered in heavy cast. 

Ten weeks, huh?

“Wow, dude, that looks bad,” Jaebum commented as he seated himself on top of Mark’s desk, examining his friend’s leg. “But your cast looks cool though. Can I sign it?”

“Oh, why didn’t I think of that?!” Jackson lights up from his seat. “Let me sign your cast too!”

Mark rolled his eyes at them, because it’s no use anyway. Jackson and Jaebum are already choosing the colored markers to use for Mark’s cast. “Whatever, I’m so glad I’m such a great entertainment to you guys.”

“Hey, we’re just joking.” Jackson says, but despite his words, he was already halfway on signing his name on the cast, while Jaebum’s already putting finishing touches and caricatures on his sign. “Lighten up, man! Like you said, the doctor said you’ll be fine, plus Coach says you can definitely watch over the practices when you’re not having your rehab. Our freshman players need someone to supervise them somehow.”

“I guess so,” Mark shrugged absentmindedly. “It just that I won’t be able to join the national championships and all.”

Jaebum and Jackson eyed him quietly. Of course they knew how badly he wanted to win the championship along with the team, how badly he wants to prove himself as a great soccer player, how badly he wanted to see how Jinyoung’s eyes would twinkle, because he was so damn proud of him.

No.

What are you thinking? Stop thinking about Jinyoung. He does not care about a loser like you.  Pathetic. Weak.

“Ah, don’t be so negative about it,” Jaebum gives him a pat on the shoulder. “Even though you’ll miss the games, that does not mean it’s the end. It’s just ten weeks and after that, you’ll be back into perfect shape. Who know, you might get more opportunities along the way. Just focus on getting better right now.”

“Yeah,” Jackson agrees nodding. “And the team won’t be where it is right now if it’s not for your help. We might’ve lost our star player, but don’t underestimate us, Mark Tuan. We’ll probably do better now since you’re not hogging the ball and all, you know?” Jackson kidded with a playful smile, while Mark snorted.

“Right...” Mark challenged. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure to cheer you guys on.”

“That’s the spirit!” Jaebum cheers with a raised fist.

Soccer practice went better than expected, even if he stayed on the sidelines the whole time. Actually, it was not that bad. Seeing everyone’s faces again, it gave him a little boost of confidence about his injury.

The team is now back at the locker rooms, washing up, and Mark decided to get his things from the classroom so Jackson and Jaebum can help him on the way home. He was still getting used to walking using his crutches, so he was still a bit slow in his stride but he was getting by. Besides, tomorrow is the start of his rehab so at least that was something he can look forward to.

There were fewer students in the hallway by the time Mark has climbed up the stairs. Most probably, some are still joining their club activities or has gone home, so Mark was not really expecting anyone in their classroom when he came in. Well, not until he saw a small, lone figure hovering around his desk, trying to fit something inside Mark’s duffel bag (the one that he uses for soccer practices) and he definitely looks like in a hurry.

If it was anyone else, Mark would have freaked out immediately, but how can when it is-

“Jinyoungie, what are you doing here?” Mark asked all of a suddenly asked, which made the other jump in surprise.

“Nothing!” Jinyoung squeaked as he tried to block whatever he was trying to put inside Mark’s bag, but it was no use. Mark was already slowly walking towards him, his eyes narrowing at the other.

“Nothing? That’s not the look of someone innocent...” Mark steps closer and Jinyoung recoiled. His cheeks all round and pink that Mark nearly stopped himself, because now he realizes that oh, this is the first time they saw each other after his injury. Mark sighed to himself. “What are you doing here, Jinyoungie?”

“I... I’m...” Jinyoung bit his lips guiltily, before he steps aside and revealed a bag of what Mark can only assume as herbal drinks; the plastic barely fitting in his duffel. No wonder Jinyoung’s having a hard time fitting them in. “Mom wants me to give you these. I wasn’t doing anything. I promise! Sorry.”

Mark takes the plastic bag and examine them. “You know there’s a less suspicious way of giving them to me, right?” Jinyoung’s cheeks turned pinker. “But tell Auntie, thanks. Oh.” Mark fished out a couple of out of place packs of strawberry milk from the plastic.  “Well, uh, are these supposed to be here? I think these are yours, Jinyoungie.”

“Oh. Oh, no.” Jinyoung shook his head and said quietly hanging his head low. “Those are actually from me. They’re the only ones I can afford with my allowance. Don’t laugh, okay?”

But despite what Jinyoung had said, Mark could not help but chuckle for a bit – that made Jinyoung glower at him. “Okay, I won’t laugh.”

“You just did!” Jinyoung pouted and started playing with his thumbs. “I’m just gonna go. I’ll tell mom you said thanks. Get... get well soon, Mark.”

Mark watches as Jinyoung walks away. And before he can stop himself, “Jinyoungie, wait.” He beckons Jinyoung over and hands him one pack of strawberry milk. “Here, drink this with me.”

“No, it’s okay. I bought it for you.” Jinyoung shakes his head, but Mark was already putting the pack in his hand. “You should be drinking them...”

“I already got a pack of mine, see?” Mark waves the other strawberry milk at him. “Come on, don’t be such a killjoy. I’m injured, see? Be a bit nicer to me.”

“I am being nice to you.” Jinyoung says, and slowly made his way to sit on the desk beside Mark’s. “I bought these for you, didn’t I?”

They did not say anything for a while, just quietly sipped their own strawberry milk packs in silent. It was Jinyoung who broke the silence. “How’s your leg?”

Mark looked at Jinyoung and he wished he did not, because the latter was looking at him worriedly that he suddenly feels it was hard to breathe.

“It’s okay.” Mark breaks their eye contact and look at his cast. “The doctor says it would take at least ten weeks to heal so...”

“Oh, that’s good then!” Jinyoung says, smiling. “I’m sure you’ll be up and about in no time!”

“What are you so cheerful about?” Mark tried to sound annoyed, but despite himself, he felt a smile forms on his lips. “That’s ten weeks of rehab and therapy, Jinyoungie.”

“I know...” Jinyoung sips the straw candidly, seemingly thinking of what was the best thing to say. “But since it’s you, I believe you’re gonna do everything to get well and make that ten weeks pass by like a flash.”

Mark does not say anything and glanced at his casted leg one more time. For the first time since he broke his leg, he finally felt like everything will really work itself out.

Something was wrong.

Mark first noticed it a few therapy sessions ago, but something was definitely off when he tried to start walking his newly healed leg. He figured that it was just him getting used to not to walking in crutches anymore.  But now he was already cleared by the doctor and his x-ray reports are showing that everything has been healed, so what is this feeling that he has?

“Mark? Are you alright?” One of his teammates is looking at him strangely, but Mark was frozen, the soccer ball resting on his feet. He tried his best to move his leg, but he cannot. It was as if it was nailed to the ground.

He can see his other teammates turning to him and even Jackson who was playing goalkeeper was running from the other end of the field. He too was wearing a worried expression on his face.

“Mark?” Jackson asks as he stepped towards him, but all Mark can think of is that bothering feeling on his leg that will not go away.

So he ran away.

He can hear Jackson calling after him, his teammates and his coach, but everything has been drowned by his fear that maybe he will not be able to do this after all.

And he will be a disappointment once more. To everyone.

To Jinyoung. He would let him down again.

And he could not bear it.

“One day, you’ll be the best soccer player in the whole wide world, Mark! I’ll be cheering for you!”

I don’t think it will be possible anymore, Jinyoungie. I’m sorry.

“I told you, I’m fine.” Mark snapped at his Jackson and Jaebum when they brought him the fifth dessert of the day.

“Well, you just quit the soccer team.” Jaebum explained, holding the packs of tiramisu in his hands. “Don’t tell us you don’t need us cheering you up, because we know how much that means to you.”

“Come on, Mark.” Jackson laid out the rest of the desserts on Mark’s desk. “Coach says you can join the team whenever you want. You can still come back if you feel like it. Besides, you’ve done the tests again, right? And everything came back negative, isn’t it? Your leg’s all good.”

“Whatever,” Mark gets up from his desk and starts walking away, leaving his two friends behind.  He knew how much of a jerk he was being right now, and yet he could not even figure out a way to say sorry and just tell them that everything in his mind has been a mess since this injury happened and he does not even know what to think or do anymore.

That was the thing that bothered him the most. They have gone and gotten second and even third opinions about the condition of his leg, but all results came out negative. There was nothing wrong with his leg. Everything has been healed up completely; that what he was feeling was all in his head.

“What the hell are you doing, quitting the soccer team?”

Stop it. Please. I can’t bear you looking at me like that, Jinyoungie. Your eyes looks so sad, because of me once again. Me. I can’t do anything right, can I?

The music was blasting in his ears that he barely made out the soft knockings on his door. He might have even imagined it. But then the soft sounds comes back again that Mark did not have a choice but leave the comfort on his bed and see who was on the other side.

“So,” Mark was too surprised to see Youngjae that he did not even have enough time to react while the latter just made himself comfortable in his room.

“...so?” Mark sighed exasperatedly, anticipating that Youngjae would probably berate him for well, everything that he has done from the beginning. Rightfully so, if he must admit. However, he was probably not really mentally prepared for another lecture. “Is this about what happened this morning with Jinyoung?”

“You owe Jackson and Jaebum an apology.” Youngjae says finally after a few moments. “Look, I’m pretty sure you’ve had enough of people talking to you about your injury and all. Hell, I know nothing I will say to you right now can fix anything. You can sulk all you want for quitting the soccer team, because I know that whatever you’re going through right now, you’re the only one who can figure out if you’re okay or not. I’m not here to pity you or whatever; because that’s the last thing you need from someone like me. However,”

Youngjae let out a heavy sigh. “Jaebum and Jackson... please be a little nicer to them, you know? They’re just trying to cheer you up and I know they might not show it or say it, but they’re trying to do their best to understand what’s going on.”

“Did they... say something?” Mark asked quietly.

“Nope,” Youngjae shook his head. “But I can tell you probably did something that you think might upset them, given the situation. If you feel bad for being a jerk to them, just say sorry to them. Sometimes Mark, you just have to be honest with yourself - about your feelings.”

“Okay.”

“Alright,” Youngjae says as he walks towards Mark’s door. “That’s all I have to say. Anyway, I have to go. Get well soon, alright?”

“Youngjae,”

“Yeah.”

“Tell Jinyoung I’m sorry. About this morning, at the rooftop.”

“You can say sorry to him. One day, when the time comes. Tell him you’re sorry.”

“Okay.”

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Hey Guys.

To anyone who's still reading this, I would like to convey my most sincere apologies to you since I have not updated this fic for YEARS. Pretty much, life got the best of me - losing one of the most important person in my life, started a new job, my laptop was damaged beyond repair, etc. and I felt that I needed a break from everything. This incomplete chapter -  has been written for about a year now. this is just about 1/3 of what was supposed to be Chapter 6 of this I have long debated so hard whether this chapter should be posted or not. However, since today is a special day -  I felt that even though this is still not completed, this would be my turning point. Hopefully I would be able to complete this chapter by the end of next month or at least by the end of the year (Bear with me please :(). But I promise this will be the start once again.

(you'll see blank parts at the end... that's how much this chapter is still incomplete, but I added this to tease you guys. JK.)
 Hey guys. Happy Jinyoung day! Hugs all over!