A few days pass and Nicola is allowed to get out of the house now. Kwangmin tries to catch her when she is all by herself. He never has much time before someone else comes through the door. He goes to Kwon.

“Kwon, do I have even an hour break sometime soon?” Kwangmin walks into Kwon’s office. Kwon looks up from his papers and shakes his head.

“Uh…I’m not sure.” Kwon answers.

“Well, can I know?” Kwangmin asks.

“Uh, sure…” Kwon looks to Dave. Dave files through some papers.

“Looks like you have free time in two days. You have quite a lot of free time.” Dave let’s Kwangmin see the paper. Kwangmin nods and scans the times.

“Awesome, thanks.” Kwangmin smiles.

“Why?” Kwon eyes him.

“I wanted to meet up with some friends from school.” Kwangmin answers slyly. Kwon nods. Kwangmin texts Nicola to see if she wants to go for a coffee that day when he is free as he walks back to the practice room after he “went to the restroom.” They practice for a little bit and then take a break. Kwangmin pulls out his phone and has a message from Nicola. She accepts his offer. He smiles at the phone and then puts it back into his pocket.

The day comes. They just finished a TV interview. He changes into his street clothes and throws a beanie on. Kwangmin had a plan so that the others and Dave wouldn’t know. Kwangmin leaves the studio to “go hang out with friends” while thirty minutes later Nicola strolls in to Kwon’s office.

“Hey dad…” Nicola starts.

“Yes?” He can tell she wants something.

“I promise to keep you updated and everything but some friends from school wanted to go to the coffee shop down the street. Can I go? Please.” Nicola begs.

“I don’t know…” Dave slowly says. He looks to Kwon.

“Oh let the girl go.” Kwon shakes his head.

“Dad, they are the first friends I have made since being here. I really want to go out to coffee with them without my dad tagging along. Please.” Nicola begs.

“You might not be here that long though.” Dave uses to his defense. Nicola’s face drops. She looks heartbroken and hurt. Dave sighs. “I’m sorry. Go on but don’t stay out late!” Dave orders. She nods.

“Thanks dad.” She gives him a hug and hurries off to meet Kwangmin who is waiting at the street corner. They walk down to a café down the street and sit down to wait to order. After receiving their order, Kwangmin breaks the silence.

“So you know why I asked you to come here?” Kwangmin looks up from his cup.

“So we can have a cup of coffee like friends?” Nicola hopes that is the answer but knows better than that. “Fine…”

“So you will tell me now?” Kwangmin leans in to hear well. She sighs.

“It’s a long story. What do you want to know?” She asks.

“I want you to start from the beginning. Tell me everything. I want to know about the marks on your arm to why you were crying when I came to see you a few days ago when you were sick.” Kwangmin answers.

“I lost a close friend of mine that was my cousin died. She got into drugs because of the guy she was dating. The drugs ended up killing her. She didn’t do them long, only about a year. She was my best friend and it hurt a lot. We had a pack that we would never leave each other. We made that pack because of me. I suffer from depression but I never got medicated. Once you are labeled with something like that, everyone finds out. It never goes away. So I never got help, never got any pills, and I never told another soul but her and now you. I don’t want pity from you and I don’t want you to treat me different. I’m normal, so just treat me normal no matter what I tell you.” Nicola looks sternly at Kwangmin.

“I understand.” Kwangmin promises.

“So we made the pack so that I wouldn’t do anything rash—if you get what I mean. I hit pretty low but I never hit rock bottom after her death. I just stayed low. I then got to the point in my life where I could do nothing right. I would try so hard and still feel like crap about something. I felt like even if I tried, I couldn’t look pretty, or pull an outfit off. Sometimes it was just the fact that I had to give a speech and I didn’t think I sounded right. My mom then left us. It was so sudden and I had this void in my life that I know had to fill. I had to fill the role for cooking and doing laundry because my dad was working so much. With my mom leaving, it felt like I was nothing to her. I had times where I thought my dad would leave me too. I started cutting my wrists. It’s like a drug now to keep me sane.” She pulls the sleeve up on her right arm. On top of her arm—not under her arm—are a ton of scars and newly opened wounds. She pulls it back down quickly. “No one knows that but you now.” She looks at him sternly again. “My father lost his job a few months ago. This was his only option and it worked out since Kwon is my father’s best friend. We found out that my mother is trying to take custody of me. My dad’s side of the family won’t even look at us anymore. I don’t know why but they didn’t approve of my parent’s marriage. They never really saw me as one of them. They saw me as my cousin’s friend and not part of the family. On my mom’s side, it just looks like a blemish to the name. That’s what one of my grandmother’s friends said one time. She didn’t know that my mother and grandmother had taught me to read, write, and talk Korean. I heard her loud and clear but my grandmother said nothing in my defense. I don’t want to go live with my mom because I just look like that blemish on the family name of my mother. Even so, my mother is still fighting my dad in court and I have no choice in it. It looks like I will be leaving soon though, is what my dad said.” Nicola finally finishes her story.

“Your facial expressions.” Kwangmin studies her face. “Are you trying to hide everything? All of your emotions?” Nicola just looks at her coffee. “You didn’t want me to see your face that day because you were crying.” Finally the pieces click. “Nicola, you hold yourself to this standard of not showing anything but being happy. I…I don’t know why but even when you have to tell such a sad story, you shut off your emotions.” Kwangmin puts some money on the table. “Come on. Let’s go somewhere a little more private.” He calls a cab to take them to the Boyfriend apartment. They sit in silence up to the apartment. Then Kwangmin leads her to the living room couch. “There, if you want me to leave the room I will. Cry, scream, do something to let it out.” Kwangmin waits. “Do you want me to leave?” She shakes her head. “Then what do you want me to do.”

“Stay…” Nicola mutters.

“I am but Nicola. I’m worried. Depression is a serious thing. How will I know you will be alright?” Kwangmin asks.

“I just will.” Nicola answers. Kwangmin shakes his head. He knows there is nothing he can do but just hear what she has to say, and work from there. “I just have up and down days.” Kwangmin nods.

“I want to help.” Kwangmin says sternly.

“Then don’t tell anyone anything.” Nicola stares hardly at him. He doesn’t answer but then finally nods.

“I won’t if it helps then.” He wants to tell his hyungs too see what he should do but knows he can’t.

“Let’s go, it will be awkward if the others come back.” Nicola presses her lips into a straight line to show she doesn’t want to talk anymore. Kwangmin nods.

“Yeah, we better head back to the studio.” Kwangmin agrees. They take a cab back to the studio. They step out of the cab in front of the building and walk in together. Kwon happens to be looking out the window when they step out of the cab. Kwon smiles to himself for he thinks they went on a date. As soon as they are in the building, Nicola puts on a smile. Kwangmin feels bad for her since she is putting on a front. He heads off to interview practice and then off to language class while Nicola updates her blog in the hang out room. Kwon slips into the hang out room while Nicola is by herself. He has a big grin plastered to his face.

“Soooo!” He asks in a silly voice. Nicola just shakes her head.

“What is that look for?” She laughs.

“How was your date with Kwangmin?” Kwon whispers. Nicola’s face drops.

“No, Kwon, it’s not like that. Don’t tell my dad. He will flip out. We just went to get some coffee and I helped him with his English. He wants to impress this girl from another girl group but I promised not to tell who.” Nicola lies. She makes it up on the spot but doesn’t hesitate with the story. Kwon nods.

“I’m sure.” He sings. He is still too happy that there is a chance that is a lie.

Meanwhile, on the short break they have between lessons, Kwangmin goes to read more of Nicola’s blog. He is very curious when he sees there is a new blog up. He reads it and can’t help but smile. She enjoyed the coffee with him but the whole telling him everything made her sad. It goes on to say that she feels like it’s a burden for him to know and that she doesn’t want pity from him or any kind of special treatment. Kwangmin gets an idea. Later that night, when they are back at their dorm, Kwangmin gets on his laptop and makes an account on this blog site. He subscribes to the blog and comments on her latest post and then on some other as if “another person who has no idea who she is in real life” and all that jazz. She is online and replies to one comment and thanks him for subscribing. Nicola, back at her home, clicks on her new subscriber profile. She sees they are a boy. So she goes to answer his question on the latest blog.

“Not to sound like a crazy fan girl, but this boy is not just anyone, he is pretty famous. And I don’t want special treatment or for him to feel like he should pity me. I don’t want anyone to pity over me. So don’t you pity me too ;D” She types.

“So this boy, is he someone you have feelings for? ;D ” Kwangmin replies.

“I don’t know really. Like, he is the kind of guy I would go for but I’m not so sure I want to date now. It would be just more torture for me to go through when I have to leave ;_;” She types.

“So you have to leave for sure?” Kwangmin bites his lip and frowns at the screen.

“Well, it doesn’t look good for me. It looks like I will have to go live in the states while people all around me looking at me like a blemish…but in two years I would be considered an adult in the states so I can move back here. I really didn’t want to go out with this boy today because if I get close and have to leave they won’t keep in contact. The boys are just so busy, and so tired when they are done at the end of the day, I wouldn’t remember to keep in contact with someone like me too.” She types.

“I see…but they might.” Kwangmin knows she is just hurting.

“I don’t think so though. I have to go. It’s late. I will add you as a friend and tell you more later.” She types.

“Okay, night.” He types out and sighs shutting the screen.

 

 

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Remember to comment if you want me to update :D ^-^ oh silly Kwon he is like a friend of mine. You are seen with someone then it means your dating in his eyes XD Lol, so comment!! ^-^