Today was the last day of Seventeen’s fansign. The Pretty U promotions were soon about to stop and all the focus was going towards their Asia tour. After a rushed breakfast, if you could even call a piece of toast and a small glass of orange juice breakfast, they got their hair and makeup done. Joshua was in a daze; barely getting enough sleep the night before. The other roommates he had were playing around with one another and speaking loudly as Joshua tried to rest. He didn’t have the heart to tell them to quiet down so he put on some earphones and fell asleep with the sound of music. He started to drift off as the stylist blow dried his hair until someone put a hand on his lap.

“Jisoo wake up silly.”

Joshua opened his eyes slowly and rubbed them as he saw Jeonghan standing by the seat next to him.

“Did you not get any sleep last night?” The boy tilted his head a bit with a small smile.

“Wait no let me guess Seungkwan and Seokmin were being loud like always.” He chuckled as he answered himself and Joshua just nodded lightly with a sleepy smile.

“If you don’t mind Jeonghan could you grab me a cup of coffee I think that will wake me up a bit.” Joshua gave Jeonghan his traditional sweet smile and the other male nodded and walked off to grab a cup.

He waited a while for Jeonghan to come back and by the time the stylist was finished with him he saw Jeonghan come up to him with a cup.

“Sorry, it took so long. Seungcheol took your first one and I tried getting it back before deciding to just get another.” Jeonghan frowned a bit as he handed the cup to Joshua.

“It’s no problem thanks.” Joshua gave a small smile and drank some of the coffee. Jeonghan was called to get his makeup done and he left Joshua with a pat on the back.

Joshua went to sit down on the couch and wait for the others to finish so they can head over to the fansign venue. He shut his eyes and rested up more a bit before he felt someone sit next to him on the couch.

“Hyung are you feeling okay? You seem a bit blue.” He recognized Wonwoo’s deep voice and just smiled softly.

“I’m fine just a bit tired. You shouldn’t worry about me though. I should worry about you.” He lifted his head up and looked at the younger boy.

“Did you eat your proper breakfast this morning? The doctor said you should eat some yogurt and fruits to help with your illness.”

The younger just nodded and smiled as he patted his stomach jokingly.

“Yes, I did hyung. Don’t worry too much. Woozi is always checking up on me.” Joshua nodded and got up to stretch before their manager told them to all get in their vans.

“Let’s go. Your fans all missed you at the last fansign I’m sure they’ll be happy to see you.”

He walked over to the exit of the building and got into the van. He volunteered to sit at the back so he could get a bit more rest as they drove to the venue. As they all got into the van Jeonghan jumped in to sit beside him and rested his head on Joshua’s shoulder. He felt Jeonghan take his hand in his and played around with the ring on his pinky. Joshua could feel his heart skip a beat. He sometimes wondered if Jeonghan felt what Joshua felt whenever they shared little moments like this. The trip was too noisy for Joshua to get any rest but somehow Jeonghan managed to sleep through it all. Their hands were still intertwined and Joshua made sure Jeonghan’s neck wasn’t tilted at a weird angle. The other members in the car teasing as they saw them in the back.

“Look, guys, Jeonghan hyung is sleeping on Joshua hyung’s shoulder how cute~ Joshua is your heart skipping beats~?” They joked and Joshua just gave them a look to quiet down and not disturb Jeonghan’s nap.

They arrived at the venue and they started to get out of the van. Jeonghan had woke up like he had never taken a nap in the first place and fixed his hair before hopping out. Joshua was the last to get out the car and walked into the building. They got into order, this time, Joshua wasn’t sat beside Jeonghan like they usually do. He was sat between Seungcheol and Hoshi, Joshua put on a smile as he went along with the fansign. Greeting fans and putting on the items they had given him. Answering questions and signing albums like usual. As the day went on, he couldn’t help but notice the moments when people would ask Jeonghan to make a heart with Seungcheol for a photo. He could hear them giggling and talking throughout the fansign and Joshua wasn’t sure if it was because of his lack of sleep or his inner emotions that made him feel upset when he saw Jeonghan acting lovey-dovey with Seungcheol.

He tried to ignore it but when the vocal team had to do some mission together he found himself acting jealous and holding onto Jeonghan or resting his chin on Jeonghan’s shoulder as he stood and watched as Seungkwan did something that made the fans laugh. The day went smoothly but Joshua found himself exhausted by the time they came home. Jeonghan seemed to ignore him throughout the fansign. Joshua thought maybe he was overthinking and all the things that happened were just him making them up.

Dinner went by in a daze. Joshua left the table first to shower and head to sleep. He took a long warm shower and thought about his relationship with Jeonghan. He wasn’t sure what they were. Friends of course, but Joshua always seemed to think that there was something more that the both of them had felt long since pre-debut. They had a special bond together since the day Jeonghan first joined them as a part of Seventeen.

The more Joshua thought about it, he found himself more upset than before. He was physically and emotionally drained as he got out of the shower and dressed in some pajamas heading to sleep right after Maybe some sleep will clear his mind and by tomorrow, he would be all better.

He slowly started to drift off into sleep before he heard someone come in the room. Assuming it was Seungkwan or Seokmin he didn’t pay any attention to it before he felt someone slip into the blankets beside him; pulling him closer. He couldn't open his eyes and he tried to speak but his voice just came out groggy.

“Shh. Just sleep it’s me.” He recognized that sweet voice anywhere. It was Jeonghan and he was petting his head.

“I couldn’t sleep alone in my room so I came here instead. I hope you don’t mind.” He mumbled and Joshua wrapped his arms around his waist and brought him closer.

“I don’t.” He managed to say as he got the strength to open his eyes and saw Jeonghan’s face just inches away from his. Jeonghan looked into the male's eyes and smiled softly.

"You look cute when you're sleepy." He reached up to move some of Joshua's hair out of his face.

"Thank you." Joshua mumbled as he yawned.

Sleep was calling him and this time, he couldn't fight it. His eyes slowly fluttered shut and he whispered holding Jeonghan closer.

"Hannie, I think I love you."

Jeonghan watched as Joshua fell asleep with him in his arms and he smiled softly. He ran his hands through Joshua's hair and pressed closer to him. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes; falling asleep as well.

As Joshua slept he had a nightmare for the first time in a long time. Somehow he had ended up in big trouble. He was called to the president's office to talk and with sweaty hands, he made his way up. He knocked on the door before entering in; bowing down and greeting the President.

"Listen, Joshua. I will make this short but I need to clarify. There have been some rumors going around about you and Jeonghan...you know...are  dating. Is this true or not?" The President looked at him with a stern face and Joshua was stunned.

He couldn't believe that someone had told or found out about them. The only ones who knew about their relationship were the other members. They had tried their best to not show too much skinship out in public and had only done things together as fanservice. He gulped before looking up at the President; knowing he couldn't lie to his face.

"Yes, sir. It's true." He said with a straight face. He couldn't lie about what he and Jeonghan were.

"I see...then I must do what I feared. I'm sorry Joshua but you will have to be suspended from activities for a while. Arrangements can be made to stay with your family but until then you may stay in the dorm. I wish I didn't have to do this, but we need to keep Seventeen from any scandals and our public relations team could only come up with this until the rumors die down."

Joshua had tears in his eyes but he just nodded; knowing it was best for the members. He was excused and as he made his way down to the practice room to grab his things Jeonghan rushed to his side and asked what was wrong and all he could do was cry in his arms. Seventeen was his family and without them he was nobody. Jeonghan tried to calm him down as best as he could but soon enough a company employee came in and said all of Seventeen except Joshua will be having a meeting in thirty minutes with the President. Jeonghan looked down at Joshua after the employee left and as soon as he was about to speak Joshua heard a yelp waking him up from the dream.

Joshua rubbed his eyes and sat up. He was sweating and he looked over to his side to see if Jeonghan was okay; he wasn't there. Joshua checked the time on the clock beside his bed and saw that it was 2am. He got up and saw Seokmin and Seungkwan sleeping and he walked out of the room to see what that noise was. He opened the door to Hoshi's room to see if anyone was awake but everyone seemed to be asleep. He shrugged it off and made his way to the kitchen to get a drink to cool him down. As he walked he saw the light from the tv shining in the living room. He slowed down his movements and heard giggles and whispers. Who could be up at this hour? He thought as he made his way closer. What he saw was something he had wanted to forget.

Jeonghan was sitting on Seungcheol's lap watching tv and talking. He could barely hear what was being said but he knew they were flirting by the way they acted. Joshua stood still in his spot as Seungcheol rested his head against Jeonghan's chest staring at the tv in front of them. Joshua was frozen and couldn't move to leave. He didn't know when he started to tear up but when he saw Seungcheol lift his head to look at Jeonghan who was petting his head his heart broke at the words that came out of his mouth.

"Hannie, I think I love you." Seungcheol gave an expecting look at Jeonghan and rested his head back on his chest. Jeonghan hugging his shoulders and resting his head against the other males looking in towards Joshua.

"I think I love you too."  He whispered and looked at Joshua's eyes.

Joshua's heart was shattered into pieces ever since that day. He doesn't remember what he did after, but all he knows is that Jeonghan and his relationship was never the same. In a way much didn't change. Jeonghan clung to Seungcheol in public like always and Joshua would witness their late night talks sometimes as he woke up from constant nightmares. The fans didn't seem to see much difference either. Joshua would participate in fanservice with Jeonghan like they use to and once done they would talk a bit. Jeonghan never brought up that day and neither did Joshua.

Things seemed normal but Joshua knew things would never truly be like they use to. He created a barrier inside of himself and smiled the pain away. He always knew Jeonghan was the one but he was never prepared for an unrequited love like this.