It was funny how before that, before all this… (for lack of better word) …mess, Hansol never mattered to him. Mingyu had never once bat an eyelid on this boy every time he passed by him down the school hallway. He never knew his world would revolve around someone else’s happiness. As long as Mingyu himself was happy, he could call it a good day. He could bother Wonwoo mercilessly, about his amateur crush on the new exchange student from China all he wanted, and still go to sleep as peacefully as a baby could the moment his head hit the pillows with his covers pulled up to his chin. Before he became so invested in Hansol’s life, the colour brown meant nothing significant. Before there was actually someone besides Wonwoo that Mingyu cared for so much, he could play basketball freely.

Now, he was seeing the world through a different perspective. His eyes would dart to Hansol every time he spotted him down the hall. Suddenly, he wanted to be somebody to Hansol. Suddenly, brown became his favourite colour. Suddenly, he couldn’t sleep peacefully anymore. In fact, he wouldn’t. When love came and told him he shouldn’t sleep Mingyu found that his head was being occupied by thoughts of Hansol, whether he liked it or not. It was safe to say that Mingyu was bewitched, bothered, and bewildered.*

Mingyu wondered how this came to be. Of course from the start, he and Hansol always knew each other. They recognised each other’s presence, they had a few classes together, they were both mutually associated with Wonwoo, hell Mingyu even knew where he lived, but that was the extent of it. The thought of approaching one another had never once crossed their minds, nor had it ever became relevant in any situation they’d landed on. It was clearly established that they weren’t the slightest bit interested in becoming friends at all. Mingyu stayed in his lane with his group of friends and so did Hansol if he even had one. From what Mingyu could tell the guy was one of the quiet, anti-social kids in class who sat at the back of the room and honestly, Mingyu couldn’t care less if the guy paid attention to whatever their professor was teaching them.

It was a perfectly good day, to put it nicely, the time Mingyu admittedly became interested in Hansol. Break time was nearly coming to an end with a couple of minutes to spare, and there was a familiar sound of an oddly loud slap! that resounded into Mingyu’s ears, followed by an outburst of venomous profanities. It caused him to turn to the direction of the noise with newfound curiosity. When he averted his gaze back to Wonwoo, he was surprised to see that his friend was looking at him in an expectant manner.

“What was that?” Wonwoo sported the same inquisitive look on his face, worry strewn all over as he jerked his head to the direction of the sound. Mingyu could vaguely remember himself feeling both excited yet disinterested in the situation, because he really couldn’t care less what was happening. This was high school—everything happened here. Almost every aspect of the drama department was present and it was flaunted in every way possible, through rumours and gossips and social media. It was nothing special until Wonwoo suggested, “Do you think we should check that out? What if someone was getting bullied or something?”

Not that Mingyu condoned bullying or anything. He was simply confused by his friend’s way of thinking, and hence frowned at the other male. “I’m no expert or whatever, but if a kid was getting beaten up by bullies I’m pretty sure they’d do it somewhere people can’t see and not somewhere near the assembly field,” he motioned to the place where he suspected the noise came from. “It’s probably some couple’s fight. They don’t let people into their business usually, in case you don’t realise…like you usually don’t…” Mingyu began to nervously rub the back of his neck.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Wonwoo furrowed his eyebrows, looking at his friend questioningly. With the way his gaze was drilling holes into Mingyu’s forehead, it was hard not to feel threatened by it. Any normal person would have felt discouraged and backed down in order to apologise for their actions, but Kim Mingyu was not any normal person. Kim Mingyu was Jeon Wonwoo’s best friend. Kim Mingyu loved to add salt to the wounds. He loved to pump his adrenaline levels up tenfold. He loved to test the limits of his capabilities, even though he knew he shouldn’t.

“Wen Junhui,” he coughed into his fist.

How Mingyu survived Wonwoo’s death glare, it was a miracle.

After reminding him that they had class in less than five minutes Wonwoo demanded the younger to check up on the previously assumed ‘fight’. With deflated shoulders Mingyu watched as his friend walked off towards the school building, and once his figure disappeared he then jogged over to where he thought was the source of all the ruckus. He wasn’t sure he knew what he was supposed to be expecting, but Mingyu found one of his other classmates reaching up to put a hand over his reddening cheek while a girl, unsuspecting of the newly arrived spectator, muttered something indecipherable under her breath.

There were two reasons why it felt a bit overwhelming to witness this. He could have spoken up anytime, he could have said anything he wanted just to interrupt this cheesy, drama scene, he could have done anything yet he didn’t. And there were plenty of reasons on his defence for this act he had done. Firstly, it was because Hansol didn’t have his headphones with him.

Back then, people who never found it in them to ask for Hansol’s name called him ‘Mr Headphones’. Sometimes even ‘Headphones Guy’ or ‘That Guy Who Kept Listening to His iPod Instead of Paying Attention to Class’. While it wasn’t exactly a big issue, Hansol was notorious because teachers often reprimanded him whenever they caught him listening to music during classes. They’d even threatened to take away his iPod if he didn’t stop, and all Hansol ever responded with was an audible hum. Strangely enough, one day all the incessant rambling about a quite needed silent atmosphere for students to learn in came to an abrupt halt ever since Hansol showed up to school without his headphones. No one bothered to ask why he stopped altogether—Hansol had probably decided to give the teachers a break, but it was still…weird, to see the boy without his headphones hanging around his neck, where they should be. People didn’t call him Mr Headphones for nothing.

Second, what Mingyu found odder was that he recognised the girl. Any other onlookers who could have seen the scene before him would recognise her too, because she was the school’s cheerleader captain.

Initially, Mingyu was already used to seeing the sweet girl smiling as she walked around the school. Even during cheerleader practice, with the amount of sweat dripping like beads down her forehead, it was a wonder how she managed to still look naturally beautiful. Now the girl looked livid; her eyebrows were furrowed and her cheeks were red, hands balled up into shaking fists at her sides. She looked like she could murder someone right then. In fact, maybe she had. In comparison to Hansol, who was quiet as usual, Mingyu suddenly felt a pang of worry in his stomach. Hansol’s eyes were casted downwards as one of his hands were holding his reddening cheek, and he was biting his lower lip subconsciously. He looked nervous, scared, and vulnerable. He looked like he could figuratively break down anytime soon, but he didn’t.

Without another word, the girl then turned and walked away, stomping her feet. She didn’t look back once no matter how much Hansol wanted her to. Hansol did not make a move towards her, but his bulbous, watery eyes were screaming a silent plea.

If Mingyu were honest, he was genuinely worried for the guy. Of course he knew nothing about what happened, but he had never painted Hansol as someone who would do something wrong or even treat a girl wrong, although looks can be deceiving. Left alone to contemplate his actions by himself Choi Hansol stood there, helpless and clueless. Mingyu couldn’t help himself. There was something eating him from inside his guts, urging him to act up, and he was certain that it wasn’t the drink he had earlier. Casting aside his It’s None of My Business ^TM card, he chose to clear his throat then for attention.

For a split second, he caught sight of Hansol’s shoulders jumping. This body language was disconcerting and it put Mingyu off in less than a millisecond. It was as though it became clear to him that Hansol wasn’t in the wrong in whatever the situation was, that he wasn’t to blame for whatever Mingyu had just witnessed. Looks can be deceiving, and perhaps the school’s sweetheart wasn’t as sweet as people thought her to be.

Hansol spun round and met Mingyu’s eyes. Apprehension and dismay were swimming in those shiny brown eyes, enhanced especially by his rosy cheek. So helpless, fragile, and innocent. For some reason Mingyu’s heart sank deeper into the pit long ago formed in his stomach, and it threw him off a second time. “You—You okay?” He asked. Why was his voice shaking?

There was a long silence as the two watched each other with the wind rustling around them, picking up dead leaves and taking them someplace far away. No words were being exchanged; it was just the both of them there, watching each other for the first time ever. Dried tears covered Hansol’s cheeks. They appeared profoundly beautiful against its rosiness. His eyes were shining with confusion and something else, perhaps humiliation or distress. Mingyu realised that this was probably the longest time they had ever maintained eye-contact together. He was struck by an odd feeling…

Hansol dropped his arm tentatively. With his tone firm, he replied, “I’m fine.”

A beat. Then, Hansol ran.

Truth be told Mingyu would be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t disappointed by the response. He wanted to call after the kid, part of him even wanted to run after him, but he held himself back. If Hansol felt running was the best thing to do in the situation, let him. Let him have time for himself. It wasn’t in Mingyu’s place to stop him. He didn’t have much time to think about it when the bell rang on cue, signalling the end of break time, and Mingyu went off for Physics class while dragging his reluctant feet. Somehow he’d made it to class just in time before his teacher entered the room and immediately slipped into his seat beside Wonwoo, glad that his friend had already taken out his Physics textbook for him and placed it on top of his table. Wonwoo leaned in beside him and whispered, “Did you find out what’s wrong?”

Considering the fact that Mingyu hadn’t the slightest clue Hansol had a…girlfriend, up until then as well as the fact that no one knew the captain of the school’s cheerleading squad was dating the former, Mingyu concluded that Hansol would appreciate the privacy. No doubt that this would be all over the school if anyone other than Mingyu ever found out about their relationship. He shrugged, flashing his signature smile at his friend. “Nothing important,” he replied. Deep down he was worried for Hansol then, like his well-being was something of importance to Mingyu. He had the sudden urge check and see if Hansol wasn’t crying or bawling his eyes out, to see if he was fine. “Just some lover’s quarrel,” he added, clearing his throat.

“I can tell,” Wonwoo said. Being friends with him for a while, Mingyu knew that it was his way of requesting for more information on what had happened.

“They didn’t want me to into their business so I came here as fast as I could,” he replied flawlessly again. Wonwoo narrowed his eyes at him in suspicion, but in the end turned around to look at the front of the class, listening to what the teacher had to say for the lesson.

Mingyu could say his head was occupied by thoughts of the brown-haired boy, but that would be lying too. He was worried about the boy’s emotional state, but not worried enough to make it his number one priority of all things. Although there were instances where Hansol’s teary-eyed look came into his mind, however it would disappear before he could pay much attention to it. Instead he wrote down his notes, he asked questions, he made sure to write down and remind himself of the upcoming test next week. Everything was fine. It was by the end of the day that Mingyu’s worry became heightened.

As everyone left the room when the bell rang for dismissal time Mingyu was just in the middle of packing his things into his bag when he heard Wonwoo mutter something. Which was odd, since Wonwoo was at the front of the class as he waited for Mingyu so they could walk home together, while Mingyu himself was still in his seat. He heard footsteps approaching and thought that it was Wonwoo who came closer to repeat what he had said, until Mingyu’s eyes travel up a grey blazer inside of which held a white dress shirt with a black tie, a pair of pretty pink lips and finally, Hansol’s eyes.

Hansol looked as though he might cry soon with every passing second Mingyu wasn’t attending to him. Flabbergasted, Mingyu could only do the one thing that was logical for a confused and startled high school boy at that moment: he stared. “Um,” Wonwoo brought out from the front of the classroom, hands tightening around the strap of his schoolbag, “well, uh, I’m going. I’ll tell my mom you said hi.” Before Mingyu could let him his childhood friend was already out of the room, refusing to hear anything the tall male had to say.

“Was there something you needed?” Mingyu asked, locking eyes with Hansol the second time that day.

Hazels never leaving Mingyu’s chocolate rubies, the younger responded, “Can we talk?”

A brittle, croaky, yet appealing voice. There was no denying that Hansol was desperately holding back his true feelings. They barely knew each other, and to cry in front of Mingyu would be awkward, not to mention weird. But Hansol was trying. That was enough.

The taller of the two stood up to his full height in a rather tentative manner, throwing his bag over his shoulder while he looked down at the other male in anticipation. He noticed how Hansol’s eyelashes were up and wet, reminding him to be careful with his words, with his actions; just be gentle with Hansol in general. The guy had experienced the most heart-breaking incident in his life so far, at such a young age, and to be the person to worsen that despite what his traits said about him—Mingyu would be the biggest jerk ever known. He wouldn’t want that. “Only if you want to,” he replied, clearing his throat. “I…I don’t have to know everything. Whate-ever h-happened is y-your business, so I totally understand if y-you leave some parts out.” Why was he so nervous?!

Taking a deep breath, Hansol nodded. He appeared to be searching for something as they looked into each other, his posture tense yet casual at the same time, and Mingyu honestly couldn’t blame him. Perhaps he was deciding whether or not to trust him, and Mingyu felt even sorrier than before for this guy. He followed after him as they made their way out of the building. Neither of them had spoken up since, but it wasn’t as awkward as it could have been.

Once they were out of the gates Hansol paused in his tracks and spun round to face the taller male. His eyes darted down quickly and he took in another deep breath. This time, his shoulders were shaking and he looked as though he could break down in the blink of an eye.

“W-what’s wrong?” Mingyu asked, flustered. He walked over to put a hand over Hansol’s shoulder, concern evident in the way his eyebrows were creased. “What’s the matter? Why are y-you—”

Hansol put a hand on his chest. “It’s nothing hyung,” he cut him off, hooking a finger upon his collar and tugging at it a bit. His other hand pat Mingyu’s chest reassuringly. “I just…” he sighed. “My headphones. I don’t use them anymore...all this…” he waved his hand, “it’s making me nervous. Sorry.”

If you’re nervous, what about me?! “Oh,” Mingyu said instead. Part of him wanted to ask Hansol why; being one of the few people who noticed, Mingyu knew that there were people who were curious to find the reason as to why Hansol stopped using his headphones. The disappearance of his headphones, which helped create his trademark appearance, was itching at the back of people’s head. There were people who wanted to know why, and Mingyu was one of them. He straightened up. “You don’t have to apologise.”

Nodding once more, Hansol bit his lip. He lowered his arms and motioned forward. “Let’s go hyung,” he called, lips puckering cutely at every syllable.

During any normal day, the walk to Mingyu’s home would take around fifteen to twenty minutes. However, with Hansol by his side, letting his feelings out like a heavy torrential downpour, this walk had to be the longest twenty minutes he had ever experienced. There was something about Hansol’s lips that attracted a great deal of Mingyu’s attention. Something about how it looked, how it glistened with saliva every time the younger his lips, enthralled Mingyu more than anything else. He was torn between looking away and looking on because Kim Mingyu, you’re a weirdo and this isn’t normal, but god those lips should be illegal…!

Control yourself. If you can still get an A on a Mathematics test without studying, then you can stop looking at those lips. You can do this.

After registering the fact that he was being called Mingyu lifted his eyes back in an instant from Hansol’s lips to focus on his eyes, now glinting with suspicion. “Yeah?” And with this, a surge of apprehension overcame him when they met eyes. Mingyu gulped. He knew the exact reason behind the younger’s scrutinising expression: Hansol’s realising the fact that he was carrying a one-sided conversation.

Hansol narrowed his eyes at him for the delayed reaction. Funnily enough Mingyu knew the gesture was supposed to be intimidating, but he couldn’t help but find it ridiculously adorable with the way his lips were pursed. As a matter of fact, anyone else would find that adorable; so Hansol couldn’t really blame him for not feeling threatened. Nevertheless, the older faked a weak cough into his fist and motioned for Hansol to resume. What were they (or rather, what was Hansol) talking about?

Right. To recap, by becoming the cheerleader’s boyfriend, Hansol had agreed to make their relationship public after six months. Much to the cheerleader’s dissatisfaction he changed his mind after five because he wasn’t ready to reveal their relationship yet, hence this became the reason behind her anger for she had been excited. In her outrageous, livid state she had accused Hansol of cheating on her without much thought the moment he tried to explain himself. He was already prepared, ready to see her, but the moment he got close she had slapped him in the face and rendered him speechless. As a result, the confused boy ended up in this situation.

He turned to concentrate on the road they were walking on as they crossed the street, on the way back to his house. Hansol rolled his eyes. “Right, so I know most of the time when we’re talking about school stuff you don’t usually listen to what I’m saying, but now can’t you at least pretend you heard me?”

Mingyu’s jaw dropped, offended. “I was listening! A-and if you want me to, at least treat me with a little bit more respect, I’m your hyung!” he retorted, crossing his arms.

“Oh, sorry. Let me rephrase that,” Hansol said flatly, “Can’t you at least pretend, hyung?”

Mingyu wondered how it suddenly became like this. One minute the younger was trying to watch his words but now… “I was listening, okay?!” He argued.

“Whatever you say hyung,” Hansol sighed.

He was walking ahead, so taking advantage of his long legs Mingyu caught up to the younger male in less than a second. He quirked an eyebrow, a thought crossing his mind. “So did it hurt?” Hansol hummed. “I mean, getting slapped in the face. I wouldn’t know,” he grinned a cheeky grin.

Hansol glared at him for a brief moment before giving him a noncommittal shrug in response. There was a moment’s silence before he replied, “Not really…” while he kicked a pebble nearby. His pace was beginning to slow down. “…I guess...” For a second, Hansol looked angry—at Mingyu or at himself, the other couldn’t tell. The younger clutched the straps of his schoolbag tightly while his eyebrows drew together in spite, eyes darting left to right. What was making him nervous? Was this his pressure point? What is his pressure point?

“You guess?” Mingyu repeated, perplexed. “What…what do you mean? You actually liked getting slapped in the face?”

Without any fibre of hesitation Hansol stopped walking to put a finger upon Mingyu’s mouth, shushing the older male up. Mingyu was taken by surprise and did as he was gestured to, and upon succeeding Hansol looked around to see if there was anyone who’d heard on their conversation. Subsequently, the furious glare in his eyes dissipated away to be replaced by one of worry. Now strangely reserved, Hansol revealed to Mingyu his visage of vulnerability; the older male was faced with a side of the boy nobody, never mind Mingyu himself, had ever seen. Imploration was swimming in his eyes and hesitance was sparkling amidst the waves as his eyebrows creased with anxiousness. It was as though Hansol genuinely wanted something from Mingyu at that moment and he was reluctant to ask for it. He was fidgeting, eyes casted downwards once more, before he lifted them to meet Mingyu’s.

“Don’t tell anyone,” Hansol finally hissed, in a shaky breath.

Millions of questions popped in the other’s head upon the command, but particularly it was, don’t tell anyone about what? Because Hansol wasn’t exactly being specific with his orders, and Mingyu was a bit confused—was he hinting that he was…

…a masochist?

His lips were once more wet with saliva. He avoided eye-contact. Then, as though nothing happened, the younger furrowed his brow in a split second. Suddenly, he looked like his usual grumpy and irritated self. He looked at Mingyu dead in the eyes as he said, “And no, I d-don’t mean it like – like that. I mean i-it felt good, like I—like I deserved it.” He started trudging down the street again without another word.

Mingyu did not follow after him, because he was still confused. He didn’t see how wanting a little bit of privacy simply justified getting slapped in the face. The cheerleader was used to all this attention, Hansol wasn’t. Hansol was used to having everyone ignore his commands without ever questioning why they did, she wasn’t. Perhaps Hansol’s past relationship with this sugar-coated girl was something Mingyu couldn’t quite wrap around his head, but if a strike on the face made Hansol feel better then Mingyu had no right to judge him. As long as Hansol was alright with it. As long as he was alright with it.

Mingyu didn’t realise he looked weird then, mumbling words under his breath while he was observing Hansol with his hands out in front of him, trying to make out the conclusions and deductions on his observations when Hansol stared at him with dead fish-like eyes that questioned his actions in silence. Mingyu paled. He must think you’re weird. Kim Mingyu, you are a real weirdo. Make this situation less awkward and own up to it. Admit you’re a freak. You’re the only one who would do something this weird. How Hansol reacts to it is none of your concern.

He laughed it off, rather awkwardly. “Sorry,” he caught up to the younger once more and they walked down the familiar neighbourhood, exchanging words once in a while in an attempt to defuse the suffocating discomfiture, sneaking glances at each other.

They arrived in front of Hansol’s house, and the boy nodded at him. “Thanks for walking me home and…” he scratched the back of his neck in a sheepish manner, “…this.”

“Anytime,” Mingyu nodded back. He smiled, because Hansol’s shyness was amusing. It left a warm feeling in his heart. He patted the younger’s back. “You’re welcome.”

Nodding back again, the corner of Hansol’s lips tugged up in what looked like a sincere smile. It wasn’t a smile that met his eyes, that showed his pearly whites and expressed his happiness or anything. It was a contented smile, one that expressed his satisfaction from being able to express his feelings freely. Mingyu’s stomach flipped. All he could think about then was how he was going to explain this to Wonwoo.

“‘Nothing important’,” Wonwoo said into the phone. His tone was bitter and condescending. He went on, “It’s nice to know that you still keep things from me, Mingyu.”

Mingyu could just imagine older male in his room, examining his nails to feign nonchalance and hide the anger in his voice as he sat cross-legged on his chair just to give off a cavalier attitude. It was a bit absurd to think about how Mingyu knew these things, that he’d hung out with Wonwoo long enough that he understood the way his childhood friend’s mind worked. “Don’t be like that,” he griped. “It’s not like we tell each other everything. I’ll bet both of us have things we keep to ourselves, like…like the colour of our underwear!”

“True,” Wonwoo mumbled. “And childish. So what was that about?”

“What?”

“Don’t ‘what’ me, Mingyu. Hansol was passing by and I waved at him because, well, we’re friends, I didn’t think he’d ask me if you were there,” Wonwoo paused, a thought crossing his mind. “I didn’t know you two talked, let alone know each other.”

“We talk…sometimes,” he scratched his cheek, “Occasionally. Remember when you were talking with Hansol and then Seokmin hyung was there so you had to leave him because you and Seokmin hyung had a project to do together?”

There was another pause, one Mingyu expected since it always took time for Wonwoo to recall things like this. Wonwoo was usually forgetful about things unless he was truly interested in them and devoted to them. It was why Mingyu had considerably excellent grades in comparison to the older male; when asked about scholarly, study-related things Wonwoo could barely utter a word in response but when asked about Wen Junhui on the other hand…let’s just say Wonwoo could list almost everything that had to do with the Chinese exchange student in less than five seconds. So being the good friend that he was, Mingyu waited.

And waited. He was seriously considering hanging up when Wonwoo finally replied, “How come you use honorifics when talking about Seokmin? You don’t use them when you talk to me, and Seokmin’s your age.”

Mingyu groaned. “Totally not the point,” he rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I kind of felt sorry for Hansol because you left him—”

“I didn’t leave him,” the older male interrupted. Mingyu could just make out the sound of Wonwoo’s chair scraping against the floor in the background; he was that in disagreement. “Our conversation was coming to an end anyway, plus I did tell him politely—”

“Whatever hyung,” Mingyu cut off, “So do I tell you or…?”

Wonwoo cleared his throat once more, regaining his composure. “Right, continue.”

“Well Hansol and I first talked then, and we talked a couple of times after that, just…” how was he going to put this into words…? “I saw him earlier when you told me to check up on all the ‘commotion’, and I didn’t lie when I said he didn’t want me to into his business!”

“But he told you everything when I left, right? Or is it strictly confidential—how bad can it be?”

“Really bad. Didn’t your mom ever tell you it’s bad to spill people’s secrets?” It was typical of Wonwoo not to respect other’s privacy. One time he walked in on Mingyu changing his clothes, and when the younger asked him what he was doing he simply shrugged and seemed overall unperturbed. He didn’t even understand why Mingyu wanted him to leave the room. Mingyu could list down other incidents where his ‘best friend’ cross the line, but there was no time for that. There was no doubt that their relationship was questionable.

Wonwoo clucked his tongue, contemplating on his friend’s decisions. “Hmm… strictly confidential, then. Tell me when you’re ready, you know how much I love drama.” He paused. “Or, when Hansol’s ready.”

*bewitched, bothered, and bewildered - a reference to the song from the 1940 Rodgers and Hart musical, Pal Joey.

a/n: hi guys......blech i'm so sorry first chapter introductions aren't my thing, they're really hard to write T_T sorry for the late update!! im not gonna make any promises but i've alr written te second chapter's halfway through so hopefully nothing stops me ^^ hope you liked this, i apologise for any grammatical errors, will try to edit as soon as i can ;___;