Five months had passed. There were things that changed and there was thing that didn't changed. And the thing that changed was my childhood friend, Hyuk or Dean has made his debut as a producer and singer. He began to be known by the public. He released the song "Pour Up" alongside with Zico of Block B. Yo, that song was lit. Literally my jam. Not only produced his own songs, he also produced several famous artists such as EXO, VIXX, and Lee Hi. And now, he is planning to release single and mini album.

Different with him, nothing changed in me. Just like before, I was a . I even wilder. I slept with more men, still using drugs. I never met Jiyong again. I even can not forget what he did to me, and although he had contacted and looking for me at first, since three months ago, he'd never find me again. But i know he became a music producer for artists such as iKON, 2NE1, Leehi, Winner and Blackpink. His name became popular. Another thing about Dean, I never told about what i did. He didn't know my true colors. I felt like i have 2 different face. One was my dark, other one was when i'm with him. A nice and caring noona for him. I consider him as my own brother. I like him as a brother. Shouldn't it be like that?

 

 

 

"Noona! Come here!" Called Dean. He was in the studio. Where he produces songs.

 

"Noona! Come here, quick!" He shouted.

 

I was making kimchi. And in the end, I washed my hands and went to the studio.

 

"What?" I said in front of the door leaning on the door handle.

 

He looked at me. "Come here! Listen to this.." waved his hand at me and clapped his hands to the chair.

 

I walked up to him and sat beside him.

 

"Take a listen.. Tell me what do you think" he pressed the play button on the computer screen.

 

"Edm pop?" I said. I nodded my head following the beat of the song.

 

"I will release this song, and I've found out who would sing it .." he said, looking at me.  I was still nodding with the music.

 

"Who?" I asked.

 

"She is the greatest female singer ever..." he said. He was still looking at me.

 

"Ailee? Leehi? IU? Who?" I asked.

 

"Kim Taeyeon.." he said.

 

"Oh, really?" I said. Then I realized what he was saying.

 

"What? Kim who?" I asked, somewhat surprised. Make sure what I heard.

 

"Kim Taeyeon.." he said.

 

"A newbie" I asked.

"No, she used to be a jazz singer in a cafe. She had a very melodious voice. She is also very pretty and nice.." he said.

 

I looked at him and realized he meant. I covered my mouth with my hands.

"Oh my God, really?" I did not expect.

 

"You will make your debut as a singer.. didn't I ever tell you first? So you're going to sing my song.." he said and then looked at the computer screen.

 

"I can't believe this.. but..why? Did no one wants to work with you" I held onto his shoulders.

 

"Noonaaa.. are u kidding me? I'm the hotrend this moment~" he boasted. He pulled his chair toward me. He held up my chin and his face toward me.

"So.. you're very lucky .." he whispered.

I removed his hand from my chin. "Whatever" and saw he's smiling.

 

"So Did you write the lyrics?" I asked.

 

"Not yet.. would you like to do that?" He asked me.

 

"What?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. Then I grinned. "You must be kidding me" I said.

 

"I'm not kidding.. I've been thinking about the concept of this song.." he said, fiddling with a pen in his hand.

 

"I am confident if the concept are heartbreak, sorrow and destruction. But when I heard the beats, I guess those are not the concept .." I said.

 

"That's true. the concept could be about love or exciting moment.." he said.

 

"You're kidding me.." The smile on my face disappeared, I stared at the table. "I don't have an experience like that..." I said in  serious voice.

"Come on, everyone must have felt in love.. or feeling where you feel happy.." Dean leaned back in his chair to face me.

 

"You don't understand. Definition of my happiness is not like people are thinking" I said softly.

 

"So what? Tell me. Maybe when you're in love. C'mon! It's not like you never fall in love with someone.." he nudged my thigh.

 

"No, no. It's better if you write the lyrics. Moreover, this is your song.. I think you have a lot of experience about it.." I refused.

 

"The problem is you who will sing it. I can't understand or describe how a woman's feeling. C'mon noona~" he encouraged.

 

"No one who doesn't know what love is. Everyone has felt love though perhaps not everyone can describe these feelings into words.." He leaned his elbow on the armrest.

 

"Then I was the only person who didn't understand about love.. maybe.." I said with a bit emotional. Dean just shook his head looking confused. He finally got how was my feeling.

 

"You would not understand.." I said

 

"Come on.." I'm got up, but he held my hand.

"Okay, Okay. I I'll think about it. Now, let go of my hand" I said. And he took his hand from my hand and let me go.

 

I immediately went and got into my room.

 

Why am I feeling like this? As there is something that I missed. I felt bad. I don't know why I shed a tear. I don't know why my chest felt tight. I don't need the name of love. I never felt love. An I never care about that bull. But now.. why am i feeling like this... why do I feel like... I'm questioning myself?...

 

**

Dean got out of the studio. He walked into the living room. He knocked on the door.

"Noona.. are you awake? Noona.. if you don't want to do it, Then don't do it. It's okay, I would understand.."

 

But there was no answer from Taeyeon. Dean looked toward the kitchen. Abandoned kimchi. He walked into the kitchen. He took kimchi into refrigerator. Now he was thinking about Taeyeon. He had just remembered about her childhood. Taeyeon told him about her childhood. He also knew how Taeyeon used to be very scared and hated people. He knew Taeyeon very averse to men. Taeyeon told that it is hard to trust men. He also knows how Taeyeon could have hurt herself.

  

Why am I so stupid?

 

Dean just stared at the door.

 

**

I woke up with all the thoughts. I've been thinking about it all night.

I came out of my room. I could see his back view. Then I walked up to him. I stared at his back. He noticed me. He twisted briefly.

 

"I don't know what you'd like it, but I make my unique pie.." he was sitting when I sat down. He placed a plate containing a pie on the table.

 

"I called this, Dean's pie"

 

He put a piece of pie on a plate and gave it to me. I immediately eat it with a fork.

 

"It's... it's pretty good.. nice.." I comment.  

 

"Really? So you like it or dislike it?" He asked.

 

"Hmm... in the middle.." I replied with a mouth full of pie.

 

And what happens next is that I eat. And he's sitting there staring at me. I felt uncomfortable, but let it slide. And until my eyes met his.

"Hey, Stop staring at me you'll pierce a hole in me" I said. 

 

He was immediately devoured the food.

"About yesterday..." he brought up the topic.

 

"I'll do it.." I said not looking at him.

 

I immediately got up and washed the dishes. and suddenly...

 

Someone was back hugging me. I was frozen with shock.

Is it you, Dean? Yeah, his smell. His perfume aroma. I knew it. He hugged me from behind. Tightly. Why. I didn't know what to do. I just froze.

 

"Y--ya--yah!" I said. He immediately let go of his arms.

I tried to calm myself  and.... my heart wad beating faster than usual.

I turned toward him and the atmosphere even more awkward because of the distance between us was very close. I looked up at him and he looked at me. Surprisingly, I was a little difficult to breathe because my heart was beating faster and faster. I immediately look the other way and on other hand, he backed off.

 

"Hmmm...so, like this. Tonight, there will be anniversary* celebration party of my Company.." he said.

 

"Really? I thought Joombas Music just opened about 5 months ago?" I asked.

 

"No, it's YG" he said which made me surprised.

 

"What? YG Group? So you're working in YG entertainment? How?" I asked in disbelief.

 

"Ya.. Actually Joombas Music is subsidiary of YG Group.." he said in nervous tone and expression.

 

"Wow.. why everything must be kept secret?" I asked.

 

"I asked them to.." I heard a confusing answer again.

 

"You asked for it? How could you?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

 

"It's not important.. Just, I hope you'll come tonight to accompany me.. you know I'm newbie there, I'm alone.." he said.

I just stared at him. I was in disbelief.

 

"Shilla hotel at 7 PM" he told me.

 

I nodded. "I will if i can.." I replied.

 

"Okay.." he said. He walked backward toward me. He smiled.

 

"There are a lot of questions in my head right now. I wonder what should i ask you to represent all of these questions..." I said.

 

"Ask me everything you want to know" he said.

 

"It's okay, I'll ask you maybe next time" I waved at him. "So you are going to the company right? Bye~" I waved, smiling at him.

He squinted his eyes trying to read my face before he turned and walked away.

 

"Hyuk-ah.." I called him.

 

He turned around.

 

"What?" He said

 

I walked up to him.

 

"Perharps... Do you like me?" I asked bluntly.

 

"What?" He was surprised.

 

"Is it possible that you like me?" I asked.

 

I didn't realize until i saw his confused look, he tried to find an answer. He even scratched his head. Oh my god, Kim Taeyeon.

 

"NO" I stopped him by giving gesture with my hand.

 

"What?" He said.

 

"I didn't expect that you'll like me but I was just wondering. You don't have to think all that hard to give an answer that only embarrassing me.." I said, and I went straight from there fast like flash.

 

"Wait .. wait .." he called. But I ran covering my face with embarrassment. How can I think like that? Very embarrassing.

 

I entered the room.

 

"Ohhhh" I immediately took my breath. I tried to calm myself clutching my chest.

 

"Ahh embarrassing.." I said to myself.

 

"Ahh then why he hugged me? Why did he hugging me if he didn't have any feeling for me?" I spoke with myself.

 

"Ahhhhh" I screamed.

 

"Wait. So he's been lying to me? Yahhh I can't believe this" I was angry in disbelief.

I immediately thought of something. Wait. YG Group? Isn't that Jiyong's company? So that I would meet him if i attend that party. No, no.

I ran to open the door but something occurred to me.

 

I asked them to..

Dean's voice echoed in my mind.

 

Why should it be a secret? Why would he.. wait. Kwon Hyuk. Kwon Jiyong. Kwon.

"No way. It's not possible.." I shook my head. I opened the door and didn't see Dean in the kitchen. I im