Ever since she was little, Soojung rarely had scars. Not acne scars on her back or near her neck, but real scars where the skin is torn open and blood oozes out from it.
There were some and whenever she felt herself bleeding, it always felt like her life was on the line. She'd feel like herself was being lifted to the sky, like her soul was slipping out of her body, yet it never did. So she didn’t really look deeper into it.

(She should have.)

Everything seemed so fragile in high school. Soojung was slipping away from reality, Wonwoo pierced his ears and his parents barely batted an eye as they were rarely seen in the house and he started pulling his hair up. Seulgi began to steal her mother’s sleeping pills for herself, guilt engulfed her soul for breaking Wonwoo's heart that he gave willingly even when she wasn't aware of it.

Only Mingyu turned out the same and seemingly unscathed from this thunderstorm, but even something physical in him changed.

He became even more stunning  and dashing and he was a bold letter in a bunch of italicized words.

(He was blue in the inside, for something in Wonwoo changed. Even when he continously said that he wouldn't give up on liking Seulgi, that he'd wait for her forever, he knew something stopped. He hoped Seulgi could love him even in the slightest bit.) 

Everything seemed so fragile but they were still stuck together. No, stitched over and over and over again.

It seemed as if Wonwoo completed his transformation of his roguish image and oh boy, how many girls hungered over his disheveled demeanour and reckless way of carrying himself.

Seulgi let her hair grow. Wonwoo no longer questioned her but deep inside, he was glad because it was his favourite hair of hers.

Though Wonwoo was more rough around the edges and popped out even more in the crowd with his bunch of new friends who Seulgi saw as shadows with hollow faces behind him, he was still the Wonwoo who healed her visible scars and the boy who grinned foolishly when Seulgi tucked a blue flower to his ear.

And the boy whose heart was broken by her yet managed to pick himself up and still begged for her. Seulgi didn't deserve him, she felt that she didn't deserve Wonwoo. 

Ever since that confession, Wonwoo kept trying. He never stopped liking Seulgi and only engraved her name even deeper to his heart. She'd treat him in the same way and he knew somewhere, deep inside Seulgi, his feelings were not one sided.

It was what he held on to.

Or perhaps, Seulgi cared about him too much as a friend that she didn't want to distance herself.

Seulgi did, too. She drew his name all over her body with her fingertips, but it wasn't like Wonwoo could see it. She was bending her own principles for once, to not tell her true feelings to Wonwoo.

Soojung saw and tried.

"Seulgi, can't you open up yourself to Wonwoo?" Soojung had a sleepover in Seulgi's house, under her blankets and facing her, eye to eye, pressed to her soft pillows, Soojung asked her carefully. "Can't you?"

Her eyes flashed for a bit and looked down. 

"He-you know that Wonwoo's parents barely cares about him-" Soojung said calmly, trying to make these words of her reach Seulgi.

"I know," she sighed, pulling the blanket and clenching it closer to her body. Her hair covered almost all of her face.

"And that he's lonely-"

"I know-" Seulgi's eyelids fell in such a slow and painful way.

"And he likes you very much-"

She nodded, eyes closed from Soojung's brown ones.

"Then why?" Soojung's voice croaked out in curiosity, terribly low and soft.

"I'm scared. I'm scared, Soojung-" Seulgi's voice broke out and it was in stutters, as she held on to herself, heart shaking terribly and painfully. "I don't want to be abandoned."

"But that's what you did to him," Soojung cut, making her eyes fluttered open. "You left him like that, even though he still likes you-"

"Now, I want to ask you. I might be wrong, but do you like Wonwoo? Despite this all?"

Seulgi took a breathy and heavy intake of oxygen, "I do."

"I can't believe this, Seulgi-" Soojung shook her head, turning away from Seulgi. "Why are you making things hard for yourself?" her head didn't stop shaking in disbelief at her friend whose heart wasn't made of light, never made of light but death and her father's insides evaporating into the sky and mixed in with the oxygen that they breathed to their tired lungs. 

"I want you to be honest with him tomorrow, Seulgi," Soojung focused back into Seulgi and took her hand. "Promise me. No more lying. This is not you. You always let people know of your thoughts. If you like Wonwoo, then tell him. Don't do this to yourself, don't break for something that might not even happen-"

"I want you to be happy, Seulgi. Please be more brave, please-"

(Because, Soojung believed that only love, and love could save them.) 

Two girls poured their heart and spilled their secrets for each other in tears, regret and guilt as if they had never opened their heart to each other, as Wonwoo buried his love for Seulgi; her kiss to his cheek, his smile to her hair, her pictures in his phone, the look she gave him when she knew his parents were never home, Seulgi years ago he remembered to come across the pool with Soojung who stared across the world beyond in her damped braids and sunburnt skin, Seulgi, Seulgi, Seulgi as he downed on a bottle of alcohol Mingyu would slam to the wall with loud pumping music in his ears where he was invited to some party seniors held. 

Æ

Seulgi's heart fell and her hand shook and rattled when she received a picture of Wonwoo-Wonwoo, her Wonwoo in leather jacket and his pasty skin and sharp eyes and jetblack hair and his lips in another girl's and his fingers his fingers his fingers his fingers (Seulgi wanted to tear her skirt as she clenched to it tightly) inside that girl's skirt and Mingyu walking beside her didn't know what to say, unable to look at her.

"Seulgi-"

"I was going to tell Wonwoo-" Seulgi slowly looked up to Mingyu, her eyes red and hand shaking. Her hands shaking this time wasn't because of the sleeping pills she put on too much last night since she didn't drink any yesterday. "I was going to tell him that I like him."

Mingyu's jaw fell open, "No way. Seulgi, don't tell me-don't tell me-"

"All this time?" 

Seulgi covered her face with her palm and nodded, shutting her heart slowly and surely.

Æ

"What the ?!" Wonwoo shouted when Mingyu punched him across the face on the next day since the day of that scandalous picture spreaded, he was absent. "Why the actual did you punch me?!" 

Kim Mingyu never went the physical way. He felt that it was useless to waste his energy on physical fights. But he needed to punch his way to wake this friend of him up.

"What's with you getting drunk? Huh? And what's with that picture of you making out with some girl?!" His face turned grim and Mingyu pushed him back from his way when he tried to go around him.

"And you said you wouldn't stop liking Seulgi-"

"Well, guess what? I'm tired of liking her! There are lots and lots of girls who are prettier than her and would not make me wait this long. Look, I just got one yesterday!" Wonwoo cackled in an inane way, his voice was hinted with bitterness and arrogance. Denials and more denials coming out of him hoping it would come true. 

"You can do that, but not this way. Not like this, Wonwoo. You're ruining yourself-"

"Who cares-"

"I do, Seulgi does, Soojung does. Why can't you see that-"

"I'm so disappointed in you. You just lost your chance to have Seulgi's heart."

Silence.

Wonwoo grabbed on to his friend's collar, clenching it between his fingers, confusion drawn all over his face. "What the hell did you mean by that?!"

Mingyu stared at his friend, a mix of pity, confusion, guilt, pain. "She was going to tell you that she likes you yesterday-"

"Seulgi likes you-I think she loves you, all this time-"

"All this time-" Mingyu witnessed how Wonwoo's dark pupils dilated and the colours were drained from his face, all the black fire in his soul died down and his lips were left parted as he slammed his body to the locker beside him, fingers quaking as he shoved them inside of his hair.

His hands fell from his hair when Mingyu's hand squeezed on his shoulders. Looking up, Wonwoo tried to gulp the fear in. 

"Did Seulgi see?" Mingyu heaved a painful sigh as he saw how lost his friend looked, how he almost couldn't hear this friend in front of his, as if he lost all power inside him. "Did she?"

"I saw it through her phone-" Mingyu stopped at that, as he saw the crestfallen face of his friend.

(Wonwoo picked himself since that day and distanced himself from Seulgi. It only hurt her even more seeing he was so far away from her. Soojung and Mingyu agreed that it'd be best to not sit together for a while. Mingyu loved her so for being understanding even though she still didn't see him in a certain kind of light. Soojung's fate was destined and she was unaware of it.)

Three months later

Seulgi threaded on purple flowers Soojung collected around here, a shade Mingyu said to be hers and invented for her and Soojung agreed with him. Soft, gentle yet deeply enchanting and that was her. Soojung strolled around here and she was left by herself, straight brown locks of brown curtaining her face as she tied one flower to another even with her blistered and pricked fingers. 

She no longer mingled on thoughts how Wonwoo was no longer there to bandage those scars while she was asleep. It hurt less without him in her mind.

The air around her was very still and the wind wasn't blowing, the sun didn't scorch as hot as the last few days and the birds were pretty quiet. Time stopped for her at that moment.

She heard a scrunching sound of shoes stepping closer to her and her eyes peered to the front to see a a pair of beaten up Converse high top in front of her, fidgeting above the grass's wet grounds. Seulgi didn't dare to move.

The air changed when he moved and sat in front of her, putting his bag beside him. No more tossing. Wonwoo didn't seem to do that anymore.

"Is that for Soojung?" Seulgi felt like pinching her lips close as she became aware of her whole being instantly, how sweats of anxiety began to break out from behind her ears and how uncomfortable she felt. 

"Yes, Mingyu said it's her colour," Seulgi mumbled without looking at him. 

"I want to apologize for avoiding you these past few months. I'm sorry, Seulgi. Please look at me," her head slowly raised to meet his. She saw his calm and more composed eyes with his hair in his old disheveled way but she saw a pair of piercings on his ears glinting in black there. In some kind of strange way, Seulgi liked him in that. It gave a sense of roughness and boyishness that sent her ears red and heating up.

"It's okay. You must have your own reason."

"No. It's not okay. It's totally not fine that I was ignoring you like that. And I want to say something, properly this time-"

"It's okay. No more explanation. I understand-" at least you're here now.

"No. You don't, Seulgi," Seulgi flinched when Wonwoo's fingers grazed hers and it slowly wrapped around her palm. She didn't realize that her eyes had fleeted far away from her and now it was drawn back to him.

"I want to say that even after all this time, I still like you. Yes, believe it or not. I do. I really do, and I'm being serious with you-"

"This doesn't sound like you-"

Wonwoo chuckled hearing that. "I am not like my old self lately."

"I like your old self, too," Wonwoo grinned and that old self of him flashed again, that careless unguarded smile of his for her only.

"I'm sorry that you have to see that picture-" 

"It's okay. Really. We weren't dating or anything-" 

Seulgi was so soft with no thorns around the edges Wonwoo stopped being reckless and began to be careful also.

"Can we?" Seulgi's eyes widened with red rouge tinting her pallid cheeks and Wonwoo fiddled with the hem of his trousers as he waited

"I heard from Mingyu-about your feelings for me. Long ago. It was so difficult to understand why you hid it when you knew how much I like you," if Seulgi's heart was made of bubbles, it struggled to burst out right now. The way Wonwoo gazed at her so steadily not wanting her focus anywhere else made Seulgi want to hide herself even more. Because it made her dizzy, the way Wonwoo's eyes caressed her. It made her fuzzy and warm.

"But if you stop, can we be friends, at least-"

"Okay, I still like you," Seulgi uttered it seemingly calm even though her heart was popping one and another even though there was only one of it. "I still do." Screw fears, Seulgi thought. No more hurting people to protect herself. She should start listening to Soojung.

Wonwoo was already leaning towards her. "Then?"

"You know my answer."

"I still want to hear it from your lips," Wonwoo's palms were beside her legs, pinning her between him as his face neared close to her. Wonwoo looking and gazing at her in this distance made Seulgi want to hold her breath. Too close, Wonwoo in this distance, she couldn't handle this. "It wouldn't sound real if I were the one to say it."

"How do I say it?"

"Say 'Kiss me' and it will be enough."

Seulgi felt her ears heating up at his request, eyes fleeting from one spot to another and Wonwoo followed her as she did so, a teasing grin ghosted on his face. "Just do it. But I don't want your fingers inside of my skirt and your hands inside of my uniform I don't want that-"

"I know-" Wonwoo's voice fell huskily with a slight coy smile and he tilted his face to capture her lips, fingers coiled around blades and blades of moist grass, holding back his desire to touch her because Seulgi wouldn't know how much he had longed for this. "Even though I want to," he breathed, stopping for a second and Seulgi pinched on his legs and pushed him off.

"Don't kid with me."

Wonwoo only shrugged it off, wiping his hands off short blades of green, heart trembling in excitement and soft, pink feelings. "I have your first kiss, still."

(Mingyu and Soojung giggled and blushed when they saw their best friends brushed and clashed their lips to each other in such tender way. Soojung's eyes bulged out and dazed on while Mingyu's dropped to her lips as they crouched behind bushes decorates with wild flowers, shoulders pressed and his throat was suffocated with the scent of purple wildflowers.)

(Mingyu believed that he'd eventually be with Soojung.)

Æ

Another sunny day in August's Saturday where Soojung skipped off merrily rolled open. She was going to buy a romance novel Mingyu hadn't told her along the way for his birthday today. He was going to treat them for some sort of casual lunch that time, the four of them. 

Right at that moment, Soojung was just going to cross the street. Mingyu was somewhere nearby walking out of a CD store for the money his parents gave as they promised to buy him as many jazz albums that he loved. Perhaps he'd give one to Soojung, she needed to listen to some good music.

Head spun left and right and seeing the light had gone red, Soojung walked slowly and leisurely. Her parents always taught her to never run while crossing, it could trigger drivers to speed their cars even faster. 

At that moment, a twenty year old college rogue, lonely with bruised lungs and filled with old money, slammed on his gas and zoomed in his red Ferrari through the streets. 

Mingyu had never been fond with sport cars but it never failed to amaze him whenever they roared their engines through his line of vision. His eyes glowed and his jaw was left half parted as it sped through his eyes, until he saw a small and lithe body thrown and tossed against the air and people screaming in horror and stopping whatever things they did and he could hear a distant siren of ambulance and police cars. 

He had a very bad feeling about this one. He didn't know why, but he just did. 

Pushing and combing through adults with mouth covered with their palms and whisper. 
"Such a young girl, she doesn't deserve this." 
"Look at how young she is."
"What a heartless bastard, he didn't even stop."

The plastic he held between his fingers fell when he saw-when he saw Soojung, trails of blood oozing out of limp body and people around him were too afraid to take a closer look.

He began to shuffle closer and some people were already holding him back. 
"It's okay, I'm her friend," he didn't even turn his head as he had held everything in, composing and recomposing himself as he couldn't believe the sight he was taking in. His voice cracked in the middle and it was so difficult to push himself to her even though he felt like running closer.

He kneeled down beside her, whose body wasn't moving but he saw how her eyes were not hiding anything and they stared at the sky of August in panick. When he hovered over her, the first thing he saw was how relieved she was.

"Mingyu-w-what happened? I can't move my body," she choked on her words, eyes blinking heartbreakingly confused and afraid he'd leave, lips cut and her face was covered in ash, her cheek grazed and bleeding. 

He pursed his lips whilst closing his eyes for a moment and waited for himself to be calm and not freak out, because this was the first time he came across a person who was in the verge of death and it was the person he favoured also. 

"Mingyu, you're still the-"

"It's okay. The ambulance is here, it's okay-" Mingyu assured her with a comforting smile, as comforting as he could be, pushing away strands of black covering her forehead with a shaky hand for she was losing so much blood. 

Paramedics rushed in and he took a step back after assuring her that he'd stay. Mingyu wouldn't leave her.

(Even when he stayed for how long inside the ambulance to accompany her, she still left. She left, Soojung left with hemophilia in her genes and her last broken smile to Mingyu as he held her hand beating with living pulse and a kiss on her forehead. A pat from the paramedic, a tear sliding down his eyes and cracking his skin, a part of him taken away to a place she'll only know, and a message to him to take care of Wonwoo and Seulgi, especially Seulgi with all her broken edges and all the possibilities of Wonwoo leaving her).

(Because Soojung wasn't the only person he truly liked. Soojung was his dear friend and the one who opened her world to him, who was fearful of him and only cared about Seulgi, who had a broken home unlike his perfect one. The one who was selfless and selfish at the same time. Her fingerprints were left on his heart even when she didn't realize she had touched it.)

Æ

Mingyu was strong, but everyone had their breaking points no matter what. He had. Even though not in front of the whole world, just in her grave when he had told Wonwoo that “You should take care of Seulgi. She is in a really fragile state. This is Soojung we are talking about. This is talking about another part of Seulgi. Soojung meant the world for her.” And for me too. But Mingyu let it sealed on his lips.

He saw how their parents kneeled before her grave, weeping and holding back their grief at the same time, apologizing for the fights for all the things they did wrong to her. He saw how Seulgi spent her time not able to look at the ground where Soojung lied inside, six feet beneath their land and hiding by the collar of Wonwoo's shirt, his arm never leaving her shoulders.

Wonwoo's eyes was dark but he kept his eyes on her grave, how she had so much things waiting for her and they were all ripped away from her just because some dude was having a breakdown and smashed on his gas too hard that he hit Soojung, realizing halfway and ended up committing suicide on the next day. Life was so cruel for Soojung. He might have not been as close of a friend to Soojung like Mingyu was to her, but he knew that she was extremely caring and adoring of Seulgi and it could be seen how much of a pleasant person Soojung was. He was never familiar of that kind of fondness, so it was a really heartwarming sight to watch, even for such a lonely soul like him.

Mingyu pretended to leave until he came back when no one was no longer around, buying buckets of purple flowers in different kinds of variation, feeling each step heavier and heavier, him in his black shirt, black trousers and Converse. He wanted to look appropriate even thought she wasn’t there.

“Here I am, Soojung,” Mingyu started, taking a seat beside her grave, after arranging the flower on it.  His shoulders slumped and he ran his fingers through his hair. “I can’t believe you are no longer with us.”

He waited for her answer, and it was only a futile attempt. He smiled bitterly, pulling his knees close. “Seulgi is too sad to see you. I hope you understand. She will be okay though, don’t worry.”

Drawing another breath, he puffed out his cheeks and angled his head to the sky, a sunny day of August, no clouds in sight. He didn’t want to cry anymore.

“You’re probably not here anymore. But I like you, Soojung. And I think it’s not some regular high school crush. I know it’s too late but-but if you can hear me, I want you to know of my feelings,” his throat felt thick and clogged up with feelings of almosts, palms pressed to his pants. “Yeah, I love you since eight grade.”

“I’m going to miss you so much,” my dear friend, my first love, my world, Jung Soojung.

(Mingyu knew life still goes on even when Soojung left. Even though he begged God to differ on why would it happen to Soojung and why would he feel this deeply for her in such a young age.)

Wonwoo and Mingyu became some sort of a protector or guardian for Seulgi ever since Soojung departed from them. They stopped coming to the meadow for a certain period of time for every inch of it reminded them of her, especially for Seulgi. They began to hang out in the empty house of Wonwoo, even though most of it were filled in silence and Mingyu could only think of her all that time.

“Are you okay?” Wonwoo called on Mingyu lowly, who sat across him as Seulgi was all curled and sleeping on his lap, his hand repeatedly patting on her back softly. 

Mingyu had never imagined Wonwoo to be this soft and careful to someone, but he felt like Seulgi needed it most aside from everyone else. She had a broken mother and she just lost Soojung who was like the pillars of her world. He never realized how one person could affect his existence so vastly before this fell down. 

“I’m trying to be. You?”

“It’s still so difficult to accept, but I’m doing fine,” his eyes fell for a moment on Seulgi then back at him. “I’m so sorry, Mingyu,” he sighed, knowing for the fact that he had liked her for a long time also. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything for the both of you.”

“It’s okay. It was my own choice to postpone my confession. Regretting something that can never be reversed is useless. It’s better to cherish the memories we had with her. And all I need is for you to not do anything stupid on Seulgi. That’s Soojung’s message for you-”

Wonwoo nodded. The girl below him shifted on her sleep and he felt his heart churned at the sight. “What a bastard, to drive so recklessly like that in such a busy street. Shameless also that he killed himself over it, he’s probably afraid of the jail sentence he’s going to face.”

“Her parents must be suffering so much,” Mingyu mumbled and plopped his back right at the couch, sinking himself in. “I’m taking a nap,” wake me up when Soojung comes back, okay?

Silly, he knew that he was going to wake up by himself, for Wonwoo would fall asleep, bored out of silence. Sometimes, Mingyu didn't have much faith in this mended friend of his.

It still felt difficult for Mingyu to breath with violet fingerprints over his lungs and all over their youth which was scarred with the death of Soojung. But he was still grateful that he still had Wonwoo, his bestfriend and Seulgi, Soojung’s bestfriend, a reminder that Soojung existed in his life.

(Mingyu believed that Soojung was smiling at his thoughts, down to them and their tiny figures below the cottony and blue firmament she lived in, and it was all enough for him to assure that he will be fine.)

This is the real goodbye, I guess. Not my best work, obviously, but glad that I managed to finish it. Until then, thank you for reading and I hope you like it.