Maybe it’s because my whole life I’ve been ‘that one kid’ you know, the quiet one that always sat by themselves at lunch and the one who never got to have a partner during projects because no one picked them, but would quickly play it off as ‘I wanted to do it by myself anyways’. The one kid who people either whispered about in the hallways or completely ignored them altogether. Yeah, that kid was me.

At the time, when I was a bit younger, I would be content with just hanging around my parents, and they knew that.

I was more outgoing, I guess you could say. I would speak my mind, laugh freely, and joke around; just being a kid, you know?

Sometimes when I’m at home and the house is quiet enough to hear my own thoughts, I try to slip myself into the old days, see if I can recreate the scenes in my head, from sheer memory. The one memory I try to remember the most is from when I was ten years old. It was during summer break and mom, dad, and I all went to the beach for the weekend; it’s one of my favorite memories for a simple reason.

●●

Flashback

I’m wrapped up in a scratchy fleece blanket that my mom bought at a supermarket a few months back. The fabric is already worn down and has our signature fabric softener scent to it, but it does it's job in protecting my petite body from the cool breeze along the sandy night beach. “Mom?” I continue to look at the calming waves that move in and out rhythmically along the shore, just a few yards ahead. Right now dad is grabbing the camera from the car and my mind is just kinda wandering on it’s own.

“Yes baby?” I feel movement beside me as her soft voice cuts through the tranquil atmosphere.

It's times like these that I feel so relaxed and calm, I believe that- despite all the hardships I'm currently going through in school- everything will eventually be okay. “How did you and dad meet?”

“Why the sudden interest” I shrug my shoulders weakly and she lets out a slow sigh. “Well… we met in college a long time ago and I guess it was love at first sight.”

Love at first sight? My books that I have read has somehow also told me the same thing. Is it really true though? Can you really fall head over heels for someone with just one glance their way? Was my crush in second grade considered love at first sight? Surely not...

There’s a beat of silence until I feel a hand resting gently on my shoulder. I look up at my mom with a questioning stare. “You know, someone once told me that, as we look at the stars that are shiny and beautiful, because we looked at a star that floats in the galaxy, somewhere far away, then maybe when we look at a star that floats near you it may not be as beautiful as we thought. But that’s not true.” She finishes with a secret like whisper, as if I’m to never let anyone know of this information.

“Why’s that?” I ask while looking up towards the sky with scrunched up brows.

She lets out a low hum and continues. “Because when you do meet that person you’re meant to be with, they will be the most beautiful star.”

●●

Finishing up my morning routine takes a little bit longer than normal, as I’m in front of the bathroom mirror - aka, one of my worst enemies - for a good half of the morning trying to get my stubborn hair to cooperate with me. I have honestly never tried this hard to make myself look like I somewhat care about my appearance, so as I’m running product covered fingers through my hair, I ask myself, why do I care all of a sudden? I become satisfied with my dark locks  and quickly head towards the kitchen to grab my lunch, taking a mental note to not to lose this one. Next ting I do is stop by the front entrance to put on my sneakers and head out the front door, satchel slung over one shoulder and hands strategically placed inside my uniform pockets for warmth against the chilled weather.

To say I’m completely okay and fine this morning would actually be a lie. My mind is still slightly cluttered by my dream from last night. It is definitely not the first time I’ve had the vivid nightmare, and it mostly likely will not be the last either, but it is the mere thought of the past being brought up again that shakes me to the very core. This gets me thinking. I think about the depression and anxiety that arose from the accident. I’m not depressed anymore, I know that for a fact, but I definitely still have some issues I need to sort out and I’ve accepted the challenge. I know that I have a low self esteem, due to the bullying from my previous schools and I know that my anxiety is triggered in the smallest of ways. I know all of this. That’s why I am ready for a change.

“JEON WONWOO! Over here!” I’m surprised to hear a voice call out amongst the bustling streets and I halt my steps to look around for the source. It didn’t sound too far away, but mostly everyone around me is either heading in an opposite direction in hasty steps or they are already talking to another individual, may it be a person in front of them or on the phone. Huh, maybe I really am going crazy?

“Hey I- WAAAAAH!” I turn towards the greeting only to be met with a cup of lukewarm coffee  spilling down one side of my blazer. There actually wasn’t even enough coffee inside to seep through the thick fabric of the school uniform, but I guess I’m lucky it was black coffee instead of a creamy mess, considering the uniform is navy. I watch the cup, that was once being held in the owners frozen hand, drop rapidly onto the chilled concrete, and roll a little to the side in the process. Bringing my eyes finally up towards the person in front of me, I’m thoroughly surprised to see that it’s Mingyu. It would make sense that he’s around here considering that we ran into each other yesterday near the same time. When our eyes meet, though, there is no slow motion reaction or the world stopping momentarily for the both of us to gaze into eachother’s eyes, like what happens in those foreign Nicholas Sparks movies. In fact, I like this version a whole lot better. It’s just us; two high school boys who just so happened to bump into each other for the uptenth time in the past twenty four hours.

“Are you okay?!” He asks in a shaky tone while taking my blazer into his hands and looking at the material. I’m honestly too stunned to even respond to him right now, so I stay rooted in place and watch on with an unreadable expression, as multiple bypassers look at the almost laughable scene. “Seriously tell me if something happened! Was it hot? Oh god your blazer is ruined! Are you fine? Hurt Anywhere? Holy , I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to! Someone just bumped into me.” Mingyu rambles on and even though it’s kinda cute how he’s acting over a little spilled coffee, I finally open my chapped lips to stop the boy from talking any longer. “Are you oka-”

“Yes, I’m okay.” He’s still holding my padded shoulders lightly, which I’m only just now becoming hyper aware of, due to the heat radiating off of his delicate touch. He then looks back up towards my eyes and I look back at the younger calmly, as if to mentally let him know that I’m perfectly fine and there is nothing to worry about. I then notice how close we are - about two feet - and the atmosphere can be read as tranquil as a busy, pedestrian filled street can get. In fact we are so close I can smell a chamomile scent coming off of the younger and I’m curious if he uses a specific detergent to achieve this smell or if he applies a certain deodorant. It’s comforting.

“Y-you can let go of me now, I-I’m fine.” I barely whisper out, his eyes never leaving mine.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry… “ Mingyu hastily says while pulling back his hands and shuffling away a few feet, as I hike my satchel up further onto my shoulder. “Um, m-my house is just down the road, like five minutes away and although they might be a little baggy on you, I have plenty of uniforms and uh…I can lend you one or you can have it I don’t mind, just as long as you don’t go to school in the one I just ruined.” Mingyu awkwardly offers and my eye’s comically widen from the giant’s sudden offer. He’s willing to loan one of his uniforms, over a little coffee stain? I can tell that the latter feels upset about the accident, but it’s just that; an accident. He owes me nothing. Plus, I have a few coupons for a chain dry cleaning business, I can just find the nearest one and take the blazer there this weekend.

“Look, I need to go back there anyways because I forgot my school bag, so it’s really not a big deal. Plus, we still have a while before school starts so… what do you say?” This time his voice is more confident as he waits patiently for my answer. Although I do feel kinda crummy that he left his bag...

Baby steps Wonwoo. Baby steps.

I come to the short conclusion that I don’t actually need to change clothes, it’s honestly not even that noticeable, but I can tell by the youngers expression that he really is upset that this whole accident even happened in the first place, but it’ll be okay. “Um… I don’t think that’s necessary, but thank you for the offer.” I give him a small smile, in hopes that it will relive some of the pressure off of him, and I begin to slowly continue towards the subway station.

I hear quick steps behind me and then catch Mingyu’s silhouette in my peripheral with a grin plastered on his face and I let a twitch of a smile on mine as well. Although, I am a little surprised that he decided to go on and head to school without his bag. I mean it is friday, but what if he has something due in another class, or maybe needs to do a little bit of studying before a test? Nonetheless, I’m still pretty happy he’s accompanying me on my ride to school. Though it does get me thinking, since he lives pretty close, how come I didn't see him on the ride to and from school yesterday?

Minutes pass and we fall into a comfortable silence and it is honestly surprising how natural this all feels around him, almost like we’ve known each other for years. Will it be this easy with others though? Can I possibly be able to accomplish this again with another person?

We arrive at the crowded station pretty early, with business men and women in a hurry to catch their morning rides and students from all different schools pass in laughing groups with a couple of tired stragglers following closely behind. I also notice a certain group of girls, from a different school then Mingyu and I, look towards the younger and began to whisper and giggle. While another is taking a picture with her cell, quite noticeably. They could at least be subtle about what they’re doing. I think dumbfoundedly to myself.  It’s just then that I notice how much I’ve gravitated towards Mingyu, unconsciously of course. Maybe out of comfort or another emotion I can’t place a finger on just yet.

Once the desired destination is in view I automatically head towards the ticket machines instead of keeping straight towards the waiting platforms. “Why are you buying an individual ticket?” The taller asks with his voice slightly raised, so that I can probably hear him a tad better over the noisy station. “Just buy a card, it’s more convenient.” I continue to press the screen with a feather light touch and buy my ticket. I’m not too surprised that the younger decided to ask me the question. It is quite odd, if you consider the whole situation as an outsider.

I think carefully before speaking, then turn swiftly and notice the younger jump a little from my sudden action. “I don’t have money to just freely use, plus it’s kind of useless considering I only take the metro to get to school.” I finish my transaction and look towards Mingyu with a shy smile. He stares at me with an unreadable expression and I just pray to any god out there that he doesn’t think lowly of me. Mingyu isn't stupid, I know he can use his mental context clues and replace the missing information to conclude I'm not as well off as him.

We continue to walk until we reach the designated platform, where the train has already arrived, and climb onto the congested transportation, much to my distaste. Not only do I not have enough money just to use whenever, that’s only half the truth. I’m actually not too fond of the crowded metro. Of course I can only play it off as calm for so long until I get noticeably more uncomfortable.

I notice the younger scanning his eyes around crowd for a place to stand, probably somewhere better than smashed up against the pole in the dead-center of the aisle. I stand patiently waiting for Mingyu to make the decision of where to move and just before the subway takes off, he grabs my sleeve, fingers ghosting just above my palm. I hear a hasty “come on” before he’s pulling me towards the end of the aisle and all I can do is follow obediently. We squeeze thinly past families, businessmen, other students in uniform and everyone in between until we cramp ourselves in the space between the emergency exit door and the aisle.

Mingyu lets go of my sleeve, much to my dismay, and breathes in deeply. “Itty-bitty living space,” He and I both laugh at the sudden - yet true - statement. I try not to laugh too loud, though, only because I want to be able to hear his melodic laugh. Is that weird of me? Should I want to quiet my own happiness for the sake of hearing someone else's? It’s not as if I’m harming anyone, I just feel this gut wrenching twist each time I begin to see the taller’s growing smile or the feathery notes of his laugh. Are you supposed to feel this way towards a friend?

With a jolt, the subway takes off. We watch as the passengers with nowhere to put their hands, including us, jostle in the aisle, swaying unintentionally as they attempt to find a hand hold and steady themselves. A few people bump into us, but one large man in particular suddenly collides into me, causing my forehead to bounce roughly onto the glass from the exit doors.

“Ahah,” I grumble as pain suddenly erupts on my already reddening forehead. As I raise one of my hands to soothe the pain I notice Mingyu shooting worried glances my way. The man mutters a weak “sorry” and turns back around, but god, that hurt. Mingyu looks towards me again, pinning his eyes to where my thin wrist rubs my injured temple. I shyly begin to smile at Mingyu to ease the youngers concern but the surging pain causes me to end up wincing anyway.

The next thing I know Mingy has his arm stretched out between me and the man, palm laid flat against the metal wall, and caging me into the small and secure space. I carefully move my eyes towards the younger’s face and notice a stoic stare planted heavily into his features. A sudden red heat begins to grace my own features. Mingyu shouldn't have to do this, but that does not mean I’m not grateful for his protective nature. The cart makes another strong jolt and I unconsciously stiffen my body, but the collision from before doesn’t happen again. Instead this time it’s the younger whose face is slightly scrunched up in a labored state. I silently give him my thanks and redirect my stare to anywhere but him for the rest of the ride. It’s not until a few more stops pass and the crowd thins out before Mingyu moves his arm down and I let out a tiny sigh of relief, thankful that he doesn’t have to endure it any longer.

●●

The train eventually lets us off at our designated stop and even though there’s less people from when we first got on the train, the flow of bodies is still in great numbers. I keep close to Mingyu’s side as we make our way towards the exit.

“Do you mind riding to school with me again on Monday?” I ask, just loud enough for the younger to hear me over the bustling streets. I’m genuinely curious if he will want to or not. After a few beats of silence I assume Mingyu didn’t hear me and I drop the thought all together until the latter replies with an affirmative ‘No, I don’t mind’. While nodding my head I can’t help but bite my lip, trying to prevent the smile forming on my chilly face.

A few minutes into our walk and comfortable silence has surrounded us as a whole. Nothing much more can be said about the stroll other than that.