She wanted nothing more than keeping the girl who she loved so much by her side.

***

Tossing and turning in their shared bed, letting Irene’s scent engulfed her alcohol-soaked senses, Seulgi listened to the water that had been running for the past hour without any pause. 

She had been staring at the ceiling for as long as she wasn’t looking at Irene, as if trying to crave every bit of the features into her mind. 

None of the two had a wink the entire night and it took great effort to convince the elder girl to freshen up at the very least to feel better. 

The throb in her head worsened when she pulled herself up to sit on the bed, now fully feeling the aftermath of all the alcohol she indulged in from the previous night. 

But she didn’t have any time to care about her pain, for she was only worried for the one who had yet to finish what was supposed to be a brief washup. 

When there was no response to her knocks on the door, she gave the knob a twist, granting herself entrance. 

Seulgi’s heart almost ripped out of her chest when she found Irene slouched against the wall of the bathtub under the shower head, letting the cold water rained on the weak, fragile body. 

.

Drenched.

Cold.

Irene couldn’t be in anymore vulnerable state. 

Instead of turning the water off, Seulgi stripped herself before joining in, facing the older girl who had her head leaning on her knees. 

She took hold of the wrinkled, icy hands, rubbing in her own to generate heat. 

Those fingertips trembled uncontrollably and Seulgi couldn’t tell if it was because of the cold, or for the fact that the crying hadn’t stopped.  

Pressing her lips on each and every of the knuckles, she couldn’t take her eyes off Irene. 

“Baby, it has been an hour.” Her voice was soft. “You are going to fall sick.” 

Slowly but surely, she was getting a response when a head lifted at snail speed.

“If being sick will keep you by my side, I rather be sick for the rest of my life.”

Seulgi hushed her, unwilling to hear such words. 

It had only been a night but Irene looked skinnier than ever. 

For the entire sleepless night, the elder one was cracking her head, trying to come up with ways to change the mind of the other.

For the same amount of time, Seulgi had been reconsidering to end the torment on Irene and herself by revoking the breakup but she knew someday later, history would relapse. 

“Is there anything I can do to make you stay?” 

When the only answer to her question was silence, Irene smiled. 

But it wasn’t the one Seulgi fell in love with. 

It was the one that screamed helplessness, one that screamed resigning to the cold, hard truth that they would be over. 

It was Seulgi’s turn to feel her vision blurred with tears, which she never let them fall. 

“If time can rewind, would you still kiss me back at the cafe’s kitchen?”

“Of course,” Seulgi whispered and caressed Irene’s face. “Without hesitation.” 

“Even if it led you into this ambiguous relationship with a coward like me?” 

“Kissing you back then was the most rightful thing I have ever done, baby.”

Irene’s smile widened, this time with a little comfort, especially with how Seulgi had only been calling her baby. 

Hooking her hands around Seulgi’s neck, she pulled closely for a taste of the pair of lips that she would never get sick of. 

She grazed on the soft lips, just like the first time Seulgi kissed her at the cafe. 

“Can you…” Seulgi choked on her tears. “Can you do that again?”

Two years and more into everything and their telepathy had been strong as always. 

Seulgi figured that she was been kissed the way like their first, and she could only reply with the exact same words Irene said to her as a permission to deepen it. 

After the countless kisses they had shared, they still couldn’t get enough of each other’s flavour. 

The only thing missing was that it no longer tasted sweeter than strawberry. 

It was a taste of bitter tears running down their cheeks. 

Irene broke away to gather herself together, turning off the water and grabbing their bathrobes after noticing the constant shiver of Seulgi.

She led them out to sit on the ground against the couch; the same spot they were at before they made their first love. 

Similarly, her arm wrapped protectively around Seulgi as the latter rested her head on the shoulder. 

“When you lean into me like this, it makes me feel like I can protect you.”

Seulgi latched tighter onto Irene.

“But I have never.” 

Those words were heavily laced with regrets, because Irene knew that was what drove Seulgi over her line. 

She had never stood up for the girl she loves, not in front of their friends, not in front of Ilhoon, not in front of her parents. 

The collar of her shirt was stained with wetness from the latter’s tears. 

She knew they were very deeply in love, but under such circumstances, she hated to agree that Seulgi was right. 

Quarrelling so often would eventually cause them to only hate but she decided that if she was going to lose somebody, it’s definitely not going to be the one she loved the most. 

After what felt like hours later, Seulgi awoke to a dimmed room. 

She tried to reach towards Irene’s side of the bed, only to feel a spread of coldness, suggesting that the position had been left empty for awhile now. 

She her dry lips as she placed an arm over her puffy eyes, feeling her head heavier than it was in the morning despite the rest. 

The last thing she remembered was her crying, with Irene tucking her into bed, wanting her to take a nap, to escape from the painful break-up she herself suggested for. 

Her body slowly froze to the thought that Irene had indeed stopped asking for a second chance, even if she was the one who insisted that it was for the better of them. 

“Irene..?” It was pin drop silence. “Ba-Baby?” 

Making her way out of the room and looking everywhere within their home, there was nothing but disappointment settling in her stomach.

A pinch of sourness slowly raised from her guts to the back of , unease and discomfort pressing from within and before she knew, she was squatting in the toilet, throwing every last content she had in her. 

Standing before the mirror, looking at her own reflection, Seulgi felt like it was a messed up stranger who she was seeing. 

For a span of time, she let the string of events ran through her foggy mind.

The more she thinks, the more suffocating it got. 

It was real, she had called for an end and Irene’s lack of presence in the house made her realised it was indeed real. 

Calls after calls that were diverted to the mailbox, she was beginning to feel the fear of losing Irene, the miserable feeling of being alone. 

She thought she was ready to take a break from their relationship. 

But Seulgi clearly overestimated herself because there she was, about to crack her phone screen with all the dialling, drowning in sorrow that she brought upon herself. 

Slamming her back against the couch, she ran her hand roughly through her hair, frustrated tears desperate to escape the frames of her eyes. 

Sure, it was a terrible feeling to deal with Mr Bae’s homophobia and Ilhoon’s existence as Irene’s matchmaking date. 

Little did she know that it felt like her organs were being chewed at, now that she had to deal with a life without Irene. 

It was only then when Seulgi realised that instead of one ring on her hand, she had two of the same. 

That was the only thing required to send her exhausted mind crazy. 

All these times, Irene had never removed her promise ring from the chain unnecessarily. 

Staring at what would have been their rings were now only hers, tears finally fell. 

“What have I done…”

She shouldn’t have given up on Irene, especially not when she wasn’t in control of what her dad was doing to them. 

She shouldn’t have given up on Irene, especially not when they were both so madly in love with each other. 

She shouldn’t have given up on Irene, especially not when the elder girl had given her everything within means. 

A moment of folly under the influence of alcohol and wrecked up emotions, it was. 

Dialling the number she memorised by heart since years ago, it was once again converted to the mailbox but she didn’t hang up this time.

“Baby, where are you..? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t say we needed to end.” 

She muffled her cry with a hand over . 

“I’m so stupid to have think that ending us would solve any problem.”

There was no words to express how much she resented herself for letting Irene slipped away.

“I’m so stupid to think that it was difficult dealing with your dad and Ilhoon when there is nothing more difficult than dealing a life without you.” 

She pressed her lips on their rings. 

“I broke my promise to you, and I’m so sorry…”

Her eyes shut, more uncontrollable tears falling. 

“I just want to be with you, always.”

Her inside was burning with anger at herself for pushing Irene away when all Irene did all these years was loving her unconditionally. 

“I can’t imagine not loving you, and I can’t imagine no longer having you.”

She brought her knees to her chest when the cries were physically hurting her.  

“I don’t care if people think I’m just your friend, I wouldn’t even care if they think I’m just your housemate.” 

Her sight was fixed on their pictures that Irene printed and framed onto the refrigerator, recalling their happy days when only each other existed in their own world. 

“I only care about being with you.” 

Through the hiccups, she sobbed her heartfelt apology.

“I’m so sorry for saying that things need to end..”

She finally understood what it meant when Irene said the heartache was killing.

“I love you so much, Irene, baby..”

Because she was feeling it for herself.

“Please take me back, protect the dumb bear who is going crazy at the thought of losing you…”

She collapsed onto Irene side of the bed after the voicemail ended with her constant whispers of I love you to Irene, regretful that she had made the worst decision in her life. 

Her phone was buzzing repeatedly on the dining table where she was nowhere near enough to pick up the calls and Irene could only fidget in the seat of her own childhood home as she waited for her parents to finish up their work on hands.

The wait felt like an eternity. 

Her plan wasn’t even to stay this long.

She just wanted to get it over and done with so she can go home to Seulgi, to win Seulgi back again, not just with words but her actions this time.   

“So, what made you come home?”

Mrs Bae joined her family in the living room, tapping her husband lightly to make him put his book away.

She was starting to tremble when the attention was solely on her, air awkward and still. 

Her mum took notice and swallowed, as if she could foresee something.

Irene wouldn’t let herself waver under the eyes of her parents, especially not her dad's. 

She thought of how she sat by Seulgi’s side as the latter slept before she left home.

She wanted nothing more than keeping the girl who she loved so much by her side. 

“I.. I have something to tell you guys.” 

With that, she knew she was beginning to protect Seulgi like she should have all along. 

***

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I don't have the heart to break SeulRene up, how can I ever? 💖💛

Not too much of interaction between SeulRene in this chapter but all agony shall end soon~

But that also means, this story is coming to an end in a few more reads. 😢

Thank you for all your support and I hope it continues as we progress on with SeulRene. 

I'm busy with school and work these days so I'm sorry that updates may be a little slow. 

Also, Happy Belated SeulRene Day! 💖💛

Till the next update, do leave me a comment! :)