Part 2: First List

No one counted for how long Park Teddy had been standing muted inside Jiyong’s room. The disgust look on Jiyong’s face was bare in his memory and it was the first time. Nobody ever looked at him the way Jiyong did today and it felt like , as if he had no pride left. They had many arguments before, like really a lot, and it was something normal in life. They disagreed on many things, they cursed, they shouted, but they didn’t disrespect each other. And today, through his eyes Jiyong despised him as if he was someone who didn’t deserve his acknowledgement. It didn’t make sense, he still believed. What he did was right but what he gained was completely unfair.

Even if they didn’t have such strong history, Jiyong shouldn’t have treated him like this. He was almost ten years older than that kid. Not to forget all his effort he did this decade for Bigbang’s success, for Jiyong’s success. And it’s only for one mere girl, for someone not as precious as his life Jiyong had disregarded their ten years relationship. This didn’t make any sense.

When his breath was back to its normal rhythm, Teddy looked up to find the mess Jiyong caused. There were deep broken lines on his television’s screen, he doubted it can be fixed, not that Jiyong would care about it though. He wondered did he always break at least one of his properties every time someone came to lure him back to Seoul, or was it the first time. His gaze then landed on the floor close to his television’s table, it’s full of broken glasses and it invited his sigh. Maybe it was the first time, he almost believed.

Taking one long breath Teddy decided that it’s enough. He marched to the door and heading down, he needed to find Jiyong’s mother before he excused himself. And she was at the open kitchen right next to the stairs. Teddy was a bit surprised for finding her that easy, he believed she had heard the mess from Jiyong’s room back then.

“Ommoni,” he called, coming closer.

And he immediately was greeted by an understanding smile. He didn’t expect this. Her smile was too warm, as if she knew already what he was about to say and how he would explain everything. It was something special from Jiyong’s mother, she was like everyone’s mother, like his own mother, she’s that kind of person who would take anybody she met as her own child. He should feel relieved actually, but to its contrary he felt guiltier instead.

Teddy earned a small nod when he joined her in the kitchen. She was apparently preparing dinner but he doubted she’ll get Jiyong back when the dinner served.

“So, how is it?” She asked as she returned to her vegetables.

Teddy exhaled a short sigh, “one television and one glass table, and I think one expensive toy of him,” he said, reporting stuff that had been damaged.

This time he earned a soft hum.

“It’s okay, at least nobody was hurt,” she continued, “right?” and she looked up, expecting the yes answer. Although there was a legit calmness in her movement, he could see a genuine concern on her eyes, and Teddy couldn’t blame her, she was indeed a mother after all.

Teddy smiled with a nod, assuring the old woman that none of him and Jiyong had been hurt, even though he craved to smack the younger’s face. Well, she didn’t need this additional report though, definitely.

“Good,” the mother said, then back to chopping her carrots, “are you staying for dinner?”

“I’m afraid I can’t. I’m sorry, Ommoni. I have to see Ikon tonight, we have some meeting.”

She hummed shortly again, there was no plan of forcing this familiar guy. She actually considered all YG family as her own family, including this one guy. It was obviously saddening that knowing how her son’s relationship with his company members weren’t healthy anymore.

The matter remained vague to her, even when she knew. No one ever really explained to her what things had happened between them. When she found her son, last year, lying on his bed inside this big house, not even sleeping, she knew something had happened. And as a mother of a superstar, she learnt that not everything she should know. If her son didn’t tell her by himself, she shouldn’t let herself dig any information from outside their house, because clearly she learnt to trust no one but her own child.

Honestly, without Jiyong realizing, he did tell her one night. He was completely drunk, seven bottles of soju lying on his room’s floor, she counted it and was truly upset about it. Sitting on the floor with the back leaned on the side of his bed, Jiyong’s state invited her sigh. He looked completely in a mess, his Dad had been trying something, from consoling him to scolding him, but none had really reached success. Jiyong remained quiet and kept everything for himself. It was what she’s scared the most, afraid that her only son would be completely out of mind.

She remembered he called her with such hoarse voice that night. His eyes were closed but she could see clear liquid falling down his cheeks. He mumbled incoherent sentences, telling her how he missed her, how someone precious had hurt her yet he barely did something, how he let his guard down and let himself screw everything then came a question, “what should I do, Mom?”

And to her saddest moment in life, she had no answer.

Taking one long and quiet breath, she dragged herself back to reality. She decided to look up. And as if expecting her motion Teddy was actually gazing down at her, the whole time.

“Honestly, I don’t want to come between you guys, but Teddy, please help him gain back his happiness. My son deserves it, just like everyone else,” requested her with a trust.

But could he? Could he do that? Teddy only nodded, not sure how to react over Jiyong’s mother sincere request. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, but it’s more that he couldn’t trust Jiyong’s state right now. He came with a mission, to bring him back alive and it would lead him to his own happiness. But after his confrontation he now couldn’t trust how Jiyong described his own happiness.

That probably explained why his nod was weak, and hesitant. And not only that, bringing home a failed mission had definitely shaken his composure. He should have come with a better plan.

***

But was it really a failure? To be honest, it’s not. He might have to sacrifice his prejudice, his ego, his pride, and even when it’s unintentional, his mission was actually accomplished. Because here Jiyong was, inside the plane to the main land, to his home, and maybe—as his mom believed, to her.

When he told his mother he’ll go back to Seoul, Jiyong missed a relieved smile of her face. His mind was busy already, planning things