Green Sunflower & Rilakkuma
Don't Forget Your Shades
He peered towards the large round table consisted of all young ladies in their twenties, with a few being younger. But the sight he was hoping to get remained unseen. He immediately diverted his attention back to his own table when he caught his labelmate, Yewon from girlgroup Jewelry turning her head towards their table, probably looking for Kwanghee who's her co-DJ for a radio show. He was glad that he owned a keen reflex action towards movements. Even as he returned to face his group members though, his thoughts remained the same.
'Maybe she went to the ladies?'
"Hyung! Were you......checking out the girls just now?!" He saw Minwoo's mouth gaped open. That was not a good sign.
"Aniya. I didn't. I was just....looking for...."
"Looking for....?"
"Looking for what?" Hyungsik who was seated at Minwoo's other side scooted nearer to them. The latter shrugged and shoved a spoonful of rice into Hyungsik's mouth. "Just eat, you nosy kid. Taehun hyung has his issues unlike you who only cares for food."
"Girls, I know! Who knew there'd come a day where Taehun hyung cared for girls more than food on his plate." The younger mumbled in between his munching.
"Yah, I think you're confusing the situation and talking about yourself instead. Just eat and let the hyungs talk." Minwoo proudly puffed his chest and tried to push Hyungsik away once again.
"Whatever. Oh, talking bout girls though...yesterday I saw one of the girls crying."
"Really?"
"Yeah...I think it's one of the Rainbow member."
That piqued a certain someone's interest. He wondered who was the one crying and what could be the reason. And whether it had to do with her absence today. Could it be his fault?
He suddenly stood up, to the surprise of s.
"Hyung, where are you going?"
"Hu....huh? Umm, Restroom." He immediately left the dining area, cursing himself for evoking suspicion from his dongsaengs. Well, he had no business to be settled at the restroom, but he went to the said direction anyway. On the way, he saw a familiar face coming from the opposite direction. She smiled and bowed at him and he did the same.
"Excuse me, sunbaenim...." He called her before she could disappear back into the dining hall. She turned with a questioning look.
"Uhm...I don't see.....Rainbow sunbaenim....."
"Oh...." She grinned broadly, not having trouble to perceive his incoherent question. "Hyunyoungie couldn't come. She's staying home. She wanted to come, but you know...health is more important, need to rest whenever we can find time."
"Is she sick?"
"No. She just wanted to take care of our Jisook, who's down with a fever after last night's show."
"Oh..."
"Okay, see 'ya. Send my thanks to Park Hyungsik for his *coughs* cooperation on yesterday's show." Noeul smirked and bowed again, starting to make her way out of the corridor leading to restroom, but again she was called.
"Can I ask for a favour, sunbae?"
----------------------------------
"Unnie....eat something will you? You're worrying me!" Hyunyoung tried her hardest to pull the other girl from under her blanket but to no avail. It didn't help that both of them own the same small frame, though Jisook is definitely skinnier and a little taller.
"Hyunyoungie....just let me be alone. Why didn't you go to the dinner? I want to sleep."
"Unnie..you lied. You're thinking about your mom again right? You promised to forget everything and be happy already. Or at least let me know if you're feeling unhappy."
From under the blanket, still stubbornly hiding herself from the youngest, Jisook tried to think of a method to just get rid of Hyunyoung. All she wanted is to be left alone and drown herself in her own thoughts, her own tears. Was that so hard of a wish to be granted? She knew Hyunyoung was just too concerned about her. And she remembered the promise she made. It wasn't a lie. She wanted to be happy too. But there are circumstances that could make her powerless. She's not in power of her feelings. Not all the time. And the session she had yesterday, with a badly battered soul who bravely charged through his life with just an aid of a pair of shades made her realize she wasn't all that much different. She too, hid her pain behind the hyperactive cheerful mask she always put on.
'But am I brave enough to throw away everything and start anew? Like a person with no memories? He had gone though even worse....how could he be so calm? If I was in his place...I'd probably have...commited suicide out of depression. He's so strong.'
"Unnie!!!" She felt her blanket being pulled again, and naturally she increased the force to pull it back. The push and pull would never end.
Ding-dong
"Ommo. Somebody rang the bell. Did Woori unnie forgot to bring her keys again? Aish...you just wait here...don't think of running away, understand?!! "
Jisook unintentionally let out a sly smile at the sudden disruption. Now she could just lock the bedroom's door while Hyunyoung is busy attending the front door. But problem is, Hyunyoung kept all the keys with her all the time. That smart cookie.
----------------------------------------
"Unnie! You forgot...Taehun ssi? Gasp. What are you doing here?" She gawked and pointed to his face, in shock. He only bowed in response and handed a basket of fruits to her.
"Sorry for disturbing. I heard you're not well, so I think it's only proper to visit a sick sunbae."
"We're not..........but how did...."
"Noeul sunbaenim gave the address."
She nodded thoughtfully, now understanding the situation a little better than moments ago. Still, she found it puzzling that a person who was so detached and cold could change completely within such a short time period. Surely he didn't need to come all the way to just being a polite hoobae, no? He could just send his regards through the other unnies. Her thoughts ran wild in curiosity.
"And these are for you." She took the flowers, not missing the view of another stalk wrapped in papers in the hand he covered behind him.
"Freesia." He smiled at how she amusedly looked through,sniffed and practically buried her face into the flowers with puzzled face. She probably was trying to figure out what flower they were before he gave away the answer.
"And I'm guessing those are for Jisook unnie?" Finally she gave in to her curiosity and pointed at his other hand. He nodded.
She sighed. "Want to come in first?"
He shook his head. "Outside here will do."
Instead of going inside straight away, she continued after taking a moment to contemplate. "I hope you don't misunderstand, Taehun ssi, because I'm not trying to blame you. I'm blaming myself actually.....Jisook unnie...after the show yesterday, she has changed. I think she's been thinking about her mother who passed away some months ago. Or...something that I don't know. After she had a talk with you, she hadn't spoke anything to us and wouldn't eat. Jisook unnie is always like that. When she could handle her sadness, she'd overcompensate it with all her cute kiddy acts, but when she couldn't, she'd keep to herself and make everyone worry about her."
"Her....mother?"
She nodded. Taehun realized it was probably his fault after all. Or at least, he could took partial of the blame. Not that he mind taking it all, anyway.
"Think you can call her out for me? Maybe I can help to.....uhhm, make her feel better?"
------------------------------------
After another round of push and pull with her maknae, Jisook finally gave in and grudgingly trudged out. And that was only after the younger told her there's somebody who wanted to see her outside. She didn't really believed it, convinced it was just an excuse to get her out of her gloomy blanket. But she didn't want to go through the same tiring tug 'o war anymore either. She could always mope alone outside the apartment anyway, without persistent Hyunyoung around. Thus, she was extremely surprised to be greeted by somebody she had just met yesterday and already led her to the gloom. She didn't blame him anyway. How could she, when it's so obvious what he went through was far more disturbing than herself.
Yet, it's not until they reached the park nearby to her group's apartment, and she took a seat on the grass, signalling him to sit as well, that one of them actually spoke out.
"Hyunyoungie said you're looking for me. Have something else to tell? You need to let it all out." She braved a cheerful smile, though it fell flat.
"I did. Thank you."
There were moments of silence, before she realized what was wrong.
"Then, why are you here? To say thank you?"
"That and some other reasons." He mumbled. "I think I should apologize, because it seemed I have reminded you of unhappy times."
"So Hyunyoung that punk told you everything huh?"
"Your mother passed away recently?"
She covered her forehead embarassedly. She hated having other people feeling sorry at her, especially someone like him.
"You know, like what you told me, you should let it out too. Letting people see your vulnerabilities doesn't make you any less cool."
"You think I'm cool?" She couldn't believe her ears. All these time, she's used to hear people calling her cute, or adorable. Cool? Not so much.
He nodded a little too eagerly, earning a small laugh from her, this time a little more genuine than her previous forced smile.
"You are. Thanks to you, now I'm not.......afraid anymore."
"You mean?....afraid of......girls...or the sun? Since you're always wearing sunglasses..."
Instead of giving a straight objective answer to her question, he merely continued what he had thought about since last night up until the moment.
"I've think it over....and realized....guarding myself from people who can potentially hurt me because of things I can't control would not prevent from pain. Especially if the reason is because I love them. In fact, it'd hurt even more to know that I don't even fight to cherish the happy times, even for just a few seconds. Talking about them to you yesterday made me feel so grateful that those wonderful women are a part of my life, and have once made my life a bliss. You should think the same way about your mother, don't you think?"
Again, there was silence. Though he could hear faint sound of her muffled sobbing as she struggled to keep it all in.
"Sorry..." She rubbed her eyes vigorously, as if angry at herself for letting tears to even have the audacity to come out.
"It's okay. I don't see anything so......you can just umm, continue what you're doing. I won't see or hear anything." He even held the shades covering his eyes with both hands to prove his words, in case she didn't notice it. Jisook frowned for a few seconds before breaking into laughter mixed with her earlier sobs, making her laugh and cry at the same time. He only smiled bitterly at the sight, letting her to express whatever she needed to let out and whichever way she choose to do it, noticing that she took her pride seriously, clearly not the kind of girl who would break into tears for every nail broken.
After awhile, her laugh-tears finally subsided. "I had no idea you are so funny."
"Then, maybe you should laugh some more?"
She nodded, but this time bursted into a real breakdown, crying her heart out while burying her face on her knees. She then started babbling in between her tears, as if the burst of swelling emotions she had been keeping all the while to herself were unable to be contained any longer.
"I love her. I really do. I thought it could wait. I thought I'd have time to show her how much I love her. Make her proud. But I was wrong. I was WRONG!" She sounded completely broken, leaving him worried of how to react. But he finally patted her head gently.
"I'm sorry.....I'm sorry. I shouldn't be telling all this to you. Of all the person, not you.....who had face worse than what I went through. This is so embarassing..."
Again, there was no answer from him and the silence remained until she calmed down, for real this time around.
"I feel much better now.....so, you can go back. And thanks for....."
Before she could finish her sentence she found a stalk of flowers shoved into her hand. 'Sunflowers', she noted.
"But why? And why give me sunflower? That's Hyunyoungie's flower. She's yellow. Shouldn't you give this to her instead? I'm green."
"Hu...huh?" He had no idea about what colour belongs to who. He didn't thought the members of Rainbow would take their role colour seriously, but apparently he was wrong.
"I...just thought sunflowers suits you the best. You brighten the world and people around you with your optimism and cheerfulness."
"Uhuh, are you making fun of me because of what you've just seen?" She gave him the slanting eyes.
"No. No. Well, if you don't like it, I can bring green flowers next time."
"Yah! Why would you bring flowers to me again? I'm not a bed-ridden hospitalized sick person, you know?" She suddenly grew annoyed at his over-friendliness as compared to his detachment just yesterday. How could a person changed so much, so fast?
"No....aish..." He ruffled his own hair, exasperated. "I...just...I think I like you. So I'll bring you flowers or whatever you like."
"Huh?....Wha.....are you crazy? Haven't we just met yesterday? Didn't you feel afraid of getting hurt again? What made you so confident to say...that?"
Her response....or as he clearly understood, her subtle rejection, although he had been prepared for it before he came, still deflated his courage and newfound feelings that had just started blooming eversince after the fashion show ended. He felt hurt, but at least he knew that this hurt came after he took the chance, and so he shouldn't be too sad with the outcome. 'Of course, why would she like someone like me?'
"I just...feel that I've found back the spark to live happily, after talking to you yesterday. And I'm not afraid of girls anymore too. At first, I thought it's just the therapeutic effect. Like talking to a psychiatrist make you feel better. But I keep thinking about you, and when I think of you, I just feel happy. So I thought, maybe I like you, and not just thankful. And this time around, I don't want to waste time like I did in the past. At least now that I've come clean when I've just started feeling this way, I can accept being rejected without being traumatized, so don't worry about it. I'll leave now. Rest well, sunbaenim." He stood up and bowed at her, forcing a smile.
"H..hey, I don't like green flowers. In fact, I like sunflowers the most, well, besides roses."
"O...kay." He nodded before setting his steps to leave again.
"Yah! Pabo, did I say I'm rejecting you?!!"
"Yeah. Wait. You mean, I'm not rejected?" He dumbly pointed to himself.
"Hmm...I'll put you on probation. on one condition. Take that stupid shades off." She smirked.
"Probation?" He frowned, before registering the other things she mentioned. "And my shades aren't stupid. They're cool."
"Probation, so that neither of us will get hurt again. To tell you the truth, I can't think of anything now. I'm scared to accept if it means I'll be the next person to hurt you because of my selfishness. But I'm scared too....that I might regret if I don't accept. So yeah....." She looked down on her feet, cringing to see she came out wearing slippers, making her feel short now.
"That's...nice to hear. But what about calling my shades stupid?"
"Well, you'd look much cooler without it." This time she looked at him and beamed earnestly, creating the crescent shape eyesmile on her face. He held her gaze, while seriously considering her words. Finally, he pulled off his sunglasses, slowly and handed it to her.
"You want me to throw this away for you?"
He frowned, still having mixed emotions at parting with his shades, although he had tons more at home.
"Or are you still thinking about J? She was after all the person who made you started wearing shades right?"
He smiled bitterly at the mention of that person. "Yeah, she made me wear shades to cover my weakness from the world to see, but a certain someone told me that my ugly eyes are cooler than a pair of stylish shades. And I like my eyes the best too, to be honest. Do you think I should keep thinking about J, after I've met someone with such a weird opinion like that certain someone?" To this remark, she began giggling to herself, knowing well, the latter he was referring to.
"Well.....that certain someone thinks J's eyes is pretty messed up for thinking such cool eyes should be covered in the first place. But that certain someone would like to keep the shades as a proof that she had cool eyes too." She smiled cheekily and slipped the frame into her hair. "So, what now?"
"Hmm.....ahh...come on. I will buy you another present." He stood up again, this time offering his hand to help her lift herself up from the grass. Smiling to herself, she took his hands.
"What do you mean you're buying me another present? At least let me do some part. Let's go. I'll be the one to give you a present now. What do you like, Taehun ssi?"
"Hmmm....." He didn't took long before breaking into a grin. "Teddy bear? I like cute small ones." He clasped his hands, oblivious to the horror on her face.
"Teddy bear?!! Are you serious?!!"
"Rilakkuma!!" He started clapping like a little kid. She shook her head in disbelief and scratched her neck in bewilderment.
"I feel like there are so many things I need to learn about you and each of those things might surprise me. That's right.....I barely know anything about you at all...until yesterday."
"That's right. I don't know you either. Except for a few things like you probably like green sunflower. But now we will have plenty of time to learn those things, right Mansook ssi?"
"Man...sook...? Yah! Are you mocking me?!!"
"No. You're the one who gave that name to yourself, Mansook ssi." He managed to escape her hit attempt and dashed away, shocked at how she could run so fast and catch up to him in no time, and causing him to make his escape even faster, towards the toy shop not too far from his view. He'd make sure when they come out of the shop, he'd be holding a Rilakkuma in one hand and her hand in the other.
--------------------------------------
Comments