Shades & Women
Don't Forget Your Shades
Note: sorry, the flashbacks would be told from two different POV methods just because it's easier for me...lol. sorry if you find it messy.... ><...and eventhough the flashback is told from 3rd person pov, pls imagine it as flashes of scenes in his narration. haha, sorry again for any inconvenience.
and when i wrote this chap towards the end...i randomly listened to this song, feel free to listen to it while reading for some additional music...xD : CLICK TO LISTEN
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He didn't know what made her think he should tell her anything. So far, she had been acting unreasonable, forcing him for something as personal as that. He felt slightly irritated, though he immediately reasoned with himself that it was his fault for mistreating her maknae. He would be mad too if somebody bully his maknaes, heck he would be angry if somebody bullied anyone from his group. He shouldn't have ran earlier.
"So...? I'm waiting you know? Like I said...I'm Man Jisook. Call me Man, or ManSook if that would make you feel better. Just trust me. I won't tell anyone. Not even Hyunyoungie."
'Trust?' He scoffed inwardly. How could he trust her? A woman told him she would be by his side forever, but she left him alone..yet he still loved her and would continue feeling the same way for the rest of his life; a woman told him that she would fill in his empty heart but she gave her heart to another man and didn't care for him that much anymore....yet he couldn't hate her, he knew she still cared for him though she couldn't show it just as much so he had to continue loving her; a woman told him that they'd always be there for each other, lean on each other through hardships, but she found another man she would rather lean on...yet he couldn't hate her, he knew how much she still cared for him, even if it's not in the way he hoped she would.
"I....could not trust them. I don't want to go through it again."
She sensed the change in his voice. He was opening up. But he stopped again. He was hesitating, and she could feel it.
"You can tell me. Just imagine you're talking to a wall. I won't interrupt. Sometimes you need to let it all out in order to leave all the unpleasant memories behind."
He stared at her, puzzled. She sounded like a person who understood what he went through and what he was feeling. But she was so bubbly,a little crazy and childish. How could such a person understood that kind of pain? She didn't see his bewilderment, hidden perfectly behind his shades, which had help him hid so many things in his life from the world. Something about her made him want to believe her, even if just as a listener, or as she said, as a wall.
"It started twelve years ago. She made a promise that she betrayed shortly after...." She nodded intently as he began peeling off the episodes of his life he had been keeping to himself for the few years.
*flashback*
It was the day she died. The very reason she failed to keep her promise to him. He knew she tried her best, and that was why he could never feel angered at her or blame her.
"Tae..hun..." He came nearer to the bed and let her his head. "Omma love you, and omma feel sorry that omma couldn't keep Omma's promise to you..."
He shook his head fiercely, trying to keep in the tears from falling off his eyes. She was suffering her final moments on her deathbed, and he didn't want to send her off in tears, because he knew she would feel even more guilty towards him. It wasn't her fault that she couldn't keep her promise. No matter how much it hurt him, he knew he had to be strong and smiled for her. He held her hand tightly as more tears fell from her sad eyes.
After her death ceremony completed, he finally felt that he couldn't keep up the act any longer. He quietly left the other relatives and crept into his room, stuffing a pillow onto his face, crying and sobbing as much as he wanted to.
She was the first woman who had left a scar on his heart. His mother.
He was still crying when he felt a hand caressing his head. He looked up and saw his elder sister.
"Don't cry Taehunnie..." She was crying as well. They ended up holding onto each other and crying their heart out for the rest of the evening. She was his only family member left, after their mother passed away following their father's departure earlier when he was even younger and could not understand life. Because of her, he still could smile. They would comfort and support each other to keep on going through every day of their lives. He was just eleven back then.
"You can always depend on Noona. Don't ever think of feeling lonely because Noona is always here for you, and Noona would feel lonely without you.."
Those were her words. And he believed it. There were times he felt scared that she would leave him as well, but time proved she didn't....until that day. She had always shown her support in everything he did. He remembered clearly the day he discovered his passion for rapping after a class performance at school when his teacher told him that his singing wasn't good enough and he tried to defend himself by blurting out his lines in fast-talking mode just to impress his teacher, who indeed was impressed and said he could rap well. More than the joy of impressing his teacher, he found himself enraptured by the discovery of this 'rap' ability and the passion he never knew he had in him.
When he told about it to his sister, she was supportive as usual. But she was extra cheerful about it, and it turned out, she had a good news of her own as well. She had found love in the form of the man who wanted to marry her. He was happy for her, and he was excited as well to get a new family member.
He never knew married life would take his Noona farther from himself little by little. Yet, he couldn't blame her. He knew she felt guilty towards him because of her decreasing attention poured on him. But it wasn't her fault. She had a husband to care for as well. And soon she would have children who needed her attention more than him. So, he decided to leave for her happiness, with excuse he wanted to move out to enter a music academy in pursuit of his dream.
And he left her. He was fifteen going sixteen back then. His sister became the second woman who wounded his heart, though he couldn't blame her, and he didn't. And with that, he began a life filled with loneliness, until he met her. The girl in shades.
"Kim Taehun! You messed up the rap again! When are you going to improve?! To the Black Room, now!"
He bowed and left for the Black Room, in sigh. Eversince he entered Mottle Music Academy, he had been sent to Black Room countless of times. Black Room was the punishment whenever students didn't perform as well as they should. The room was set in an extremely cold temperature and they'd be forced to stay in for an hour and expected to come out of the room, with an improvement and perfected performance, unless they wanted to be sent inside again. During winter especially, the punishment would felt crueller than usual.
That day, it was another winter day.
He pushed open the room, instantly greeted by the sudden cold. The room was dimly lit as usual. And he took his usual spot to sat himself on the floor and practice his rap. There were no company inside the room for that day. He was all alone. Other students must've been working hard to avoid Black Room, especially in this winter season.
The door was suddenly pushed open. He looked up, to see whether his teacher decided to change his mind about punishing him. But a girl went inside instead, and sat herself next to him. She had a pair of sunglasses covering her eyes. There was an awkward silence for a few minutes, because he had stopped practicing his rap and she said nothing as well. Her eyes were set on the icy cold floor next to herself.
"Are you...alright?" He fnally couldn't held in his curiosity anymore. He was worried at her utter silence and non-movement.
She nodded, to his relief.
"Why are you here? Messed up your practice?"
She nodded again, without a word.
"It's okay. I've been here many times already. You'll be released soon." He didn't even know her, yet he felt obliged to make her feel better. She seemed so miserable to him. But when she answered nothing again, he realized she might not even want to talk to him, like most of his classmates. So, he stopped talking and thought of continuing his practice instead.
"Thank you. You're the first person who talked to me over here." She looked up at him with a smile. He returned the smile.
"I'm Jeon Jiyoon." She took off her shades and extended a hand to him. He was so distracted by her beautiful eyes that he didn't even noticed her hand until he saw her frowned and immediately he looked away. That was when he noticed her handshake.
"I'm Kim Taehun." He grinned.
From then onwards, they became the bestest of friends. She applied for rap division but was rejected and had to settle for being in dance department. Thus, whenever they met, she'd always show her admiration for his rap. Unknowingly, because of her, he became even more determined to be the best and work thrice as harder at his effort in improving his skills. So he could make her beautiful eyes twinkle in admiration, so he could make her happy when he gave her rap lessons. They'd rap together about their days, and she would teach him new dance moves though he never thought he would ever want or need to learn to dance.
On his birthday, she presented him with a pair of shades.
"Do my eyes look that bad?" It was meant as a playful joke.
"No. But you seemed to carry a lot of sadness in your eyes." She quietly answered. She was the only person who saw right through him. He was so surprised and overwhelmed that he cried for the first time in that few years since the last time he cried with his Noona. She was there for him and patted his back, telling him he could lean on her. He ended up pouring everything to her and she cried with him. She was an angel sent to mend the broken pieces that is himself. He truly believed it in that moment. He was seventeen years old back then.
*flashback ends,due to interruption*
"Where is J now?" Jisook accidentally blurted out her curiosity, forgetting her promise to shut herself from interrupting his story. He glared at her from behind his shades.
"Sorry." She mumbled. "I'm just curious. That's all. Couldn't you just tell her name? It's.......weird calling somebody by an alphabet.
He shook his head.
"Okay, carry on then. I'll be quiet. Promise."
*flashback resumes*
After I cried so much, I realized that my eyes were swollen, so I put on the shades she gave me. Honestly I thought it made me look really cool. And I realized whenever I put it on, people around me couldn't tell what I was feeling inside. That was actually a very comforting feeling. When they don't know your vulnerability, they could not make you any weaker. And whenever I'm wearing shades and walking with her, there were people who would think of us as a couple wearing couple shades. I really liked that thought.
She promised to accompany me to visit my mother's grave on her death anniversary day. And I planned to reveal my feelings for her after the visit, because I wanted Omma to see her first and give her approval before I could let her know my feelings for her. On that day, I waited for her with two stalks of flowers, one was the pink carnations I bought for mother, the other were yellow tulips. It was the first time I would give flowers to somebody other than my mother and I felt really nervous.
"Taehunnie~!" I could still hear her bright voice calling for my name, and whenever she did so, the universe seemed to radiates. That day though, it didn't manage to bring a smile to my face. I was too nervous about the flowers. What if she didn't like it? I was pretty sure she'd love flowers though. She had always been a very feminine person with gentle smile and delicate heart. The only thing that always made people mistook her as a tough girl, was the shades she always wore.
She wasn't alone though that day, there's another guy who trailed behind her. He had a warm smile. For some reason, I felt like I've seen him, but I couldn't remember when and where.
"Taehunnie, sorry I'm late. Let's go."
"Can't I follow?" He tugged at her arm and she responded with a light tap on his wrist. They seemed close, even closer than us.
"No. Only me and Taehunnie." She smiled her ever stunning smile at me.
"Umm, who is he?" I quietly asked, praying he wasn't who I thought he was.
"Ommo, I forgot, let me introduce you two. This is Taehun, my best friend, and Taehunnie, this is Kyuhyun. My boyfriend."
She had a boyfriend, she had found another person who could make her smile, wider than when she's with me, and I could hear the sound of my heart shattering like worthless, clear glass.
"Hello. I'm Kyuhyun, nice to meet you." He extended a hand to me.
Jiyoon had found somebody else. She was genuinely happy. I couldn't hate her, nor could I blame her, she did nothing wrong. Falling in love is a beautiful thing. In fact, I was the one who was to be blamed for not telling her my feelings earlier. If Kyuhyun could be the person who kept the glowing smile on her face and protect her from more pain and tears in her already less-than-happy life, that would be enough for me. If she's genuinely happy even if it's because of another man, I'd save the tears and smile for her.
But he didn't turn out to be the person I thought could bring happiness in her life and shelter her from sorrow. And she broke the promise she once made, to live happily. In fact, she started to shun me away from her sufferings.
And that hurt me even more. She became the third woman who left my heart, damaged.
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well well, what do we have over there? melodrama full force, i guess...xDD...sorry if the chap ...
no hate on them pls....i bet some of you thought one of the three girls would be the rite? well, that's not quite my normal style. n i actually ship jiyoon+kyuhyun....lol. starting from watching them on immortal song 2 where jiyoon had a stage with dj koo and won against kyuhyun/son hoyoung...i find their interactions cute. n they're against each other in diff ep as well....the way kyuhyun stare at her is LOL.......ok, maybe not that much cuteness in this fic....but yeah...and in case you didn't notice, Taehun didn't reveal the names of jiyoon n kyuhyun in his story to Man(Ji)Sook. he just called them by alphabets.
probly 2-3 more chaps^^....
comments and subscribers are welcomed and appreciated~
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