*Pict belongs to Park Sora

Kyuhyun is waiting patiently outside the operating room, he’s pulling the last string before he’d given up to their possibility to carry on with their baby. He contacted his mother earlier this day and asked a huge favor from her to watch over Sera at home while Kyuhyun is fighting to find Sera’s donor’s families. The state that his wife’s in right now is almost too heartbreaking for him to watch, tomorrow afternoon she will have to go through the abortion and Kyuhyun can’t be at her side at the moment for moral support since he’s doing his own mission. Sera understood his reason and it’s better this way for her anyway—since she can’t watch Kyuhyun being in more misery than he already is.

The light in the operation room is turn off and doctor Song step out from it, she greets her patient’s family to tell them the operation went well before she recognizes Kyuhyun’s existence in the hallway. She takes off her surgical mask and approaches him.

“I know you’re supposed to watch in the E.R, but can I say that this is also an emergency?” Kyuhyun begs her.

“How is she?” doctor Song obviously can’t ignore the hopeless face that he shows in front of her. She went through all Sera’s battle and she knew how much her old patient has rebounded from her terminal illness and she really thinks Sera and Kyuhyun deserve to live the normal life any couple could dream of. If it’s up to her, doctor Song will throw all of her schedule to help the sweet couple to get a possibility for having a child.

“She’s holding on, tomorrow afternoon is the scheduled abortion time.” Kyuhyun looks down on his feet. “Doctor Song, I will go down on my knees if I have to—I beg you, please come with me to find the donor’s family. I know it won’t be easy and I might get disappointed, but I have to do something doctor. I can’t just sit with her at home waiting for the time when our baby is about to be taken away from us.”

“Is she alone right now?” She’s more worried about how Sera handle this fact if she doesn’t have Kyuhyun by her side.

“My parents are staying with her, I’ll be by her side tomorrow whatever the result is.” He fights the lump that starts to form in his throat. “But please let me fight to the last second, if the donor’s family doesn’t want to help maybe I can convince them, if they moved from the last address that you know then I’ll contact my friends to look for them—I’ll pull all the channels I have doctor—but please let me fight for this, and I can’t do this without you.” Kyuhyun bows down to her while slowly bend his knees to kneel before the doctor.

“Kyuhyun-ssi, please get up.” Doctor Song is taken aback by his desperation.

“Please help us.” He keeps staring down to the floor, “I can’t watch my wife having another mental breakdown over this, doctor Song. I doubt myself that I can handle her since I’m also going to crumble if that happen, so please help my last battle.”

*

It’s unusual for Sera and Mrs. Cho not to be too chatty when they meet each other, however the depressive ambience in the house way to overwhelming for both of them to deny. Kyuhyun asked for her permission to go find her donor’s family and to be honest, Sera is already doubtful about the result. She’s completely given up and just waiting for the time of her scheduled abortion right now.

Laying on their bed, Sera takes out all of the ultrasound picture she has of their baby and reminisce them one by one. If studied carefully, she can really see how it slowly grows and forming a bigger red bean than it was the first time. She’s already four months pregnant now and she’s aware on how dangerous it really is for her to proceed with abortion and no matter how much she wants to be a mother, she can’t risk her life anymore. Not because she’s afraid of dying, but because she knows how devastated her man will be if she leaves him—that thought alone is enough to help her determined her decision today.

She moves to the arm chair in by the window, trying to move around as much as she can to reduce the tension she feels in her mind. From this side of the room, she can observe the rest of their bedroom and she begins tearing up with the beautiful memories the room hold for her. She’s reminded of the first time she ever stepped her foot in it and how supportive Kyuhyun was to her back then, this room has been the witness of their battle against her sickness, this room also the place where they share their hope and dreams after she recovered, every inches of this place proves evidence of how much his love for her has continuously flows.

She knows that it’s not the end of her world nor the end of their marriage life, but she feels like so, no matter how much Kyuhyun tries to tell her that everything will be okay, she knows that it won’t be okay. Nobody will ever be okay with it and she experienced it first hand before.

No matter how hard she tries to erases the thought of their future broken marriage, Sera still feels her heart clenches every time she imagines how hard it’ll be for her later on. When her first husband slowly became distant to her, she was able to stand up on her own to face her hardship because at the time she felt like she’d be able to fix their relationship after she recovered—which didn’t go as planned. But this time around, Sera wouldn’t just lose her baby and Kyuhyun, she will lose her best friend and will definitely lose her ground. When she left Taecyeon, she knew she could survive to be alone and she let her will to live as her drive. But if she has to lose Kyuhyun, she’s sure she will soon end her life for she’s lost her reason of living.

Tears flows on her beautiful face with the thought of him turning his back away from her, she won’t be able to stand the empty look in his eyes, she won’t be strong enough to face his meltdown and she knows she won’t be able to face him when he begins to acts cold toward her. Not that Kyuhyun will do all those, but she knew better—she’s been through it once and it’s not so hard for her to fall into the bad memories and picture it as her future with Kyuhyun soon enough.

Sera takes her phone and press her number one speed dial, but Kyuhyun’s diverting his calls to the voice mail. Could it be he’s busy looking for a clue to help them with this baby or could it be that he just need some time to be away from her—so he could break down without letting Sera feels even guiltier over it?

She puts down her phone and channel her sadness into the only thing she can talk to at the moment, the baby she carries in her womb. Sera rubs her belly and more tears falls from her face, this will be one of her last chance to have this kind of moment with her baby.

“Aegi-ya, forgive me.” She looks down to her belly and talks, “I won’t be able to meet you, I’m sorry that I can’t let you live the life that you should have. No one’s life should be over before it even begins but today I’m about to do the cruelest thing to you. Don’t ever think that I’m doing it because we hate you, because we’re not. You’re a blessing in our life and you have no idea how much we long to meet you. I bet you will be one that cute little person with a bright brain like you father—I really wish you carry his gene since he’s like a perfect human being in my eyes.”

Sera bites her lips to channel her pain into something more physical as she continues to talk to her belly.

“You will meet my first son in baby heaven, I failed him also back then but that time I didn’t get to say goodbye to him. if you meet him, please tell him what I tell you today, that I never meant to kill him and I regret losing him for the rest of my life. Please let him know that I love him as much as I love you and forgive your mother for lacking in a lot of things.” She sobs again, “Forgive me for being so weak that I can’t even protect both of you.”

Sera takes a look on the clock and wipes the tears from her face, this is the time for her to go to the hospital for her final procedure and as much as she wishes she can stay, Sera can’t create more trouble by postponing her abortion for the second time. She gets out of the room to joins her in-laws that’s waiting for her in the living room with the most intense expressions on their faces. Her father-in-law doesn’t say much, but from the way he’s patting her shoulder, Sera knows that he wants her to stay strong for tonight’s procedure. Her mother-in-law is doing a great job in hiding her emotion away from Sera but the worries in her eyes doesn’t fool anyone.

“We’ll be with you the whole time.” Mr. Cho rounds his arm on her shoulder and gives her an encouraging squeeze.

“And Kyuhyun promised us to be there on time, give him some more time, okay?” Mrs. Cho adds.

Sera’s touched by how perfect her new family is, the more they shower her with their love, the more she feels unworthy of having them around her. She nods and forces a weak smile on her face as her way to appreciate their support. She doesn’t dare to look at them straight in their eyes, she won’t be able to stand a disappointed look or pity in their eyes.

She lets them walk her to the car and she sits quietly on the back while her mind is still wondering about her husband. She needs him more than anything for this dreaded moment, but she can’t say it out loud, she can’t burden him more by being needy over his presence so she swallows her expectation and begins to give some encouraging thoughts to herself.

*

She’s checking her phone again, waiting for any news from Kyuhyun. At this point of her day, she doesn’t need a good news anymore, she just wants to talk to her husband. Their baby is about to be taken away within an hour and she needs him to be beside her, to embrace her and calm her down. Sera’s trying so hard to divert her attention away from the procedure itself, she’s buying all kind of magazines in the hospital to have a lot of reading material to pass her time, she plays the game in her phone and she even busies herself by playing some Lego in the pediatric waiting room—which didn’t make her feel any better since she plays with a lot of cute children. The more she tries to distract herself from her fate, the more she gets restless.

When her abortion time only half an hour away, Sera gives up and finally calls her husband, only to find her call is still diverted into voice mail. She understands that he’s actually fighting for their family but she can’t help not having a bad thought about his disappearance since last night. A little part of herself tells her that Kyuhyun is away because he no longer can see what kind of a mess Han Sera has become and he uses that excuse as his way out, whenever this thought arises in her head, Sera would quickly slap herself for having such horrible prejudice over her loving husband and she’d begin to feel guilty for her existence in his world again.

If only Kyuhyun never fell for her, none of this would pain him and he didn’t have to struggle most of his time just for the sake of Sera’s life. She’s sick of continuously being sick, she wants to be a normal healthy person that’s able to do anything she wants and love whoever she wants without feeling guilty.

All she needs right now is some privacy, she needs to be away from her in-laws since she can’t witness the anxiety that takes over Kyuhyun’s parents expression so she excuses herself to the rest room and she pick the disabled restroom to really locks herself in for the privacy she needs. She takes her seat on the closed toilet bowl before she calls him once again and this time she plans to leave a message in his voice mail.

“Kyu, it’s me.” She begins to talk, “I’ll be going under the procedure in about half an hour from now.” She takes a long pause to controls her heavy breathing, Sera is struggling to fight her own emotion.

“I know you tried until the last second, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that this beautiful miracle I carry with me can never be ours. I’ll dedicate my whole life to you if you forgive me for this liability I have—but I’m sorry because this is the only life I’m ever going to be able to provide you with, and I hope it’ll be enough just the two of us.” She sniffs her runny nose that begins to water from her tears, “As you said back then, we can always adopt a dog or two to conquer the loneliness—I guess I’m open to that suggestion now and I want a Beagle by the way.”

Sera is covering and nose to muffles her sob that begins to get louder. She’s forcing herself to continue talking to his voice mail since she’s trying to delivers whatever weighing her heart before she’s sedated later on.

“Kyuhyun-a, I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for me, I never dreamed to have somebody as devoted as you are to me, I never thought I deserved that kind of blessing in my life, but you proved me wrong. Since you returned in my life, it’s been filled with nothing but happiness and I don’t think I’d ever be able to pay all of your kindness back.” Sera takes a deep breath before she gets to the important part of her speech, “My name is about to call out for the abortion and I promise I’ll do my best in there as usual, you don’t have to worry about me. In fact, I worry about you, I’m afraid this will affect you to the point It’ll change us.”

She sniffs her nose for some more.

“I won’t blame you if that happens but please allow me to really apologize to you. And I beg you, if this will make some changes in our life, please pretend to be okay in the first month, ne? This is my last wish to you. Please pretend that it’ll be fine before you turn your back on me, because I don’t think I can live with myself if you walk away from me in instant. Please grant this last wish of mine, and I’m sorry to even dared to ask you this. Be safe in your journey and I’ll see you after my abortion, okay? Wish me luck.”

She presses the red display on her phone then bends her back to cry her heart out. She’s supporting her upper body with her elbows that sits on her laps while she’s covering her face with her palms. As she begins to picture what will happen to her in the next minute, Sera begins to growls to conquer the pain in her heart. She’s about to lose an important thing in her life and for all she knows, she’ll soon lose her husband too. This is her second chance in living happily ever after and she manage to ruin it for the second time for the same reason as the first one.

She’s not fooling anyone when she said she needed to get some fresh air, Mrs. Cho has been following her and now she begins to knock in front of the bathroom door to let Sera know that she’s been there the whole time. It’s painful for her to see what her son and daughter-in-law has to go through, but she has to be their support system while they’re breaking down like this.

“Sera-ya, open the door please. Come on, let me in.” She knocks on the door while restraining herself from crying.

“I need some time oemoni, mianhae.” She replies from the inside. “Please give me some time.”

Mrs. Cho gets another idea, she calls the janitor and asks for the disabled bathroom to be opened from the outside. She’d love to provide Sera with privacy, but this is not the perfect time for that since she’s breaking down into pieces at the m