Sitting in his room, covered in his blankets on the top of his bed with his laptop on his lap, N was reading some of the comments left by the fans. At first, he was smiling at what he found; cute and bright feedbacks from his beloved starlights but then, his expressions changed when he got into the anti comments. Haters were flooding him with nasty messages; “Leo is y and charming, Ken’s voice is amazing, Ravi’s rap potentials are sky high, Hongbin is totally handsome and Hyuk is so adorable, I just wonder what N is doing among them” … “N can’t sing and his dance moves aren’t much of impressing” … “Die you stupid piece of sh**” … “I can’t believe that my handsome Hongbinie is living with a dark piece of coal, he’ll get dirty” … “Stop holding the team back, they don’t need a leader like you” … “What kind of leader would hit s like that every freaking time, you’re just so violent!! Go away HakYeon” …

HakYeon’s heart ached so much while reading those notes left by the fans. After releasing a heavy sight, he reached his hand and grabbed his backbag which was on the floor next to him. He opened it and brought out the letters which were given to him today at the fan sign. He tried to smile at the cute little words he found inside of them but he couldn’t ignore the bunch of bad comments he just read, and he only read few. While reading his letters, he would glance at his laptop from time to time, only to remind him of how bad he felt and how guilty he was, he kept thinking what if he really was the one who was bringing the team back. He is the leader, if he is the one to bring the team backwards then who is supposed to bring it up?

N was exhausted lately by these sorts of things, he started giving so much attention to his anti fans, to their comments and notes which is not something that HakYeon used to do but lately it was on his mind a lot. His overloaded schedules and tensed practices were taking him down not only physically but emotionally as well.  He started somehow believing the comments he read and he tried to change to meet the fans expectations. However, he found himself getting away from them, he couldn’t understand and he found it hard to change so he chose to keep his distance.

Because he kept thinking a lot about the comments, even Hongbin and Huck’s jokes about N’s tanned skin color seemed serious to him, Leo’s cold personality felt only cold toward him and not to everyone, Ken’s smiles looked fake and Ravi’s kindness seemed to be out of compassion. Actually, he felt that everything was wrong and his leadership was only a word to brag about. “What have I done wrong?” he kept asking himself.

HakYeon, with the letters in hands and laptop near him, was dazzled in his own ocean of thoughts; he didn’t even realize that Leo was coming inside the room he only felt somebody sitting by his side at the edge of the bed. He looked up to meet TaekWoon’s eyes staring at him with concern. HakYeon gave a small smile to Leo and then he automatically hid the letters back to his backbag. While doing so, Leo glanced a quick eye to the open laptop but he didn’t get a closer look because HakYeon shut it very quickly and hard to the point that the screen could have fallen into pieces.

“What’s wrong?” asked TaekWoon

“What do you mean what’s wrong?”

“You have been in bed since we got home from the fan sign, are you sick or something?”

“No I’m not sick, I was checking the fan letters that’s all”

“You see a bit off lately even the kids are worried about you”

After a long discussion, Leo left the room thinking that HakYeon only had a minor headache. He tried to believe what N told him, but it was just hard to get it. N was definitely going through something but Leo couldn’t figure it out.

Leo walked inside the living room; Hyuk and Hongbin were playing video games while Ken was screaming and fan-boying behind them and Ravi was just watching and sharing his famous laugh around. He walked through them after passing a hand on Huck’s head and set on the couch by Ken’s side. “So what did he say” JaeHwan asked

“His head hurts a little, he was reading some fan mail and he’ll go to sleep”

Ken smirked and nodded, everyone knew that something odd was happening with their leader but they couldn’t figure out what was it. Therefore, they gave him his space, they thought that it was better if they let him do what he wants and not bother him with questions.