第1章 。Chapter 1

' It's always me loving him. '

'I love you.’ Those simple words. Shingyouji had been hoping to hear those words from a guy whom he has love for the most in his life – truly, it would be a lie to say in his life as they had only known each other for the coming of 2 years now – him being in his 2nd year and the said guy being in his 3rd.

            Yes. Life is cruel.

Those words. Repeated about a hundredth times in Shingyouji’s life but it never bore him. Because that’s how his life will ever be.

Without any true love.

Just giving his and not receiving any.

Enough said. None of this is available to be cut, edited and saved. It’s only available for a copy and paste. And all of this repeated itself. Over and over again – for the life that he bears, for the reason that he escaped and for the reason that he stayed, everything will always still be the same from before. It’s not easy for him to accept them since he wants to feel the warmth of receiving love but that’s…impossible.

Arata Misu wouldn’t ever say those words.

Never.

But in Shingyouji’s mind, the thoughts of ‘never mind, as long as he’s here with me and not pushing me away’ would always repeat itself. That is not a statement but rather a sinful and hopeful wish. A hopeful wish for Misu to not ever push him away. Far away from him. Without Misu, Shingyouji is nothing. Without Misu, Shingyouji wouldn’t know how to live his life. As his life, starting from the moment he entered the school – the purpose of living right now are simply and merely spending all his time loving Misu.

Shingyouji looked down from the open sky that’s as dark as his heart is, lightning that thunders upon the calm storm – ones that are not as disturbing but yet as dark as it could be during the day. Small and serene rain drops starts pouring from the dark sky – as if mocking but yet at the same time comforting his thoughts. He had been staring for too long, had been too deep in thoughts that he needed a break. In need of a break from his heartache and the overwhelming feelings he’d been having since then.

“I love you Arata-san. I really do.” Shingyouji whispered through the winds that blows into the room once in a while. “Because you’re precious.” Shingyouji convinced himself. He smiled weakly and closed the open window.

 Shingyouji is never the one to tell or show a person his hidden feelings. To everyone, he’s the ‘happy virus’, the ‘annoying’ one, the ‘smiling one amongst everyone’ but no one knows of his hidden feelings.

No one. Not even his best friend. Shingyouji doesn’t know when and how long it would take until the time where his feelings would eventually pour out and it would in the end, ends up overwhelming the people around him. Shingyouji doesn’t want that so he kept holding it in.

Kept it in.

For a long time.