.

I threw my jacket down on my bed. I can't do anything right. I couldn't even get money for a stupid photoshoot. I'm a in' failure.

I sank into my chair. Looks like I'll be getting paid very little the rest of the summer. I might as well try to get Dad to rehire me.

Thinking about it made me sigh. I would have to give a long, drawn out apology about why I was wrong.

Well, I guess I was.

But, for the time being, I would have to deal with what I had.

I decided to go in the kitchen to fix some ramen, something I basically ate everyday. But, looking at the packet, I realized how bad it was for my body.

I tried to shake myself of the shame. I wasn't going to model, so why should it matter?

Well, it did matter. Because being around all those thin models everyday made me feel shameful enough.

"Well, you need to go shopping today." I pursed my lips. "And take cooking classes from youtube."

 

---

 

"Kimchi..." I looked at the selection of kimchi at the store. Well, organic kimchi. If I wanted to be healthy, I would have to eat organic, right? But I was fed up by the prices.

Suddenly, I heard my name from behind me. It was HyoYeon, and somehow, she just happened to be there at the same time as me.

"HyoYeon!" I ran over to my friend. "Thank God you're here, do you anything about diets?"

She at me confused. "Well, yeah, of course. How do you think I got this amazing figure?" She posed, then laughed. "Why do you ask? You could have at least greeted me first."

I chuckled nervously. "Hi, girl. I work at a modeling agency right now... at E.co."

dropped open. "Wait... you're modeling... something you are TOTALLY against... at E.co??"

"Uh, not exactly..." But HyoYeon didn't hear me, she grabbed my cart and started sticking random stuff into it.

"You should let me teach you a few things to cook, too. Also, you will want to subscribe to a gym." She looked back at me with the most evil smile.

"You scaring me. Anyways, I'm not a model, I'm a janitor."

She turned back at me slowly, devastated. "What?? Oh my god, girl, we gotta get you moving to the top!"

"Yeonnie, I don't really care for being a model. Anyways, this is the only job I could land after a month of searching. I think I need to just deal with it until I can come up with a letter of apology for Dad-"

"No."

"What?"

"No, you are not gonna be weak and go back to your father. You were justified you know."

I looked down. "No, I'm not. He was right about everything, you know. Since he scolded me about how stupid I am in school.... You know, he's my Dad! In no way was I justified in telling him any of that."

HyoYeon shook her head. "I don't understand what kind of household you come from, but my parents believe happiness is better than being stressed over a job or money. Anyways, I wanna see you modeling, girl. You ain't quitting this job just yet."

I rolled my eyes when my friend turned away into an aisle full of dieting products. She only wants to see me live her dream. As I walked past the protein bars and "s-line" drinks, I shook my head. "This stuff is all a waste of money, you know."

"I know it's NOT! I use this stuff all the time, and look at me."

I laughed. "I wish I had your confidence."

"Everyone does." She skipped past the various products.

"Is pasta and noodles banned?"

"Yes, too many damn calories."

"Kimchi is fine though?"

"Water kimchi. Even then, it's a lot of sodium, you could bloat."

"Yeonnie," I whined. "I want my spicy kimchi. Anyways, you know it's good for digestion."

"sodium and spicy foods cause water retention. I'm telling you, you'll bloat!"

"No, I won't." I walked back to the kimchi aisle and bought the cheapest organic brand I could find.

When I went back to HyoYeon, I looked in the cart. "Oh my god..."

"Don't worry, I'll pay for all of it, and for your first two months of the gym." She smiled. "I'm so happy, I can do something I enjoy for my bestie!"

"Yes, please, make me beautiful quickly."

She giggled. "You're already beautiful, Moon. I'm just gonna get your agent to see it."

I laughed. We walked towards the cashier. "I don't have an agent."

"Well, you will soon. Who do you work for, anyways?"

"Mr. Ha JoonYoung, the jackass."

Hyoyeon choked... on air. "H-H-Ha JoonYoung?? Like, the creator of E.co? The fashion designer?"

I thought about it for a second. "Yeah, I think so."

Her hands flew to . "Oh my god... We'll talk about this after we leave. I can't believe this, Ha JoonYoung." She moved forward so that she could check out my groceries.

---

 

Sitting on my bed after a much needed shower, I looked at at the diet plan Hyoyeon gave me. She writes blogs on healthy eating and fad diets, so I trusted her with my health.

I then stood up and removed my robe, looking at my body into the mirror. My friend told me, "Before you go to sleep, look at yourself and tell yourself that you look beautiful. Soon, you'll be able to have more confidence, which is the most beautiful attribute any woman could have."

I hated looking at myself. I couldn't do it. Say that I look beautiful?

I put my robe back on. I couldn't stand what I was seeing any longer.

I looked at the magazine I bought at the store. Looking at the model, Ga-In... I decided that, at least for the time being, I would see this picture and use it as my motivation.

"She's so beautiful, she was the only one who was allowed to wear that dress... I wish I could be that beautiful."

I knew I couldn't get overnight results... but I was hoping that a change in attitude could help me face my job the next day.