“Kyuhyun, I found a donor.”

“What? Are you kidding me?”

“No, I’m serious. The lady died in a car crash and her family agreed to donate. She’s still on life support right now.”  

“Where is the lady right now?”

“She’s in a hospital in Mokpo which means it’ll take at least 3 and a half hours on the road and her family still has to sign a couple of legal documents.”

“Sungmin hyung, we haven’t talked in awhile; how did you know Ryeok-ssi needed a donor organ?”

“Kyuhyun ah, anyone who has ears would know.”

“Huh?”

The voice on the other side of the receiver sighed and answered in a tired tone “It was on the news. They interviewed the doctors at the hospital and one of them talked about it.”

Kyuhyun was speechless for a moment before realizing that he hadn’t watched or read about the news at all in the past year. He had been too distracted with Ryeowook’s condition to care about what happened in the rest of the world.

In the past year, he had drowned himself in guilt. He stopped paying attention to the things around him, he stopped doing the things he used to do and distanced himself from his surroundings. Maybe it was because he hadn’t been in contact with anyone, but no one had bothered to talk to him. He wanted someone to tell him that it wasn’t his fault, but since no one did that, he had long accepted that he was to blame for everything. He was responsible for making Ryeowook unable to lead a normal life, unable to talk to people, unable to sing with his god-like voice, unable to cook like he loved, and most of all, unable to love him back.

His throat felt really dry as the tears that had stopped almost start again.

“Kyuhyun-ssi? Are you still there?” Sungmin asks, breaking the silence

His voice cracks as he answers “Yes.”

“Are you okay?”

“I-I’m fine”

As if Sungmin can read his mind, his voice softens as he speaks again. “It’s not your fault. It would have happened regardless if you were there or not.”

Like a switch, those words triggered something in Kyuhyun’s mind. He could no longer control himself as his eyes overflowed with tears. His hands shook and he nearly dropped phone as he tried to stifle his sniffles.

“Please don’t live in guilt anymore. It really wasn’t your fault, if anything, it was the driver’s fault. “  Sungmin tries to console him although he’s tearing up himself.

“No...it’s all because of me...if..if I hadn’t been there he wouldn’t have had to push me aside….he...he would have gotten away…” Kyuhyun  answers in a broken, faint tone

“Kyu please, don’t make it so hard on yourself. How did you even live through five years like this?” He feels a lump form in throat. Why did he not call him earlier? Why had he not been there for him during his hardest time?

“Sungmin hyung, thank you.” His voice brightened a bit although you could still tell it was snot clogged.

“Glad to be of assistance.”

“No really, I just needed someone to tell me that. And also, thank you for finding that donor.”

“Anytime, Kyu.”

Kyuhyun hung up and smiled for the first time in months. Someone had finally stopped apologizing to him. At the prospect of Ryeowook being saved, the fire in his heart burned ever so strongly again.

With the come of good news, the whole hospital room seemed to brighten.

Holding onto to Ryeowook’s hand, even though he knew the former couldn’t hear, he spoke about everything.

Ryeok-ssi, we’ve found you a donor. You will be able to breathe on your own again very soon. Please stay strong because I need you and I know you need me too. When you get better, let’s go out and see the world together.

Kyuhyun, how can I thank you enough for all you’ve done for me? The least I can do is stay strong and fight until the end, until I wake up and see your flawless face again. When I come back, the first thing I’m going to do is embrace you and never let go so please be well.

But no sooner had hope come as it left.

Kyuhyun awoke to the static beeping of the monitor. It didn’t take him long to realize what was happening.

“Ryeowook! Ryeowook don’t die on me!”

The ICU was built for unstable patients as a doctor was stationed at every room to keep watch. The minute something was off, the doctor would respond and take care of  it accordingly. The doctor in Ryeowook’s room jumped up immediately and began to resuscitate him as he yelled orders.

“I need the paddles! And also a crash cart stat!”

A nurse ran a set of paddles in and another ran a cart filled with hundreds of bottles and boxes of who knows what medication.

Kyuhyun was frozen in place as he stared at his dying friend until the nurse ushered him out. His legs grew numb and somehow he found himself in a seat outside the ICU with his head buried in his arms. No tears came, but his body shook uncontrollably out of fear that he would really lose the one he loved most. The clock on the wall seemed to be double as slow as usual. The second hand inched forward as the minute hand very slightly moved forward somewhere between the 3 and the 4. After what seemed like an eternity, the door to the ICU opened and the doctor stepped out.

“Kyuhyun-ssi, we were able to restart his heart, but his condition is unstable at the moment. He can’t wait anymore. He’s going to die in a few hours if he doesn’t get a new set of lungs.”

Kyuhyun nodded solemnly as he bit back tears. His took out his phone and because of his shaking hands, it took him a few tries to punch in the correct phone number. Holding the receiver to his ear, he waited as the ringer sounded. The called was picked up the minute the first ringer came.

“Kyuhyun-ssi...I’m sorry.” Sungmin sounded like he was about to cry. Kyuyun would tell something was the matter.

“What’s wrong?’”

“The donor’s family changed their mind, they aren’t donating anymore.”

Authors notes: I know I took way longer than I should have this time to update but I had slight writer's block and it took me some time to think through the events of the story. Comment and enjoy!