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“If only looks could kill, you would have been convicted already, unnie.” Hyejin remarked as we both watched you mingle with that aspiring actor from a far. “And we don’t want that; not when you’re about to perform. Let’s go someplace where you can rest your mind.”

“I feel like dying, Hyejin-ah.”

“That’s why we’re leaving, right? And if it already hurts, why do you still keep on looking at them?”

“I don’t know too. And did you see how he placed his hand on Yongsun’s bare shoulders? This fu—“

“Byulie-unnie, this isn’t going to help you later.” The youngest one then dragged me away from the painful sight. “Forget about it first.”

I rolled my eyes as I let Hyejin drag me across the hallway and led me towards an empty and secluded classroom. It took me a couple of deep and bitter sighs before I managed to gain back my cool and calm down. She was about to leave to buy us something to drink, but I held her wrist and pulled her back. “Do you think she really likes that Seungho guy?”

“I’m not Solar unnie’s best friend, so why ask me? If there’s someone who should know, that would be you. Didn’t she say anything?”

“No. Not a word about it.” I shook and lowered my head, feeling defeated.

“Then…can’t you tell if she does? I mean, you’ve been with each other for more than half of your lives so I’m pretty sure you two have already memorized each other from head to toe. You should know when she’s lying, when she’s sick, or when she’s attracted to someone or something like that…”

“I know that, Hyejin-ah but…” My voice already was now filled with frustration. “I can’t read her these last few days! You’ve seen the difference of what I told you the other day to what you’ve witnessed yesterday, right?”

“Just ask her then.” Wheein’s voice echoed as she entered the hollow room and took the seat beside me.

“No, I don’t want to ask.” I outright refused.

“Why? Don’t you think it’s weird that her best friend doesn’t even get curious about it?”

“Wheein is right. And why bother complaining about it if you don’t want to ask her directly?” The younger of the two argued back. “You’re just as confusing as Solar unnie, you know.”

“Come on, unnie. You just have to ask. It’s so simple, “Yongsun-ah, do you like Seungho?”—“

Everything just piled up. Every striking word, and every unspoken emotion— it was so heavy that I just snapped like a thin stick that tried to support something heavier that it actually could. I thought I would be just fine. I thought I could suppress these feelings deep within the confinements of my heart, but now I realized that they’re right— there’s only so much a person could take before they reached a breaking point.

“It’s because I don’t want to know! I don’t want to hear her say yes!” I finally confessed my frustrations, and immediately after I felt a pair of arms around my waist. “Wheein-ah, I don’t think I can take it.”

“I’m sorry, unnie. I’m really sorry.” Wheein tightened her hug as she apologized repeatedly and tried to appease me. “It’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

“Yes, it’ll be— no, scratch that. You need to be fine. Well up until the end of the performance, at least.” Hyejin placed her hand on my shoulder and patted it, sending warm words of encouragement. “Then afterwards, we can just go to your place and drink to our hearts’ content. Okay?”

All of a sudden, I felt my phone vibrate and it made me break free from Wheein’s embrace. Upon seeing your name on the screen, Hyejin quickly snatched it away from me and talked to you on my behalf. She went out of the room, and after a minute or two she hurried back inside and returned my phone.

“Solar unnie is already asking you to go back. It’s almost time.”

The whole walk to the backstage was less painful, thanks to these two who insisted on escorting me back. They showered me with comforting words, just so I would feel and look fine in front of you, the professors, and the audience present inside the auditorium. And even if we already reached where you and Seungho were waiting, Wheein and Hyejin still opted to stay right beside me.

“Moon and Sunrise, please stand by.”

The both of us bid our temporary goodbyes to our friends as we waited for the cue to get up on stage. My body tensed when the lights suddenly dimmed, but it relaxed again once I felt your fingers slowly slip in between mine until I could feel the heat of your palm pressed against my own. You called my name, and I immediately regretted looking at you because I was once again lost in your eyes. I lightly squeezed your hand as I tightened my hold on you, and I felt you inched closer.

“Byul-ah, I’m nervous.” You whispered without withdrawing your gaze. “What about you?”

“I was, but not anymore.” I gently smiled.

“Moon Byulyi.” You called again, but this time with more affection.

“Yes, Kim Yongsun?”                

“Let’s amaze them with how spectacular it is when the sun and the moon finally collide.”

I flinched at how familiar those words were, but before I could even recall anything, we were finally given the go signal. With our hands still clasped with each other, we went up on stage and bowed to everyone before taking our place and waited for the MC’s introduction.

“Let’s now meet the duo who is going to perform their rendition of Primary’s U. Please welcome, Moon and Sunrise!” The set then brightly lit up as the music started, and the audience erupted into screams and cheers.

Our gazes met once more.

Are you ready, Yongsun-ah? There’s nothing else left for us to do but conquer this stage.

The cheers of the audience died down, and the music finally played. I could feel my heartbeat slowly matching with the slow tempo of the intro as I just stood at the far end, waiting for the part when I’d make my entrance. My eyes immediately landed on your almost , which was due to the design of your white and short fitted dress. I almost spaced out as I stared at it, until your sweet and heavenly voice seeped through the gaps of my thoughts.

What are you thinking about? You’re so quiet.
Will you tell me what’s making you so anxious?
Do you even know how I feel? Are you waiting?
Yeah, maybe that’s it. Tell me baby.

My mind registered every word that you sang and it just hit home for me. It reminded me of our quiet times together and how I would always catch myself— catch myself reaching out to tuck the strands of your hair behind your ear just so I could see your face clearly, or to just snake my arms around your waist and pull you in for a hug, or to just take your hand and plant a soft kiss on the back of your palm. And during those times I get extremely bothered because I knew that one day, I was going to slip up. One day I’d probably just blurt out that I loved you and to what extent, without having any excuse once I realized my stupidity, or without having those two kids divert your attention to make you forget about what I said.

All of these; you have no idea how badly I just want to tell all of these to you.

I will only wait for you. Baby, say it’s true.
I might tell you this today.

It was finally my time to enter the stage, and I walked towards the middle with the intention of letting my heart speak through this performance. Just as we rehearsed, my hand cupped your cheek in one swift motion and stared right through your soul as you went in the chorus.

You, yes it is you.
Oh it is you, yeah.
Is this what love is?

You, oh it is you.
Only you, yeah.

I pulled away, and that’s when our movements matched as we danced in sync.  Our bodies became in tune with the slow music but as it went by, my feelings just grew more intense in contrast to how consistently soft the song sounded. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me, probably because of how expressive my face looked but it doesn’t matter, especially if this was my only way to channel these emotions at the moment.

Facing each other, my hands gently slid down your perfect curves as I held on your waist. We then both did a small wave fluidly, almost letting our bodies brush against each other. Our gazes locked as you sang the last lines of the refrain.

Now I’m getting impatient. Oh baby ‘cause it’s true.
How can you make me feel so desperate?

The chorus came in again, but this time we had to separate. I walked to where I initially stood and just admired how you dominated the stage with your impeccable beauty and vocals. But as I did, I also coughed a couple of times to clear my throat since it won’t be long until my time finally comes— my time to let my voice be finally heard by everyone. I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply, erasing any trace of hesitation that was left in my body.

It has always been you.

As I walked up in front, my vision showed me exactly what I was imagining at that moment. The professors, audience – everyone vanished and there was only you seated in the audience area, smiling and clapping enthusiastically as you watched me deliver these lines you didn’t know that was meant for you.

Your eyes glistened, and I was suddenly reminded of a certain memory.

“Solar unnie, you often describe Byul unnie as ‘greasy’ but honestly, was there a time when you felt that she is very cool?” Hyejin asked with droopy eyes as she covered Wheein who already passed out on her lap with a blanket.

“If you ask questions like this…” You hesitated for a bit after seeing the smile I showed when you glanced at me. “A time when I felt Byulie was cool?”

“Yes, and we want an honest answer.”

“A time when I felt Byulie was cool?” You giggled as you repeated the question but this time in a slightly mocking tone.

“Yongsun-ah, are you saying that there isn’t any?” I asked with a disappointed face.

“Come on, unnie. There must be something.”

“Well…” You looked up, biting your lower lip as you pondered. The two of us, especially me, inched closer as we waited for your answer. “It’s probably whenever I see you on stage doing a neat and powerful rap.”

I must be looking really cool right now.

Confessing my love? I don’t know.

I turned to you— the real you, and saw the same pair of glistening eyes that you had in my imagination. My confidence then skyrocketed, and I just realized that my feet are now leading me towards you. I wanted to stop myself because I might mess up, but after a few hesitant steps it finally hit me; the courage that I have been waiting for so long has finally arrived.

Because of that, I had decided that it was now time to let it all out. It may not be through the letter that I wrote, but every word and gesture that I was putting out in this art held no less in sincerity.

‘Cause your lips and your thighs, and your everything fine.
You look good with me, I want your everything mine.
Oh, . I’m not usually like this, but I become a fool in your maze.
I keep getting lost, but my destination is set on you anyway.

Without breaking our eye-contact, you stood up and my hand involuntarily reached for your cheek as I clearly delivered the last line which can perfectly describe how much you mattered in my life.

You’re my destination, destiny and definition.

The last two choruses didn’t go through as rehearsed, yet it still felt natural. I was supposed to go back to my original spot and wait for the last chorus but even before I could take a step, I felt a tight grip on my wrist. You brought me back under the spotlight and focused your attention on me, making me your sole audience. Your voice continued filling up the whole auditorium, giving light touches on my hands, face, and my back as you circled around me.

You, yes it is you.
Oh it is you.
For always, yeah.

You then loosely slung your free arm around my neck and slightly bended me closer until our foreheads touched.

You.

With intense eye-contact and matching breathing— that’s how our performance ended. Everything from the first note to the last pose was perfect, and I knew that we slayed just based on how loud the cheers were given to us. It was a surreal moment, just like in rom-com movies where everything slows down except for the two main characters that just got their happy ending.

You look so happy, Yongsun-ah. I’d do anything just to see you smile like this every day.

Before my rationality gets thrown out of the window, I decided to pull away. I felt my jaws tighten and lips quiver as I forced a smile to the crowd who just witnessed my confession. That’s right, Moon Byulyi. Smile, because you need to be strong. It's for the best. That’s what I told myself, since that was the only thing I could do now that I had decided to give up.

I love you Kim Yongsun, and I will never stop loving you.

But I guess it was now time for me to give up— not on you, but on us ever happening.

Smile. You will be fine, Moon Byulyi.

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A/N: Well there’s chapter 3. ^^

And yes, one chapter extension haha. ^^ 4th chapter is going to be the last one, and I’m still thinking if I’ll put an epilogue or not so…let’s see. ^^

I'm sorry about the lame description of the whole performance orz. I've never written one before so I just described what went in my mind. I hope you were able to visualize the performance. Ah, red font is Solar's lines while green for Moonbyul's. ^^ And as for the title, I got the idea from an anon in askfm. The anon asked me what's my favorite lie, and the first thing I thought of was "I'm fine.". It reminded me of how Moonbyul usually lies to herself by putting up this self-convincing facade showing that she's fine, even if she's really not.

By the way, listen to Primary’s U ft. Kwon Jin Ah and Rap Monster. It’s a very nice and chill song. ^^

So, what do you think about this chapter? Please let me know down in the comments section! ^^ 

PS: #staystrongmoonbyul /cries/