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“You’re just 1cm taller than I am! That means we’re just basically the same!”

“It’s actually 1.8cm, so just accept it!”

Our pre-adolescent voices echoed within the walls of my head, and my ears rang because that certain memory suddenly felt very fresh. This argument sure is frivolous compared to the problems that we’re now facing at our age. Back then, however, it matter; between the two of us, it mattered who stood in front, who sat at the row closest to the chalkboard, and whose turn came first. Ever since you were already a crybaby, and you cried a lot because it was always you. You felt upset because at that time, such scant advantage already meant that I was greater than you.

But unlike you, it didn’t make much of a difference for me since it was I who always came in next. I stood right behind you in the line, sat next to you within the same row, and my turn followed after yours. There were a lot of times where students were paired, and the two of us were forced as a set package since you were #21 and I was #22. You were someone I looked down on, and I was the person you never looked up to, that’s why we hated every bit of it. The other pairs worked together harmoniously, while our discord manifested through our silence. While they exchanged playful jokes with each other, we conversed sighs full of distaste.

But life proved that the only thing constant in this world is change.

Over time, the barrier between us slowly vanished. It seemed like an invisible force flipped the world upside down that we’ve become inseparable to the point that our interests overlapped so we took the same course program.

A centimeter gap brought us together, and that indiscernible void defined the relationship we have.

I was brought back from my time travel when your sweet yet powerful vocals resonated throughout the auditorium as you hit that high note without a miss. The song is almost over— wait, have I been staring at you for that long again? A small laugh escaped from my mouth as I shook my head, but even after the realization, my eyes never left you until I felt a nudge on my arm.

“You’re going to lose her forever if you don’t get your moving…” Wheein pretended to focus her attention in front, gritting her teeth as she carefully spoke the words that were obviously directed to me.

“Can’t risk those 17 years of friendship…” I did the same as I responded.

“As if it changes anything, really…” Hyejin joined in the conversation, and I chose to immediately end the topic by not answering anymore.

It still baffles me— how can you not know? We met these two younger ones back when we entered high school, but it didn’t take the best friend status for them to notice anything strange. I’ve always felt two sets of eyes boring holes, particularly on me, whenever the two of us joked around each other. They never talked about it though, not until that day when I forgot to keep my mouth shut.

“So unnie, how did you two meet?” Hyejin asked, since we were talking about our hometowns. “I heard that you two hated each other for quite some time before.”

“That’s right.” Solar answered. “We argued a lot just because of a freaking height difference. You see, I she’s taller than me by 1 centi—“

“It should be 1.8, Yongsun-ah.”

 “See, she’s like this! As if there’s any noticeable difference…” You pouted, and I struggled to fight the urge to just pinch your cheeks.

Instead, I just laughed. “If it weren’t for that, we would have been good friends ever since. In fact, her name was the very first one I learned.”

“First day during first grade, we were the first ones who arrived in the classroom that morning. There were only two of us in the classroom and you know, I was shy and she was shy too. But Byul was a little more outgoing, and approached me first.”

Before I even knew it, I was already under a magic spell— my eyes filtered everything except from you, and my ears blocked out anything audible except from your loud, but lovely voice. I didn’t even notice that I only nodded as you spoke. I lost control of myself during that time.

And that’s why I said these following words without any hesitation.

“Because you were pretty.”

It was too late when I processed everything that has happened, and all I could hear were your high-pitched screams full of revolt. You asked me repeatedly about my behavior, while the two laughed at your reaction but still stealthily sending me meaningful glares and smirks. Good thing my mind went back on its track and was able to produce a believable excuse.

Well, at least for you.

“I know that it’s greasy, but I do it because I like your reaction.” I laughed as natural as possible.

“This is too greasy for me!” You continued your protest, while I continued internally cursing myself.

After you went home, I got cornered by the two young girls and wasn’t able to deny about my growing feelings for you anymore. I thought it was the start of my demise, but they actually helped me every time I needed a pinch out of a sticky situation with you. But at the same time, they also continually urge me to confess – properly – because we all know too well how oblivious you are. You see, I’ve always confessed that I liked you, but not in the most proper situations. My greasiness had become a running joke between the four of us, that’s why our reactions have been the same: you’ll always resort to violence as you push me away; while I just laughed at how cute you are when flustered and caught off-guard.

It has always been like that, even if I’ve meant it every single time.

And it actually scared me, Yongsun-ah. I just learned how to conceal my fear behind my deceivable laughter.

I didn’t want us to change, that’s why I didn’t risk placing all these years of friendship in jeopardy.

Ah.

The curse of 1 cm.

Just when I thought it didn’t matter anymore, it came back to haunt me for a different reason. A centimeter— a void, a fine line between what we are and what I wanted us to be.

Will I be able to close that gap? Should I even close that gap?

My thoughts got cut off once again when the three of us moved a lot closer to the stage. The whole recital already ended, and all of the students who sang for today were asked to line up on the stage to get their evaluation from the professors. When everyone came out, I immediately saw you among the crowd and I could already tell that you were nervous, despite that big contagious smile that is plastered on your angelic face.

Our turn for the final reporting before high school graduation just ended, so we’re now both seated on the seats provided while the rest of our groupmates took over the stage for their parts. I noticed how nervous you still are— your body was making small, unnecessary movements and your eyes trembled as it wandered around the room. You coined the term eye-earthquake for that quirk of yours.

You glanced over my side, and finally noticed the gaze I was giving you. Albeit looking away at first, you eventually looked and stared back.

“You did well.” I mouthed and gave the most reassuring smile. You closed your eyes and the corner of your lips went down as you deeply exhaled through your nose.

And just like that time, your wandering eyes found mine that was fixed on you the whole time.

“You did well.” I held a thumbs-up.

The smile that formed on your face immediately after figuring out what I mouthed was enough to light the whole auditorium. It was that kind of smile that reaches your eyes, and you cutely resembled a certain blue Pokemon. It encompasses almost half of your face, to the point that I could always tap my fingers on your upper teeth, similar to playing a piano. It reminded me of how a dolphin-like squeak comes out whenever you inhale as you laughed, and I just can’t help but smile as well.

The smile that you’re wearing right now…that’s my most favorite smile of yours.

“Too much nose muscles…” The short-haired blonde teased. “Wheein-ah, look at how high her nose is scrunched up right now.”

Upon seeing my face, a sharp and loud laugh escaped from Wheein. It was loud enough to attract attention that’s why Hyejin and I immediately ducked our heads lower while I covered the younger one’s mouth.

“Jung Wheein!” I whisper-shouted, but that didn’t stop the puppy-looking student from giggling. “You—“

“Byulie unnie, I think you should go.” Hyejin called my attention, trying to save the latter from my wrath. “I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you backstage.”

I looked at Wheein again, and she was already showing her final trump card. Her eyebrows curved downward as she attempted to use her puppy-eyes on me, and I involuntarily let out a groan. “Please, control your best friend.” I begged the youngest as I handed Wheein to her.

“I’m sorry. I forgot to give her medicines this morning.” She then gestured me to go. “Don’t worry about this puppy, hmm? And say hi to Solar unnie from us!”

Sometimes, I don’t know if it was a good thing that these kids knew about my secret or not. Yes, they’re there to support me whenever I am about to fall in a trap, but they also pester me non-stop about it. It feels good that I have friends with whom I can openly discuss my problem, though there are also times when they make ambiguous remarks whenever you’re around. Fortunately, you never really paid attention since almost everything just comes off as funny for you.

Fortunately, but there were times I wished you noticed too.

The only thing that they didn’t know is that I’ve poured out all of my emotions on a piece of white stationary decorated with cute little smiley suns that I bought long ago. Those smiley suns reminded me of you, not only because of your blinding smile but also because of your delightful personality. Your presence just screams positivity like you’re an embodiment of everything good in this world. This is probably the reason why everyone now calls you Solar after our teacher back in middle school gave that nickname to you. You liked it very much, to the point that you started introducing yourself with that name. I liked it too, since it fits you really well.

Still, I like Yongsun the best out of the existing names you have and will exist in the future.

I decided to re-read the letter that my 19-year old self wrote as I waited for you outside your dressing room. I’ve always carried this around, thinking that if enough courage suddenly comes, I could just pull out my emotions from the pocket and casually give it to you. But guess what? I just turned 24 a few months ago and only a few weeks away from my college graduation but this is still in my hands.

You actually saw me writing this, Yongsun-ah, but you thought it was for our American-born classmate after I told you that she looked really pretty. You agreed, and even told me that she’s the prettiest you’ve seen so far.

But I beg to differ.

“Byulie-yah!” You called from across the hallway, and I suddenly forgot how to breathe upon seeing you in that white and short, fit and flare dress. Your soft, dark brown hair was swept on the left side, exposing your neckline, collarbones, and shoulder all at the same time. My knees felt weak that I almost knelt to worship a god-sent being like you.

I swear to the heavens, Kim Yongsun. How can you be both my life and death?

“Where’s your jacket?” I asked, forcing myself to snap out of my fantasies.

“I left it at home?” You grinned.

With that, I immediately took mine off and placed it over your shoulders so that you won’t get cold. “Why am I not surprised?” I remarked, which earned me a light elbow on the stomach.

It was the usual conversation that we have— full of teasing and bickering. We were slowly going back in our own world but the door to it was suddenly closed by an intruder’s voice. I looked at him, and my insides started to churn like there was an impending volcano eruption after seeing how he looked at you with full interest. You on the other hand, seemed a bit flustered after he gave you that bouquet of colorful flowers that had nothing against your beauty. He introduced himself as Yoo Seungho from the acting department, and that he became a big fan of yours after watching the performance.

Suddenly I was the one who got left outside while you two created your own world.

And I felt triggered.

Given how attractive you are in so many ways, I should already be used with this kind of situation. It’s hard not to notice those sets of eyes boring holes on you as we walk inside the campus, not when I can clearly see them stopping and turning their heads whenever you pass by. Some of them secretly give you notes or flowers, while some just outright tell you their intentions. You’ve always had a hard time rejecting people that you’re not close to, but you don’t accept their feelings either. Instead, you choose to just answer with a thank you before walking away, leaving them confused.

If only I could put barricades around you and keep them at bay, I would have done so ever since. If only there’s no thin and transparent glass wall separating the two of us, I would have put my arms around you every time someone comes near you.

If only I have the right to do those…

As I silently watch the both of you get to know each other, I am suddenly reminded of my utmost fear— losing you. I’m scared that one day when you finally find the person whom you can trust your heart with, your life will revolve around him, forgetting everyone and everything else. Not hearing your voice, not seeing your smile, not feeling your touch— it’s a life that I can’t even bear imagining.

I can’t live without you, Kim Yongsun. Just like how a moon can’t shine without the sun.

But if that’s the case, then I guess we really are never meant to collide.

“Are you okay?”

“Huh?” I shook my head and blinked for a few times before noticing that he was already gone.

“You’ve been spacing out.” You then cupped my cheeks with both of your hands and pulled my head closer. My heart skipped a beat, but I stared right at you and noticed the worried look in your eyes. “Is there any problem?”

I scratched my head and forced a smile. “Maybe I’m just tired.” Then I glanced on my watch. “It’s already 8pm. Come on, get your things and I’ll accompany you home. And rest early, because we need to practice tomorrow for our performance this coming Saturday.”

“But you just said that you’re tired. Don’t worry about—“

“Hey, it’s not like your home is that far away from mine.” I insisted. “Besides, how can I let a pretty woman like you go home alone?” I my greasy mode, smirking and cocking an eyebrow just so that the worry in you subsides.

“Ah, seriously…” Your voice faltered as you looked away, fanning yourself as you let out a short and sharp laugh. “You’re unbelievable.”

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A/N: 1/3, done! It’s my first time using the 2nd and 3rd person point-of-view both at the same time, and it is challenging yet fun.  I’m not really sure about my tenses either, so I am apologizing for the mistakes you might have seen.

Please tell me what you think and hopefully this made you excited for the next chapter ^^