Not all angels have wings

♦

Jongdae was sitting on a stool next to an incubator in which Jongin was lying. He watched the baby through the plastic, as he was slowly breathing and moving from time to time. The room was rather big, white and blue, and seemed very cold to Jongdae. When he realized there was no one else inside, he started quietly singing the song he would always sing to Nini. He placed his hand on the plastic that separated him from the little one, rested his head on it as well, taking a deep breath in.

“Jongdae-ssi,” he heard a soft voice of Minseok, and when he looked up he noticed the older standing by the door, “how are you?”

Jongdae chuckled, “funny,” he mumbled, “last time I was in this place, in exactly the same situation, the doctor came to tell me my sister died.”

Minseok bit on his lower lip, sympathy taking over him, “I’m sorry to hear that.” Jongdae only shrugged, and got back to observing the baby.

“Will he be alright?” he asked uncertainly.

“After the fever? Of course –“

“You know what I mean.”

Minseok closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He didn’t know what to say, “Jongdae-ssi, I –“

“Does he need a surgery? A treatment?”

“No.”

“Then what is wrong?!” Jongdae raised his voice, and his hands were shaking.

“I don’t know –“

“Aren’t you supposed to be a doctor?!” the boy burst out, standing up. But then he wrapped his arms around himself and took a few steps back. He looked at the infant, and a few tears ran down his cheek, “maybe I should just give him up for adoption. Find him someone better. Yes, someone better.”

Minseok didn’t know why he did that, as it was against all rules and work ethic, but within seconds he neared the boy and wrapped his arms around the younger in a protective manner. There was something about that boy that moved something in him. Maybe after all, he wasn’t as selfish as everyone thought of him.

“Breathe, Jongdae. Shhhh,” he whispered to the shaking boy, feeling as the other rested his head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Minseok-ssi. For bursting out,” he apologized quietly.

“Don’t. You don’t have to apologize. I understand,” he whispered back, and then took a step back, “I was talking to Taeyeon the other day,” he confessed, and Jongdae looked up from the ground and into his eyes, “she won’t be back for… quite some time.”

Jongdae sighed, and Minseok thought he had never before seen a person so defeated and ready to give up.

“But,” he continued, “she asked me to supervise Jongin’s case. She told me about –“

“About Yoona?” Jongdae asked rhetorically, sitting down again.

“She told me everything. I do understand you might be angered by this, as I am aware it was neither her place to tell me nor mine to ask, however please understand, Jondgae-ssi, that as a doctor I needed to know, especially considering the condition Jongin is in and doctor Taeyeon’s absence.”

“I am not angry,” Jongdae replied plainly, “I understand,” he nodded, as if wanting to confirm his words, “if you have any questions, you can just ask me. I mean, if you’ve decided to supervise Jongin, that is, of course.”

“Of course,” Minseok said in a quiet voice, watching as Jongdae put his hand back on the incubator, “of course, I will.”

♦

Lately, the nights were getting worse and worse. Jongdae found himself waking up in the middle of the night screaming, more often. It used to happen from time to time, but within the last days he was waking up in the middle of almost every night, screaming and sweating. And he didn’t really know why. He didn’t recall having any nightmares before opening his eyes.

He was sitting in the kitchen now, shaking from coldness, but not moving to go back to his room. The more intense the nights were getting the less he liked being in bed. He was well aware that sleep deprivation may cause serious health problems, and he was also well aware that under no circumstances can he be ill, however, there was something in the darkness, in the shadows so tightly wrapped around his bed, occupying the corners of his bedroom that made Jongdae shiver at just very thought of going back there.

And then, there was the cradle. A small island in the middle of disturbed waters of an ocean.

Jongdae looked at the fridge. There it was, a square leaflet, bright and soft in touch. There was a smiling couple on the front, holding a small infant.

‘We’re happy, because of you’ said the yellow text, ‘help those, who need happiness,’ was written below, ‘Gift someone a ray of sunshine,’ screamed at him from the inside. At the bottom of the paper was a phone number.

Jongdae’s hand shook. He bit his lower lip, frowning. ‘You deserve a ray of sunshine, just as much as someone for whom you’d be one,’ he thought to himself, looking up and looking in the direction of his bedroom, ‘you don’t deserve my dark clouds and storms.’

♦

Days passed, one visit, another one, then yet one more. Minseok was keeping a carefully on the child, and apart from occasional, light fevers, nothing was happening. However, the doctor was concerned with the older. The boy looked worse every time they met.

One afternoon, a few weeks later, Minseok was sitting with his friend in a restaurant, eating lunch.

“Hyung, are you alright?” the boy asked, chewing on a salad.

“I don’t know, Baekhyun,” the older sighed, looking outside the window.

“Are you thinking of that boy again?” he teased, and Minseok only smiled at his friend, “just ask him out already, and problem solved,” the younger shrugged.

Minseok chuckled, shaking his head, “oh, Baekhyun.”

“What? What have I said again?”

“It’s not like what you think,” he smirked, “first things firsts, he’s my patient. Secondly, I don’t think of him in this way. I am just concerned…”

“Sure thing,” Baekhyun laughed, “first things firsts, hyung, he is not your patient. His child is. Secondly, if you are concerned for not your patient that means there’s something more to it. I am not only a psychologist, hyung, but also your best friend.”

Minseok bit on his lower lip.

“You!” he exclaimed a moment later, “maybe you could help him?”

“Me?” Baekhyun pointed at himself, “and what do I have to do with it?”

“You said yourself – you’re a psychologist. He might use your help.”

Baekhyun smiled softly, “maybe he would, hyung, but you cannot just make him come to me. I am not a medication you can prescribe. Jongdae-ssi needs to come to me on his own. We will not make him. It will never work.”

The older sighed, “I am afraid this situation may drag him into a place from which there’s no going back. He still manages to take good care of Jongin, but there is always a possibility that he child may be taken away from him if something was to happen to Jongdae. If he –“

“You should take care of him,” Baekhyun said, leaning back against his chair, “it would help you, too.”

“Me?” Minseok asked surprised.

“You wanted a medicine. Believe me hyung, it would help you, too. You need someone besides yourself.”

“Baekhyun, you’re cr –“ he started, chocking, but his phone rang. He looked at the caller’s ID and frowned, “I’m sorry, I need to take this,” he mumbled and got up, picking the phone, “Jongdae?”

“Good afternoon, hyung,” he heard a weak voice coming from the other side, followed by a loud sneeze.

“Are up sick?”

“Yes,” Jongdae mumbled, and started coughing, “that’s why I’m calling. I will not be able to bring Jongin tod –“ he was interrupted with another fit of coughing.

Minseok bit his lower lip, and before he could stop himself, his mouth opened, “I could always come to your place, to check up on him if it’s alright with you.”

The doctor felt like slapping himself across the face.

“Actually,” Jongdae breathed roughly, “if you could that would be wonderful, I am afraid he might be feverish again.”

Minseok sighed. “Of course, I will come. Send me your address, I’ll be there right away.”

“What? No, hyung, you don’t have to come right now, the appointment is at five, you can be here whenever it suits you,” Jongdae breathed out and started coughing again.

“Don’t worry, I don’t have anything to do right now, anyway,” he lied slightly, “is there anyone to take care of you two?”

Jongdae chuckled, “us two? There’s no need to be taking care of me. I’ll be up and running in three,” he laughed, but then whined in pain.

Minseok sighed again, shaking his head, “I’ll be there as soon as I can, send me the address,” he said and hanged up.

“Everything’s alright?” Baekhyun asked the moment the older joined him by the table.

“Not really,” he mumbled, gathering his stuff, “I am really sorry, Baekhyun, I’ll make it up to you. Jongdae called that Jongin is feverish again, and he himself is sick, I’m going to check up on them.”

Baekhyun smirked, “look at you, hyung. You’ve never done the house call before,” he wiggled his eyebrows, “someone’s heart is melting.”

“Shut it, Baekhyun,” Minseok hissed, walking out, “I’ll call you later!”

♦

Upon arriving at the given number, Minseok pulled up on the parking lot, and took the lift to the top floor. The building was a twelve story apartment complex, outside of the city center. Minseok left the lift and looked around the hall – a round space with four doors. He searched for number 12 C, and upon spotting it, he moved forward.

A small gasped left his lips upon seeing Jongdae. The boy opened the door not so long after, and Minseok almost jumped forward, ready to catch the boy in case he was to fall. His eyes were bleached and bloodshot, his complexion pale, and he was breathing heavily.

“Hello, hyung,” Jongdae greeted him with a weak smile, “thank you for doing this.”

“Hello, Jongdae,” Minseok bowed slightly, and entered the house, “don’t worry. You look terrible, has anyone examined you?”

Jongdae laughed, “I don’t have time for doctors, hyung. I just need to sleep it off, that’s all,” he shrugged, and with trembling legs moved to a kitchen, “would you like anything to drink?”

Minseok observed the boy with concern painted on his face, “tea, please,” he mumbled, taking his shoes off, “would you like me to check on NiNi first?” he asked, as he heard small whimpers of the baby coming from a room at the end of the hall.

Jongdae sighed, and hanging his head low, nodded, “please.”

Upon entering the room, Minseok was pleasantly surprised. He didn’t know why, but for some reason he expected the “single-father’s” house to be more… dirty. With different items lying everywhere, dust covering shelves, bed unmade. But he was wrong. The first impression of Jongdae’s apartment upon entering was that it was incredibly clean and neat. Now, Minseok was standing in what he figured was the younger’s bedroom, another spotless place. It quite freaked Minseok out. He himself was a bit of a clean-freak, with his slight OCD driving him crazy at times, but this – this was different. It seemed unnatural. He looked around, and the first thing he spotted was a blue cradle standing next to a bed. He smiled, and walked towards it. Inside laid a small, crying form of Jongin. Minseok frowned, as he realized the boy must have been crying for a long time. He took the boy in his arms and tried to calm him down. He smiled down at the infant, and the baby’s eyes shone. He stopped crying and laughed, extending his tiny hands to catch Minseok’s cheeks. The adult laughed as well, leaning forward.

He spent a few moments with the little one in his arms, walking around the room. He did not want to invade Jongdae’s personal space, but curiosity got the best of him. Besides, there was not much to examine there. There were hardly any pictures on the walls, no papers scattered on the bed, all the folders were neatly put behind a glass door of a cabinet. He neared the window and looked outside. The view was breath-taking. “Look, NiNi, how beautiful,” he mumbled to the baby, smiling to himself. He turned around to put Jongin back, when something caught his attention. In the corner, on a table, stood the only frame with a picture in the entire room. He looked around, checking if Jongdae was not coming, and took the frame in his hand. “Is it your mama, NiNi?” he mumbled to the baby, examining the picture. He sighed content when he looked at Jongdae. Unconsciously, a massive smile made its way onto his lips. “He has a beautiful smile,” he thought to himself, admiring the boy on the picture. He wished he could see the younger smile like this. Or smile at all.

A sound of a screaming kettle brought him back from his thoughts.

“Alright,” he said Jongin, lying back in his cradle and opening his case, “let’s get you check, you little trouble maker.”

♦

Twenty minutes later, after bringing the child’s mild fever down and putting him to sleep, Minseok quietly made his way back to the kitchen, where he was met with a sight of Jongdae, asleep on a table, with two cups of cold tea next to him. Minseok neared the man, and looked at him. Jongdae was sweating, locks of hair sticking to his forehead, his cheeks were rosy red, but the overall complexion very pale, and the boy was shaking. The doctor brought a hand to the sleeping man’s head, and cursed under his breath. Jongdae seemed to have had a high fever. The older quickly raised the sleeping man in his arms and moved him to the bedroom, where he laid him on a neatly made bed. Jongdae whined a bit, a grimace appearing on his face, as he grabbed the sheets and tried to cover himself, his form shaking and trembling. Minseok neared the closet and started looking for some blankets. He found them on the top shelf, and quickly covered Jongdae with it. He went back to the kitchen to grab his case, and took a thermometer out. Trying his best not to wake the man up, he check his temperature, and gasped. Forty degrees.

“Oh, Jongdae,” Minseok mumbled, running back to the kitchen. In his case, he had a few sheets of a light fabric. He put some cold water to a bowl, and brought it back to the room. He sat on the edge of the bed, started putting the cold fabric on the younger’s forehead and neck. That was the best he could do for now.

♦

When Jongdae woke up, first thing he registered was that was incredibly comfortable, but there was something wet on his forhead. Upon opening his eyes, he realized he was lying in his bed, under a pile of sheets and blankets, and when he moved to touch the wet substance it turned out to be water. Next thing that got to him, was that it was already dark outside, and so it was inside. Blinds on the windows were down, which he did not remember doing, the door was closed, and it was incredibly silent around him. He sat down, and a piece of fabric fell his forehead. He touched his face again – it was cold. He did not seem to be feverish, anymore. He was sitting up for a moment, before confusion started taking over him. Why was the door closed? Why was he in bed? Why did he had the cold compress on him? Weren’t those blankets in the closet? And most importantly – why was Jongin so quiet?

Jongdae got up, and with jelly legs moved to the cradle. It was empty. His heart stopped, and he suddenly forgot how to breath. He quickly ran to the door, and upon opening the bedroom door, a wave of light hit him, and he had to close his eyes. It took him a few seconds to get used to it, and then he moved to the kitchen.

The man gasped, upon laying eyes on the scene that unfolded in front of him.

There, on a table sat little Jongin, laughing like Jongdae had never heard him before. The child’s eyes were shining, his small lips were wide open. His little hand were extended as if trying to catch something, and Jongdae’s heart skipped a bit, when he saw Minseok sitting on the chair, in front of the infant, his hands placed protectively on NiNi’s small waist, who was smiling widely and laughing with the child. The older was pulling faces, which only made the child laugh more, or tickled him from time to time. Next to them stood an empty milk bottle, which meant Minseok had fed Jongin. Jongdae smiled at the scene, feeling at peace. His child was save, and everything was fine.

He wished he could just stand there observing these two, but his legs were weak, and after only a few short moments he had to lean against the wall, grabbing the door frame tightly, not to fall.

“Jongdae!” Minseok exclaimed then, noticing the man. He quickly put the child in a special chair, and rushed towards the younger, to help him, “you shouldn’t be out of bed!”

“Hyung,” Jongdae mumbled, and then felt strong arms around his waist guiding him towards a chair, “what are you still doing here?” he asked, smiling weakly at the child, who was now busy with one of his toys.

“What do you mean?” Minseok asked from the cooking area, “you flew away to your Neverland, when I was checking on Jongin. I couldn’t just leave a child on his own, could I?”

Jongdae bit his bottom lip, “I’m so sorry.”

Minseok frowned, and neared the table with a bowl of hot chicken soup, and placed it in front of Jongdae, who looked up at him surprised, “it’ll help you,” Minseok smiled softly, and got back to his previous spot, “what are you apologizing for?”

“That you had to stay,” he mumbled, looking down.

“Jongdae,” Minseok spoke softly, placing his hand over the other’s, “don’t think of it,” he smiled, “I had literally nothing to do today, anyway. Your appointment was my only one. And I had lots of fun playing with NiNi,” he assured Jongdae, and looked at the baby, “right buddy?” he said to Jongin, taking him out of the chair and onto his laps, “we had fun, right?”

The child started laughing as Minseok started bounding him on his laps.

“Eat, Jongdae,” Minseok whispered softly, looking up at the younger, a smile on his lips, “don’t think about it.”

Jongdae swallowed, and then smile back, feeling warmth spread in his chest, “thank you, hyung.”

Minseok’s eyes became crescents and his face lit up.

♦

Jongdae was lying on the bed, buried under piles of blankets once again, but this time without fever. Minseok told his to get some more sleep, while he would look after Jongin, but there was something tugging at Jongdae’s heart, which did not let him fall asleep peacefully.

Nostalgia.

He could not move past the wonderful feeling of having someone else beside. It’d been so long since there was someone beside him own in his life. With his mother and sister dead, and his father away from him and in such a condition, Jongdae was alone. And he hated it. And he couldn’t take it anymore. He felt too weak.

‘If it wasn’t for Jongin, I could just run away and never come back. I could be happy, free. I could be so much more if it wasn’t for that stupid pregnancy!’ voices were screaming in his head, and Jongdae hated himself for thinking like this, but he knew that deep down in his heart, he blamed his sister for everything bad that was happening right now.

Tears started running down his face, and another outburst of coughing caught him.

“Jongdae?” he heard a soft whisper coming from the door, and a ray of light laid on his face, “are you sleep?”

Instead of answering, Jongdae only turned back again, and curled into himself.

“I brought you some water, and medicine,” Minseok continued, walking in and placing the glass and a few taps on the table, “Jongdae?” his voice sounded concerned, and a moment later the boy felt a light touch on his cheek, “are you crying?”

No answer.

“Hey, what happened?” Minseok ran a hand though Jongdae’s hair, and the other let out a small sigh.

“I cannot do it anymore,” he whispered finally, new tears streaming down, “I want it all to go away, hyung!”

Minseok’s lips curled down, as he looked at the younger sympathetically. There was nothing he could tell Jongdae. Would the younger believe him if he said it’d get better? And how could he know. Life is not a fairytale, to predict the ending. Sometimes, people do not get happy endings.

So, instead of saying anything, Minseok only stood up and rouding the bed, he laid down on the other side, throwing his arm around the crying boy.

“You’ll get through it,” he whispered softly, “I’ll help you, Jongdae. You don’t have to do it alone. You’ve been doing amazing all this time. Look at Jongin –“

“I’m a failure, hyung,” Jongdae chocked out, “I cannot even get a baby to smile like you do.”

“Don’t say that,” Minseok kept his soft voice, and started slowly caressing Jongdae’s hair with his free hand, “you are not a failure. You’re amazing, Dae. For everything you’ve done for him. Many would’ve given up long time ago. You’re doing so well. Jongin is very lucky to have you.”

Jongdae only curled into himself even more, and Minseok tightened his grip, biting his lower lip to prevent a tear from escaping his eye, “go to sleep, Jongdae,” he whispered, “and don’t worry about anything. I’ll stay with NiNi as long as I can. Sleep, Jongdae. Sleep.”

Minseok kept on whispering sweet nothing into the younger ear, until he heard his breath even out. When he was sure that Jongdae was asleep, Minseok got up and closed the door to the room. He got back to the living room, where Jongin was sitting in a colorful, bubbly, little chair, chewing on one of his toys.

He smiled softly at the child, and took his up, “let’s give you your medicine, little one, shall we?” he mumbled, pressing the child to his chest.

“We should get you to sleep,” Minseok mumbled later, frowning. He did not want to keep Jongdae and Jongin in the same room. Jongdae needed sleep, and Jongin couldn’t be kept in the same room as a sick person, that could put him in danger.

“Take care of him,” Baekhyun’s voice resounded in his ears, and Minseok smiled.

“I guess you’ll have to stay here with me, then,” he spoke to the child, “we don’t want you to wake your hyung up, do we? He needs strength to take care of you,” he said and poked the child’s cheek. Jongin laughed, and then yawned.

Minseok chuckled, and after gathering a blank that laid on an armchair, he through it over Jongin and himself. He smiled softly to himself, as he felt the child’s heart beating under his fingers.

“Good night.”

♦

Hello ~~

Here it is! Another chapter! Lol, and to think I wanted to make this story a oneshot... that'd be a hella long one-shot, considering there're still two or so chapters left! (maybe I'll just try to fit everything in one, I might mange)

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! Please, comment, subscribe and upvote if you like this story!

Best wishes,

badblood ~~