Chapter 4 

I'M SORRY

 

  8:18PM ; December 14     "You're leaving again." pouted Taeyeon. Jiyong just came in her flat and wanted to spent the night there since he's leaving Korea again tomorrow.     They were sitting and cuddling comfortably on the couch. Jiyong's arm was on Taeyeon's shoulder while she's leaning on his chest.      "3 days, honey. That's the last." he reached and held her hand, gently her palm to comfort her. "You want to come?"     "Hmmm." she thought for a while. She wants to go but she's not feeling well. Six weeks passed after their vacation in Spain, Taeyeon is feeling sick. Every morning, she feels queasy when she wakes up.      "Oh by the way, how are you feeling right now?" he asked with a worried look on his face as he examined her, checking if she has a fever. Yesterday, she told him that she's not feeling well. "But you're not running a fever." he declared, looking so confused.      Jiyong got up from his seat and the television.      "I'm delayed."      He came back in the couch, and spread his arm for Taeyeon and let her head rest there.     "Pardon? You're delayed?" the innocent Jiyong asked, looking so clueless. She nodded as a confirmation while his eyes were intently focused on the TV. "And so?"      "I always feel tired too."     "And why is that?"      "I don't know. When I do something, it easily makes me dizzy ."     "You should have taken medicines. Don't be a hard-headed!"      "I can't take medicines!" she was annoyed now. Jiyong could not understand what she really means. He'a just so stupid."I feel nauseated too." she hinted again hoping that Jiyong will finally get what she means.     Jiyong stared at her blankly, still contemplating of what is her girlfriend trying to imply.     "And... and I want to eat ice cream too. Vanilla ice cream." she said because of seeing that ice cream commercial.      Now, she craves.     "Wait... what? Delay? Always tired? Dizziness? Nausea? and... Cravings?" he thought deeply.      "ARE YOU PERHAPS PREGNANT?!" he exclaimed. Happiness and excitement can be seen on his eyes but tears fell on his eyes too. And immediately locked her in an embrace tightly. He's been waiting for this.      "Don't be too excited, Mr. Philippe. We're not yet sure." she pinched his nose while giggling at him. She still calls him Mister Philippe until now.     "Okay. So, so what are we going to do? Aaaahhhh... Let me think first. I- uhm. Yes! Right.. PT! Pregnancy test! Where can I get it here, hon?" he panicked, as he made his way towards the kitchen and searched for it. His blissfulness was immeasurable. He thinks that his life is now complete.     "Pabo! I don't have PTs!"     "What the hell, Kim Taeyeon! You're a doctor but you don't have PTs here?"     "KWON JIYONG LET ME ASK YOU. WHY WOULD I BRING A PREGNANCY TEST ON MY GODDAMN APARTMENT?!"     "Uh-oh, is that pregnancy hormone? You become moody. I'm sorry honey!" he pecked her lips many times and Taeyeon just glared at him. "So let's buy, I guess, and your vanilla ice cream too."     After buying PT and ice cream, they came back. Taeyeon immediately went in comfort room to wee and also to confirm if she is really pregnant. Minutes passed, she's finally done. Jiyong was sweating hard and was pacing back and forth.     "What is it?"     "Daddy Ji..."      Jiyong's eyes widen. His long time dream is here now. All he needs to do is to wait for it for nine months.      Taeyeon was looking at him affectionately. She hopes that they will get married and have a family soon. She just wants to stay in the world when there's only Kwon Jiyong and Kim Taeyeon that exist. No Choi Seunghyun allowed.     * 10AM ; December 23     It was a gloomy Sunday morning for Kim Taeyeon. She was still on bed, hugging her  giant panda stuffed plush toy that Jiyong gave her on their fifth anniversary last year. Her conscience was bugging her badly. Few months ago, she was feeling lonely and was longing for a boyfriend because Jiyong was away. On the other side, there was the cousin and bestfriend Seunghyun, a very sweet and a loving person who tempted her to cheat behind Jiyong's back.      It was all because of loneliness but she can't deny that she felt feelings for Seunghyun too. Stupid little feelings. No matter what feelings she had for him, her love for Jiyong won't just quickly fade. It always excelled in many ways. True love was indeed a  tenacious, exquisite, and passionate thing. Just by looking at him in the eyes, she sees her present and her future. She imagined the beautiful world with him especially now, she is pregnant. When with Seunghyun, that kind of things never ever crossed her mind, not even once.      "I can't wait to be your Mrs. Kwon Jiyong!"      "Soon, honey. Let me buy you a ring first. Hahaha!"     Those were the words she told him when they were in Spain. She can't hide the fact that she wants to get married already... to Jiyong of course.     After contemplating, she wants to fix everything-- to make all things right. She reached for her phone which was placed on the  bedside table and made a phone call.     "Hello, Seunghyun."     "Hi, babe! What's up? I miss you!" a cheerful voice greeted her on the other line.     "Can we talk?" she asked flatly. Seunghyun noticed the tone of her voice and was about to ask her but she spoke again,     "At the usual place now?"      "Hmmm. For what?" he asked, hoping to find opposite answers from what he already sensed. He hopes that's not it.      "Let's just talk there, okay?" she answered irritatingly, her voice raised a little.      Top Art Exhibit      Taeyeon came all dress in black as if someone died and she had to mourn over that person. Jiyong's not in Korea again but she noticed how he changed-- she became his first priority now and she's thankful for that.     There was a small secret room inside Seunghyun's art gallery. It was only Taeyeon who knows it.     "Hi, baby! How are you?" he approached her and planted a kiss on her lips.      This time she did not feel the same way anymore. She did not respond. Taeyeon let him kissed her as this maybe the last time.      Erase maybe. Change it to will be.     Yeah, right. Taeyeon decided to end things with Seunghyun. She is going to break up with him. Hurting Jiyong is the last thing on her priorities. But if he finds out, then her life is done for real.      "Let's get things straight." Taeyeon began. She's more willing to break his heart rather than hurt Jiyong.      It's better to hurt him with the truth and not comfort him with a lie. That's the best way to set theirselves free from this wrong and disgusting relationship.     "I'm sorry, Seunghyun." she almost dropped the bomb by apologizing, while he, on the other hand, stood there like a statue until he recovered,     "Oh c'mon, Taeyeon. It's okay. We have plenty of time, he's not here. And don't say sorry, baby. He won't find out. Trust me. I love you so much, baby. Let's go on for a long time."     He smashed his lips unto her that  made her pushed him away but Seunghyun's grip on her waist was too tight that she can't get away. She tried many times but it was no use. His lips travelled down on her neck and collarbone, leaving hickeys there.      "Seunghyun, stop!"      She protested because he started undressing her but much to his dismay, Taeyeon reached her boiling point and kicked his balls to defend herself.     "UGGGGGHHHH!!!" Seunghyun groaned in pain. He settled himself on the couch and curled up his body, obviously still in pain.      The atmosphere became silent for minutes, until Taeyeon broke it.     "I'm very very sorry, Seunghyun, but I want to make all things right until it's not yet too late." she paused, as she interlocked their hands together. She sighed heavily then proceeded, "Let's b-break up. I can't do this anymore, Seunghyun... I'm so sorry if you're hurting right now. But you... you know that this is the right thing to do. I don't want to hurt Jiyong. I love him to the moon and back and no one can replace him in my heart, not even you, Seunghyun. I'm really really really sorry. I hope you can forgive me someday, please." she said, leaning closer to him and hugged him tightly. "And lastly, I just wanted you to know that there will be a piece of you in me always and I'm grateful for that, Seunghyun."     Her words sent daggers to his heart like in any minute by now, he'll die. But he did not want to give her up.     "What the ?! Make things right? Break up? Are you ing serious?! You're breaking up with me now because Jiyong came back? I'm the one you love now, Taeyeon! You told me that! I'm the only one who can give you the best things in life! Jiyong can't! He's an ! A stupid-. He's too egocentric! And mostly, he's irresponsible when it comes to you!" he threw hurtful words to Jiyong.     "! it, Seunghyun! That doesn't make sense! You're the cousin, you should have known him better! Jiyong is not like that! You know that!..." Taeyeon was now furious, hearing Seunghyun insulting and degrading her boyfriend. "Please. I'm begging you...J-Just set me free. You deserve someone better. I'm no good for you. Let's break up, please." the furious Taeyeon earlier was now calm just like her name's literal meaning.      "Am I a toy that you'll just leave behind when you don't want to play it anymore?