Need To Be Next To You

Ken is not used to this.

He doesn’t even know what is happening in the movie they’re watching. He can’t concentrate because all he thinks about is Jin.

He turns to Jin and Jin is still in the same position on the couch facing the television, trying hard to concentrate and stay awake while watching. Usually by now halfway through the movie, Jin would’ve been lying on the couch with his head on Ken’s lap. He is usually noisy as well, as he likes to discuss every scene and the storyline with him. And Ken would know if it gets quiet, which means Jin would be sleeping already and would only wake up five minutes before the movie finishes and then it would get noisy again because Jin would be asking questions on how the ending was like that.

Jin probably noticed Ken staring as he is now fidgeting, his fingers playing with the hem of his shirt.

Ken pushes the pause button on the remote control and turns to face Jin.

“Jin, I’ve been waiting but it looks like you don’t have any plans on telling me so I’m asking you now, what’s wrong?” Ken asks “And we’ve known each other far too long for me to believe that 'I’m fine' answer you gave me when I asked you earlier during dinner” he grabs Jin’s left hand with his right “I’m not going to sleep like this, you have to tell me what’s bothering you, did I do something wrong?”

Jin sitting at the other end of the couch turns and looks at Ken as well.

Earlier when they were having dinner the silence between them was a little awkward. That is saying something because the last time it was awkward between them was when they were still starting to date more than five years ago.

Dinner is an important part of their day. That’s when they talk about how their day went while enjoying the food that Jin cooks and each other’s company. But tonight was definitely not their usual night.

Jin takes one deep breath before answering.

“First off, no you haven’t done anything wrong. You’ve been wonderfully perfect for the last six years. That sometimes I wonder if you’re too perfect… for me.” Jin puts his head down and stares at the couch instead.

Ken is genuinely confused, then after a few seconds he starts to get nervous. He is having a bad feeling about this. His eyes are still glued on Jin, he wants to say something but he doesn’t know what to say. Jin seems to be contemplating so he waits, waits for Jin to be ready to tell him what is going on.

Now that he thinks about it, they were fine a few days ago, they were their normal selves and they were happy.

But he remembered Jin acted different last night, different than usual.

It all started last night.

*

Ken got out of the bathroom in his sleep wear, wifebeater and boxer shorts, with a towel hanging on his head. He sits on the edge of their bed waiting for Jin to do something.

But when Jin got inside their room, he headed straight to bed and covered himself with their comforter.

“Turn the lights off when you’re done, goodnight~” Jin says as he settles in the left side of the bed and turns to his right with his back on Ken.

Ken was taken aback.

Jin usually comes to him and dries his hair for him, all the while ranting how he is still too lazy to do that himself and he doesn’t like his back getting wet from his hair. During this time Ken would usually just stare at Jin and listen to him nag. He has gotten used to it that it’s now part of his day, but Jin didn’t do that tonight.

Jin also usually is the last one to get in bed as he always makes sure all the doors are locked and all the lights are off. Then he would get in bed close to him and cuddle their way to sleep.

Seeing as Jin went to sleep first, it seems like he won’t be doing that tonight too.

*

Ken didn’t think of last night as a big deal, despite Jin not doing their usual thing before bed. He thought maybe Jin was just tired from work. Even those days when he was tired and stressed from work, he would always kiss him goodnight. But seeing as how Jin behaved all day today too, Ken is starting to believe something is definitely up.

Did he do something wrong?

Ken thinks and tries to recall the happenings in the last few days if he ever did something that might have upset Jin.

He can’t think of any.

But if he did, Jin would’ve confronted him about it and talked about it. That’s how they always are, they’re good at communicating with each other. He also isn’t hiding anything from Jin, his life is an open book to him. Jin knows everything about him, his past, present and future plans. Then it hits him…

Maybe it’s Jin.

Maybe it’s him who has wronged him?

But if Jin did he would’ve known about it. Jin is also honest with him. He would confess if he had done something wrong and would immediately apologize. Like that one time when Jin arrived late to his parents’ anniversary celebration where they were supposed to go together. He came late but bought presents for his parents and coffee for him. Jin always knows what can calm him down.

Or that one time he completely missed his company party that he promised he will attend. Ken got really mad, even when they got home, but Jin kept following him and back hugging him and bothering him until he finally gave in.

Jin would always admit if he is wrong and would make-up with him for it. This is the reason why he never stayed mad at Jin for a long time because he can never resist the other. His friends would even that he's pretty whipped, which is true.

Jin knows everything about him and he knows everything about Jin.

Or at least he thinks he does, until now.

He trusts Jin and he doesn’t wanna think otherwise and doubt him, not now six years into their relationship.

- - -

The wait for Jin to say something is killing him, but he is not letting go of Jin’s hand, never. If anything, his hold just got tighter.

Jin noticed Ken’s grip become tighter and it bought him out of his own reverie. Then he realized by looking at Ken’s expression that he must’ve given him the wrong idea.

“About what I said earlier, even though I’m worried if I am worthy enough of the perfect you, I’m not thinking of anything negative. So don’t even think even for a minute that I’m breaking up with you.” Jin states.

Ken let out a long deep breath he was holding in the whole time “You scared me.” he said.

“I know, and I didn’t mean to. I just…” Jin is having a hard time telling Ken something.

“And what is this about me being perfect? you’ve never praised me like that before. I mean you’ve said countless times how I am handsome and charming and hot and…” Ken was about to go on in a teasing tone to lighten up the mood when Jin cut him off.

“Okay stop, I get it.” Jin said, rolling his eyes.

“But really…” Ken back on being serious “..what is this whole thing about? we’ve always been honest to each other, you can tell me anything, you know that right?” he assures. He thinks maybe Jin is having those insecure moments, when really he doesn’t need to be as Ken sees him as perfect as well in his eyes.

“I do, but I have a confession to make…” Jin bits his lip and looks straight into Ken’s eyes.

Ken’s heart started beating rapidly, he isn’t sure if he is ready to hear Jin’s confession, but he decides anyway “Tell me.”

*

Yesterday, Friday afternoon Jin came home from work earlier than usual so he made use of the time by cleaning their bedroom. He usually does the cleaning on the weekends but since he got off work early and his partner isn’t home yet he made use of the advantage.

After mopping and changing the sheets and curtains, he goes and takes their dirty clothes and puts them in the laundry basket one by one. Then Jin suddenly remembers spring is coming and he hasn’t done some spring cleaning yet, so since he’s got quite the free time today, he might as well start.

He opens their shared closet and starts checking and replacing some winter coats with clothes more fit for spring.

When he was done, he sat on the floor beside the laundry basket to rest for a little while, while massaging the back of his neck, he looked up and saw the boxes that were placed in a compartment on the top part of their closet. He remembers putting those few boxes there when they moved in together about two years ago but he never really includes them whenever he does some major general cleaning because there’s nothing to clean or throw from those boxes. They all contain memories and stuff important to both of them so they’ve always been up there.

Jin feels like going down memory lane so he takes one of the boxes, the one on the right and puts it down beside him as he goes back and sits on the floor.

He smiles as soon as he opens it.