Jackson watched the door slam shut and unlike himself, was frozen on the spot. He and Mark had fought before, many times while they were trainees in fact, but there was no mistaking the tone in Mark’s voice this time – Mark was more than angry. Worse of all, Jackson could tell that Mark was hurt.

Blinking, Jackson tried to gather himself – he had to do something, he had to say something but… but what?

The torn feelings he had first experienced when he was asked to choose between KCon and Law of the Jungle resurface and he wondered why in the world had he chosen the latter?! Seriously, didn’t being with the guys mean the most to him? Wasn’t practising and performing their hearts out on stage all that mattered? To stand panting after they finish their routine, smile at each other as they enjoyed the moment, to receive applause from their fans and the general audience – wasn’t that why he was doing this in the first place?

That was essentially what he loved, why he had persevered through his training, through the doubts of whether or not he’d ever be able to debut. He had wanted to sing, dance and make music and to be able to do it with guys he considered family was very precious to him.

What possessed him to choose, as Mark had said, to choose a show over his group?!

As Jackson chewed on his lower lip, he remembered why – it was because he loved his group that he had to give up on KCon.

He knew that under the happy smiles and laughs, there was a niggling feeling of desperation. They needed to make a name for themselves in Korea. As much as they’ve gotten positive attention, it wasn’t enough. For the survival of their group and their future, they had to get their name out there and this was where Jackson thought he could contribute.

He was not the most handsome. He was not the best singer. He was not the best rapper. Heck, he was arguably not even the best dancer. What he did have was wit and an outgoing personality and if that was his only strength, by God, he’d make sure to squeeze every last ounce of it to make sure people knew about Got7 – about his beloved brothers.

So that was why he chose the show – that was why…

Jackson gulped as the reality of standing alone in the room he shared with Mark hit him – was it going to be like this? Was – was Mark never going to have anything to do with him ever again?

Screw the doom and gloom, Jackson decided. He’d make Mark understand.

Clenching his jaw, he wrenched open the door and walked right into JB who was just outside, his right hand raised as if to knock. 

“Hyung-what the-” Jackson stammered in surprise. He had been so riled up to talk to Mark, yell if he had to, that seeing JB so unexpectedly disconcerted him.

“We need to talk,” JB said, a serious look on his face before he turned around to go back to the living room. Jackson followed, remembering that he hadn’t told the other guys yet.

True enough, all the guys were there waiting while Mark was slumped on the couch with his back turned towards the group. They had heard raised voices and a slammed door so had come out to check what was going on.

“What is this about Kcon?” JB asked.

Taking a deep breath and feeling increasingly guilty, Jackson told the guys how he had received the guest appearance offer and that the company had left it to him to choose.

“It’ll air the whole of September, like every week, so it’ll help, won’t it? More people watch it, right? Which means more people might find out about us? And if they use our song in the show, won’t it be a good thing?” Jackson asked, his eyes wandering from member to member, finally coming to rest on Mark’s hunched back. The sight of Mark deliberately ignoring him hurt more than he could bring himself to admit.

“I’m really not doing this for myself, you know, really!” Jackson felt almost like he was pleading with the guys to understand, especially Mark. His eyes flicked once in a while to the rest but he always looked back at his roommate, wishing that he’d turn around, to at least acknowledge that he was listening. Mark’s words to him – ‘live with it’ – kept replaying in his mind.

“I swear! It never crossed my mind even in the slightest, most remote-”

It was Jinyoung who stopped the string of explanations by clamping his hand over Jackson’s mouth. “We know, Jackson, we know.”

Jackson pulled Jinyoung’s hand away. He was desperate that the guys understand that he wanted ever so much to go to Kcon but things turned out this way with crappy timing. “Really! I’ll never put myself before the team, you know that, right? You believe me?”

“Jackson-ah, I trust you more than you trust yourself, so shut up already,” Jinyoung said with a small chuckle, the sweet crinkles around his eyes beginning to show. “As if we wouldn’t know you’d come with us to Kcon if you can.”

The others murmured in agreement, nodding though slightly downcast by the news.

“I’m sorry, guys, I really am. I-”

This time though, his explanation was cut off by JB who had given him a sharp slap on his shoulder and then a tight squeeze. “It’ll be fine,” JB reassured Jackson but soon added with a teasing note, “But you’re going to have to make up for the extra practice we’re going to have to do. All the work we’re going to have to put in.”

“I will, hyung, I will! I’ll make it up to you guys, promise!” said Jackson with relief that the guys were taking the news well.

“You’d have to be careful though, hyung,” added Yugyeom, “there are tons of dangerous animals in the jungle.”

“Yeah,” said Youngjae, “like snakes and spiders.” Youngjae was already beginning to picture Jackson’s reactions to all the insects and it could only make him laugh especially since Jackson was even afraid of cockroaches.

“Ey ~ you have a double snake right here in the dorm. Jackson hyung’s used to snakes now,” joked Bambam which was, unfortunately, met with heavy silence.

“Not very funny, Bambam,” commented Jinyoung.

“Yeah,” Yugyeom agreed. “Try harder next time.”

“Aw ~ every time I try, you don’t laugh!”

“If it’s not funny, we don’t laugh,” stated Youngjae in a matter-of-fact tone which ironically brought more laughter from the guys.

Mark, on the other hand, was still hunched over on the couch not really looking at them.

Jackson’s face that had begun to light up now that the guys knew, understood and accepted his absence from KCon, fell again as he looked at Mark.

JB caught sight of this and the other guys also noticed, Mark wasn’t happy.

“Let’s sleep. We have a fanmeet tomorrow,” JB announced, slightly pushing everyone back to the general direction of their rooms. With Jackson though, JB gave the ever slightest inclination of his head towards Mark’s direction and Jackson understood that JB wanted them to sort it out between themselves. Jackson nodded glumly but resolutely in return. He was not going to bed without making things right with Mark.

Before Jinyoung headed off, he too gave Jackson’s shoulder a squeeze. “Talk slowly,” he advised because he knew that Jackson was likely to run off with his train of thought and might not give the other party enough time to respond.

“Yeah,” Jackson said with a small smile, glad that the guys were giving him space. His heart was lighter now that his group members understood but it was by no means at peace.

The guys had all left, JB giving Jackson another serious nod to which Jackson responded with his trademark Squirtle smile.

He shuffled up behind Mark, getting within two feet from him and stood there for a few seconds, debating what to say.

Without a word, Mark suddenly got up and headed back to their room which Jackson took as an indication that they’d talk there.

Jackson closed the door softly behind him and turned to face Mark who had sat down on the floor, still not looking at his roommate.

Truth be told, Mark was actually embarrassed. He was generally passive in nature and though he had moments when he lashed out in anger, they were few and far between now. And of all things, he had lost it on Jackson for something like missing KCon. Well, truth be told, Mark was disappointed, and even a bit angry that Jackson’s promises to his friends and family were now empty words. All the cooing and teasing that had gone on between Jackson and his family back in LA had made them very much look forward to being able to meet in person. Looks like it wasn’t possible anymore. Still, this really wasn’t the last time they’d be going to LA. It wasn’t as if Jackson was never going to meet his family again ever – there will be chances in future.

What embarrassed Mark most was that for an instant, he had overlooked how much Jackson cared for Got7. All his suppressed doubts about Jackson distancing himself from Mark had surfaced and basically blew up as if it had been a timebomb just ticking away. He thought he had gotten over it…

Guess not.

‘Live with it’? Why had he said that? Was it some kind of petty revenge against Jackson for all the times Mark had felt ignored or isolated? Had he just been waiting for a reason to blow and missing KCon just happened to provide a convenient though not very appropriate outlet?

Listening to Jackson trying so desperately to plead with the guys made Mark feel worse. Mark guessed that Jackson would probably not be so distraught had he not blown up at Jackson. Of course Jackson worked for his team – it was just… well…

The team – number 1 always in Jackson’s mind. But… a small worried voice finally expressing the reason for Mark’s blow up – but what about him? Who was he to Jackson anymore… he didn’t know the answer but he couldn’t bring himself to speak about it.

And yeah, Jackson standing in front of him with an absolutely guilty and scared look on his face as if he were a young boy awaiting punishment didn’t do anything to help the situation.

How was he to make things right? Mark already had enough trouble with words, this seemed beyond him. Glancing up at Jackson, he motioned with a small wave of his hand for Jackson to sit.

Jackson saw the gesture and gladly sat down cross-legged in front of Mark, absolutely encouraged that Mark was willing to ‘talk’.

“Listen, Mark,” Jackson began to say. Though he had been endlessly worried and at a loss about how to approach the matter, the words just came tumbling out. “I’m really really sorry, man. I really am. I want to meet your family again, you know that right? Heck, I’d love to hang out with your friends and all but this time, the timing is just . It’s really only this time that it’s an athlete special – if I don’t go, who knows when the other invite would be or if I’d ever get another one? PD’s aren’t that understanding and some hold grudges so really, thinking also about the month we stop promoting ‘Just Right’, it’d be important to have some exposure, right?”

Jackson had said all that with barely a pause in between, so desperate was he to explain his reasons. He waited for Mark’s response – Mark had to respond.

After a second, Mark nodded once and that small nod was like a beam of light breaking through dark skies to Jackson. Of course Mark would understand, he’d never been petty and Jackson thought that he was the one who had just been unaware of how much KCon and LA meant to Mark. Now he knew better and resolved to remember it in future.

Jackson reached out and placed his right hand on Mark’s knee and waited until Mark finally looked him eye to eye.

“Hey man, thanks for understanding. Really,” Jackson said with a glad smile. “It means a lot to me. A LOT!” Jackson emphasized before breaking into a huge grin and gave Mark’s knee a tight squeeze.

Seeing Jackson’s earnestness finally loosened the chains on Mark’s tongue. He just couldn’t let the conversation end with Jackson thinking it was really only about a concert. Not when it was about something more – something much more important.

“It’s not Kcon,” Mark told Jackson before biting his lip.

“Huh?”

Mark’s gaze dropped to Jackson’s hand on his knee – the rough calloused hand that had been extended to him time and time again. He wanted to ask Jackson about their friendship – or was it still friendship – he wanted to ask Jackson what was going on between them but… the words wouldn’t come. Nothing seemed suitable or able to express the complex knot of feelings Mark had harboured all this while.

“What is it?” asked Jackson, his tone gentler and most attentive. His hand had still not left Mark’s knee.

Mark glanced up again and saw Jackson’s slight frown, his big eyes filled with questions and concern. Dropping his gaze again, Mark murmured, “It’s me.”

“You?” asked Jackson in surprise. Anyone else would have had trouble hearing Mark’s sometimes garbled murmurs but Jackson had had years of practice.

“Yeah.”

“O.. kay,” answered Jackson hesitantly. “Why? What’s wrong?”

Looking at Jackson again, Mark couldn’t help but marvel at how moments ago, Jackson had looked scared to death but now was looking at him as if Jackson were ready to listen to his every burden and worry.

Jackson knew that Mark needed time, so he waited, scooting closer so that they were only a foot apart, seated cross-legged facing each other.

The warmth from Jackson’s palm on his knee grew. Mark knew it was a sign of encouragement to talk and that Jackson would wait. It was obvious now that Jackson cared deeply about him – still did. All his worries must surely be fragments of his own imagination, right? The embarrassment that he had most probably misunderstood Jackson was starting to creep in again.

“It’s nothing,” Mark said in an attempt to be dismissive, placing his right hand on Jackson’s for a moment to give it a small squeeze as a sign that the talk was done because talking about his insecurities just seemed impossible.

“Na-ah,” said Jackson quickly, clamping his other hand on Mark’s so that Mark’s right hand was sandwiched between his. “Talk. Something’s bothering you. Tell me.”

The sincerity in Jackson’s eyes made Mark go red. Will Jackson quit it? All he was doing was making Mark feel even more like a jerk.

“Seriously, man, it’s nothing.”

“Mark, I’ve known you long enough that this isn’t nothing. What’s up?”

The sentence ‘I’ve known you long enough’ was so apt for each other. That’s true – they’ve known each other for a long time, long enough that they could usually read each other’s mood merely by their expressions, tone or body language but maybe they were reading too much…

“It’s – it’s just stupid,” Mark offered, wondering if he could bring himself to admit how worried he had been. The thing is, Mark was aware at the back of his mind that if these doubts about their friendship weren’t cleared up, they could grow and poison his mind again – just like how he had snapped at Jackson without actual reason. That’s why he didn’t really want the conversation to end but neither could he bring it up.

Jackson read Mark’s hesitation, from the flickering eyes, the nervous lip bites and the slightest facial muscle twitch.

“Nothing’s stupid,” stated Jackson, giving Mark’s right hand another tight squeeze.

Mark knew Jackson was right. Nothing’s stupid – not to Jackson. Even though others might laugh and think Mark foolish, Jackson’d never think that. Plus, it wasn’t as if Mark was totally in the wrong, Jackson’s behaviour had changed a bit though it was becoming clearer now that Jackson’s heart never really did.

“It’s,” Mark started to say before pausing for a good long five seconds, “you changed.”

“Changed?” repeated Jackson in a squeak. Mark’s answer had completely thrown him.

The squeak made Mark smile and broke a little of the tension he was feeling.

“I mean, like,” gulped Mark before finally admitting it, “you were ignoring me.” As soon as the words left his mouth, Mark felt like he wanted to run out of the room! What was this?! Why was he confessing and admitting his worries like a young kid in kindergarden?! It sounded so childish!

“Ig- ignoring you?” Jackson asked to check if he had heard Mark right. “Me? Ignoring you?”

Mark nodded in a very reluctant way because he really was inwardly cringing in embarrassment. ‘Bury me now!’ Mark screamed to himself.

JB who had yet to fall asleep because he was worried about whether Jackson and Mark would be able to sort things out, heard the burst of Jackson’s hyena laugh and grinned to himself in the darkness. Yeap, things were settled.

Back in Mark and Jackson’s room, Jackson had finally released his grip on Mark’s right hand because he needed to squeeze his own abdomen as he laughed his head off. All the worries – all the – THIS WAS HILARIOUS!

Poor Mark though, Jackson’s laughter made him go even redder but he knew that Jackson wasn’t laughing at Mark, he was laughing at the situation.

“M-Mark,” gasped Jackson in between bouts of laughter. “Y-you”, in the midst of laughing, he had gotten to his knees, leaned over and gave Mark a bear hug, squeezing Mark against his own body with all his might.

It took a while before the laughter died down and Jackson wheezed as he tried to catch his breath. He finally released Mark and wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes.

“I wasn’t ignoring you,” Jackson gasped, sitting down again, his shoulders utterly relaxed as he massaged his aching jaw. “Honest. I wasn’t.”

“T-then why did you stop telling me stuff? Why’d you always wander off? Why’d you spend all your time with the other guys?” asked Mark, pulling up all the instances that had planted and nurtured the seed of doubt in him. It was easier to keep talking now that they started.

“I was trying to give you space, really,” Jackson said, calmer and exhausted from his laughing fit. “Like, I know I’m noisy and thought it fun to annoy you. It was one interview though, that made me realise that maybe I am troubling you, maybe you want time alone and…”

Jackson paused, gulped and said in a sheepish manner that reflected Mark’s own previous reluctance, “I thought you didn’t want me around much anymore.”

Mark opened his mouth to retort but Jackson was quicker. “Not in a bad way, I mean, we’re still friends and stuff but, I got the impression that you – you prefer spending time with others and I wasn’t letting you do that,” Jackson explained, “So I backed off.”

“Why’d you think that?” asked Mark, who was beginning to see the humour of the situation where both of them had misunderstandings of each other’s wishes.

“Well – it was small things like, um,” Jackson mused, stalling for time so that he could pinpoint exact examples but realised he couldn’t. “It was a general thing I guess. Mostly your face though – that told me a lot. Like you were bored, annoyed, not wanting to talk or mess around with me but then the next moment, you’d be messing about with Jinyoung or something. So I guess I took it as a sign to ease off.”

Jackson gave a wry laugh and shrugged, “I was learning to be quiet and to respect your space. Or at least I tried to. Didn’t work very well though. I couldn’t help myself sometimes, like… what I’m trying to say is… I mean,” confessed Jackson. It was Jackson’s turn for his face to flush because these were thoughts that had weighed on his mind too.

 “I’m most comfortable with you, that’s all.”

Mark studied Jackson’s crestfallen expression and saw the same insecurities and doubts he had etched on Jackson’s face.

“Same here, Jackson, always was and always have been,” Mark replied with a smile as he tilted his head, not the kind of smile he for fans at times but a sincere smile for a close, close brother whom he treasured.

“You mean that?” asked Jackson, joy resounding in every syllable.

"Yeah, I do.”

They sat there, simply smiling at each other for a few moments. It was like they had braved a storm that threatened to separate them, where they were blinded by the wind and rain of doubt and worries, but had survived by finding each other again. It might have been a misunderstanding, a long misunderstanding, but it only emphasized even more that they were each other’s lifeline, thrown together by fate but bound by a bond of brotherhood.

“MARKIE-POO!” screamed Jackson before he pounced on his roommate, pushing him to the floor, and proceeded to pretend to try and kiss Mark. Mark yelled in response and the playful tussle would have continued had it not been for JB who abruptly entered their room.

“Will you SLEEP?” hissed JB, his eyes narrowed in a leader’s glare. “I’m really glad you guys made up. Ecstatic really. But it’s early in the morning, we’ve got a full day tomorrow AND the owners downstairs might complain AGAIN.”

“Sorry, hyung,” said Jackson below his breath though his grin never left. He had completely forgotten everything except the happiness that he felt knowing that Mark did not think him troublesome, that Mark had never thought so, that he was still special to Mark.

“Hmph,” huffed JB but just before he closed the door, he gave Jackson a nod of approval.

Left alone again, Jackson was still basking in the new euphoria he felt, a feeling that Mark certainly shared as well.

“Markson,” said Jackson, taking Mark’s hand and pulling him close.

“Forever,” replied Mark, not only bumping their shoulders and giving Jackson a brief but firm hug as well.

They knew it was probably not an end to misunderstanding but whatever it was, they’d find their way again – together.

_______________________________________________

a.n: and that's the end! hope you've enjoyed my markson fic :D anything i write will always have these two together, somehow hahaha