“Okay, so how was everyone’s week?” JB asked as a sign that their weekly get-together-talk-everything-out session was to start. At least, they tried to do it weekly as long as time permitted. All the Got7 members had agreed that having these sessions often was healthy for the group dynamic so there they were, some slouched lazily on the couch while others sat on the floor in the living room. Of course, during these sessions, Coco was put in her pen otherwise Youngjae would be too distracted to focus. JB had put his foot down about this and no matter how Youngjae whined, JB didn’t give in. He knew Youngjae all too well.

At JB’s question, there were just murmurs and non-committal nods from the guys in general.

“Fine, I’ll start first. I was thinking about our upcoming performance in KCON LA and – ” JB was cut off by the younger members who got excited just by the mention of the event.

“WOO HOO! KCON! LA!” Yugyeom and Bambam cheered enthusiastically. Mark cracked a smile too. He was truly excited to be able to go back to LA again so quickly after they had had their USA fanmeets just a few months back. He hadn’t counted on being to fly back so often. In fact, he knew many other international idols never got to go home that much at all, let alone within their first couple of years after debut. They had had so much fun the last time they were in LA, Mark couldn’t wait to pick up where they left off.

“Yah,” chided JB at the maknae line, “listen.”

“Yes, leader-NIM,” they replied and settled down again.

“So, I was thinking we should put in extra practice cause we just got the stage design. Jinyoung especially. Should we change our positioning?”

So the discussion went on for a while before it was someone else’s turn to talk about their week. This time, it was Jinyoung.

“I’m, well, I’m filming a CF next week,” said Jinyoung half bashfully. He did not intend to boast – far from it really. He just wanted to share his joy at having landed a gig in an area he was longing to explore and develop. He was fascinated by acting and the guys knew it.

“Congrats!” cried s who jumped up to bury him under a pile of stacked bodies and tangled limbs for in trying to hug him, they’d only succeeded in knocking him over and he now lay flat on the floor, squashed by the love s were showing him.

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?!” asked Jackson who was the last to release his hold of Jinyoung. In fact, Jackson still held Jinyoung in a tight backhug with an enormous grin on his face. Jackson was truly truly happy for Jinyoung. Something the two of them shared was their constant drive to do better and improve themselves. They acknowledged no limits and always wanted to do more, pushing themselves to their fullest potential. Of course, it wasn’t without stress and slumps, which was why they were somehow brought together in this. They recognised this trait that they shared and in so doing, could support one another in a special way because they truly understood.

“Didn’t wanna say anything until it was confirmed,” Jinyoung replied, only half-heartedly trying to wiggle out of Jackson’s grasp.

“Told ya you could do it! Told ya!” cheered Jackson right into Jinyoung’s ear which earned him a slap on the shoulder from JB and Mark.

“Let him go or he’d suffocate,” JB quipped while Mark just kept quiet as usual.

“As if, hyung, the last thing I’d ever do is hurt Jinyoung,” retorted Jackson though he did release Jinyoung after a final hug and a sly peck on the cheek which Jinyoung evaded and shuffled over to an empty space around the group.

They took turns and when it was Jackson’s turn to talk, he just rambled about some filming and an interview that he had done during the week but he kept quiet about his upcoming schedule. He had just known about it a couple of hours earlier and man, he wasn’t happy. Usually, he told the guys everything he knew but this time, it was different. This was one thing he didn’t want to talk about to s just yet. He had to talk to Mark about it first.

As Jackson was talking about his week though, Mark had already noticed that Jackson was avoiding his gaze. Usually when he looked at Jackson, Jackson would look right back at him, often breaking into either a happy smile or a silly face. This time, though, things were different. ‘That’s odd,’ thought Mark to himself as he half-listened to Jackson because he was more intent on reading Jackson’s body language.

Initially all his misgivings and worries about things having changed between them had disappeared after the Naver broadcast. Things had seemed like they were back to normal. Jackson was around most of the time and Mark no longer felt that Jackson was avoiding him. But right then, judging from Jackson’s behaviour…

‘Something’s up,’ thought Mark and unlike his previous doubts, this time he resolved to ask Jackson about it. He didn’t want things to return even remotely to the time when he thought Jackson was intentionally avoiding him. Until now Mark never knew if he had been overthinking stuff but since things had gone back to normal, he just let it be.

Looks like things were starting to get strange again and Mark wasn’t about to let it happen. Not this time.

True enough, when the meeting was over and everyone had gone back to their own rooms, Mark noticed Jackson was still trying to avoid eye contact.

“Hey,” Mark called to Jackson who was rummaging in his snapback drawer, his back pointedly facing Mark.

Jackson didn’t answer. Maybe Jackson hadn’t heard, though Mark doubted it.

“Hey,” Mark called louder and this time, Jackson couldn’t ignore him.

“Yea?” Jackson asked but the slightly higher tone of his voice signalled to Mark that Jackson did certainly hear him the first time and was trying to avoid conversation.

“What’s up?” Mark asked conversationally as he sat down on Jackson’s bed after pushing the large puppy-face soft toy out of the way. It was easy for Mark to keep his tone neutral, it was just his way of speaking.

Jackson’s hands that were busy flipping through the snapbacks paused for a split second before resuming. “Nothing.”

Mark frowned a little, not that Jackson saw it. It was obvious now to Mark that Jackson was just pretending.

“Jackson,” said Mark, his tone indicating he was serious in asking the question and wasn’t about to take ‘nothing’ as an answer.

“Right, I’ll wear this one tomorrow. I haven’t worn this one yet. Gotta wear every single one fans gave to me at least once. Not that we’re going anywhere tomor-”

“Jackson-” Mark cut in with a louder tone, effectively stopping Jackson’s ramble which was obviously just a cover. “Look at me.”

With his back still towards Mark, Jackson bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut. There wasn’t any other way to go about this. He’d have to tell Mark some time and the sooner the better. Mark and the guys were going to find out anyways and he was the one who had asked their manager to let him break the news to s first, especially to Mark.

Jackson took a deep breath, resolved to just spill it. He turned to face Mark but just the sight of Mark’s stern and slightly confused expression caused all the determination he had to disappear. Jackson found his throat dry and he literally couldn’t say a word. He just gulped and after a second, averted his eyes again, this time fixing them on the mess of boxes and clothes that lay in a corner.

Mark knew something was definitely bothering Jackson and he’d drag it out of him if it’s the last thing he ever did.

“Talk,” Mark prompted.

“It’s…” Jackson started to say before his eyes flicked back to Mark and he lost his words again. Of all the guys, he knew the news he had to relay was going to affect Mark the most.

Jackson flopped down unto the floor with a sigh and folded his legs under him, his face buried in the palms of his hands. He had to tell Mark. He owed it to him. Maybe it was better to break the news gently.

Mark wondered at why Jackson was acting this way. It was clear that it was something big - big enough to make Jackson so hesitant. He started to feel a little anxious. What was it?

Jackson looked up at Mark, his best friend, someone he considered a brother for life. And that was the whole problem. Of all the people in the world, he did not want to disappoint Mark and yet, here he was, with news on the tip of his tongue that he knew would make Mark upset. But maybe, maybe he was overthinking it. Maybe Mark wouldn’t be upset at all. But still… perhaps the slow approach was best.

“So uh, next month…” Jackson started to say, not really looking at Mark.

“What about next month?” asked Mark.

“It’s uh, it’s super busy right?”

“Yea,” Mark answered a little hesitantly. Where was Jackson going with this?

“Well,” Jackson gulped, “turns out it’s busier than we thought with the comeback and all and-”

“Seriously man, just spit it out.”

“I want to,” blurted Jackson, “but I don’t want you to get upset.”

“Why would I get upset?”

“Because,” Jackson hesitated for a while before squeezing his eyes shut, “because-I-can’t-go-to-Kcon,” finished Jackson in a rush. His whole body tensed, every muscle tight with fists balled on his knees, waiting for Mark’s reaction. Jackson waited for a few seconds during which he didn’t hear anything at all. Why hadn’t Mark said a word? Maybe, could it be that it didn’t bother Mark at all? Was Mark waiting to laugh at how silly Jackson had been thinking that he’d get upset? Despite himself, Jackson slowly opened an eye to see what Mark was doing. ‘Whew,’ realised Jackson in relief, Mark was just sitting there on his bed.

“Why?” asked Mark after he saw Jackson finally opened his eyes after a long silence. This time, however, Mark’s eyes were the ones averted. When he had heard Jackson say he wasn’t going to Kcon, the hand that had just been twiddling with the edges of one of Jackson’s gotoon cushions had frozen. What was that? Not going? Why not? Why? After all the months of planning looking forward to Kcon? After all the promises and jokes between Jackson and Mark’s friends? How about the promises Jackson had made to Mark’s nieces and family? They’d been talking about it for months! After all the - WHY THE HELL WASN’T JACKSON GOING?

All the questions tumbled over one after another in Mark’s head but he had said nothing. He couldn’t. There must be some explanation, there had to be. So he asked Jackson ‘why’. It was just one word but Mark was painfully aware that Jackson had no idea how much it took to for Mark control his voice right then and there just to ask one question.

Jackson, blissfully unaware of Mark’s inward turmoil because he was just so relieved that Mark hadn’t yelled at him or worse, stormed out of the room, that he answered Mark’s question quite readily.

“You know that show, Law of the Jungle? That show on Friday nights? The PD asked for me cause it’s going to be an athlete special! And I’m going off to the jungle for about four days! Four! I’ve always wanted to do something like that, and this time, it’s like a tropical jungle and stuff. I’m not really sure who else is going but there’ll definitely be-”

“A-another show?” muttered Mark, hardly able to believe what Jackson was saying.

Jackson, who had been in the midst of telling Mark what he hoped to experience, stopped cause he hadn’t really heard what Mark said. “Huh? Whadya say?”

Mark looked at Jackson with disbelief in his eyes. “Another show?” Mark repeated but this time, there was a harsh note in his voice and it was something Jackson picked up on quickly.

Jackson had been dreading this. Looks like his worries about Mark getting upset had not been unfounded after all. “Yeah. Sorry, Mark. It’s just, it’s a good show and the PD promised-”

“You’re ditching Kcon for a show?”

“It’s not just a show, it’s-”

“What about all the practice? The choreo? The hours we’ve been-”

“I know, Mark, I know. And I’m sorry about that too but I had to make a choice and I-”

“You made the choice?” Mark’s voice was getting louder but he did nothing to supress it.

Jackson kicked himself for being so careless with his words. He had to explain, he had to get Mark to understand. “Yeah, they left it up to me, I mean, the company told me to think about it and choose which one I’d-”

“And you chose the show?” asked Mark, his tone incredulous as he tried to get his head around Jackson wilfully and deliberately ditching him and the guys at Kcon.

“It’s not just a show, it’s popular and a lot of people watch it-” but Jackson was cut off mid-explanation because Mark had stood up. With one step, Mark’s hand was already on the doorknob.

“Wait, Mark, I need to expla-” Jackson tried again, this time also getting to his feet.

“You don’t have to explain,” Mark replied with his back to Jackson. He didn’t speak loudly but he knew Jackson could hear him. He had been so looking forward to going back to LA with his team, it was the excited anticipation of it that he kept falling back on when he had time to let his mind wander. It was all planned, it was all good but now –

“Mark, come on, man, just listen, will ya?” pleaded Jackson, his anxiety doubled because he knew Mark couldn’t bear to turn around and look at him.

Gritting his teeth, Mark bit back the anger that was surging. Maybe it wasn’t anger, maybe it was disappointment? But was it just because of this, just because Jackson couldn’t go to KCON? Or was it a culmination of the many doubts and supressed worries Mark had tried to hide?  

“Your choice,” Mark said, his voice lower than usual. “Live with it.”

With that, Mark yanked the door open and slammed it hard behind him. He’d just sleep on the couch in the living room if he had to. Really, he had had enough. How could Jackson make such a decision? All this while Mark had thought that Jackson was selfless. Jackson always put the team first – or was that past tense right now. Was he changing? Had Jackson changed? Did all the popularity get to him? Mark just didn’t know anymore.

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and 1 more chapter! thanks for reading!