Hey Notebook!

Chapter 6

Park Chorong

                Destiny is like a children’s song. It was something that can remind you of the good times and the moment when we were all kids and innocent. Yes, a song you grew up with could be anything… and that song can take you back in the past where you once loved preciously, loved unconditionally. Because first loves are the love stories that happened when you are still young. And being young means doing everything with your passionate feelings. That’s why when someone came to ask me what is greater, is it the first love or the second love, I answered the first. Why? Because first loves are passionate and unstoppable. We are still not mature back then, and we tend to do things as what our hearts says. Doesn’t mean that it was great that it means it is also the love that is meant to be. After all, first loves are special, but true love is on a different scale or level.

                That moment when I met Jung Eunji, and learned that she forgotten all about me, and all the love we used to share mutually, in a tragic way, made me feel relieved somehow. Just then I came to realize that no matter how great my feelings were for her and her for me, it was something that can be forgotten or at least get masked behind something. The way she told me about Naeun, like a child who is telling her parents about a little mistake she made, was way too cute. Above all it made me realize that maybe this time around Eunji might find Naeun as something more… Maybe right then Eunji will learn to love Naeun as Naeun, without remembering the past bruises and scars we had at such a young age.

                Just then when she left though with Naeun dragging her away, when I was standing there in front of Yoon Bomi, I realized that maybe indeed first love is something that can be buried down alive.

                Because then when we were face to face, my heart can’t help but beat erratically at the sight of her. Yoon Bomi has gotten mature over the years and in fact she has turned into a lady that I never knew. She started showing more of her talents and intelligence and turned into someone cool and intimidating. I can’t even look at her straight anymore whenever we meet. I can’t come to her and talk to her casually as we were friends. I know… she was so disappointed at me.

                When we were going into different schools, it was very hard to meet. Yet, she made all the effort. She would visit me when classes end and sometimes take me home with her. She would sometimes treat me to some snacks and even lend me her umbrella when it’s raining.

                I was the stupid one who can’t show enough appreciation on all of her efforts…

                And so she stopped one day… and we drifted apart completely.

                When we meet in business parties once we got into college, it was beyond awkward. She wouldn’t talk to me that much anymore or even flash me that sweet smile she once had. I missed it… and knowing that she was giving that to Naeun, it makes me jealous. I wanted to be with her like back then, like when we were close friends.

                And yet, I know it was kinda unfair too. Because even when I claim I wanted everything to turn back to normal that would be selfish of me since I was the one who never made an effort for it to not change.

                I wanted to be something more with Bomi… but I can’t…

                Or maybe I just don’t know why…

*** “Park Chorong, tomorrow, can we meet here by the bus stop? I have something to ask you.” Seventeen year old Yoon Bomi asked me as we were waiting for the rain to stop. She was holding the umbrella above me so we won’t get wet by the strong rain, but her fact says she was more serious than what it should’ve been.

                “Uhmmm… I don’t know… I have a really busy schedule tomorrow though, for a project.” I reasoned out in which she nodded to. The younger I was guilty at that time, knowing that I made a lie. Seeing how Bomi eagerly accepted my reasoning got me guiltier. And her constant sighs were not helping by bit. Being swallowed with guilt, I hesitated for a moment. “B-but I think I could spare time for you, if it was really important.”

                Her eyes quickly shined brightly at me, “Really?! I would really wait here by the bus stop to you until you show up tomorrow afternoon!”

                Laughing, “Well why do you sound so excited?”               

                At that time, I was too naïve I didn’t think much of her answer.

                “It’s my D-Day, I think.”

                The next day, I didn’t expect a pile of workload in front of me. I got some little breaks but the project was killing my shoulders. Well, I indeed had about an hour for myself, and that’s when a classmate of mine walked me on my way home.

                It was not until I see the bus stop that I realized I broke my promise on Bomi… and after that day, I never have seen her again, on that bus stop.

                “What are you doing in this weather, Park Chorong? Can’t you see that it’s getting so cold already?” She loudly released a sigh as she threw a jacket on me. I clumsily caught it and put it on before looking at her awkwardly.

                “T-thanks.”

                She shrugged, “Don’t be. Naeun told me to give it to you.”

                My face fell for a moment that she walked over me and got hold of my chin.

                “Y-Yoon Bomi?” I was left to wonder as her brown orbs were looking through me. I couldn’t think straight as I was trying to decipher what is it that she was about to do.

                I just realized what she was doing until she already zipped up the zipper of the jacket up to my chin. Covering the hood over my head, she started cracking up and walking ahead.

                “Now you look like some thug on the street!” she stated in amusement. Just when I thought I would scream at her for playing around, I suddenly felt her hand on my wrist, dragging me away.

                She was not holding my hand and yet my heart was being crazy like this. It could be like my first love and yet I know it was somehow different too.

                Because if I wanted something more from Bomi, that means I have to be mature too. For the both of us. And once again, the guilt started eating me up. Bomi was too much for me. I don’t deserve her at all…

                It wasn’t like with Jung Eunji back then…

Jung Eunji          

                Destiny is like your taste of music, for the one destined to you could be someone who has the exact music taste as you, or someone who has the complete difference. Music was something that unites everyone, without anyone knowing. And no matter how different two music genres was, at some point, it could create a wonderful mix, like a mix tape of songs you would want to listen to forever. Our songs, it was something compatible… We both like songs about sunshine and rainbows, and rain and blue skies. It was bright and dark, hidden and shown. It was both hopeful and hopeless. And I guess it perfectly described out relationship. It was both beautiful and sad, and it was both a sad song and a happy one.

                It was a few weeks since then. I got fairly acquainted with this girl, Park Chorong. Actually, on the few weeks that we’ve been hanging out, I got to realize she was someone really familiar. In fact, I kinda know the little things about her, like how she softly snores when she sleeps or how she would have that intimidating aura around her that makes her look so responsible. I admire her, but every time I look through those eyes and think if it’s possible for me to like her, a familiar pain erupts in my heart. I don’t know where it came from or how it came to me. All I know is that it was there, like an old sad song playing that reminds me of a past heartache.

                But there was something different too. When we are together, and enjoy each other’s presence, I can’t help but think of Naeun too. Would there be a time that I’ll get to see her? Would there be a time that I’ll be here, together with her, having fun like that?

                And then something comes in front of me that love was something that is not just between me and Naeun… Sometimes a fairytale is a story not just of the main characters, but the characters around them also.

                And so I was reminded of my best friend, Solar.

                We were in the library, reviewing for some midterm exam we’ll be taking soon. I didn’t care much and was burying myself on some magazines… until I realized my best friend was not studying anymore, and she was sleeping next to me.