Having a crush on your best friend is painful. Having crushes on two of your best friends is agony. These were Jeonghan's thoughts as he left the dorm one cold February afternoon. He had up and left suddenly, barely remembering to grab a coat – there would be questions when he returned but he couldn't bother to care at the moment. He needed some time alone to think, and the only way to be alone when you live with 12 other boys is to leave.

He had been sitting on these feelings for a few months now, perhaps longer. It just took him a while to realize that his feelings for Jisoo and Seungcheol were more than platonic. He already knew he was gay, so there was no surprise there. He just didn't expect to fall for one of the members of his group. Or perhaps, he tried so hard not to, that he ended up falling for two of them. He just couldn't help himself. Both Seungcheol and Jisoo were caring, sweet, attractive....

Jeonghan knew that a relationship between two members of the group would be incredibly risky. For both their image, and their friendships. If it was only one boy he liked, maybe he would be willing to take that risk. But he could never choose one boy over the other. They were two of his best friends, it was like asking a parent which child they liked more. Even if he confessed to one of them and they somehow, miraculously, returned his feelings, he could never be satisfied in a relationship with one of them. He would always long for the other, too.

So, he decided he would never let anyone know about his feelings. Usually he managed to keep his cool, but every so often Jisoo would grab his hand, or Seungcheol would sit on his lap, and he would feel like he was suffocating. Today was one of those days – Seungcheol had an affinity for his hair and had a habit of thoughtlessly brushing through it with his fingers. It was pleasant, most days, but today Jeonghan's heart couldn't take it, and he needed a break.

Which led him here, wandering the streets near their dorm. He needed to breathe, and the cold air felt calming. He approached a bench and decided he should stop and text Seungcheol to let him know that he was fine, just needed a breath of fresh air – but when he sat down he noticed a few flower petals on the seat beside him. Were those blue?

He picked one up to examine it. It was, in fact, a blue rose petal. Strange, he didn't know blue roses even existed – though he guessed, perhaps, they could be dyed. He briefly thought about the type of person that would sit on a bench with blue roses – were they a gift? To them, or from them? After a few more moments of blind speculation, he dropped the petal and pulled out his phone to text Seungcheol. After sending a short text and checking his Snapchat notifications, he sighed and stood up, ready to face his second family once more.

That night Jeonghan was abruptly pulled out of his sleep by a coughing fit. Trying his best to stay quiet to avoid waking the other members (though he'd likely woken at least a couple of them by now), he quickly made his way to the kitchen for a glass of water. His chest hurt, which surprised him. Not that he was the healthiest person around – none of them were, resting as little as they did, not always eating quite as much as boys their age should be – no, he just didn't expect chest pains. He'd been dealing with a few too many colds this winter, but they'd never hurt quite like this. Perhaps that walk earlier had been a bad idea. At least they were off this week, and hopefully he would be feeling better by the time he had work again. With that knowledge in mind, he trudged back to bed, quickly falling back into a dreamless sleep.

Minghao is the one to wake him up late the next morning, asking if he wants to get Chinese food for lunch. He agrees to tag along and sits up, only to have another coughing fit.

“Are you sick?” Minghao asks when he stops, looking slightly concerned.

“Maybe.” Jeonghan clears his throat. “I feel mostly fine, but my chest hurts and I keep coughing.”

“That doesn't sound good. Maybe you should get that checked out.” Jisoo says from the bed next to his.

He looks over and immediately smiles at the sight of Jisoo curled up in the blankets, hair messy from sleep. “I think I'm fine. If I still feel bad tomorrow, I'll see a doctor.”

Jisoo narrows his eyes at that. “You've got to stop being so stubborn. I swear it'll be the death of you.”

Jeonghan laughs.

“I'm serious. It's a good thing we're all here to take care of you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He grins and turns to Minghao, who had been silently listening to their conversation. “Give me 20 minutes, okay?” And with that, he climbs out of bed to begin his first day off in a while.

The day passed by uneventfully. He had Chinese food for lunch, played video games with some of the members, and had a long talk with Seungkwan about anything and everything. Whenever he was asked about his cough, he shrugged it off, telling everyone he was fine. He truly believed it – until dinnertime when he suddenly had a pounding headache. Maybe he was sick after all.

Shortly after dinner, everyone was gathered in the dorm's common area. The TV was on, but most had stopped paying attention to whatever cartoon was playing in favor of talking to one another. Jeonghan's head laid on Jisoo's shoulder as he watched the members of his group laugh and play games with each other. It wasn't often that they had time off like this and it was nice to see them all relaxing and enjoying themselves. He watched as Seungcheol playfully hit Soonyoung – whether he'd lost a game or just said something ridiculous, Jeonghan didn't know – before he looked up and made eye contact with the long-haired boy. They smiled softly – neither had to say anything to know that they were both thinking the same thing. For the first time in a while, Jeonghan truly felt content.

That is, until he felt a sudden sharp pain in his chest, and he was hit with another coughing fit.

He sat up abruptly, coughing into his fist. Most heads turned his way as Jisoo rubbed his shoulder softly, a welcome comfort. This was worse than the last few times – it was almost as if he was coughing up a lung. Perhaps literally, because he felt something at the back of his throat. His eyes closed in concentration as he opted to hack into his palm instead – one, two, three, four, five more times before it made its way out of his mouth and onto his hand. But what he found when he opened his eyes wasn't mucus.

It was a single yellow & red rose petal.

He picked it up and stared at it blankly. “Is that... a flower petal?” Jisoo asked, sounding both concerned and amused. “Did you just cough up a flower petal?”

“Is this a new diet I haven't heard about?” It was hard to tell if Wonwoo was joking or not, he sounded so confused. They all were, it isn't everyday your friend coughs up part of a plant.

Seungkwan reaches out to touch it. “Is it real?”

“Don't touch that!” Jun exclaims suddenly, half-shouting as he jumps to his feet.

Seungkwan freezes and glares at Jun. “What, is it contagious?”

“Yes.” Jun breathes, wide-eyed. He looks like he might be ill and Jeonghan is currently more worried about the Chinese boy than he is for himself.

Wait, contagious? “Do you know what this is?” Jeonghan asks, lifting the hand holding the petal and almost dropping it in the process.

Jun inhales sharply. “Please be careful with that.” He still looks faint and Jeonghan is incredibly thankful when he sits back down. “I've heard of this before, but I didn't think it was actually real....” He trails off, staring at the flower petal.

“I think I've read about this before.” Jihoon speaks up suddenly. “I don't remember the name, but flowers grow in your lungs when you suffer from one-sided love. ...Or you were swallowing roses earlier, which I doubt you would do.”

One-sided love.... Jeonghan's gaze immediately flickered over to Seungcheol, eyes wide and face pale. He internally scolded himself for being so obvious, but doubted anyone read into it. Their leader looked terrified, and a quick glance at everyone else confirmed that they all felt the same.

“Flowers... in my lungs?” That explained the chest pain. “How can I get them out?”

“It's... complicated.” Jun shifted closer to Jeonghan as he spoke. “It's called Hanahaki disease and it's incredibly rare. The infection spreads through the petals, you must have touched some that someone coughed up recently. Jihoon is right, the flowers grow if you have unrequited feelings for someone. It will go away naturally if the person you like returns the feelings. The only other way to get rid of it is surgery.”

“Removing the infection through surgery will also remove all feelings you have for the person.” Jihoon chimes in.

Jun nods. “You would never love them again.”

Jeonghan's head spun as he struggled to keep up. Confess his feelings? There would be no point, there's no way both of them like him back. That would leave surgery. He would never have to worry about his feelings ruining the dynamic of the group again. But then he would never again feel those butterflies in his stomach when Seungcheol threw his arm around his shoulders, or like he was soaring every time Jisoo smiled at him.... He didn't even want surgery, removing anything from his lungs sounded risky and as an idol it was important that his lungs were in top shape. How do flowers just grow in someone's lungs anyway? It couldn't be real. This had to be a prank, one of them put a petal in his dinner somehow... but then, wouldn't it be crushed when he had chewed on it? This was a whole, unscathed rose petal. When could he have even become infected...? He remembered, in horror, the blue petals on the bench yesterday.

The boys watched in shock as tears began silently streaming down Jeonghan's face. Jisoo began rubbing his shoulder once more as they all slowly comprehended what was happening. Suddenly, Jeonghan clenched the petal tightly in his fist and looked up.

“What happens if I don't get the surgery?” he asked quietly, voice cracking.

Jun's gaze shifted to the floor and Jeonghan let out a soft sob, quickly raising his hand to cover his mouth.

“As the flowers continue to grow....” Jihoon speaks up, but trails off suddenly. No one needed to hear the rest, they already knew.

If the flowers weren't removed somehow,

Jeonghan would die.