A/N: Guess who's late? That's right, I am. And the dreaded chapter five is next and I still haven't finished it. I hope you don't hate me too much ;~; I also wanted to say I really like this chapter and I hope you like it too! 

Although Jongin had been acting a bit weirdly, he’d let Baekhyun drive back home. As they were getting into the car, Bora told them to come over again soon.

Jongin sighed and said he actually had a job, while Baekhyun said “sooner than you think!” kissing her on the cheek.

Driving always made Baekhyun feel so free; he’d always dreamt of taking someone out for a date and drive them back to their house at dusk. He was content he got to do it now with Jongin on the seat beside him.

Jongin felt like crying. Leaving his mother, having to deal with his feelings while trying not to make things even more awkward between him and Baekhyun and having to wake up early tomorrow because he had to go to work, everyhing was suffocating him. He wondered when would everything fall into place, he was starting to get tired of living the ty student life now that he actually had a diploma.

Baekhyun stopped at a coffee shop and got them coffee and pastries.

It wasn’t unusual that Jongin stayed quiet while on the road, but Baekhyun never shut up, not even when he was driving, which alarmed Jongin.

“Are you okay?” he asked Baekhyun, who tensed visibly.

“Bit distracted, is all. Thinking about the Seoul thing and money,” he answered. That seemed to placate Jongin a little; in the end, Baekhyun was a real worrier.

When they got home, the first thing they did was throw themselves on their respective beds. A couple hours later, Baekhyun got up and made dinner for both of them. When it was all ready, they ditched their balcony table and sat instead on the sofa, having decided to watch a movie before going to bed. They threw a duvet on themselves as soon as they finished their food and, as usual, Baekhyun put his head on Jongin’s lap while Jongin threaded his fingers through Baekhyun’s hair.

It was a musical; Baekhyun loved it and Jongin thought that, albeit beautiful, it was a bit too complicated, but it was a classic and he had grown up watching it a million times a year since his mother loved it as well.

After the movie was over, Jongin was already ready to go for his before-bed smoke and then, bed. Baekhyun followed him outside and took a cigarette too.

The thing about them, Jongin thought, was that in the beginning, they had been too full of life, bouncy boys desperate to have a life and live it, too excitable and happy. They’d known nothing about real life at the moment, and it’d hit Baekhyun harder when it’d been time to finally face reality; he never quite recovered from it, never transitioned completely, and was still too afraid of life and himself.

It worried Jongin to no end, because he knew offering help would do anything but, but Baekhyun would never ask for help either. It was self destruction at its finest, a time bomb.

“Jongin?” Baekhyun said, almost whispering. Jongin raised an eyebrow so Baekhyun continued, “can we… can I sleep with you tonight? I’m feeling a bit under the weather, I want cuddles,” he paused, and then added, pensively, “you give the best cuddles.”

Jongin hated to admit that he loved when Baekhyun pouted whenever he wanted Jongin to comply; he hated to admit that he had melted at his words because he knew it’d have its consequences.

He would never understand why Baekhyun couldn’t admit to his feelings and let himself be helped, get better. Be happy.

Jongin sighed at his thoughts, not wanting to add anything else to his list of reasons to cry, seeing as he apparently had company for the night.

“Yeah, okay. We can do that.”

Baekhyun’s face lit up as he grinned. Jongin thought he was going to heaven for being such a saint and not kissing him right there and then, and then chuckled.

A half hour later, they were both in Jongin’s bed, duvet pulled up to their chins, until Baekhyun shifted closer to Jongin, tucking himself under his chin and wrapping his arm around Jongin’s bare middle.

“Love you, Jongin. Good night.”

Jongin breathed evenly, even though his insides were basically freaking the out, for lack of a better word.

“Sweet dreams, Baek.”

He was sure his night would be much longer than he would like it to be.

It must have been midnight by the time he jolted awake, he cursed the heavens for it; he wasn’t a light sleeper, but his brain was too awake and very conscious of the person wrapped in his arms, who happened to be one big part of the reason he was unable to sleep.  Baekhyun was still clinging to Jongin’s body.

“You awake, Baek?” he whispered softly but got no answer.

Something Jongin hated about himself was the fact that he could tell himself not to think about something, and his mind would not delve too much into it. But then, when life decided he remember it, whethe