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Hey there, my Jinyoungie.

I know you probably hate me by now. It’s okay. I totally understand.
But I just want to let you know why I had to do this. The reason behind everything.

First of all, I want to say sorry. Sorry for breaking your heart. Sorry for hurting you, my love.

Those words I said when I broke up with you were all lies. I had to lie to you so you would hate me. I wanted you to hate me. But always know that it hurt me while I was saying those words. So so much.

I couldn’t look up at your eyes because I knew if I would, I might take everything back. I might run to your arms and never let go, but I knew that that was not possible.

My mind was made up. But honey, always remember that I never meant those words. I had to be harsh and I had to hurt you so you wouldn’t stop me and hold me back.

My heart was shattering into a million pieces when I left you. I felt like I was being stabbed by a million knives after walking away from you. I was struggling to keep myself from saying what I really and truly feel. It took me every ounce of willpower to keep myself from running back to you.

I love so much. And it was my dream to marry you.

I’m sorry if I broke my promises and if I couldn’t fulfill our dreams together.

Ahhhh. This is hard.

You know what, let me just tell you a story.

So there was a girl, and one morning, she woke up feeling nauseous. She rushed to the bathroom and emptied her stomach. Her stomach hurt so bad she decided to visit a doctor. And what the doctor said shocked the living daylights out of her.

She was 3 months pregnant. She was so happy. She almost jumped for joy. But what the doctor said next made her feel weak everywhere.

She was diagnosed with cancer.

She felt like all joy got out from her system. She couldn’t say anything. The doctor said she was at her last stage.

And there won’t be any treatment that would be able to cure her. The doctor also said that she might not be able to handle her pregnancy and she might not survive, nor the baby growing inside her womb.

And so, she asked the doctor if there might be a way to save the baby inside her. Sadly, the doctor said there was none. She didn’t have a choice.

If given one, she would have chosen the baby. But no, she was destined to die and her unborn, innocent baby was going to die inside her.

It hurt her so much.

This should not be happening to her! She was happy with the man of her life and she was going to get married soon! She was just starting to build a family.

She left the hospital and met up with her fiancé.

And there, at the room where they made most of their memories, she broke up with him. She broke up with him so he wouldn’t be hurt of her leaving this world.

But who was she kidding? Of course, he was gonna hurt. He was going to hurt the man of his love but she couldn’t do anything. She thought that that was the best possible solution. To make him hate her so he would feel less pain when she died.

I’m pregnant Jinyoung.

But the doctor said six months. She gave me six months to live.

She said there was nothing to cure me anymore. I’m at my last stage already. And she said that if I still decide to continue with my pregnancy, I would only hurt the baby inside me.

My body’s already deteriorating so the baby wouldn’t survive inside. But I wanted to be with the baby.

I wanted our baby to stay with me. I couldn’t let go of our baby.

So I decided to just end my life so our baby wouldn’t be in pain anymore. So as me.  I know I’m too selfish. I just couldn’t think of any other solution.

Leaving was the best possible solution.

I was selfish. And I’m sorry for that.

I’m sorry for depriving you of the news of our baby. I couldn’t stand seeing you broken. I didn’t have the courage. I couldn’t stand seeing you cry while I wait for my last day.

So I took my own life. And our baby’s life. Just know that it breaks my heart that I am the one who will end our baby’s life. But I didn’t want her to suffer anymore.

I’m really sorry for my selfish acts.

Just know that during our stay together, I was the happiest. You gave me the best memories and I will forever cherish them. I hope you do too.

You made me feel complete. You gave me everything you have, I wished I could give you everything too, to make you happy. But everything’s too late now.

You know, after leaving the hospital. I wanted to end my life already. I wanted to get hit by a car. I wanted to jump off from the hospital rooftop but I decided, I wanted to see you. Even just for the last time.

So the last person I would be able to see before I die was you. And once again, it was because of my selfishness.

I love you so much Jinyoung.

While I was breaking up with you, I wanted to tell you the news. That I was carrying your child. But I was held back by the thought that it would only hurt you more.

But I guess, writing this letter would hurt you more, right?

I didn’t want to keep the news from you so I had to tell you through this letter. I wanted you to know that our love bore a gift. The precios gift of life. But here I am, trying to take it away from you. From us.

If I would be given another life, I would want to spend it with you again, and I would make up for all these things I’ve done to you.

You made me the happiest girl alive with your love and I couldn’t thank you more for that.

What I really want to achieve in this letter I am writing to you?

After all this, I want you to move on. I want you to look for a girl that deserves your love very much. I don’t deserve your love because I hurt you.

There are a lot more better girls out there and I hope you’ll find the one for you.

I hope that person loves you more that I have loved you and I hope she treasures you more than I have because you are one of a kind.

I want you to fill the void I left in your heart with love and happiness.

My Jinyoung, I want you to be happy again.  It might take some time but I hope you will.

Just know that I will always look out for you. Wherever I might be.

And I hope you’ll still have a place for me in your heart.

I hope you’ll treasure our memories together.

I love you and I am really sorry.

Thank you for being mine, even just for a short time. I will always be your star.

Forever and always.

Love, Jaehee.

P.S.

I remember, when we first met. We were at the park and you were sitting under a tree. Holding a guitar. Singing.

I guess that was what attracted me to look at you.

Your soft voice.

Your voice blended with the wind while, and you sounded so beautiful, and unconsciously, my feet brought me to you. And that’s where it all started.

Jinyoung, I hope you continue singing. It was your greatest dream before right? But you gave it up so you can marry me.

I want you to continue chasing that dream. I know you’ll make it.

Someday, I want to hear your voice again.

Maybe, in our next lives.

I love you.

-Your star, forever watching you from up above,

Jaehee..

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Hey guys. I actually have no idea if being pregnant during the last stage of cancer is possible. But yeah, I've googled a few cases and what came up was acquiring cancer during pregnancy which is actually quite dangerous especially if the mother undergoes chemotherapy and other medical intervention stuff to cure the cancer. But since the characters here are in an alternate universe, let's just say that being pregnant during the last stage of cancer is possible. Feel free to correct me for any medical mistake I have mentioned above. Thank you very much ^^

P.S. Comments are loved. Talk to me. I don't bite ;)

xx Jgailaxy xx