This fic is a oneshot and has no correlation with my other Aomike fics. 

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OST: Tearin' Up My Heart by 'NSync

It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you
But when we are apart, I feel it too
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain
With or without you

(Hey, yeah)
Baby I don't understand
Just why we can't be lovers
Things are getting out of hand
Trying too much, but baby we can't win

Let it go
If you want me girl, let me know
I am down, on my knees
I can't take it anymore

It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you
But when we are apart, I feel it too
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain
With or without you

(Ooh, alright)
Baby don't mis-understand (don't misunderstand)
What I'm trying to tell ya
In the corner of my mind (corner of my mind)
Baby, it feels like we're running out of time

Let it go
If you want me girl, let me know
I am down, on my knees
I can't take it anymore

It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you
But when we are apart, I feel it too
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain
With or without you

Tearin' up my heart and soul
We're apart I feel it too
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain
With or without you

Tearin' up my heart and soul (alright)
We're apart I feel it too (I feel it too)
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain
With or without you

It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you
But when we are apart, I feel it too
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain
With or without you

And no matter what I do, I feel the pain
With or without you

**********************************************

How much a heart could hold before it shattered to pieces?

How far would you tolerate pain from someone you really love?

Would there be a point when fighting for a girl became unbearable?

Mike asked those questions to the ceiling of his childhood bedroom for hours, but he couldn’t hear any answers.

His heart ached, then turned numb, and since he returned from China, he only lied down in bed, locking up himself, ignoring even his mom who worriedly asked what was wrong with him.

Are we childish?

Are we fighting for nothing?

Do I mean anything to her?

If he looked back at the chain of events that led to his biggest fight with Aom yet, he was torn between crying and laughing. Because it meant a lot yet was ridiculous too.

Sarah saying he didn’t have only Aom in his life, but a lot of other women too.

Aom showing support to those who love her with Tina, ignoring how some of them sometimes bashed him so rudely.

His reality show with a girl who wore only a bikini in China – he had tried to tell Aom that he was only working and didn’t do anything inappropriate, plus, he brought his mother to wait for him on the shooting set – why would she doubt his behaviour?

Her picture that showed her cleavage on her Instagram.

Her short video of having dinner alone with Peter, her new co-star which he definitely knew was having a major crush on her........

Her statement of wanting peace between her fans with Tina and him.....

It’s all fair and square in a glance, but why would she always act like an angel when she knew her fans with Tina never respected him?

Ed Sheeran was right. What that famous singer said stayed in his mind lately.

“When you try to please everyone, you became a slave to everyone”

He returned from China, feeling exhausted and badly needed to see her after a long day, but she ignored his texts and calls.

Plus, she went out to hang out with their mutual friends without telling him, drinking wine and turning tipsy.

He knew that, because his friend who hung out with Aom that night asked him to pick her up.

He just saw everything she posted in her social media and was feeling deeply hurt with her carelessness, and decided to just let her manager brought her home.

He knew she read her messages the next day, but she still refused to pick up his calls.

He was so hurt, he deleted his pictures with her in his instagram.

But when she still said nothing, his trust on her began to wipe away bit by bit.

**************************************************

Aom wanted everything to be easy and lovely and good for her.

She wanted her fans with Tina and Mike both happy with her.

She wanted to keep her pure, angelic image in front of everyone.

But most of all, she wanted Mike to continue worshipping her like he always did and to be the one who said sorry first –like he always did also.

She was furious hearing what Sarah said, that she wasn’t his only one. Eventhough he had sworn to her that she's loyal to her over and over again, she still doubted him when Sarah spoke like that.

She showed her support to her fans with Tina because deep down, he knew that he always monitored her on social media, and it would hurt him a little.

A little and a little bit more would break even a solid huge rock in the end........

No one knew, how the perfect, almighty Aom Sushar who always held her head high when she’s faced with hatred, cried all night when Mike deleted his pictures with her from his Instagram.

And then only the next morning, he liked an old picture from her account, of their picture from a scene in Kiss Me, after Tenten and Taliw made up and he proposed to her in the drama.

She knew what he was hinting, that he was silently asking for them to stop this fight and be with each other again.

............but if he didn’t grovel on his knees, she damn well would never forgive him.

********************************************

Another day and hours passed without any calls or even one single text from her.

How could he sleep when he couldn’t even breathe?

Out of a childish impulse – or was it horrible pain – he decided to unfollow her from Instagram.......

*********************************************

She appeared all smiles on cameras, but she was actually waiting for Mike to come to her as usual.......

But he didn’t call her at all that day........or the next day.

She liked a picture of him and her posted by a fan, then one more and another more.

She also liked a picture of her and Tina to camouflage what she really wanted to show........

She cried herself to sleep again, but she was still determined that it had to be Mike who came to her first, and not the other way around.

That’s what had always been, and she didn’t want it to change.

*************************************************

When another night passed with no contact from him, she deleted her pictures with him from her Instagram.

If this was the end, then so be it, she thought angrily, eyes blurring with tears.

**************************************************

In an interview that asked her opinion of what Sarah said about Mike being close to not only her, she answered,

“I don’t know Sarah personally, so I have nothing to do with what she said. Mike and I are only friends. I don’t have feelings for him since the beginning until now”

Swallowing a lump in afterwards, she said inside her heart,

“Take that, Mike. That will surely break you down. Like how you’re breaking me apart too”

**************************************************

Aom didn’t know how Mike was so hurt hearing that, he had an asthma attack and had to use his inhaler many times to inhale and exhale.

That, and how he threw anything that could break inside his room to the four sided walls, thinking how that shattering sound was not loud enough to match the storm in his heart.

**************************************************

When everything calmed down, he texted his final words to Aom:

“I know now, that I’ve never meant to you as much as you mean to me. I’m tired, Aom. I’m tired fighting alone for us. I’m tired showing the world I love you, but having to endure you behaving like someone who doesn’t need me is enough. I can’t take it anymore. You broke me more than anyone else ever could, and I need to quit from this. I need to quit loving you, Sushar, because the more I love you, the more you hurt me. I’ll just take care of my son now. Life without you might not be complete for a long time, but I will learn to survive. Goodbye”

And he blocked her number from his phone.

From then on, his effort to learn living without her had started.

***************************************************

She broke down after reading his text and tried to call him.

When she tried many times and hearing how the tone always got cut off, she found out that he had blocked her number, which was a huge blow for her.

After that, she worked, smiled and laughed out loud everyday, then cried herself to sleep.

What she told herself every morning was, “I’ll be able to endure this day too”

Once, when she’s tipsy of wine after another hang out with her friends, she called Jang Joob, his manager, asking to talk to Mike.

“I’m sorry.........Mike told me that he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.......”

She choked and cried, begging, “Please help me, let me talk to him......”

“No, Aom. I’m sorry, I can’t. I care about you too, but I am first his manager before you and I know each other. It’s what he wanted and I have to listen to him. Maybe after some time, you’ll be able to talk to him. I do want you to try again, but not now. He’s had enough already, Aom. You’ve been a big part of his life for the last two years. However, he needs space from you right now. I’m really sorry. I’ll hang up now”

And that, was when Aom finally understood how desperation felt.

**************************************************

She missed him horribly.

She missed his jokes.

She missed his smiles.

She missed being close to him.

She missed having the privilege of sharing her life with him.

For the first time in her life, someone refused to talk to her.

She, who had always got what she wanted.

When she couldn’t be with him anymore, she finally realized how she couldn’t live without Mike.

************************************************

She begged to talk to Ying, Mike’s sister, in a very private cafe that she knew Ying and Mike loved to come.

Ying agreed after Aom asked several times, yet Aom had a feeling that it might be the last time she’d spoke to her.

************************************************

Ying’s anger towards Aom decreased when she met Aom that day.

Despite her make-up, which was heavier than usual, Ying realized that she was covering black rings under her eyes, meaning that she couldn’t sleep well, and that this separation had put a huge toll on her too.

“Please let me talk to him, Ying. Please.......”

“............he’s an independent man, Aom. I can’t tell him what he should do. If he’s refusing to talk to you, then maybe he’s had enough of you”

Ying thought it was very unfair how Aom cried then, as if she was the bad lady who bullied her.

“See.......this is how you’re always behaving. You always make our Mike looks like the bad guy, while you’re the angel. Aom – I thought – I thought you’ll be the one who make Mike’s life happy again, after what happened with Sarah. But you – with your selfishness, had hurt him more than anyone else ever had”

Aom did nothing, except drying her own tears.

In the past, she’d never let anyone spoke like that to her. But even a scolding from Ying about how she was treating Mike was better than nothing.

She had turned to be that devastated.

“I don’t get you, Aom. Is your pride more important than what you and Mike had? There’s a point where you cannot heal a broken heart. And I think you’ve reached this point now. I don’t want anything else with you, except that you’ll stop hurting my brother. He might never been perfect, but I know he had loved you from the start”

With that Ying picked up her purse and left Aom.

**************************************************

When she returned to her apartment, the sobs that choked her made her unable to go farther than the front door.

She collapsed on the floor, and cried hard, then harder, and the hardest, until her whole body shook and the apartment was filled with the sound of her sobs.

When it subsided, she was entirely drained.

So this is how it feels.........to be so broken you can’t even get up on your feet.........

*************************************************

Ying’s text breathed a new life into her the next morning.

“I’ve been up all night, and realized I’m not God. I don’t know what could make Mike happy, Aom, to never see you again, or to get back together with you. For the sake of the friendship we had, I’ll give you one chance. Mike has been in China for a magazine photoshoot for the past two days. His plane will land in Bangkok at 9 pm tonight, and he’ll be at our family’s home around 10 pm. It’s your choice to use this chance or not”

*********************************************

When the maid told Mike’s mother that Miss Aom had arrived, she was shocked.

She thought everything was over between them already.

She had loved Aom since the early stage of her and her son’s collaboration.

She loved how Mike tried hard to be a better man for her, including to be ordained last year.

She had thought that Aom would be the one who’d be able to brighten her son’s life.

Apparently the saying was true. Those who you loved most were the ones who were able to hurt you the deepest.

The thought to tell her to go away crossed her mind, but she had no heart to do that.

“Mike will be home soon” she finally had.

Aom was shocked.

No hugs or “Hello, dearest girl” from his mom anymore, something she’d cherished until then.

But she’d take whatever she could get, and nodded.

***************************************************

When Mike opened his bedroom door and saw the girl who had never left his soul for even a second sitting on his couch, he was rooted to the floor.

They shared a look for a while, and saw each other’s features, how the pain they felt were mirrored in those eyes.

And then pain took over and he turned away without even a word.

He really had enough of her. He couldn’t handle being tossed and turned by her anymore.

“WAIT!!!” she screamed, catching his arm and holding it tight.

“Let’s talk, Mike. Please”

He was astounded to hear that, thinking he’d never heard the word “Please” coming out from her lips for him.

Yet, it was just too much. He had no strength for it.

Without saying anything, he pulled away from her.

Aom ran to him, catching his elbow and hurriedly saying, “I’m sorry”

His face went blank for a second, before he chuckled bitterly.

Aom knew, he was in too much pain to be able to react like that to her. And she had gone too far to back down then.

“I’m sorry, Mike. I’m wrong. I’ve hurt you” she said, her voice breaking and her tears streaming.

“I’ve been selfish” she confessed. “I was so sure you’ll never leave me. But I – I can’t without you, Mike. I’m telling the truth. Please......come back to me”

“And let you kill me again and again? I can’t take it anymore, Sushar. Please –“ he pushed her shoulders away, “Please just go home. If we have to work together, I’ll do it. But except that, I don’t want more of you and me”

He would enter his room in a few seconds and he’d lock his door, her chance to get back together with him would disappear forever, and she wondered whether in the future, she’d ever feel that hurt again.

“I love you!” she finally said, since she didn’t know what else could make him stop walking away, and seeing that retreating back stabbed her heart as painful as dagger would.

He turned around angrily then, and true, he was crying too.

“The most selfish thing you can do right now is saying that! You’re a liar, Sushar. You don’t love me! You never did! I gave you everything I had since the beginning, but you always play safe! You always keep distance so you won’t get hurt! Well guess what, you’ve hurt me too much, more than anyone else ever did in my life. More than even Sarah and everything she’s done to me! You – you, Sushar. You’re the one that was so selfish you tear me apart all the time!”

“WELL IT’S THE FIRST TIME FOR ME!!!” she screamed, shocking him senseless to hear her screaming on top of her lungs. Aom who had always maintained her perfect behaviour to appear calm, was screaming at him emotionally.

“It’s the first time for me, to want someone so much everything and anything become related to him! All of a sudden, the life I’ve built for so long turned so confusing and I don’t want that at first! I don’t want having to struggle to concentrate whenever I work! I don’t show it but it happens! It’s the first time for me, when what a guy says and does could make me so happy or cry in a second! I hate how you suddenly turned up into my life and I hate what you’re doing to me!!!”

The earth shook and the air dissolved after she said all those things.

It couldn’t be. Not in a million years. Not Aom Sushar, the girl who’s always composed she’d rather hurt than showing her real feelings.

“If you hate me, then how we’ve been living this month would be best, isn’t it? Not talking, not seeing each other, pretending nothing ever happened between us”

“But I can’t pretend, Mike!!!” she sobbed exasperatedly. “I need you in my life! You have to come back to me!!!”

A fresh tear dropped from his eye and he quickly wiped it.

Oh, how she had made him suffered!

“Sushar, you’re the most selfish woman I’ve ever met”

“You just have to put up with me!”

“And what? What will I get in return? I can’t fight for a relationship alone, Sushar. Not when the girl doesn’t trust me and keep on trying to hurt me”

“I’ll – I’ll learn to take care of you better. And I'll learn to trust you first before anyone else” she breathed.

“........how the hell would I be sure that this won’t happen again?”

“You can’t be sure. You just have to try to be with me again”

Mike stood there silently, thinking the best thing to do was to walk away and locked his bedroom door on her.

Aom was nearly convinced that he’d tell her to go when his face turned stony again.

And then he signalled her to come forward.

She was terrified that she’d hallucinate it.

But when he repeated the gesture, Aom listened to what her whole cells screamed at her.

To run into his arms.

She was breathing fast and her hands grasped at his jacket like she’d rip it apart.

“I hate how much you could hurt me” he whispered on her ear, “But I’m stupid enough to want you back”

“I’ll learn to take better care of you”

“Learning is not enough. But I’ll take anything that I can get” he said hoarsely.

*******************************************************

Ying and her mother, who were peeking from the second floor’s balcony very carefully, had to gush at how Aom and Mike kissed afterwards.

“Finally” her mother said with relief.

“They’re made for each other. Just both too stubborn to admit it”

“Winning and losing, right? Thinking about that in a relationship would only bring you pain. I hope Aom learned the lesson”

“Wow.....I didn’t know Aom could kiss like that” Ying commented with respect.

They watched as the two people downstairs kissed deeper and deeper, their hands busily pulling the other closer.

“.............I want a granddaughter from them”

“Mom!!! How can you be so crazy?”

“What? Don’t you think if they had a daughter she would be so pretty?”

“They must learn to grow up first before making a baby, Mom. They’re too childish and stubborn!”

“I’ll pray everyday for the two to officially unite. I really want Aom to be my daughter too”

“Do what you want, Mom. We’ll see how long Buddha Almighty would answer you”

The second Ying said that, Mike pulled Aom to his room and closed the door.

“Meanwhile, they can practice. Since, you know, practice makes perfect”

Her mother giggled like a highschool girl, and Ying sighed happily.

“All is well in our world again, thank God”

*****************************************************

Author’s Note:

There’s a problem between these two people, it seemed, and I have to write this fic to pour out my feelings.

If this fic made you sad, please know that 75% of it is my emotion and worries about them.

But the last 25% is my prayer for them. May it be heard.

I don’t want to explain anything, so please don’t ask.

Writing this just made me realized how much I’ve grown to love Aomike, and how hard I will keep supporting them.

Please continue to support them too, thank you.