Jinyoung glances at his watch and counts to ten quietly. He's outside the university's gymnasium, waiting for Jaebum's basketball practice to finish. It isn't unlike for this to happen, him waiting for Jaebum to go back to their dorm together. It's just that, lately; things are different lately.

As he finishes his countdown, Jaebum appears from the door. He looks the same as usual; sweaty, giddy, and a little smiley. Instead of running towards him like he usually does, he waits for him to notice him first. But when their eyes meet, Jaebum's smile falters and slowly fades away.

"Jinyoung?" He says, and then he pulls his arm away which is draped over Youngjae's shoulder earlier. It's shattering, Jinyoung can hear his heart breaking in million and trillion pieces. Jaebum gives his teammate a timid smile before he walks towards Jinyoung's side.

"What are you doing here?" Jaebum whispers as he stops in front of Jinyoung, a little too far away. Back then, after practice, he immediately jumps into Jinyoung's bubble, not really caring about how he smell at all. He would hug him and keep him in his arm until he gets Jinyoung home. Lately, though, lately is different.

Jinyoung bites the insides of his cheek and breathes in deep. He can feel that his voice would break so he fakes a cough and a smile. "It's been a while since the last time we went home together." He says and he wants to add that it's exactly three weeks since then and he's wondering what's wrong.

"Oh." Jaebum replies and his something in his eyes suddenly lights up. "Yeah, you're right." he continues, scratching his nape with an apologetic smile. "Let's go?" Jinyoung pipes in, ignoring the clog in his chest, ignoring the thought that Jaebum would probably say no again.

"About that-"

"Jaebum hyung, let's go!" Both Jinyoung and Jaebum look towards Yugyeom, the sophomore who suddenly yelled at them. "Yeah, about that, I can't today." Jaebum shifts on the ball of his feet, refusing to look at Jinyoung's eyes. Then, they hear Yugyeom shouting again, telling Jaebum to follow them immediately.

Jinyoung breathes in hard and fakes a smile. "It's okay." He says, even if it's not. "Next time then." Jinyoung mumbles and holds on to that. Next time. They'd be able to go home next time. Like the usual. Next time. Jaebum finally looks at his eyes, but he shifts away as soon as he sees that Jinyoung is looking at him.

Then, without any more words, Jaebum turns around and runs after his teammates. Jinyoung watches him as he gets smaller and smaller. Never once Jaebum turned around to look at him.

It's what Jinyoung fears the most. He has heard of this kind of story countless times. Most friendships drift away in college, of course, he and Jaebum are not exceptions.  But what really pisses him off was that it was so abrupt, so sudden. There were no warnings at all.

It's like, one day, Jaebum woke up and he doesn't want to be friends with Jinyoung anymore. One day he woke up and he doesn't want to eat breakfast with Jinyoung anymore. One day he woke up and he doesn't go home with Jinyoung anymore. One day he woke up and he doesn't text Jinyoung anymore. One day he woke up and he doesn't want Jinyoung anymore.

And so, one day Jinyoung woke up and Jaebum isn't on his bed anymore. He rarely comes home early and it makes Jinyoung feel like he's the only border of their dorm. Jinyoung pulls his cover and hides half of his face, wiping his tears as he silently cries.

When he hears the doorknob moving, Jinyoung quickly covers himself and pretends to sleep. What he hears next almost made him stand up from his bed and shout to Jaebum's face. But he's dead cold and unmoving. "Are you sure I can sleep over? Jinyoung hyung might get mad."

Jinyoung can tell, it's Youngjae, Jaebum's new favorite dongsaeng. Youngjae who replaced his spot in Jaebum's life. "I don't think so. Just be quiet." Jaebum replies and Jinyoung can hear him shuffling around. And he can also tell that Youngjae is already sitting on Jaebum's bed.

Out of jealousy and anger, Jinyoung lets out a loud whine, making Jaebum and Youngjae quiet. But of course, instead of confronting the two or whatever, he shifts around his bed and pretends to be asleep. 

"You can take my bed, I'll just crash on Jinyoung's." Jaebum says a little later. And Jinyoung feels the side of his bed dipping with Jaebum's weight. He makes a quiet cheer and waits for Jaebum to lie down beside.

Slowly, he moves towards Jaebum's side but stops when he feels something soft between them. Jaebum just placed a pillow between them. Jinyoung can't really help but wonder why Jaebum has suddenly taken the idea of personal space. Back then, there was no such thing between them.

Jaebum didn't mind sleeping beside Jinyoung. He didn't when they were in middle school. He didn't during their summers together. He didn't even though they're both sweaty and smelly. He didn't before, but why is he suddenly like this now?

Jinyoung woke up from the loud clanking sound coming from their small kitchen. And by the smell of it, Jaebum is cooking egg rolls. He smiles at the thought of Jaebum cooking for him again. It has been a while as well. Lately, he just leaves before even Jinyoung wakes up.

As he shuffles to get up from his bed, he hears Youngjae's voice. He's singing and when he glances towards the kitchen, he sees him sitting on his chair. There are only two chairs in their kitchen and the other one is obviously for Jaebum.

"Oh, you're up Jinyoung hyung." Youngjae greets him, but instead of answering, he runs towards the bathroom without saying anything. Of course he missed the glare Jaebum sent him.

When he goes out minutes later, Jaebum is placing the plates on the table. "Youngjae will borrow your plate since we don't have anything else." Jaebum says, putting the plate down, but before he could even do so, Jinyoung snatched it and runs towards his bed.

If he didn't cover himself, he would have seen how Youngjae and Jaebum exchanged looks. "I guess it's better for me to leave now." Youngjae says and then few minutes later, it's quiet inside their dorm again. And it's harder for Jinyoung to quiet down his cries. He bites his pillow to silence his voice, but he can't stop sobbing.

"Hey, Jinyoung." Jaebum moves towards his bed and sits down beside him. Jinyoung stays still and refuses to answer. When Jaebum tries to pull his cover, Jinyoung shuffles away and turns his back on him. 

Sighing, Jaebum lies down slowly and hugs Jinyoung's figure from behind. "Jinyoung." He whispers and nuzzles his head through the covers. Jinyoung then turns around and hugs him, burying his face on Jaebum's chest. "Why?" Jinyoung asks, tightening his hold on Jaebum.

"What do you mean 'why?'" Jaebum replies, rubbing Jinyoung's back. "What did I do, Jaebum?" Jinyoung asks, listening to the sound of Jaebum's heartbeat. "Why are pushing me away? Why? Did I do something wrong?" and he dares to look at Jaebum's eyes.

Jaebum's face, on the other hand, is hard for him to read. He has creases on his forehead and his brows are almost connecting. "What are you saying, Jinyoung?" Jaebum cups his face and wipes Jinyoung's tears with his thumbs. "You're pushing me away. It's as if one day, you woke up and you don't want me anymore."

Jinyoung's lips are trembling "What happened to us?" He really wants to  know. He also wants to bury his face back on Jaebum's chest but the latter keeps a steady hold on his face. "I don't understand you Jinyoung." He whispers and he shifts his eyes and from Jinyoung's eyes to his lips and then back to his eyes. "And I don't want you anymore? I'm sorry Jinyoung, but that's the most impossible thing for me to do."

Jinyoung feels like he's hearing things and all he could do was blink his eyes. Jaebum closes his eyes and pulls Jinyoung back to his chest, keeping him in his arms tightly.

"I don't understand you Jinyoung. You refuse to give me your answer, pretend like nothing happened, yet you're like this. What do you want me to do, Jinyoung?" In a flash, Jinyoung pushed Jaebum a little and bravely looks into his eyes.

"What answer? What are you talking about, Jaebum?" Jaebum's face shifts to utter curiosity. "I told you I love you." He whispers, not believing that Jinyoung seemed to have no idea of it.

"What!? When!?" Jinyoung asks, not being able to control himself, he sits up and stares at Jaebum disbelievingly. "I wrote you a letter and slipped it into your book." Jaebum too sits up, then he reaches his hand on Jinyoung's, squeezing it tight.

"Which book? Which book? Which book?" Jinyoung says repeatedly, moving around his bed, towards his study table. He rummages his books until a yellow paper falls off from his Essays About Love book. He picks it up and looks at Jaebum.

He opens it and reads carefully. From the first sentence to the last, it was all I love you. I love you from the day I met you. I love you since then and until now. I love you. I want to love you. Can I love you? It was all I love you and Jinyoung's crying.

"When did you-?" He asks, crawling back to Jaebum, sitting in front of him. "Last month?" Jaebum replies with an unreadable smile on his face. "A week after not hearing anything from you, I thought you were just refusing to answer." He continues, reaching his hand to Jinyoung's cheek, patting it gently.

"Jaebum." Jinyoung says in a whiny manner before he leaps into Jaebum's arms. "And here I thought you didn't want me anymore. I thought you grew tired of me." Jinyoung whispers and hugs Jaebum, resting his cheek on Jaebum's.

"You know I would never do that, not only because I can't, but also because I don't want to." Then he pulls Jinyoung's head and stares deep into his eyes. "I'm sorry for treating you coldly, I thought you need space and I also don't want to push myself to you." He keeps on looking at Jinyoung's face longingly.

"So let me ask you again, Can I love you?" Jinyoung smiles and looks down, then back to Jaebum's eyes. "In one condition." Jaebum's smile almost falters but he manages to keep his expression. "I should love you too." and like the beat of his heart, he kisses Jinyoung like he needs it to live.

"I love you." Jinyoung whispers in between kisses. He feels Jaebum smiling in the kiss and few heartbeats later he replies, "I love you more."