Mingyu comes to realize that his psychologist has the patience of a saint, but then again he figures it comes with the job.

It’s been four months since he started these Friday afternoon appointments, sometimes Sundays too if he’s feeling particularly like , and all he does is complain, and talk about things that aren’t the reason he is there in the first place, between tired shrugs and heavy silences.

Today is a Sunday and Mingyu is feeling particularly ty.

He woke up and he was missing Wonwoo so much it hurt.

He remembers one particular day when Wonwoo was talking about words that existed in Portuguese that couldn’t be exactly translated in a lot of languages. He remembers when he talked about saudade, how it’s not quite the same as missing someone, how it’s like missing someone so much it physically hurts you some times, how it’s this feeling of loneliness when you think about someone or certain things, how when you feel saudades of someone it’s like a piece of you is missing and nothing feels quite the same as it did before.

Mingyu had called it bull because how is it possible to feel that hurt, lonely or melancholic just by missing something or someone?

Well, right know he doesn’t think it’s bull anymore, because right now he misses Wonwoo so much it  feels like he can’t breathe.

“How are you feeling, Mingyu?”

All Mingyu does is give her a tired shrug. He wants to talk, that’s why he always sets these appointments when everything feels worse, but as much as he wants to he can never bring himself to do it.

Dr. Reed decides for another approach to see if the kid will open up. “You talked once about a Wonwoo. Why won’t you talk to me about him?”

Mingyu doesn’t remember talking about Wonwoo with her but he guesses talking about Wonwoo has become a lot like breathing, he barely knows he’s doing it most of the time.

“Wonwoo is my favorite person in the world,” he starts and he laughs a little at himself. “And when I met him I was in a horrible place, even if I didn’t show it at all, but he was so unapologetic about who he was and I was so jealous, so so so jealous.”

He stops himself and looks at the woman in front of him and he has no idea what she’s thinking right now. He starts rubbing his hands together and bouncing his leg up and down too fast.

Is she judging me? She probably thinks I’m disgusting. She’s gonna tell my dad and this time it won’t be just empty threats, he will really kill me.

Mingyu doesn’t know where to look so his eyes keep moving around the room but then Dr. Reed starts speaking.

“Hey, Mingyu, it’s okay. You can trust me, okay? This is a safe place, I’m never gonna judge you and I need you to know that.”

And there’s a softness to her tone that makes Mingyu relax even if it’s just a little.

For the rest of the appointment Mingyu just talks about Wonwoo and about how much he is missing his mom and his friends.

After that appointment Mingyu feels things getting a little better and it reflects on him and the people around him. His mom smiles more whenever they Skype and Wonwoo doesn’t sound too worried whenever they speak. He’s also made an effort to talk with his friends back home a little more.

 

+++

 

“Mingyu, I was thinking—“

“Well , nothing good comes out of that.”

It’s 4a.m in New York and Mingyu couldn’t sleep for so he decided that the next best thing was to Skype with Wonwoo.

“Shut up, you wet fart. Anyway, as I was saying before being interrupted, I was thinking and we should have Skype dates.”

“Dates? But… Are we dating?” And Mingyu can see all the blood drain from Wonwoo’s face and he looks like he’s about to die on the spot.

“Oh… I— hmmm. You know—“

“I’m so sorry, Wonwoo, I was just joking. Please don’t die on me, oh my God!” He tries but he can’t stop laughing and he’s pretty sure if he was with the older boy right know he would be having his kicked to ing Pluto.

“I swear to all the Gods above I’m going to ing kill you one day, Kim Mingyu. You are testing me, you piece of bird poop.”

“Is that how you talk to your handsome boyfriend who happens to be living on the other side of the world? Bad Wonwoo, very bad Wonwoo.”

“Shut up, stop talking to me like I’m a dog.”

“I just thought I was worthy of at least a nice way of you asking me to be your boyfriend. I’m hurt, Jeon. Don’t you love me enough? Am I that insignificant to you?” He can see Wonwoo roll his eyes so much he fears they’ll be stuck.

“I told you not to talk with Seungkwan and Seokmin for long periods of time. But okay if you want me to ask you be my boyfriend in a nice and romantic way, you are gonna get it. Prepare yourself to be blown away, babe.”

Wonwoo disappears for a moment and then comes back with the pink bunny Mingyu got him and flowers.

“Well I wish I could give you these flowers but you know, with distance and all.”

“And the bunny what is he there for?”

“Well, it was the first thing you gave me and you told me all you wanted to do was kiss me that day,” he says wiggling his eyebrows. “So it’s only fair he gets to witness this go down.”

Mingyu would never guess that Wonwoo was like this. Sure, Wonwoo had always been funny and very affectionate with people, but Wonwoo in a relationship is a whole other level.

Wonwoo clears his throat and looks at Mingyu who is about to burst out laughing.

“Mingyu, love of my life, fire of my loins, my left and right arm, the Achilles to my Patroclus, the Enjolras to my Grantaire, the—“

“Oh my God, Wonwoo are you asking me to be your boyfriend anytime today or should I take a nap?”

“First of all, rude! Second of all, I got a bit carried away, sorry my sweet potato,” all Mingyu can do is laugh at the pet name because of course Wonwoo would be like this. “Since the day I met you that I wanted a free pass into your pants, but that you already knew, and somehow, without me even noticing it, that want and lust turned into me wanting to marry the out of you and kiss you stupid while doing some hardcore cuddling, and wanting you around the rest of my life because the thought of not having you next to me frightens me the out.”

Mingyu didn’t know he was a cry baby before he and Wonwoo confessed to each other but , now every time Wonwoo says something a little more sentimental his eyes always start watering. He figures it’s all the tears he stopped himself from crying all these years.

“Are you crying already?”

“I’m not crying, I’m just allergic to your lame .”

That earns him a loud laugh from the older boy.

“I know I said I would be there for you even if you decided to pretend you didn’t love me at all and that I would still love you all the same, and I would have because you are you and I love you, but I’m so glad that you decided to chose me and that you decided to love me despite everything. Because even on the other side of the world you can still make me the happiest person and no matter what, you love me, and trust me, there is no better feeling than that.”

“Well, Wonwoo, after this I’m expecting a marriage proposal.”

“Ah you little er! Why you gotta kill my vibe, Gyu? Is it because I was making you cry?”

“I wasn’t crying!”

“Sure, you weren’t. Anyway I love you and yada yada yada, so please Kim Mingyu, fire of my loins, the Achilles to my Patroclus, will you be my boyfriend?”

Mingyu makes a weird face and Wonwoo could very well kiss that stupid face away. In fact, that’s all he wants right now.

“I swear, Mingyu, if you say no after this beautiful and romantic confession I will never talk to you again.”

Mingyu finds it cute that Wonwoo thinks he could ever reject his confession, and right now Wonwoo has this cute grumpy expression on his face and all he wants is to pinch his cheeks.

“Wonwoo, do you really think I would tell you no? I love you and Skype dates actually sound great.”

Wonwoo gives him the biggest smile and Mingyu thinks in life there are fewer things more beautiful than Wonwoo’s smile.

 

+++

 

Mingyu’s life in New York has become a little bit better and he even goes to the small hangouts his group of friends have at the coffee shop on campus.

Even though it’s not the same as how it is with his friends back home, Mingyu feels good with them and that sure is something.

“Who’s the cute guy in your background?” Dahlia asks one day.

“Oh it’s just my boyfriend, Wonwoo.”

Mingyu slaps his hand on his mouth and looks around to his group of friends but no one seems to flinch or act weird, so he keeps himself from freaking out too much and tries to stop his leg from jumping up and down at the speed of light.

“Of course a gorgeous guy like you would have an even gorgeous boyfriend. Even prettier than you.”

“I can’t believe this betrayal.”

 

+++

 

When he was going home later that day he might have walked a little faster than he would normally and the second he got home he called Dr. Reed.

As soon as she answers his call he starts rambling and he doesn’t even know what he is rambling about.

“Hey, Mingyu, can you breathe for me? In and out. In and out.”

He does as she says and calms himself down a little. He’s not sure if he’s freaking out because he just told someone out loud that he has a boyfriend or if it’s because he told someone he had a boyfriend and the world didn’t end like he thought he would and no one came to burn him alive and scream ‘sinner’ at him.

“Now, what happened?”

“I told people Wonwoo was my boyfriend,” he pauses and takes a moment to breathe again. “I told people I had a boyfriend and the world didn’t fall apart.”

If he’s being honest it feels quite liberating. It feels like he just dropped a huge weight out of his back, but he also has a tiny little part of him that’s still afraid, that maybe his father will find out for some reason and he will do something about it.

“How do you feel about it?”

“I— I guess I feel like I just took a huge step forward and it doesn’t frighten me as much as it used to. I’m still afraid people will cast me aside, that my father will do something to me, but for the most part, even though I’m sweating buckets and I can’t stop shacking, I feel good. I feel pretty good and I don’t know how to feel about all of this.”

“It’s okay to still feel a little afraid even if it feels liberating all at the same time. It’s gonna get some time before you get used to the idea of people knowing about it.”

 

+++

 

Wonwoo’s been trying to decide if he should go to the little get together his friends are making at Jeonghan’s and Jisoo’s but then again his sofa looks so appealing right now.

He had pulled an all nighter to finish an essay and he really really needs some sleep but he if he misses another one of these things his friends may very well kill him.

Wonwoo also wishes people would stop knocking on his door every time he’s felling very lazy, which is almost everyday.

“Who is it?” He yelled from the sofa.

“Open the door, you knucklehead.”

He was expecting everyone except Yerin, if he’s being honest. Ever since she came to the flat to tell him she knew about everything that they hadn’t talked. They saw each other on campus sometimes but he wanted to give her space.

“! You look like you died four days ago.”

“Hello to you too.”

“Are you going to let me in or…”

“I’m just gonna let you stand here. What do you want, brat?”

“Ah Wonwoo, is that how you treat a friend you haven’t spoken to in months?” She says pinching his nose.

“Ouch! And I wanted to give you your space, you know? I didn’t want to be all over the place while you were trying to get on with your life.”

And it was the truth, or at least part of it. He really wanted to give her the space she needed to get over everything that happened but also because he was ashamed how they did things. He was ashamed that he and Mingyu kissed and made love confessions all behind her back.

“Thank you, I really appreciate that. Even though I really did love Mingyu, I realized that it wasn’t the love I thought it was. It wasn't the ‘I’ll love you for the rest of my life’ or ‘You are the one’ kind of love,” she says waving her hands all over the place. “So really, there was no need for you to ignore me for the past four months, you idiot.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You say sorry an awful lot for someone that did nothing wrong. Now go get dressed, we have places to be.”

 

“Oh look at who decided to make an appearance,” Soonyoung yells from the couch. “Boy, who knew you were still alive.”

“For all we knew you could’ve been dead. It’s great to know you’re not,” Vernon offers.

“Ha ha ha! What a bunch of comedians we’ve got here.”

“Aw don’t get mad, I mean, how long have you disappeared on us? Two weeks? A year? A century? We barely remembered your face anymore.” Jihoon teases from the kitchen table.

“Oh shut up, you pocket sized garden gnome.” He sits down between Minghao and Junhui because at least he can trust the both of them not to drag his . "Plus, I saw you guys two days ago.”

“That’s a lot in friendship years, you know?” He almost jumps out of the sofa because Chan literally appeared out of nowhere behind him on the sofa.

“What the , Chan?” He complains and smacks the younger boy on the head. “Anyway, Minghao how is the guy you were dating?”

“One, I wasn’t dating him. Two, I stopped seeing him,” he just shrugs and turns to do whatever he was doing on his phone.

“Epic dumping, if you ask me,” Jeonghan starts. “He literally sent a text to the guy after their third date that said ‘Nsync_byebyebye.mp3’ and never called him again.”

Wonwoo laughs so hard he has tears in his eyes and really, that’s just a thing Minghao would do and he is not one bit surprised.

“The guy was a ing . He kept making jokes from the moment I told him I was panual,” he says as he picks up a slice of the cake on the coffee table. “I had to gather all my ing strength not to wushu his to another ing galaxy.”

Knowing Minghao he probably would’ve kicked the guy’s , like he did once last year, but he’s practicing on being a calmer guy, counting to ten and trying not to fight. Sometimes he reminds Wonwoo a lot of Donald Duck, not like he would ever tell Minghao that.

“Seokmin take your dirty feet off my precious coffee table,” Jisoo says as he slaps his feet away.

“So Wonwoo, how is our beloved and ty friend, who at keeping in touch, Kim Mingyu?” Yerin asks as she comes out of the bathroom.

“He’s great and he always says he’s sorry for being at keeping in contact with you guys. We also have a date in like two hours, so I won’t be staying long.”

“You have a Skype date?” Jeonghan asks and Wonwoo nods. “Oh my God, that is so cute.”

“And lame.”

“Shut up, Seungkwan,” Jeonghan and Wonwoo say at the same time.

 

+++

 

Wonwoo felt kind of silly to be putting so much effort for a Skype date but then Wonwoo thinks about Mingyu and it’s okay because truth be told, Mingyu makes him feel silly all the time.

He can’t help but laugh at himself when his heart starts racing when he sees Mingyu’s name pop up.

Calm down.

“Hi,” Wonwoo says a little too loud and too fast as soon as Mingyu appeared on screen with the biggest smile on his face.

“Someone is excited to see his boyfriend,” and the way Wonwoo blushes makes his heart jump a little.

“We haven’t seen each other in three days because we were studying, and photos are not the same thing.”

“Ah, you are cute, Jeon Wonwoo. So cute!”

All Wonwoo can do is blush. He loves Mingyu so much and all he wants is too scream to the whole world how lucky he is to have Mingyu, to be the one he loves.

“Wonwoo, I have very exciting news. Please hold on to you seat,” and Mingyu clears his throat as Wonwoo does the drum rolls. “I told my friends over here I have have boyfriend.”

“Really?”

Mingyu nods and his smile is so big he barely has his eyes open.

“Yes, babe! Progress!”

Wonwoo couldn't possibly be more happy for Mingyu. He knows how much he has suffered until now and for him tell someone that’s not his mom about them is big step.

“I wanted to run away after I did it and it took all of my strength not to breakdown right there in front of them, but then they were so cool with it and gradually I just got calmer and calmer. The world didn’t end, Wonwoo. I’m happy!”

Wonwoo may or may not be wiping a few tears that started to roll down his face without as much as a warning. Wonwoo knows how much Mingyu had struggled to accept who he is, he saw how it was destroying the younger boy, and to see that same boy in front of him telling him all this with the biggest smile on his face… There’s really not much that could make Wonwoo as happy as he is right now.

“Wonwoo, are you crying?” Mingyu asks with the softest voice and Wonwoo cries a little bit more.

Kermit on a ing leg, Jeon Wonwoo. Get your act together!

“Shhhh, leave me alone, Kim Mingyu!”

“Awwww babe, I love you,” Mingyu says simply.

And they spent the rest of their Skype date talking about the last three days where they didn’t spoke much with each other. How Jun’s coffee shop date turned out into all of them in one of the tables spying on their friend and making a huge mess because Seungkwan and Seokmin wouldn't stop yelling ‘Go get him, Sooyoung!’ and ‘Sooyoung, he's had a crush on you since he saw you dancing. Please don’t break my boy’s heart!’ and almost got them kicked out and killed by Junhui while Sooyoung just laughed; how Dahlia, to Wonwoo’s amusement, said he was prettier than Mingyu or how Soonyoung approached this guy on campus and used his ‘my name is Soonyoung, but you can call me soon’ pick up line on him, only to find out later that he was the new TA in one of his classes and now the guy won’t let him live that down.

“Also,Yerin came by today.”

“She probably sensed you were avoiding her.”

“I was not avoiding her, you dickstain. I was trying to give her space,” everyone is a pain in Wonwoo’s , he concludes.

“Ouch! You wound me, love. I’m always so sweet with you but you always treat me so bad. I wonder if you love me at all,” he says as he pretends to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye.

“Anyway, sweetheart, we talked and we’re cool and you know, I kind of missed her. She was always kind of a pain in my , but I love her.”

“I’m glad she’s okay. I guess I should call her and just try and salvage what little relationship we still might have,” he says regretful. He thinks everyday how he did things and how he selfish he was to just lie to her.

“She’s not mad at you, Mingyu. But yeah it would be good for the two of you to talk to each other now that it has been a while.”

They decided that every Sunday night was a date night for Wonwoo and Mingyu, and they would always be hours and hours on the computer laughing, and talking, and sometimes just doing university work but just knowing that the other was there felt good. It felt like home.

 

+++

 

If someone were to ask Mingyu he would say that he had never felt as good and happy as he is right know, even if he often pushes to the back of his head the little voices that say all of this is too good to be true and sooner or later he will have some reality check.

And really, when Mingyu opens the door to see his father standing there looking angrier than the last time he saw him, he thinks he should’ve seen it coming from miles away.

“Aren’t you going to invite your father in?”

“Not really, no,” and he doesn’t know where all this boldness is coming from but the look on his father’s face makes it worth it.

“It looks like you’ve picked up some sense of humor,” he says while pushing is away inside. “I thought I had told you to stop seeing that friend of yours. That was our agreement, wasn’t it?”

Mingyu stays silent, never quite looking at his father.

“I asked you something!”

“Yes, it was, father,” Mingyu says in such a small voice he’s not even sure his father was able to hear him.

“I would let you go ahead with this architecture non sense and this rebellious act if you stopped seeing that ,” and there it is, Mingyu thinks. The disgust, the anger. “It seems to me that you are just in a hurry for this arranged marriage to happen sooner than expect.”

Suddenly Mingyu just can’t hear anything anymore. The man in front of him is speaking but all Mingyu can do is stay frozen in his place, wanting to scream and shout and throw everything he can at his father.

“No!” Mingyu hears himself say.

“What?”

“I’m not gonna marry anyone that you choose for me. I’m not going to stop seeing Wonwoo and to be completely honest I don’t give a single if people know I like boys. Disown me for all I care, father, because anything is better than how you make me feel, how you made me feel all my life for being someone you hate and feel disgust towards,” he takes a deep breath and looks at his father in the eye for the first time. “Do you have any idea what it’s like growing up knowing you would never be accepted by the person that is supposed to love you unconditionally? Knowing who you are but having to pretend in front of everyone just so I don’t get beat up by kids in school or put in therapy to cure this disease you think I have?”

“How dare you talk like that to me? I’m your father and I know what is best for you. You owe me respect.”

And all Mingyu can do is laugh so loud he startles the man in front of him.

“I owe you ! You were barely a father to me growing up. Financially supporting me and only talking to me to ask about my grades or to make me feel like can barely be called good parenting. Or parenting at all. I hate you! I’ve hated you all my life. You are the reason I would always wake up screaming at night, why it's so hard to love myself, why I had to hide and hide and hide all my life to feel something that could resemble to love and respect coming from you. So go ahead, hit me, disown me, do whatever because I really don’t care anymore. I’m tired of pretending, I’m tired of hurting just so I can please you.”

“And do you think you can manage without my money, boy?” His father asks in a mocking tone.

“Thankfully you’re not the only family I have,” Mingyu shoots back before asking his father to leave.

Mingyu hadn’t even realized how much he was shaking until his father left and he just lets himself fall on the floor. He’s been keeping so much bottled inside for so long that he just cries and cries and cries until he can’t do it anymore and his eyes are hurting and the sky has turned dark. But in the midst of everything Mingyu feels free. He feels like he can finally breathe again after God knows how many years, and then he smiles. He smiles because he doesn’t feel like he's drowning anymore, he doesn’t feel the tight grip of his father always pushing him down every time he tries to surface.

But the thing is, Mingyu finds later, even if it feels good at first everything comes back  crashing the next day and it feels like ing ; all his doubts and fears come back to punch him in the face and leave him curled up around himself in bed crying and wanting the world to stop for a while so he can keep up. And he has this urge to call his father and ask him to forgive him, tell him that he wasn’t in his right mind, and he knows his father would accept him back because he’d rather see his son crawling back and being miserable for the rest of his life than having people know he likes boys, but he stops himself because he doesn’t deserve to spend the rest of his life hating himself just to make his father happy.

 

+++

 

It’s been two week since the last time Wonwoo spoke with Mingyu and to say that he was worried sick was a little understatement. He tried texting, calling, snaps, everything, but they all went unanswered and he was starting to feel anxious.

He knows Mingyu, even better than he probably knows himself sometimes, and he would never do this, not now when they are in such a good place.

He can’t sleep because every time he closes his eyes a hundred possible scenarios pass through his head and on the rare occasion he manages to actually sleep he wakes up startled and trying to reach for someone that isn’t there.

It’s been two weeks and Wonwoo doesn’t know why Mingyu isn’t talking to him and it’s eating him alive.

“Hey Wonwoo, I’m sure everything is fine,” and he just wants Seungcheol to teach him how to be so calm when Mingyu is on the other side of the world and hasn’t been talking to anyone.

“Yeah, maybe he just got tired of me and decided to dump me without so much as a word.”

“Don’t talk like that because you know Mingyu would never do that,” Seungcheol insists.

“Well it’s very hard to believe that right now,” he pauses and takes a deep breath. “But the thing is, he’s not the only one that suffers, and I understand what he is going through and I know it’s not easy, but I just want him to talk to me instead of just being quiet for two ing weeks!”

He says his goodbyes to Seungcheol and heads home.

 

+++

 

Wonwoo almost falls on his when he sees Mingyu right there in front of his door, on the floor with his legs crossed and his head down. Right now, at the sight of his boy right there, it’s like Wonwoo was never mad because Mingyu is right there and Mingyu is okay, physically at least.

Suddenly Mingyu looks up and they are looking each other in the eye and it’s like the world around them just stops.

“You changed the lock,” Mingyu says as he gets up.

“You haven’t said nothing to me in two weeks and that’s the first thing you say, you ing ?” Wonwoo hears his voice crack and he can feel the tears starting to build up in his eyes.

Mingyu just runs to him and hugs him so tight Wonwoo can barely breathe while repeating a mantra of sorry sorry sorry sorry.

All Wonwoo can do is hug his boyfriend back, rubbing circles on in back.

After a while Wonwoo takes Mingyu inside the flat and into his room. They sit on his bed and he waits until Mingyu is ready to say something. He lets the younger stay with his head down collecting his thoughts and trying to figure out how to say things.

“I’m sorry,” Mingyu says and it’s barely audible.

Wonwoo stays quiet because he has all these questions that he wants to ask but he also wants to let Mingyu just talk.

“I know you’re probably really mad at me  and really, you have every right to be,” he pauses and takes a deep breath. “My dad payed me a small visit two weeks ago because he found out about us… Again,” Mingyu laughs and it’s empty and Wonwoo looks at him and sees the dark circles under his eyes that tell him that Mingyu hasn’t had proper rest in two weeks. “He said I must’ve been in a rush for the arranged marriage to happen, so I fought back. I refused, Wonwoo. I told him I wouldn’t leave you. I did it.”

Mingyu looks at Wonwoo and smiles. He smiles so big and so bright that Wonwoo almost forgets he was mad at him in the first place. Almost.

“But why did you stop calling? Why did you stop talking to me? I thought something had happened to you! I was so worried!”

Mingyu grabs Wonwoo’s hand and caresses it. “I was so lost, Wonwoo. It felt so good after I did it but then it was as if reality hit me like a ton of bricks and all I wanted was to call my dad and tell him I was sorry, that everything I said was just a little rebel act, but then,” his hands start shaking a little so he tights his grip on Wonwoo’s. “But then I thought about how my life has been because of him, and I thought about you and you don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve that!”

And Mingyu then says how his father basically disowned him and that all he has his the money on his bank account, which is still plenty, Wonwoo points out, and how he needs a job because there’s no way his mom will be able to send him money without his father finding out.

“I’m afraid Wonwoo, what if my father’s right? What if I won’t be capable of managing my life without him or his money?”

“Stop thinking like that. We’ll help you find a job and if you want there’s always a spare room in my house for when we’re free out of university,” he looks at his boyfriend and runs a hand through his hair. “You’re not alone, Mingyu. You have me, and our friends, your mom. I know it’s tough and I can’t possible imagine what it must feel like to be kick out by your own father, but I’m here and I’ll never leave you alone.”

Mingyu hugs Wonwoo because that’s the only thing he can do right now. He hugs Wonwoo has if his life depends on it because it has been months since he has held Wonwoo in his arms, it’s been so long since he felt this safe.

“Just so you know, I’m still mad at you,” Wonwoo whispers softly in his ear.

 

+++

 

It’s not easy to find a job when you have zero experience, but he finally finds one at the campus stationary store. The income is not much but it’s enough to help pay rent and food but Wonwoo still insists on helping him pay for his food expenses (even when he insists he has money on his account and can afford his own food) and he can’t help but feel guilty about that, especially when they don’t even live in the same flat.

Finding a place to live that he can afford is even more complicated, even if still has some money in his bank account he can’t really afford an expensive place to live.

“I told you guys to stop bringing me food,” Mingyu says as Minghao puts a box of take way in front of him at the end of his shift. “I can still manage to buy my own food.”

“I know Gyu, but we just want to help until your mom can give you some money. It’s really no big deal to us. We love you,” and he flashes him smile.

“Why do you have the panual flag around your neck?”

“Well buddy, it never hurts to remind people.”

“Any interesting encounters because of that?” half of Mingyu is just really curious to know if Minghao has punched someone already today.

“Yeah. I almost straggled a guy with the flag because he thought he was being oh so funny and I swear I tried to avoid it, but there was this guy that was just asking to be punched,” he waits for Mingyu to close the store and they start walking together. “Like how can it be 2016 and people are still so close minded?”

“I don’t know buddy, let’s just hope it will change soon.”

 

+++

 

Mingyu is very thankful for the people he has in his life.

He is thankful for his friends that are always there for him, even when he tries to avoid them at all costs. He's thankful for his mom because even after his dad kicked him out she still found a away to give him money and help him find a nice place to live “because there is no way I’m gonna let my only son struggle just because your dad is a poor excuse for a human being”, and he's thankful for his grandparents and aunts and uncles for still accepting him the way he is and for opening their arms to him and let him know that he has in them people he can trust.

But most of all he is thankful for Wonwoo. He is thankful for the boy that never gave up on him, that waited for him and never forced him to anything he didn’t want to, for loving him in every way possible and for believing in him and helping him realize that he’s worth it.

 

Coming back home wasn’t easy for Mingyu. It was hard to accept that his father didn’t want anything to do with him anymore, even if he hates him with all his being. It was hard to settle and even harder to learn how to accept the help of people around him, but he managed.

Not having university to go back to was something that messed up his routine but with all the sat backs he has suffered this year, it’s for the best that he starts all over again next school year, when almost all of his friends and his boyfriend have finished, he thinks sadly.

“Everything's all right, my soft cinnamon roll?” Wonwoo teases.

“Okay, at first the pet names were funny but now it’s just really embracing, babe,” Mingyu says and Wonwoo laughs because he knows how much Mingyu hates these pet names. “And yeah, everything is fine, I was just thinking how much of a mess my life actually is and how glad I am to have you all in my life.”

Wonwoo pulls Mingyu closer so that he is sat in between his legs and with his back pressed against his chest and rests his head on his shoulder.

“It’s kind of a mess but you’re pulling it together pretty nicely,” he says softly, hugging his boyfriend even tighter. “And it will probably take while until you feel like everything is in its place, but we’re all here to help you. And look, months ago you were in a very bad place and look at you now? Little by little, step by step, we’ll get there.”

“Have I told you today how much I love you?” Mingyu asks as he turns his head to the side to look at Wonwoo.

“You did, but it doesn’t hurt to hear it again,” he smiles so big that Mingyu’s heart skips a beat.

“I love you,” and he kisses Wonwoo’s nose. “I love you,” then he turns around and kisses both his eyelids. “I love you,” then a soft kiss on his forehead. “I love so much,” and he kisses his mouth repeatedly as he says ‘I love you I love you I love you’.