We had been assigned a group project about culture. It was the first day of the second trimester of 5th grade. My classmates were mostly the same kids from last year and I wasn’t sure if I could approach any of them. I did have one friend, Alyxis, but I wasn’t sure if she’d like to work with me. Just the word “in groups” made me feel sick.
The recess bell rang and our class filed out to the playground. I looked around for Alyxis and she was waiting at the beginning of the cement path for me. My nervousness died down a little bit as I made my way over to her.

“What do you think we should do about the project? We’re going to need more people,” She said with a sigh as we walked towards the playground.

I blinked once and stared at her.

“What?” She said.

“We’re working together?” I asked in surprise.

“What you don’t want to work together?” She asked, looking hurt.

I violently shook my head and responded, “ No no, I just wasn’t sure if you’d want to work with me that’s all”

Alyxis suddenly pulled me into a big hug. I gasped, but eventually hugged her back.

“Of course I want to work with you,” She said, “You are important to me”

I had to stop myself from crying on the spot from relief. It made me feel so much better, knowing that I was valued.

“Thank you Lyxie,” I said, squeezing her tight.

We continued walking towards the playground, discussing who we should ask to be in our group. I wasn’t sure about asking people outright, so Lyxie said that she wouldn’t mind doing the talking. I felt relieved. We sat down on the top of the slide at the little playground where we always went and chatted. As we were talking, Kris, a boy in our class named Chen, and a girl named Vienne came up to us. When I saw Kris my cheeks flushed, but I did my best to hide it.

“Hey, do you guys need some group members? Because I think it’d be a wise business deal if the five of us struck a deal,” Kris said jokingly, putting his hands together like the way a business CEO might.

“Yeah, we could use some more group mates,” Lyxie said as she turned to me, “Want to work with them?”

“Sounds good,” I said, and Kris grinned. He stuck out his hand and nudged for Chen and Vienne to do the same. We all shook hands with one another over and over again until we couldn’t stop laughing at how silly this all was.

“I look forward to working with you all!” Chen said with a grin. We all nodded and sounded our agreement.

The five of us spent the rest of recess planning out what our culture project would look like. In the end, we decided that we’d be doing a comedy skit. Me and Chen would be the smart ones while Kris and Vienne would be the dumb kids to make things funny while Alyxis would be the teacher. I was a little scared about performing in front of the entire class, but I wanted to push myself a little this year and really put myself out there. This was my chance to make myself some friends, so I wanted to try my hardest to take it.

During lunch the five of us all sat at the same table and we planned out the script. Kris and Chen had a great sense of humor and they included some pretty jokes that had us all laughing. I wrote the whole thing out, since they said I had the best handwriting, and did my best to give some input.

“We’ll start practice tomorrow! I’ll ask Mr. Spacek if there’s a place indoors where we can practice our skit!” Vienne said. We all high-fived one another and cheered. This was going to be great.

We practiced every single day after that. In our skit, I had the least amount of lines along with Alyxis, since the comedy was where Kris and Vienne were. I was still a little intimidated, but I grit my teeth and practiced hard. The days passed in fun and hard work. Some days we’d take breaks and just chatted. I had never had this much fun in my whole life. I had never laughed so much or smiled so much, nor had I ever felt this comfortable around people. I wish I could stay in that classroom, practicing our skit forever.

But finally, the day came to present our projects. The five of us had personally asked Mr. Spacek if we could go last. We all had our line ready and my stomach was butterfly filled. I kept rehearsing my lines silently in my head as the other groups went up and presented. Could I really do this? Was I ready? Am I good enough?

Suddenly, a hand reached out to squeeze mine. I looked up from the ground to meet my eyes with Kris’s confident, warm brown ones. He smiled at me and squeezed gently.

“Are you ready?” He asked. I nodded my head and squeezed his hand back.

“And last but not least to present, Ms. Vi’s group!” Mr. Spacek called.

I took a deep breath, and then we went up. We performed our skit well, none of us messed up on our lines. The class laughed when we made jokes and they paid attention. I did my best to block out all the stares, but this time they were not stares of judgment but stares of admiration. As the skit went on, I became more comfortable and said my lines with more energy and enthusiasm. Once we had finished, we were met with great applause. I couldn’t stop smiling.

When the school day ended, the five of us left class whooping and cheering. We couldn’t help it, our performance had gone so well.

“We should go celebrate! Who wants to head to McDonalds for something to eat! I’ll treat!” Kris cheered and the other grinned and gave their consent. I stopped.

“What’s wrong?” Kris asked, stopping to stand in front of me.

“I can’t go, I have to go home,” I said, looking down at the floor.

“Why not? Did you ask your parents yet?” He asked.

“I don’t need to ask, I know that they won’t let me,” I mumbled, “I’m sorry”

I walked away quickly, even though I could hear Kris calling my name and telling me to wait. My aunt was waiting in the parking lot for me. She’d be angry with me if she got stuck in traffic.

“I’m sorry guys,” I mumbled under my breath.

The next day at school, no one said anything about my sudden exit. They didn’t mention their trip to McDonalds either for my sake, but I just felt a little sick inside. Instead, we talked about a good name for our acting troupe. Our class had really liked the skits and they wanted us to put on another one. Some kids even wanted to be a part of it!

“I think the name comedy crew is good,” I said suddenly, speaking up for the first time in a while, “It sounds nice and suits our group”

Everyone was silent for a moment, but then they all nodded thoughtfully.

“Sounds good!”

“I like it, good idea Vivian!”

“Alright then, the Comedy Crew it is!”

We ended up performing three more skits after that. Our second skit was about time traveling with a toaster time machine. After that we had a NASA themed one, and finally we performed one about a crazy rollercoaster that had malfunctioned. Each skit featured “special guests” that weren’t part of the original comedy crew, and new members brought some issues. There would sometimes be arguments about the script and roles and who could be in this skit and who couldn’t, but we managed fine.

I found my love for performing there. It wasn’t the acting itself that I loved, but it was the moments between the shows, the days where we spent every lunch and recess together, working hard towards a dream that we all shared. The days we spent talking and laughing together are a precious memory that I could never give up.

In the end, our acting group fell apart silently as our workloads for school grew. I remained close friends with Kris and Alyxis, and I also grew close to two new members to our group, Michelle and Simrun. The five of us spent every recess and lunch together, talking about anything and nothing. Those days were some of the best of my entire life. Finally, I felt like I belonged somewhere. It was such a relief to be able to point at someone and say that they’re my friends. I was thankful for everyday that I got to spend with them.

…

There were stacks upon stacks of art projects in front of me that needed to be graded. I had all the rubrics on my right and a red pen in my hand, but I had no motivation to start grading. I couldn’t stop thinking back, back to those days. When I was in 6th grade, there had been this magic air that surrounded us. I wanted to take a breath of it again. That air was so sweet and light and intoxicating. It was the air of youth. What happened to that air? The clock continued to tick, and that air became polluted.

I had so many regrets from back then, so many things I never said that I should have, so many things that I never should have said. So many people I never treated right. When I let my eyes shut, I can see the four trees that the five of us would spend hours around, just sitting and talking. I remember the cold of the fog of the day that we pretended to be Townspeople living in a village on the top of a mountain. I remember the t-shirt Kris wore the day we promoted from 6th grade and left our elementary school behind. I remember all those nights left thinking about whether I had made the right decision or not.

My hands slammed down on the table. The projects shook and some of my rubrics fell down, but I didn’t care. I grabbed my coat from the chair, threw on some shoes, and drove my car out of the parking lot and towards my old elementary school. I hadn’t come back to visit since my senior year of high school, and that was a long time ago. Now seemed like a good time to go. The road to the school felt so familiar. I remember sitting in the backseat of my grandpa’s car as a kid and looking out the window at