What was I thinking?

What a very smart move, stupid Kang Seulgi. 

She was back in their van, pulling off shotgun with her manger driving on her side. She was informed that her members went ahead already, since it took her so long gathering her things and fixing herself (if only they knew how much had happened). She was given another ten minute lecture on proper time management, consideration for others (especially her members and staff), and work efficiency.

But her manager's words just passed through her ear absentmindedly. Her mind was too focused on something else: on something she never have thought of happening.

Her earlier conversation with Kim Jongin kept replaying over and over in her mind, with each scene flashing in front of her eyes with utmost clarity, momentarily sending her to such unbelievable reality confusion.

"Aside from keeping your little scene a secret for life, since you're doing me a pretty good favor...I might as well look after you, too."

He wants me to look after him. And I freaking agreed. How pathetic.

"."
 

"Excuse me?" her manager exclaimed, surprised by her remark, almost slamming the brakes too hard, putting the van into a halt.
 

Holy .
 

"Ya, Seulgi. Can you stop sitting so still and being so paper-white pale and just answer my question." her manager pressed, obviously sounding impatient at Seulgi's silence.
 

But he was greeted by silence once more.
 

"Is there something going on? Is this something between your members? You had a fight? Rehearsals, comeback? Hey, it won't hurt to speak a little. I'm worried, if you'd ask me." her manger spoke, hinting sudden reassurance.
 

No. It hurts even if you speak a little. Especially when you have written more than you should have to.
 

"Oppa, can we go back?" Seulgi has finally broke her silence, voice sounding more like a whimper, eyes fixated on her shaking feet.
 

"Well, we've come a long way already. Why, did you forget something?" he asked Seulgi who is currently lost in her own thoughts.

"Uhh, y-yes. I did."
 

"Then that must be something really, really, important. You wouldn't come back for it if it isn't. It must be so worthy of your time." he declared, carefully maneuvering the van, heading back.
 

It definitely is.

**********

 
They arrived safely in about twenty-minutes, with no one breaking the once comfortable, now undeniably awkward, silent atmosphere. It was her manager who did break the ice after successfully parking the van, killing its engine, resulting to a more noticeable silence, with only their both shaky breaths heard.

"So. Is it in the practice room? Should I go get it for you, whatever that thing is? You look like you're ready to pass out any minute now." her manger said, offering her a sincere smile.

"It's fine, Oppa. I'd take it from here." she politely declined, returning a warm smile.

"You sure with that?" he pressed, still not quite convinced.

"Yes. Thank you so much, Oppa." she replied before making her way out of the van.

"No problem. Make sure you get things done fast. I'm not gonna stay forever here." he joked, releasing a little laugh.

"Oh. That, Oppa. Well...when I said I would take it from here, I meant that completely. You should get some rest. I have some things to fix, and it might take a while. I wouldn't let you wait like this." she explained, regaining her composure.

"Is this stay authorized? What is this about? I thought you just have forgotten something?"

"Well, I have to work on some...things. I'm having problems with...some parts of the choreography. I admit I wasn't working as much as before. I just have to do some...work." Seulgi stated, half lie, half truth.

"But you could do that later on with the others, not now. Rest is as important as work." her manager insisted.

"Time management." Seulgi retorted.

"It's better to practice as a group. Your members might do it all over again with you, but at least-"

"Consideration for others, especially my members." Seulgi cut in, not letting him finish his sentence.

"But still, you could do this afterwards, if not for-"

"Work efficiency." Seulgi finished with a wink, double tapping the car door. 

Be careful what to say next time, Oppa. You do not want your own words to set you on fire.

"God, you are one stubborn kid. Then go. Leave. Disappear. Notify me if there's anything wrong." her manager finally gave up.

"Of course. Thank you so much, Oppa. Rest well! Be careful." Seulgi exclaimed, while watching her manager drive away, not making a little sprint towards the place she must be in until the last trace of the van was seen.

**********

She found her way inside the building, with every step accounting to her little mental debate. 

Where is she headed exactly?

Of course, she has no idea at all. Realization only hit her now regarding how stupid her decision was of asking her manager to leave her here. She has nothing to hold on to. She has no assurance that the person she was looking for is here. No, scratch that. Is still here.

She weighed the possibilities she had. He might have left right after they talked. Of course, that was possible. He must have been tired. He must be sleeping now. Or the other way around, then. Maybe he had stayed. He's here, wide awake. But where? She doesn't know. 

She checked the dance room first, and as expected, it was empty. She made a short rundown of every place he would have most likely to be in, but she came out empty-handed. She went for another round of search, but it just intensified the feeling of exhaustion in her even more. She figured she needed some space to breathe, so she decided to head to her most favorite place to think and ponder about things in Seoul: SM Entertainment's rooftop.

Since she started rehearsing in this very building, she would come up occasionally, to let herself breathe for a while. She has always loved the comfort and the warmth the place has been giving her. She felt safe. She felt home. But on such days like this one, the wind blows cold enough to send continuous shivers down her spine.

She hugged herself tightly, occasionally rubbing both hands against each other and pressing her now warm palms against her cold, pale cheeks. She found her favorite spot almost immediately, eyes landing on the thousands of city lights scattered along the skyline she sees.

"I don't understand why we always meet in such life-deprived places." A deep voice made its way into the small personal space she has created, but for the first time as far as she can remember, she didn't feel disturbed.

She turned around to see Jongin standing just behind her, hands inside his pockets, eyes staring directly in hers, lips twitched, almost suppressing a smile.

"And I don't understand why you kept appearing out of nowhere." Seulgi answered back, eyes not leaving his.

He moved and made a few steps in order to lean his body against the railings before facing her again. 
 

"I just needed some place to think. Especially when there's someone in the same line of industry as I am, or more accurately, in the same company as I am, who is secretly searching for a suicide partner. I thought I might be of help." Jongin stated as a matter-of-factly, waiting for Seulgi's response.
 

He knew. He read it. Of course he did. Everything's so done for now, Kang Seulgi. No place to return safely.

When he was met by none, he continued: "Up to now, I am still thinking. Did you purposely drop that note within my proximity? For me to read your supposed death note or rather, your apparent invitation? Or it just happened that way? Although I admit I find it hard to believe the latter."

"I thought you'd shut up after our agreement." Seulgi retorted.

"Changed my mind, perhaps. Wait. I'm curious. If you really did want to die, why look for a partner? You could have jumped. That would be easier than looking for someone to plot your death with." he smirked.

"You speak like you know everyone's story." Seulgi hissed, unable to hide her developing anger.

"That's why I have changed my mind. I would like to know your story, Seulgi. I volunteer as your suicide partner. Let's plot a beautiful death together." he finished with a warm smile.

"Are you...are you o-out of your mind?" Seulgi stuttered, obviously perplexed.

"For the record, I have always been. I guess I'd just keep on appearing out of nowhere to talk to you. It feels right this way."

Seulgi's mouth was wide open in shock, unable to digest and comprehend everything that's happening all at once.

She watched Jongin walk back inside before turning her gaze again to the horizon of lights. In a few hours, the sun will rise again. But here she was, secretly agreeing to plan her death with someone she barely even knew. Her mind was unusually blank, her body feeling almost numb; lifeless. 

But a sudden warmth embraced her shivering body. A jet black jacket was placed on top of her shoulders, her skin tingling from merely brushing with his ice-cold fingers.

She felt a hot shaky breath draw near her right ear delivering the words:

"We still have a lot to work on together. You wouldn't want to die from cold. That would be a lame death, wouldn't it?" 

***********

Tell me how you feel! Would like to hear from you.

It's been a very busy week. Well, College was never easy. On to the next chapter!