Satan, that’s what they are. The living, breathing embodiment of Satan. Okay, maybe not the devil himself but definite heirs to the dark throne for sure. Jimin’s sleepy mind is ranting about the two boys, his supposed best friends, the very same two boys who have spent the better part of this day trying to turn his life into an episode of Punk’d. Squeak-squeak-squeak, the mattress groans under his weight as he turns over, trying to get comfortable on the bed. Even breathing pulls him into the present and he smiles…okay maybe not evil heirs to the throne, but there needs to be sufficient revenge. Namjoon stretches beside him and tightens his hold on Jimin’s thigh, and all ideas for payback have melted away with the blonde’s warm touch.

Angels, they’re goddamn ing angels

**Twelve Hours Prior**

He takes a deep breath and looks at the screen once again. What the is Jungkook playing at?

HOLY ING MOTHER OF ALL THINGS HOLY.

Jungkook is dead, six feet under, never to see the light of day…dead. Jimin takes a deep breath and looks at his screen. Namjoon, he just ing called Kim Namjoon his forever OTP (by pairing he means them, of course) an asswipe. He opens his contacts app to confirm his suspicions are correct and there in block numbers are Namjoon’s digits sitting happily under Jungkook’s header. The thought dawns on Jimin that death is not punishment enough for this crime.

“ing Jeon Jungkook, just wait until I get my hands on you,” Jimin warns the empty apartment.

As he waits for a response, he quickly updates the contact name, smiling manically as he does it. He also takes the time to delete the day clock on his screen that has been bugging him by being stuck at 8:32 AM. Namjoon’s reply comes through just as soon as Jimin’s done applauding himself for being crafty with contact names.

My opt? Sigh stupid keyboard. He fixes the mistake and snickers at his witty repartee mentally patting himself on the back

(Jungkook is so wrong, he’s funny as hell).

No, he most certainly did not giggle like a schoolgirl and blush. Nope. Not. At. All. He gets ready for school with a smile on his face despite his lack of undergarment. He’s still gonna get revenge, but he won’t kill Jungkook, just maybe maim him a bit. Jungkook will live to see another day. Frozen underwear have led to him starting his day with Namjoon and funny conversations, and his tall OTP barista wanting to talk to him again, so win-win.

“I’m plotting your demise, just so you know,” Jimin informs Jungkook as he drops his bag down on the desk next to his roommate.

“What, I was helping you to cool down.” The maniacal laughter that Jungkook lets loose tells Jimin that his friend had anything but his best interest in mind.

“No worries, I plan on rewarding you appropriately for your care and compassion.” Jimin arranges his books on the desk carefully and tries not to laugh out loud at the gulp of air Jungkook swallows nervously (pranks may be Jungkook’s forte, but revenge is his).

“Uhmm, what do you mean by appropriately?” Jungkook whispers.

“Shhh, class has started. I’m taking notes.” He hides the smirk with his hand.

“Lies,” Jungkook replies as he turns his eyes to the front of the room.

Class ends and Jimin grabs his stuff and ducks out quickly. He needs to make it home before Jungkook; he has a very special surprise for his roommate (insert evil laugh here). Jungkook was right, he was lying. He hadn’t heard one single thing the professor had said (he’ll pay for it come test time he supposes). Instead, he used his Econ II class time to think of a suitable punishment. The grin on his face is large, too large, but the plan is just so good it warrants the Cheshire cat smile.

He’s sitting on the couch, a blanket draped over his lower body and book in his hand when Jungkook finally makes it back to their dorm.

“Where’d you go so quickly? Taehyung and I waited for you to go grab lunch at that bubble tea place.” Jungkook drops next to him on the couch, his thigh brushing against Jimin’s blanketed feet.

“Had some stuff to catch up on,” he replies nonchalantly and watches as Jungkook nervously scans the room, looking for possible signs of his impending punishment Jimin supposes. He holds back a giggle. He’s a man of his word, and Jungkook is very aware of that.

“So, uhmmm…what’ya up to?” Jungkook eyes him carefully.

“Mmm, what do you mean?” Jimin keeps his eyes on his book as he slowly turns the page.

“Nothing?” It sounds like a question that’s right, brat, be very afraid.

Jimin looks up slowly and holds Jungkook’s quizzical gaze.

“Why does that sound like a question, Kook?”

“Does it? Not sure why.” Jungkook averts his eyes.

Jimin stifles the laugh that’s wanting to erupt from his body like a live volcano.

“I ordered food if you’re hungry. It’s on the counter,” Jimin says, looking back at the book in his hand and abruptly changing the topic of conversation (he knows it’ll put Jungkook further on edge).

He can feel Jungkook staring at him, but he doesn’t look up (mentally rubs hands together evil genius style). The couch cushions bounce back as Jungkook get’s up and slowly walks to the dining area.

“Lamb skewers! Hyung you got lamb skewers!” The boy’s excitement is so evident Jimin almost, almost feels bad about what he’s about to do.

Jungkook’s back is toward him as he quietly creeps up behind the younger man, pushing his front right up against Jungkook’s back.

“Oh, that’s right they’re your favorite. How did I forget that?” His mouth is right at Jungkook neck, and he feels the younger man stiffen.

“H-hyung, w-what are you doing?”

“Nothing, just snuggling up to my favorite dongsaeng.” Jimin can’t help laughing this time. Jungkook takes a step forward and turns around and Jimin wishes he had had the foresight to have his camera ready.

“What d’ Jimin! Why do you not have on any pants, and did you just rub your ring-ding-dong against my favorite blue jeans?” BAZINGA! That’s what you get brat. Payback’s a .

“What’s wrong?” Jimin asks innocently, eyes widened for effect.

“What’s wrong, what’s wrong? You’re ing hyung, that’s what’s wrong.” Jungkook screeches and Jimin is having a hard time maintaining his calm exterior.

“I'm wearing a t-shirt. I’m not at all.”

“Seriously?” Jungkook exclaims and Jimin won’t lie; it’s kinda of cute watching the boy trying to avert his eyes from looking down.

“You said you wanted me to be cool, well you have no idea how nice and cool it is down there now,” Jimin says pointing down, and Jungkook’s eyes follow unwittingly.

The boy pushes him back and runs out of the kitchen like a bat of hell, and Jimin thinks revenge really is a dish best served cold. Jungkook comes to find him not long after, the grimace on the boy’s face showing a mixture of disgust and repentance.

“Okay, I may have deserved retribution. But I thought we had a bros-don’t-look-at-another-bro’s-sausage code?” Jungkook’s eyes are so wide Jimin feels somewhat guilty (nah, not really).

“We also have a punishment-fits-the-crime code, and you took away my ding-dong’s home. Therefore, your punishment is to see it.” Jimin’s body rumbles slightly as he tries to hold back his laughter.

“I saw it, trust me. Now can we cover it?” Jungkook asks, throwing his hand over his eyes dramatically. “I will never be able to unsee that. I hope the fact that you’ve scarred my innocence for life has made you happy.”

“Very.” Jimin finally releases all his held back laughter as he walks to his room to put on a pair of sweats.

He walks back to the dining area and finds Jungkook scarfing down a lamb kabob.

“I thought you already ate,” he says, joining the younger man at the table and grabbing a skewer.

“No, I said Taehyung and I waited for you.” Jungkook corrects him. “I said nothing about actually eating.”

“Why didn’t you guys eat?”

“I was, you know, but, uhm… it just felt weird, okay?” Jungkook eyes are darting everywhere, and Jimin knows it’s his friends tell. Jungkook’s feeling uncomfortable.

“Why? It’s just Taehyung, we’ve gone out a bunch of times,” he says carefully, not wanting to push the issue.

“I know, I know. I don’t know why I’m like this either. Just felt weird, is all.” Jungkook turns to face him, “Not gonna lie, while the free willy moment was traumatizing, I really expected a more severe payback.”

“You can thank Namjoon hyung for saving your life. I called the man an asswipe and he still continued a conversation with me. Also, just so you know, you’re an asswipe.”

“I can accept that,” Jungkook says with a nod and a look that has Jimin thinking if the man’s hair was long enough a hair flip would be in order. “Not that I’m complaining or anything, but how did Namjoon hyung save my life?”

“I told you, he continued to text me even though I called him and asswipe and asked him why he froze my underwear.”

Jungkook’s laughter is contagious, and Jimin can't help joining in. The stats for the day are rather funny: frozen underwear, then he called his crush an asswipe, only to have a domestic-type conversation with said tall-drink-of-lemonade-crush and finally he rubbed his magic mic all over Jungkook’s favorite jeans (as far more lenient revenge than he deserved). All in all, despite still having no clean underwear, it’s been a pretty decent day so far. He hears his phone vibrating on the table.

“Hello?” He answers.

“Jimin-ah, what are you doing right now?” Taehyung asks excitedly on the line.

“Nothing, why?”

“Can you help me set up a birthday surprise for my hyung?”

“It’s Namjoon hyung’s birthday?” Jimin feels like the worst not-but-wanna-be boyfriend ever.

“Mmm,” Taehyung replies on the other end.

“How can I help?” Jimin asks.

“Uhmm, I’m gonna make seaweed soup and Italian Spaghetti, and maybe decorate, as a surprise for when he gets home from work today. Are you in?” Taehyung asks.

Yes. It’s his first reaction. Yes is always his first reaction when it comes to Namjoon. But he hesitates and looks up to see Jungkook staring at him with a “what’s up” look on his face. He puts his hand over the phone and mouths “surprise for Namjoon hyung,” Jungkook makes an “O” shape with his lips, then shrugs his shoulders and quirks his eyebrows as though asking Jimin what he’s going to do, to which he whispers, “What should I do?” When Jungkook whispers, “Go,” it’s all the confirmation Jimin needs.

“Sure! I’m in,” Jimin replies, trying but failing to contain his excitement.

“Excellent. See you in a bit. You remember how to get here, right?”

Does he remember how to to get there? Does he remember how to (does Taehyung know who he’s talking to?) – he’s been stalking the blonde for the better half of a semester now. Yes. He knows how to get there. If it involves Namjoon, he not only knows how to get there, he’s been there (more than once).

“Yes, I remember. What time?” Jimin questions.

“Mmm, meet me here in like half an hour?”

“K, see ya in a bit.”

They disconnect the call, and Jimin is vibrating. Okay not really, but he feels like he’s buzzing, or, buzzed? Yes, buzzed; like that feeling you get when alcohol has found its target and your mind slowly starts to leave your body, that’s exactly how he feels right now. Like he’s inebriated, drunk on the thought of spending Namjoon’s birthday with him.

“So you gonna do it?” Jungkook asks.

‘Yeah, yeah I am. I should, right? Since I kinda like him and wanna make an impression. I should right?” Jimin is torn between wanting to be close to Namjoon and not wanting to invade the blonde’s space.

“Yeah, you should.” Jungkook agrees.

֎֎֎

Jimin’s dressed and out the door in under fifteen minutes and for a moment Jungkook feels guilty about what his friend is about to walk into. For most of the walk home he had contemplated confessing, but then Jimin decided to rub his Willy Wonka all over him and all plans for a peace treaty had been thrown out the window.

“Sorry Minnie. But it really is your own fault,” Jungkook says to