****WARNING FOR LANGUAGE****

“Stand still will ya?” Jimin is holding Jungkook by the back of his shirt trying to keep the younger man from exposing their hiding spot. This is the best view he’s had of his crush all week and he’s not about to let his bratty best friend mess it up.

“This is not normal,” Jungkook says to Jimin, “and it’s bordering on illegal”

The two crouch behind a fake plant in the Coex Mall spying on the cute barista, who is much too uncoordinated (in Jungkook’s humble opinion) to be doing this particular job. In the twenty minutes that Jungkook has been held hostage by Jimin’s stupid infatuation, the barista (blondish sort of pink hair, too tall for the counter he had been given, surprisingly handsome in an odd sort of way) has spilled more coffee than he’s actually served, and had to be placed on cup stacking duty after he somehow managed to cause milk to explode from the steamer like a high school science project gone horribly wrong. Jungkook won’t lie: he wouldn’t mind a repeat performance of that particular show, the way all the employees converged on the troublemaker in their midst like firefighters in an action movie, rushing to put out a blazing inferno. The only thing that could have made the experience better was if he had popcorn, soda, and a comfy couch from which to watch the drama unfold.

“What,” Jimin says, slapping at Jungkook’s hand when the other tries to pull away, “this is very normal!”

Jungkook arches his eyebrows questioningly. “Sooo, what you’re saying is that you think that hiding behind a fake plant, so a guy who’s never even spoken to you won’t see you as you stalk him at his place of employment... is NORMAL?”

“Uhmmm, yes?” Jimin laughs, having the decency to sound at least a little embarrassed. “Plus he has spoken to me, he said excuse me once in the hallway,” Jimin answers cheerily, then sighs. “This is stupid, isn’t it?”

Jungkook nods his definitive agreement.

“Why are you even doing this? You’re Park Jimin for s sake, loved and wanted by most of the student body, just walk in there and ask for his number, if he has a good health plan, how he likes to be off… anything. Because this,” Jungkook waves his hand for effect, “this hiding behind a bush like a twelve-year-old girl is weird and just plain embarrassing.”

Jimin’s shoulders sag a bit. He’d finally hit rock bottom. Jungkook was right, this wasn’t him at all. He didn’t hide behind fake foliage, and he definitely didn’t stalk. He was normally the one being pursued, the one people tripped over themselves to meet... but something, something about the ungainly blonde makes Jimin’s heart race. Has a goofy smile spreading across his face whenever they’re within fifty feet of each other. Jimin’s mind drifts a bit as he remembers how it all began.

************************

Six months ago Jimin’s Dance 102 professor suggested that those in the class who were serious about having a future in dance should consider enrolling in a music theory class. “To really feel the music and bring it to life with dance,” the teacher had said, “shouldn’t you, at least, understand its origin?”

Jimin had sat on the edge of his seat, listening with bated breath and soaking up every word that fell from his professor’s lips while nodding his head like a bobblehead on a dashboard. He isn’t serious about much: his laid back personality and fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants lifestyle made sure of that. But dance... dance is the one thing that Jimin does not joke about. And it was that – his love for dance - that had led to his life being one step away from becoming an episode of My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

That day after class Jimin found himself in the registrar's office adding one more thing to his already-too-packed schedule, but if learning about music meant he was one step closer to becoming a professional dancer and seeing his name in lights, then Jimin was ready to make the sacrifice. 

The morning his world turned upside down Jimin was sitting at the front of the class in the desk closest to the door – at way-too-early-ing-o’clock in the morning waiting for his professor to come and start the damn class already. 

Jimin’s eyes are red and puffy from lack of sleep, and he had a slight headache, and is now questioning why he’s thought a beer pong party the night prior to a class that started before the sun was a good idea. The he remembers… Ahhh, Jungkook, it’s all because of ing Jungkook.

Jimin was contemplating his irrational choice of a 7 am class when the door finally opened and he expected to see his teacher, an older man with glasses and a stern face, walking through the door. But instead he was greeted by a tall blonde with thick full lips and brown eyes so dark and deep Jimin feels like he could lose himself,  and he realizes Taehyung was right. There was such a thing as love at first sight. (To be fair, Taehyung had been talking about a puppy at the time. But what the hell love is love.)

 ************************

The memory is Jimin’s favorite. It’s the stuff all great love stories are made of, chance happenings, twists of fate, serendipity (whatever you want to call it) and he can’t wait to someday tell his grandkids about how it all began. (You know assuming they end up together and Namjoon doesn’t kill himself in some freak coffee accident).

Jimin takes one last look at Namjoon, just in time to see the cups he had so neatly stacked only moments before fall to the ground- like a Jenga tower after pulling the wrong piece. Jimin smiles, he can’t help it. Namjoon is an anomaly: his gangly ostrich-like movements in direct contrast to the way he spits out lines like a ing Shakespearian poet in class, or the way he owns the stage like Nas in the underground rap scene.

“I’m not sure why,” Jimin says “There’s something about him that makes me feel so insecure.”

“Seriously, the man is a walking disaster zone. How the does he make you feel insecure, he just blew up a coffee machine for crying out loud!”

Jimin laughs, “One day, when someone walks into your life and all the logic out of it, then you’ll get it. Right now even if I tried to explain you wouldn’t understand.” He pats his friend on the back and turns to walk away.

Jimin couldn’t explain his behavior to Jungkook even if he wanted to because he has no idea himself what’s going on. Namjoon is a spider and Jimin is a tiny fly trapped in the man’s very uncoordinated web. However, instead of fighting for freedom, Jimin-spider is begging to be noticed.

“Wait! We’re leaving? Hallelujah!” Jungkook pumps his fist victoriously.

“You’re an idiot,” Jimin says, rolling his eyes. “But you make a good point, it’s been six months and he hasn’t once looked in my direction. Maybe he doesn’t find me attractive. Maybe he’s not into guys. Although... he hangs out with Lee Sungyeol a lot and he’s gayer than gay.”

“Or maybe he doesn’t know you exist because you do like this,” Jungkook deadpans. “How’s he supposed to notice you if all you do is hide from him? He’s too clumsy to find you, hyung, and I am confident he’d break something if he tried.  So maybe you should help him out and make your presence known.”

Jungkook’s words have Jimin stopping in his tracks. Well - why didn’t I think of that? He turns to his friend and a dazzling smile makes its way across his face.

“Kookie-ah, you’re a genius!” Jimin claps his hands. “You’re absolutely right. If there is one thing I know how to do, it’s grab someone’s attention -- Namjoon won’t know what hit him.”

A mischievous smile plays across Jimin’s face and suddenly Jungkook fears for Namjoon’s safety. Because while the older man is destructive, Jimin on his game is absolutely deadly. Jungkook smiles an evil smile of his own - this is gonna be ing amazing. 

Thus begins Project Get Kim Namjoon. Jimin has given up stalking for surveillance (which is really just stalking with a purpose) because you need to know your prey, he had explained to a very disgruntled Jungkook the week prior when at three in the morning they sat in Jimin’s older brother’s car, ducked down waiting for Namjoon. The rapper was finishing up an impromptu underground battle, which the awkward, gangly barista had won much to Jungkook’s surprise.

Jimin’s plan - equipped with flow charts, weather pattern changes (because, you know, humidity affects your hair), and bubble tea breaks - is three-fold:

Step One - Data gathering

Step Two – Infiltration

Step Three – Hostile Takeover

And by hostile Jimin means rough, hungry, dirty that leaves them both panting and bone tired (what, that’s hostile). Just thinking about step three has a gigantic grin taking over his face; Namjoon is tall and lean and Jimin has had more than one dream about mapping the muscles on his chest with his tongue.

“Why do you have that creepy smile on your face?” Jungkook asks. They’re sitting on the floor in the school’s dance studio trying to recover from a three-hour long practice.

“No reason at all.” He’s not about to divulge his thoughts to Jungkook, of all people. He learned his lesson in the eighth grade when he decided he needed to become a better kisser (you know, just in case) and Jungkook tweeted a picture of him practicing on his teddy bear to the entire student body.

Jungkook eyes him suspiciously but says nothing and Jimin's thankful, because a prying, nosy Jungkook is the last thing needs.  

“So, how’s project ‘Get Kim Namjoon’ going?’ Gathered enough intel yet? Because I am so curious to see how infiltration happens.”

Jimin smiles. He’d wondered the same thing, until he learned – quite by accident - that he had an ace in the hole.

“Hoseok hyung,” Jimin says out of the blue. The look of confusion on Jungkook’s face makes Jimin fist p