TITLE [4/5]
Your title made sense to me in the end. I honestly like it. Although your title isn't really that eye-catching, it still has its connection. 

DESCRIPTION & FOREWORD [8/10] 
Your description made sense somehow, but Taehyung isn't really doing it for the money since he loves Minhye, right?

PLOT [16/20] 
This plot is pretty common. I see other plots like this. The thing that made up for your plot os that it somehow has your color in it. It's like you became a part of it somehow. 

FLOW [12/15]
The flow is a bit abrupt. You kept jumping from different perspectives without warning. You enter characters at the wrong time at times, an example of this is Seunghye's character. Her character was entered at the wrong time. Kelvin's entrance was just fine. 
Anoher thing is your events are misplaced. The arrangements were pretty sloppy.

CHARACTERIZATION [13/15]
The characters are all too nice. I was looking for a bit of evilness from Kelvin. Your characters are somehow hallow. If I were to choose a favorite, my favorite would probably be Taehyung.
Mihye's character is too... I can't put a term on her character. She needs a lot of detail. She's the main character and till the very end of the story, I have never found out a lot of things about her.
I find it a little disturbing how Jungkook didn't realize that Taehyung's ex is his crush even though it was the same name. Shouldn't friends be there for one another? I find it more disturbing how Jungkook forced Taehyung to join even if it means Taehyung would be hurt. Aren't friends supposed to understand each other? Jungkook should have known that his request is too insensitive to even mention.
Jimin's character lost its details too. I haven't really seen his characters that much, just a few mentions, but that's it. 
Taehyung's character was the most detailed one out of your story. 

GRAMMAR [10/15]
It was really hard to comprehend your story sometimes. Some words were spelled wrongly, some sentences doesn't have a complete thought, some punctuation marks were used wrongly, the special pronoun I is in lowercase, and the misuse of words.
If you don't have time to edit the chapters, I suggest you get an editor/beta-reader. 
What really made me hard to grasp information was your misuse of words. 

READABILITY [5/5]
I had no problem with your font. 

PERSONAL ENJOYMENT [14/15]
I enjoyed reading your story. I was looking for angst, but all I see in your story is fluff. I didn't see a lot about school-life too. It's more of the life of a married couple.
The best part of your story is that I can almost hear your voice speaking in the best parts. 
Despite of the grammatical errors, your story made me smile till the end.