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It was kind of annoying, how aware Mark was of Jackson's every movement, of the different tones of his voice, and how the glassblower glanced his way every few moments. Having realised the special place Jackson held in his heart made Mark want to squirm and blush and bite his bottom lip every time Jackson did something Mark found endearing (which was all the time), but princes didn’t squirm or act like fools in front of someone they wanted to impress. And Mark wanted to impress Jackson, to have the foreign boy think of him highly not because of his status, but because of who he was as a person. For the first time in his life Mark felt that someone other than his family might appreciate him for the person he was, and it was an exciting thought. It seemed possible, because when Jackson looked at Mark, it seemed like he really saw Mark, and not the delicate and precious, rosy Crown Prince of the Kingdom.

Mark loved it.

Jackson was so casual, leading the conversation to mundane matters, asking Mark about the things he saw while they slowly walked around Mark's garden. It didn't seem like Jackson bothered to care that his speech was too informal and that the way he walked right next to Mark and not a step behind him was out of line, because Jackson just smiled and laughed and looked at Mark like Mark was important because Mark told him about what he had done today and explained the names of the different flowers carefully planted in the garden, and not because he'd be a king someday. Mark’s stomach was fluttering at how close they were walking, and how Jackson was smiling at him, and he knew he was beyond saving. It was probably completely obvious from how he smiled at Jackson too openly, shy and small smiles mixed with wide and bright ones depending on their cause, and his eyes definitely flickered over Jackson’s frame more than would have been normal and proper. Mark wasn’t sure what normal was anymore, he just liked to watch Jackson and it was difficult not to.

Was this something that was impossible for Mark to have? It certainly was something he had never realised he needed before, but now that he had had a taste of it, his whole being had decided that spending time with Jackson was something he required for basic survival, because the thought that this would be just a once in a lifetime thing or even just something that maybe happened a couple of times a year was just painful. He wanted to have the possibility to grow to be closer to Jackson, and not just with letters of exchanged words that were already better than nothing, but nothing compared to watching Jackson wave his hands while he was talking, his eyes smiling warmly at Mark as he made sure the Prince was paying attention to him. Mark wanted to spend time with Jackson, to learn what each of his expressions meant and how he looked like when he had just woken up or when he was working or together with his friends. Mark wanted to be part of Jackson's life, even though he knew that he couldn't be a part of Jackson's life and not completely upend it by his presence, because of who he was.

Mark was greedy and selfish, and he wanted to bask in the sunlight of Jackson’s smile forever. He had not even realised how dark the polar night of his heart had been until the first rays of the sun that was Jackson’s smile came into his life. The smile was radiant as it was, but even more so now that Mark had gotten to know Jackson more and had that smile directed at him as if they were equals, even as Jackson very well knew they weren’t.

They were walking so close, but they weren’t touching, that line still uncrossed, but every time Jackson’s hand swung close to his, Mark felt the air flow against his hand like it was electricity, making the hairs of his arms stand up with the tension of something he expected to happen, but didn’t.

Mark wanted to take Jackson’s hand, but he didn’t think it was appropriate. They weren’t alone, after all, Jaebum and Park Jinyoung walking several meters behind them, but still in sight.

Jackson wanted to take Mark’s hand, but he didn’t think he had the right. Jaebum hadn’t had Jackson’s head because of the flip he had done in front of his precious Prince, but the glare he had leveled Jackson with let Jackson know that he should probably not try his luck with any more forward things than what he was already doing by being this informal and close with the Prince.

Jackson just loved the way Mark looked at him with marvel, like Jackson was the most amazing thing he had seen in a while despite having all these beautiful gardens and beautiful clothes and beautiful decor and beautiful everything in his life, and Jackson wasn’t really anything that special. But Jackson got Mark to laugh, his small lips curl into a bashful smile and sometimes his whole mouth to open and show his pretty teeth as he laughed like he didn’t have a care in the world, although he probably did, being the Prince of a Kingdom that had a lot of going-ons that probably weren’t all positive. Being looked at like he was special certainly felt nice, and Jackson just wanted to hold Mark’s hand or arm or something, to just touch him and feel him close, but although Mark allowed him to walk like this and be casual with him like this, he and his bodyguard probably wouldn’t take too kindly if Jackson would get touchy with the Crown Prince without permission.

And Jackson didn’t really know how to go about asking permission, because he was touchy with people all the time, and he didn’t usually have to ask for permission, because his friends and acquaintances welcomed it. But Mark was different, Mark was special, and even though Jackson would have liked to forget about it, Mark was still the Crown Prince, and that meant that getting touchy with him was not something Jackson really had the right to do. Although Jackson didn’t know exactly how he had gotten the right to do all of this other stuff he had been allowed - sending the letters, getting to talk with Mark like this, to walk with Mark like this, sharing little things about their lives, feeling and acting like - dare he say it - friends. Jackson had somehow stumbled into this rare opportunity to get to know the Crown Prince, and he would make the most out of it, telling himself to be happy with what he got and not long for more.

He got more than he would have dared to hope for anyway, so he shouldn’t be so unnecessarily greedy and selfish.

Watching Mark and Jackson together was almost physically painful because of how obvious it was that the two blind idiots who were dancing around one another really liked each other, and should just kiss and ride into the sunset or whatever couples did in fairytales. Jinyoung wanted to grab their heads and smash them together while telling the two of them to “now kith” like little children did to dolls. Jinyoung knew that the saying goes that you shouldn't rush love, but he was starting to hope he could, because watching these two insecure fools fumble was so frustrating.

Jaebum was obviously frustrated by the situation too, but probably for different reasons. Jinyoung admired the professionalism the Captain of the guard displayed, and Jinyoung could understand why Jaebum would feel anxious about having Jackson stand so close and lean into Prince Mark's space, when in any other circumstances anyone unfamiliar trying to get that close to the Crown Prince would get tackled by Jaebum well before they could get there. But Jinyoung hadn't watched his friend mope around for months to get his and Youngjae's hard work ruined now, so he was determined to keep Jaebum from messing up the annoyingly delicate and timid moment the Prince and the Glassblower were having. Whenever Jinyoung would see Jaebum's hand twitch on the handle of his sword as Jackson leaned closer or made a face or looked like he'd reach out for Mark, Jinyoung would lean close to Jaebum and distract him by slipping an arm to rest on his elbow or taking up a new topic of conversation with familiarity the two of them didn't share, but Jinyoung was bold enough to take just because he needed to protect the moment from Jaebum rushing in to give Jackson a lecture about etiquette and how the Crown Prince should be and remain untouchable.

Jinyoung's efforts probably wouldn't have worked if the Prince hadn't specified that Jackson was allowed more familiarity with him that guests were usually allowed, and that Jaebum shouldn't meddle. There had been an edge of determination in Mark’s voice as he had told Jaebum that the guard was allowed to be there to watch over his and Jackson's interactions was just a courtesy by the Prince towards his friend and bodyguard. That determination brought Jinyoung hope that maybe, just maybe Mark and Jackson might finally get themselves sorted out at some point soon enough, so the situation wasn't completely hopeless.

Jaebum had looked sullen when Mark had told him that Jackson was allowed more leeway than usual and he’d be the judge of what would be going too far, not Jaebum. From what Jinyoung figured, Jaebum had been around for so long that he felt more than duty to protect Mark, feeling that the Prince was sort of a friend to him too, and thus making his loyalty greater than what he would have promised in his guard vows. Jinyoung respected that, and he found himself admiring Jaebum for his principles and determination.

But Jinyoung also had principles, determination and loyalty, and him making sure Jackson and Mark got their best shot was acting on those. He liked Jaebum, but more important than getting his approval was to be a good friend for Jackson, so if he would foil his chance to get to know the Captain of the guard better by stopping him from interrupting the idiot couple, it would be for a good cause.

The smell of roses was very distinct in this part of the garden, and Mark loved that. Mark’s garden had a lot of roses in general - it was something thought to be a symbol of his beauty since he was born, so of course his garden and rooms and decor was filled with them. In this part of the garden the roses were grown to form gateways and pillars, the soft and sweet smell of them filling the air as Jackson and Mark walked through gateways and past walls of roses. This was also one of Mark’s favorite parts in the garden, although it was not because of the roses per se. It was a more concealed part of it, and when Mark had been younger, he used to spend a lot of time here, because here he was able to play and fool around much more freely than in the other parts of the garden that could be observed from the castle.

Mark thought Jackson looked good among the roses. He wasn’t pretty like Mark was, but underneath the soot that was still sticking to his side burns and behind his ear where he had failed to wash it away, Mark thought Jackson was very beautiful. His face was symmetrical and expressive, his eyes absolutely charming, not even to mention his smile. The wall of white roses they were just walking past complemented his simple looks, his dark hair and tan skin. In the hands of the castle stylists Jackson would probably clean up amazingly well, his fair features fitting amongst nobility with ease. Jackson certainly was handsome enough to pass as the son of a noble, and he wasn’t even trying to appear attractive right now, making funny cringing faces at Mark as he explained the bugs that had apparently taken over his bedroom recently.

Mark’s chest clenched as he imagined Jackson standing in the throne room by his side, his perfect cheekbones and jawline standing out in the daylight streaming in, looking royal although he wasn’t. Mark really wanted that, but it probably wasn’t what Jackson wanted, not the life he had expected to lead, and Mark couldn’t ask of him to give up everything he had worked for for Mark. Mark didn’t even know if Jackson wanted to be with him in that way - he had hints, sure, but this was a serious matter that he’d really not like to leave up to question. And it wasn't an option either for Mark to abandon his status as the Crown Prince - it would be horribly selfish of him since none of his siblings desired the burden of leading the country and Mark had been coached to be a ruler since he was little. It was a responsibility he had accepted long ago, and he could not give it up, not for love.

Mark allowed himself just a moment of hoping he had been born into a different family so that all of this might not be so complicated.

They turned the corner into a small clearing surrounded by a ledge Mark used to do trick jumps off when he was younger. Mark told as much to Jackson, and Jackson was obviously curious, eyeing the stone ledge that came around the height of his chest, but he pressed his lips together and didn’t ask. Mark was silent for a moment, studying Jackson. Jaebum and Jinyoung hadn’t rounded the corner yet, absorbed in their own conversation and falling back a bit after walking an hour just a couple of meters behind Mark and Jackson. Jaebum had apparently relaxed, seeing that Jackson was harmless, and he had let his guard down. Mark felt bad taking advantage of that, but there was something he really wanted to do, although he knew he shouldn’t.

“I’ll show you. Hold this.”

Mark dumped his several kilo weighing gold and platinum crown with rubies and other precious stone without further ceremony into Jackson’s open hands, noting with pleasure Jackson reeling a bit due to the surprising weight of it, and then Mark was climbing on top of the ledge with one smooth movement, probably getting some dirt on the front of his white uniform, but not caring.

He looked down from the ledge at Jackson. It wasn’t any higher of a drop than it had been when he had been a child, but Mark was more nervous this time. He hadn’t done this in years after all, and Jackson was watching. Mark did want to impress Jackson with this ability of his that had nothing to do with him being a Prince. He wanted Jackson to like him for who he was. Jackson looked up at him, eyes wide and expectant, fingers firmly gripping the crown like it was a lifeline. It was probably a bit of an absurd situation to the glassblower, but that only made it funnier in Mark’s eyes, so he