5. When I gave you up. 

Taekwoon looked at his surroundings again a bit nervous, being not really sure where to go; the place, everything around him was new. He chewed his bottom lip and pressed his ring binder harder against his chest anxious.

A sigh was restrained on his throat as he closed his eyes.

Calm down, calm down.

He repeated mentally and almost wished Wonshik to be there.

Everything would be easier if he were there. No, everything would be harder. Taekwoon needed to stand by himself; he needed to not depend on Wonshik as much as he did, so he wouldn’t end up getting hurt.

“Hey, kid. Are you okay?“

A guy asked.

He opened his eyes and turned to every direction to verify if the guy was talking to him or not. It seemed like the first one though.

“Are you okay? You had your eyes like this.” He repeated and then imitated him.

Taekwoon suppressed a chuckle.

“Yes, I’m just… kind of lost.”

“That’s it. You must be from first year then. What’s your school? Let me help you.” He felt a little overwhelmed at the sudden attention but tried to not make it obvious, the guy was nice enough to offer his help. He should be grateful.

“Music.”

On the way to his classroom the guy never stopped talking and showed him a few convenient places, he found that the guy was in the drama school and on his third year. He had plump lips and puffy eyes, and his hair was dyed in a light shade of brown; he was quite handsome.

They stopped and the guy smiled at him.

“Well this is your classroom, first year. By the way, my name is Yang Seungho.”

“Jung Taekwoon. Thank you.” He didn’t smile back.

“You won’t believe it, but there’s this hot senior that’s after our Taekwoonie!”

Taekwoon plugged his ear with his finger at Hakyeon’s yelling and cringed on his seat; there was no need for him to yell; now everybody in the restaurant knew about his current no existent love situation.

“For real?” Hongbin asked opening his eyes a little too much. He didn’t know what was so interesting about his love life, not that he had one in the first place.

“It’s not like that; he’s just being polite.” He said disagreeing.

“Polite my .”

Everyone at the table made a face at the statement said by Hakeyon, even Wonshik who had just arrived.

“Okay, what’s been happening that now Hakyeon hyung is talking about his ?” He asked while taking a seat. Taekwoon tried to avoid looking at him afraid of staring more than the necessary; he was looking really attractive that day, even though he was wearing just jeans and a t-shirt. Taekwoon blamed the new hairstyle. His hair was now dyed brown and styled.

“He was talking about this hot guy that happens to like Taekwoon hyung.” Sanghyuk, the youngest of them –and who had just joined to the group recently– explained. He rolled his eyes, how many times did he need to tell them that it wasn’t true? “Where is your boyfriend by the way, hyung?”

Taekwoon poured some water into his cup pretending to not mind what Sanghyuk just said. He hated it. He hated it with all his will, it was as if he was shoving a big placard on his face that said “Hey~ Wonshik will never love you, loser!” and deep inside he knew it was right, he had no chance with Wonshik, it was more than obvious that Wonshik just saw him as his childhood friend, no more.

Wonshik let an exaggerated sighed escape from his lips while shaking his head; he lifted his head realizing how everyone was looking at the boy waiting for an answer.

 “I told you yesterday, we broke up a week ago.”

An ‘Oh’ was released by Hongbin, Sanghyuk and Jaehwan at unison, while Hakyeon frowned obviously confused; Taekwoon just took a sip of his drink to cover his smile. He knew it was stupid and kind of childish to be happy about something like that so he tried to show a sympathetic glance at Wonshik. Only if he knew…

“But I thought you really liked Ilhoon.” Hakyeon added apparently not as pleased as Taekwoon with the news.

“Taemin, hyung.” Wonshik immediately corrected the oldest of them, making everyone at the table laugh at Hakyeon’s mistake. Jaehwan even started coughing as he choked with his own saliva, this only made Sanghyuk and Hongbin laugh more. “I dated Ilhoon three months ago…”

“You playboy! How am I supposed to know? It seems like you change of boyfriend as hairstyle!” Hakyeon said embarrassed as a little pinkish hue showed on cheeks.

Wonshik frowned clearly not agreeing with this.

“I’ve only dated two guys.” He argued to his defense, though he made a thoughtful face probably over-analyzing if he was a player or not.

Though it wasn’t long ago when Wonshik came out, he has dated two guys already in the meantime; Taekwoon looked at him evidently curious. He wouldn’t be a player, would he? Well, in Wonshik’s defense he only dated for a few weeks not that it made him look better now that he thought about it.

“How long?” Jaehwan asked with a hint of curiosity probably thinking the same as him.

“One week?”

Wonshik scratched his ear not so comfortable at the way the conversation was taking but fortunately the waiter came serving the dishes.

“So…” Jaehwan spoke again gaining the attention of the five boys as he put the beef slices on the grill. “Why did you break up?”

The interrogatory seemed to stop soon and Wonshik was showing signs of clear discomfort; Wonshik touched his chin before grabbing his chopsticks.

“I don’t know, he just didn’t feel like dating me anymore.” He shrugged as if it didn’t matter.

Taekwoon glanced at him meeting Wonshik’s gaze, he smiled at him and he smiled back. He was lying, and Wonshik knew about him knowing it but none of them said something about the subject leaving it for missing.

Later in the conversation Hongbin remembered about his pending chat about the hot senior of the university –Hakyeon adding how he still couldn’t believe Taekwoon decided studying music–; Taekwoon rolled his eyes and pretended to not hear them, giving up on correcting them, it was obvious they thought the opposite from him. This time he allowed himself to stare at Wonshik, wanting to know what kind of expression would have and what the other was thinking about the current situation; but he was just serious, he didn’t say anything either.

Taekwoon chewed his lip, what was the reaction he was exactly expecting? He didn’t know. Disapproval may be, or perhaps jealousy; but he would never have them, Wonshik didn’t feel the same as him, he mentally reminded to himself.

Two weeks passed since his go out with his friends, and even if he has repeated to himself that he was right and they were wrong about Seungho’s feelings, day by day he started to have second thoughts. Just now they were in the cafeteria in front of the university; the coffee was not bad but it wasn’t his favorite, though the cupcakes were otherwise.

“Latte for you, and bubble tea for me.” Seungho said as he was placing the drinks on the table; Taekwoon couldn’t help but compare Seungho’s tastes with Wonshik’s, he would never eat nor drink something too sweet.

He frowned slightly and took a sip after thanking Seungho. He said he would stop comparing them; he needed to stop doing it.

“Well…”

He raised his eyebrows showing that was paying attention, though the guy didn’t seem to realize. Wonshik would have known. STOP.

“Yeah?”

“Well…” This time a nervous chuckle escaped from Seungho’s lips and he started to get anxious. “First of all, I just wanted to let you know that I didn’t have other intentions with you in the beginning.”

Oh, no, it was happening. Wasn’t it?

“I just… wanted to help you, you know, be friends.” Seungho half laughed. “What I’m trying to say it’s… Taekwoon, I like you.”

His heart stopped, but not the way that it did with Wonshik. It was different.

“And…” And? “…I would like to know if you want to date me. Would you like to be my boyfriend?”

“I…”

Taekwoon stopped his words, what was he going to reply when he did not even know what he was thinking? He inhaled and exhaled staring at him in silence for a whole two minutes.

Seungho wasn’t a bad boy, he was nice and he even liked him, it was just… you like Wonshik more. He frowned. His conscience wasn’t helping too much on his decision. He needed to focus and give Seungho an answer. The guy was looking expectant at him though he seemed to not want to push him.

Just say no.

“I…” He repeated as if it were the only word he knew like a toddler.

The screen of his cell phone shone notifying him about a new message. A new message from him.

Oh, look who just messaged you!

Taekwoon squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. He needed to focus now and give Seungho an answer.

“You know, it’s okay if you don’t give me answer now. I don’t want to push you.” He said with a reassuring smile although the glint in his eyes had disappeared.

Do you like him? His conscience asked him.

Yes, he liked him. But you like Wonshik, too.

Taekwoon saw the screen of his cell phone lighting up again and took it clenching the cell phone against his thigh. There was no reason for him to fool himself anymore, he was aware of his feelings for Wonshik but he would never return them. And he should start to get over him, he needed to get over him; there was no use in getting hurt nonsense.

“Yes.”

Seungho looked dumfounded and not really trusting if he had heard correctly, that’s why he repeated the word again, this time more sure about his answer.

“Yes, Seungho. I’d like to be your boyfriend.” And he smiled. Liar.

The brunet’s face lit up and he smiled back. Taekwoon felt a clench on his chest but ignored it; he was making the right decision. But you love Wonshik.

He was giving him up.

...

Is it too late to say sorry? 

Sorry~ should I add angst to the tags? Don't worry remember there are like two chapters left~ so there's a chance for wontaek to happen... may be? :PP thanks for the comments~ they make me want to continue (?) well it's 4am here so byebye~ hope you enjoyed it XD I'm never gonna give you up, never get let you down...