Two years later…

            Two years had passed and you were still a trainee in Cube Entertainment. All of your band mates had been put on other projects, and you were the one left out, the only trainee yet to debut. What enraged you was the fact that your hubaes, trainees who got into the company later than you had already debuted. Though you continued to train and to excel in all of the tasks and challenges you were put through, you still were the one left out, forgotten. In the beginning, it was easier, since you had the unwavering support of your ‘oppa’, Hyunseung. Every time tears flooded your eyelids from the stress and pain you were feeling, his arms were the rescuing line, your way back into the light. But even his patience had its limits. Stress was not only building up on you, but also on your relationship. You didn’t have many chances to meet, and you were always the one making the sacrifices in the agenda in order to have a date, a calm afternoon watching a movie, a quiet night of sleep in his arms, feeling his breath caressing your neck as he kept you safe holding you tightly against his torso. You understood and agreed to that. He was a major idol. He has a fandom of thousands. You were the trainee. The one barely known. The one without a certain future. The less important one.

            You did it. Even if it was killing your self-esteem in terms of value and work, you did it all. Because that was your dream. Those sweet eyes looking into yours, while saying sweet words. Feeling loved by that person. Being his. That was what you wanted.

            But you are only human. It is in human nature to feel jealousy over things you wish to acquire. It is not something you can fight completely. You will eventually crumble under its pressure. You felt like that towards your friends. You even felt like that towards your boyfriend. That bitterness could be felt in the air when you were together at work. But you did your true best to avoid growing any dark feelings towards Hyunseung. That man had helped you all the way, he accepted you for all you were, even the slightly disgusting parts of you. The you that left dirty clothes in the bedroom floor, the you that didn’t always remember to wash the dished, the you who hated doing shores more than twice a month. He loved them all. He actually helped you with those parts. You would be ungrateful and unworthy if you felt envy towards your boyfriend’s status.

            But before you could let the feelings grow out of hand, his own were seeping through his mask’s cracks. He began growing distant. Sometimes, he would avoid being with you, specially inside the company. Even though it was pretty much a known fact that you two were dating, there was no official approval, but there was yet to have an official reprimand. So you were safe, in the midst of your oppas and unnies and dongsaengs. He had been fine with holding hands, hugging and exchanging sweet little kisses in front of company colleagues before, but now, whenever you went in for a kiss he would turn his head the other way. A gesture of your hand towards his would be swatted away, discretely but still so painfully obvious to you. It hurt you so badly, but afraid of his response, you kept every question locked away. Your solution was to dance away happily, until your feet bled. To sing passionately, until your throat was raw and your voice gone. To learn arduously every subject you were demanded to, until your head burned and your eyes felt like spiked balls against your eyelids.

            You did this all, and yet you got nothing. Not profession wise, nor relationship wise. You felt lost, empty. But you still wanted that little light, the one which warmed your heart the first time you heard of your original group’s disbandment.

            ‘We have seriously discussed this matter, and as your managing group, we have decided to split you between different projects... ______-ah, we have yet not found a project where you fit perfectly, but we are sure your time will arrive. You will just continue practicing and perfecting until your time to shine comes, okay?’

            Those words had injured your dreams as no one could even begin to imagine. You were the left out. The big project, the hopes, all shattered into fragments, only to be incinerated and have its ashes thrown at your face later. That night, you had called Hyunseung late at night, and in a drunkish speak, due to the glasses of white wine you had drank, asked him to come over and be there for you in those hard times. Not knowing of anything, he still showed up, even having to wake up at 6 AM for his variety show shooting. He was at your door as fast as it was possible, and you opened the door for him. You were a pitiful sight. Oversized grey t-shirt you had borrowed from him, smeared with black mascara that had dripped from your eyes and stains of wine that you had spilled over yourself while bawling over your lost dreams. You were only your underwear underneath, and you had your long black hair in a loose bun, now messed up with lost strands falling over your shoulders. Your makeup, which you had forgotten to remove, was smeared from all the tears and face rubbing you had done for hours. Even with that pitiful, miserable and disgraceful look, he held you. He dropped the cupcaked from the corner shop you loved so much that he had bought earlier, with the purpose of giving them to you in the next morning, and held you has tight as possible, as if you would both turn into dust if he ever let you go. He listened to your story and your wails, without interrupting or saying anything. The only words that came from those lips you loved so much was ‘I’m here for you’. And he was. He didn’t let you out of his sight for weeks after that, no matter how busy he was.

            But that had ended. It had came to the end of the line for his job as the rescue line. He wasn’t there to listen to you wails. To your dreams. To your babblings. He wasn’t there.

            You knew where it was going. When things come to this, there’s either talk and improvement or talk and break up. You had set your mind to it. But you never had the time.

            During the trimester CUBE members meeting:

            ‘So, after discussing all of the active band matters, we shall move on to the trainees matters. Anyone has a question to ask before turning to official topics?’ Said the chief manager, who was responsible for every matter in the company. Not seeing anything related to your situation on the official topics displayed on the screen, you decided to speak out your worries.

            ‘What about my situation? I don’t want to sound disrespectful, and I am very grateful for my opportunity, but it’s been 3 years, and though many have debuted, I am in this standstill, where all I do is train, learn, work. I’m sor-ry to say this, but what is it all for?’ You felt the spike of tears in your eyes, and your voice had quiver, nervousness obvious in your face.

            ‘Maybe if you worked harder, you would already have debuted. If you weren’t as stupid, ungrateful and lazy, you would have the same rights has everyone else. You brought this situation upon yourself, you deal with it now. Don’t burden us with your problems.’

            The voice who had spoken such words hurt you. It’s familiarity was what hurt you the most. It was the same voice who told you ‘I love you, _____-ah’ that day. You looked at Hyunseung, hurt and shock plastered on your face. You cried, but you didn’t even care about it. There, with an irritated expression in his face, menacing eyes looking at yours, sat your boyfriend. The one who had attacked you with those hate-filled words. The one that should be supporting you, not attacking you. Your heart stopped that moment, and you could feel it dissolve in your chest. The betrayal burned. The hate burned. The illness in the words burned. It was all too much.

            While everybody at the table had their head down, you got up from your seat and as you were leaving the room, trying to hold onto the little pride you had left, you walk past his seat and whispered into his ear:

            ‘For one with such a renown 4D personality, it is true that one of those side is nothing but pride, hate and self-boasting. Remember these words, for you have carved them into my heart and you know the sentence. We’re done. There’s no more laziness or problems thrown at you. You will never lay eyes on me again Hyunseung. Not until I step on that stage and show you what I’m worth.’

            With that, you left. And you were yet to find out that it would be the last meeting you would have in Cube Entertainment.